Charlotte left work early on Friday. In two days her life would be changing in a big way, a decision that had been brewing for a long time. As she pulled Big Red out onto the highway, her mind filled with excitement and trepidation. Sunday she would renounce the devil and commit her life to Christ—both of which she’d already done anyway. But she would be adding acceptance of the Ordnung to the commitment she’d be making.
She wouldn’t be permitted to cut her long hair, no matter how unruly it became. Her clothes would go to Andrea, and anything left over would be donated. She would put Big Red for sale, and with the money she would purchase a buggy and a horse. As she tightened her grip around the steering wheel, she wished she could just park her beloved truck on her property to have nearby. It was silly, her attachment to Big Red, but it was more than a mode of transportation to her.
Her cell phone would be for emergencies, according to Amish standards, but it was a widely abused privilege. Hannah had already given her dresses, aprons, and kapps. Charlotte had purchased short black socks and black leather shoes. She supposed giving up electricity, and everything that went along with it, might have proved a difficult adjustment, but Charlotte had already been living without those amenities.
But in all of her imaginings of her big day, Daniel had been with her, proud that she had taken this step through prayer and devotion, the first in a series of strides for them to have a life together. And now, she hadn’t even spoken to him since the funeral. She’d texted him and tried to call once, but no response.
Had he turned his phone off or just turned off any feelings for her? If so, how could a person do that, just shut off love?
She turned onto his street, her truck not even warm inside yet as she blew out clouds of cold air. Bundling up with a scarf and hat, she jogged to the front door and knocked.
Annie opened the door holding Grace. Her prayer covering was lopsided, her black apron covered in something white—flour, perhaps—and she was barefoot. She had dark circles underneath her eyes.
“Aren’t your feet cold?” Charlotte stepped into the living room. Her Amish friends were known to have immaculate houses, and the Bylers’ house had been no exception. Until now.
“Ya, ya. I need to go put some socks on, at least.” Annie glanced around the room. There were glasses, empty potato chip bags, and a bag of Almond Joy candy bars on the coffee table. On the couch were newspapers, a paper plate, and a pair of shoes. “Forgive the way our home looks.”
“Here, here.” Charlotte held out her arms to take the baby. “Get some socks on, then we’ll talk.”
Annie handed over baby Grace. “If you’re looking for Daniel, he’s upstairs . . .” Scowling, she clenched her fists. “. . . upstairs sleeping.”
“At four in the afternoon?” Charlotte raised an eyebrow as disappointment swept through her.
“Ach, trust me, there is no schedule around here. People eat when they want, leave their mess everywhere, and rarely do anything more productive than take a bath! And even that doesn’t happen on a daily basis.”
Charlotte rocked Grace in her arms as she took another look around the living room. “Where’s Faye?”
“She left. And she took any order she’d established with her!” Annie shook her head. “I’ll be right back.”
Charlotte lay Grace in the bouncy seat on the floor, then tossed a log on the fire, since it was mostly just glowing embers. She took off her coat, then warmed her hands as small flames caught onto the wood. Once she could feel her fingers, she coddled the baby in her arms again.
“Annie, I’m happy to help you clean up, or anything else you need help with,” Charlotte said as Annie walked back into the room with shoes and socks on, and she’d straightened her kapp and brushed the flour from her apron.
“I appreciate that, Charlotte, but then what? You have a life and can’t be expected to come over here every day to help. Nor would I ever ask that of you, or anyone.” Annie stepped closer to Charlotte. “These boys are out of control.”
Charlotte fought a grin since it seemed such an Englisch thing for Annie to say.
“But I know that’s not why you came by, to hear me moaning.” She smiled. “Sunday is the big day, ya?”
Charlotte nodded and smiled back at her, even though a part of her wanted to cry. She’d been nervous and anxious to talk to Daniel.
“I’ll go get Daniel.” Annie turned to head back to the stairs.
