OH MY GOD!!! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS!!! Disha and I were coming out of the yoga centre with my new mat (lilac because they didn’t have black) and a Tibetan meditation CD (to help me get in the right mood, which is v important) when, as if drawn by the invisible forces of the universe, we happened to glance through the window of the veggie café next door. Sitting right in the middle of the room was Elvin. I was struck anew by how excruciatingly attractive he is. (I’m amazed it never really hit me before.) I swear, my heart LITERALLY skipped a beat (a sure sign of the first stirrings of Passion). And then my heart hit my kneecaps when I saw who was sitting with him. You could have knocked me over with a crisp wrapper. OH YES!!! None other than Catriona Hendley. She’s like a germ the way she gets everywhere. Elvin and the Hendley were eating salads and having a v intense conversation. At least she was. She was leaning over so much she was practically in his lap! (It’s just as well she doesn’t have boobs or she would’ve suffocated him.) And then it hit me! Elvin and the Hendley have something in common besides being ex-neighbours! Everybody at school knows Catriona Hendley is the biggest vegetarian since the cow because she’s always banging on about it (you’d think she’d invented it, the way she goes on). But I’d no idea about Elvin. I could see it all clearly. Catriona was trying to worm her way into Elvin’s life through lettuce and herbal teas. I asked Disha why she hadn’t told me about Elvin being a VEGETARIAN Serious Film-Maker, and she said that since she didn’t hang around trying to see Elvin eat she couldn’t possibly know a thing like that, could she? She said she didn’t think it was important anyway. (I’d like to know what she thinks is important!)
Nobody else at home tonight. Justin sloped off as soon as he’d stuffed his face, and then a while later Sigmund and the Mad Cow rushed off shouting at each other. Isn’t life ironic? If I’d known I was going to have the flat to myself I’d’ve stayed home and enjoyed the luxury of all the peace and quiet, but I’d already planned to go over to Disha’s. So, to take some advantage of this Gift from the Gods, I helped myself to some of the politically correct bath oil Sappho gave the Mad Cow for the winter solstice (which is tested on nothing except chemists and is more expensive than plastic surgery) and had a long soak before I went. (Can you believe how childish my mother is? She hid the bath oil behind the tinned vegetables because she thought I’d never find it there!) The bath was bliss! Oh, how I long to live on my own! When I can’t sleep and I don’t feel like a Romantic Fantasy, I plan my entire flat. I choose the furniture and the kitchen units, everything. I even invite people over for dinner.