Late again for school. Mr Kipling slept on my jacket and it was COVERED with hairs (he must have a disease; it can’t be normal for a cat to shed that much!), but the MC refused to remove them for me while I had my breakfast. She said if I hung up my jacket instead of tossing it on the floor, Mr Kipling wouldn’t be able to sleep on it. Anyway, it took EONS to get the hairs off with sticky tape, so that’s why I was late. Not that Stalin cared about my traumas, of course. He gave me another detention. (According to the papers, teachers are leaving the profession IN DROVES, but not Mr Wilkins, of course. Probably he knows he’d never get another job.) One more example of the unfair nature of life, since obviously it wasn’t even my fault.
Disha discreetly pumped Calum for more information on Elvin. (There’s not a doubt in my mind that Disha is my cosmic sister. I know in my Soul it’s no coincidence that we were born in the same year, in the same borough of the same city and go to the same school.) Anyway, besides being a veggie, Elvin (according to Calum) is very concerned about the state of the planet. He feels film-makers have a responsibility to show the world as it really is and to help protect it (so at least there’s no danger that if I do Fall Madly in Love with him he’ll go running off to Hollywood). Elvin’s anti-hunt, anti-vivisection, and anti-international globalism (he’s anti so much that even Sappho would approve). I asked Disha what international globalism was, since it’s one of those terms that everybody uses but no one ever explains. I thought it might have something to do with the age of communication and being able to e-mail anywhere in the world in a second, but Disha said it had something to do with those riots they have every spring. So she isn’t sure either. But whatever it is, Elvin was nearly arrested outside McDonald’s at the riots last year. No wonder Catriona Hendley’s after him. She’s always protesting about something. She’s practically London’s answer to Joan of Arc. Besides all that, Elvin’s taking some sort of eastern martial arts course (for the philosophy, not the ability to break a brick wall with one hand, of course), but Disha couldn’t remember which one. And also his star sign’s Leo. I don’t know anything about Leo. I’ll have to ask Willow.
The police were round at ours when I finally got home this afternoon! At first I thought they must be looking for Justin, but they were there to talk to Nan. Apparently she didn’t fall off the bus; she jumped after some guy who’d grabbed her bag. She downed him, but he got away (sans said bag). The police were v impressed with her quickness of mind and body. Nan said it was the way she was trained in the war. She’s obviously still suffering from the drugs.
GET THIS!!! Geek Boy overheard me telling Disha about the police and everything, and he said Nan REALLY WAS in the war. I said right, in an air raid shelter (which D thought was v funny), but Justin said no, not in an air raid shelter, in France! He said she was some sort of spy. Disha and I nearly choked, we were laughing so much, but later I asked Sigmund and he backed Justin’s story. He said not only did they give her a medal for bravery, but I’d seen it at least a million times because it’s up on her mantelpiece, next to Grandad’s ashes. So then I asked the MC, because although she has a lot of faults, winding me up isn’t one of them. Plus she doesn’t have a sense of humour. The MC said if I visited Earth more often I might have some idea of what was going on around me. Which I took to be confirmation of Justin’s story. My grandmother the spy. I REALLY can’t believe it. The MC said that’s because I think Nan was born OLD, which she wasn’t. I said did she mean unlike her, and she said she took it back; I should stay on my own planet or she might have to kill me. Didn’t I say she has no sense of humour?