“No. I mean nee. Don’t do that. I don’t want you to wake him up.” Charlotte brought the baby up to her shoulder, rubbing her back.
“Are you sure?” Annie held her position at the base of the stairs.
“Ya, I’m sure.”
Annie smiled. “The Deutsch suits you well.”
Charlotte felt her face flush. “I still have a lot to learn.”
Annie walked back to her as Charlotte brought Grace from her shoulder and back into her arms. “She’s a beauty, isn’t she?” Annie asked.
“She is precious.” Charlotte handed the baby to Annie, sensing she was ready to have her in her arms again.
“I’d be happy to go throw a glass of cold water on Daniel, if you’d like.” She smiled and winked at Charlotte.
“Nee, nee. Let’s not do that.”
Annie sat on the couch, motioning for Charlotte to do the same. In a whisper, she said, “Mei daed is in his bedroom. I don’t think he’s sleeping, and I hear shooting and yelling coming from in there.” Her eyes widened as she leaned closer to Charlotte. “I think he is watching cowboy and Indian movies on his phone.”
“Really?” Charlotte frowned. “But he’s been the one who disliked cell phones. I actually thought maybe he’d banned everyone in the house from using them.” She shrugged as she cast her eyes downward. “I haven’t heard from Daniel, so I didn’t know if maybe that was why.”
Annie’s gaze darted to her cell phone on the coffee table, partially covered by a paper plate. “Nee, there’s been no banning of the phone.” She raised her eyes to Charlotte. “I wondered if Daniel had talked to you . . .”
“Nee, I haven’t heard from him.” The Pennsylvania Deutsch slid off of her tongue easily.
Annie laid the baby on her lap facing her as she shook her head. “Everyone is entitled to grieve. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night, missing Mamm so badly that I feel sick to my stomach. But I’m raising a baby on my own, and I don’t have the luxury to become a potato chip–eating lounge lizard who sleeps and watches cowboy and Indian movies. Something will have to change in this house.” She sighed and looked around at the mess. “But let’s talk about you and Daniel. Did something happen between the two of you?”
“Not that I know of. I mean, he was pushing me for a commitment a few weeks ago, and I told him I needed more time. For me, it’s not just being with Daniel, but it’s also a huge commitment to God.” Charlotte shrugged. “He let the subject drop, then we had a lovely dinner out one night.” She paused. “I actually thought he might propose that night, but he didn’t even mention us being together. And I’d already made up my mind that I was going to say yes. But I figured he had a lot on his plate, with your mother and everything. Then he just got quiet when she passed.”
Charlotte hung her head again for a few seconds. “I thought he must need time to himself, but then at the funeral . . . he wouldn’t even look at me.” She swiped at a tear. “And he isn’t returning my texts and hasn’t called.”
“I want to smack him.” Annie growled. “I want to smack him and mei daed too.”
Charlotte raised her chin and sniffled. “I love Daniel. But even if we aren’t going to be together, I am getting baptized as planned. This has been a decision that’s been percolating for a long time, but it’s a biggy and I had to be sure. And I am.”
A broad smile filled Annie’s face. “I am so happy for you, Charlotte. And Jacob will be right there with you, also professing his promise to Christ through baptism.”
Charlotte smiled. “I’m happy for Jacob. Do you think you and Jacob will get married soon after he’s baptized?”
Annie nodded. “Ya, I think so. There were times when I wasn’t sure, but we’ve both been through a lot, and I’d like to think we have matured and are capable of making gut decisions, choices that will affect the rest of our lives.” Annie stood. “I best get this little one a bottle and down for a nap.”
Charlotte had kept Annie away from her chores for long enough. She hadn’t even taken her coat off. She stood and hugged Annie, then kissed her on the cheek. “Your mamm would be proud of you, the way you have taken care of Grace and are running the household.”
Annie grunted. “Danki about the boppli, but I doubt Mamm would be happy about the state of this house.”
