I made my announcement about turning veggie at supper tonight (last night we had sausages, which is one of the few things the MC can actually cook properly, so I reckoned I might as well have one last meal as a meat-eater). As per usual, I had to wait for Sigmund and his wife to finish their argument, but as soon as they took a break I pushed my plate away and went for it. “I can’t eat this,” I said. The Mad Cow turned her venomous gaze on me and wanted to know why not. Justin said he’d have it. Sigmund didn’t say anything, because he’d already stormed off to go to one of his groups (Sigmund’s got more groups than Columbia Records). I explained that I had become a vegetarian and would only be eating fish, chicken and soya burgers from now on. “And you’ll be cooking them yourself too,” mooed the Mad Cow. “I’m not making special meals for you.” I pointed out that her sister, Sappho, was a VEGAN and she didn’t have to cook her own meals when she came round. The Mad Cow said I could go and live with her. And they talk about teenagers having attitude!
I was going to mention to Mrs Kennedy that the twins have been a little overactive lately. But I never got the chance. As per usual, she was flapping all over the place getting ready and banging on about what a great person Sigmund is and how lucky I am to have him as my father. I always agree. I see no reason to burst her bubble.