“Baby steps,” Charlotte said as she moved toward the door. “And will you tell Daniel I stopped by?”
Annie nodded. “Are you sure you don’t want me to go throw a glass of water on him?”
“Nee, nee.” Charlotte forced a smile before she left, then hurried to her truck.
Saturday morning Andrea left Bella with Charlotte, then took her truck to the boutiques where she had her jewelry for sale. Two hours later, she had 215 dollars. She’d earned it doing something she loved, and she owed her new life to her sister. She counted out a hundred dollars and stashed it in her purse’s side pocket so she could make a stop later. After visiting the last boutique on the outskirts of town, she was walking to the truck when a buggy pulled into the parking lot.
“Whoa, whoa.” Edna slowed her horse to a stop. “I thought that might be you in Charlotte’s truck. I wasn’t sure if she still had the truck since she’s getting baptized tomorrow.”
Andrea walked closer to the buggy. “I think she’s going to sell the truck to get a horse and buggy.” She put a hand to her forehead to block the sun as her teeth chattered. “How are you?”
Edna smiled. “Much better. I talked to John. I told him everything.” She locked eyes with Andrea. “Everything.”
Andrea cringed, unsure if that was the right thing to do. What exactly did everything mean?
“I—I also spoke to him about how much I thought we both wanted kinner, and that I was depressed that we weren’t trying for children.” Edna lowered her gaze. “It took awhile, but he eventually opened up to me. We are planning to see a doctor soon since John feels there might . . .” Edna cleared her throat as she looked up at Andrea again. “He feels there might be a problem. John wants kinner just as much as I do, and once everything was out in the open, we seemed to have found each other again. Things aren’t perfect, and some of what I told John was hard for him to hear. But I think we can make things right.”
“That’s great, Edna.” Andrea smiled. “I hope it all works out.”
“It’s because of you. You talked candidly to me, made me think about things and have the courage to have a hard talk with mei husband. Danki for that.”
“I didn’t really do anything.”
Edna pulled her coat snug. “I’m not going to Charlotte’s and Jacob’s baptism tomorrow. I hope that one day things will be different for Charlotte and me, but for tomorrow, I think it best if I not go.”
Andrea wasn’t going to argue the point and just nodded.
“But I hope God sheds blessings on the day.”
“I’m sure Charlotte and Jacob both appreciate those sentiments. I’m kind of looking forward to seeing a real-live Amish baptism.” Andrea chuckled.
“It’s very special,” Edna said, a twinkle in her eye. “I must go. God’s blessings on you too, Andrea.”
“Um, wait. Where are you off to?”
“Just on my way home after delivering baked goods to Widow Hostetler. Why?”
Andrea recalled Edna’s story about cake and icing. “Do you maybe want to get some coffee or something? I mean”—she dropped her gaze and held up a palm—“it’s perfectly fine if you don’t because I know your people aren’t really supposed to hang out with us.”
Edna laughed. “I’m afraid our people are dependent on your people for tourism and a host of other things. We are all just people, loving the Lord and trying to find our way in this world. I’d love to have some coffee. The shop nearby has holiday flavors this time of year.”
“Wanna hop in Big Red? It might be warmer.” Andrea pointed to the truck.
“There’s nowhere to hitch my horse here, and he needs to keep moving in this cold weather, or at least be sheltered from the cold. I have a portable heater if you don’t mind riding with me, and there is a coffee shop once we get on the main road. There is a covered area there where I can pull in, a place my horse will be protected from the wind and cold.”
“Sure.” Andrea walked around to the other side of the buggy and got in. “This is my first time to ride in a buggy.”
Edna laughed again, which was really nice to hear after seeing her so distraught not long ago. “Well, you better hold on then because I’m quite the buggy driver.” She clicked her tongue and the horse took off into a fast trot.
“Well, now. This is cool.” Andrea put her palms against the dashboard as she bounced up and down more than she thought she would. “Guess I need to get used to this since it will be Charlotte’s new mode of transportation. And hey, do you mind if we make a stop on the way? I need to drop some money off to someone.”
“Ya, that’s fine.”
Andrea settled in for the ride, a smile on her face she couldn’t hold in.
Sunday morning Annie sat on the couch wearing a freshly pressed maroon dress and black apron. Gracie had been fed, released a hardy burp, and was wearing a fresh diaper. Annie had built up the fire into a roaring blaze, and she’d had a big bowl of cereal, along with half of an apple. Now, tapping her foot against the wood floor, she waited for the lizards to awaken. She’d made plenty of racket in the kitchen.
“I don’t smell bacon,” Daniel said as he hit the bottom stair, rubbing his eyes and yawning.
“I didn’t prepare breakfast.” Annie lifted her chin and pressed her lips together, gently rocking the baby.
Moments later her father emerged from his bedroom, and he shuffled in his slacks, T-shirt, and socks across the living room toward the kitchen. He returned right away.
“There’s no kaffi made.” His bushy eyebrows drew into a frown. “And where is breakfast?”
Annie set Grace in the bouncy seat, tucked a blanket in around her, then kissed her on the cheek. “Grace has eaten and she has a fresh diaper.” Annie walked to the rack by the front door. She put on her big black bonnet and coat. “She will need another bottle around ten. And please remember to burp her if you don’t want her to spit up on you.”
“Have you fallen ill?” Her father took a couple of steps into the living room. “Is that why you haven’t made breakfast?”
“Nee, I am not ill. I am tired of you two acting like you are the only ones who are grieving. I am tired of you eating potato chips, living like lizards, sleeping half the day . . .” She glared at Daniel, then glowered at her father. “And not being mindful of this beautiful new life we should be celebrating.”
“Lizards?” Daniel scratched his head and yawned again.
“Shame on both of you. Charlotte and Jacob are getting baptized today, two people who we love very much. It’s been a long time coming for both of them following many hardships. You should both be attending.”
Both men stared at Annie with their mouths hanging open. They’d both told her the night before that they would not be going to the baptisms today. Annie had fumed about it until she’d eventually fallen asleep.
“Will you be making our meal before you go?” Daed ran his hand along his beard, his nose scrunched up and his eyebrows drawn inward.
“Nee. I will not.” Annie picked up her purse.
“You aren’t taking the baby?” Daniel took a few steps into the living room.
“Nee. I’m not going to take Gracie out in the cold when there are two perfectly gut babysitters right here. I have already hitched the horse, and I don’t know when I’ll be back.” She marched to the door.
“Dochder, you cannot speak to me in this way,” her father bellowed.
Something in Annie snapped. When she turned around to face her father and brother, she could almost feel smoke rising from the top of her head. “Ya, I can! I am not a child, so don’t talk to me as if I am. I am the only one rearing this beautiful baby. I clean for you, cook for you, mend your clothes, gather the eggs, and brush down the horses. I’m tired!” She pulled open the front door and turned around. “Might I suggest that both of you bathe? And there will not be another meal cooked in this house until you both straighten up yourselves and your mess.”
Her father’s eyes blazed as he opened his mouth, but Annie cut him off. “Nee, Daed. Don’t you say anything. I love you, but this must end.” She glanced at Gracie as her eyes filled with tears. “Mamm is gone. She’s not coming back. She’s gone home. And now we have a new member of our family who you won’t have anything to do with. Gracie is not responsible for Mamm’s death. If you are harboring such thoughts, then you need to sweep them under a rug for good!” She pointed her finger at him. “Shame on you!”
Then she locked eyes with Daniel. “It’s bad enough you are not attending Jacob’s baptism because I’m going to marry him. But how can you not attend Charlotte’s? She loves you, Daniel. I don’t know what your reasons are for treating her so badly lately, but you are being cruel by not going.” Annie started to cry as she slammed the door behind her.
Daniel called her name, but she kept going.