Cinderella Bandry (that’s ME) was fixing herself a veggie burger for supper tonight when the oven mitt caught on fire. I reacted immediately. (I was v impressed!) Without a second’s hesitation, I swung round and hurled the mitt into the sink. This was obviously the most intelligent thing to do, but of course the Mad Cow was in my way and the mitt hit her instead. You’d think I’d shot her (and except for a little singed hair she wasn’t even hurt). Now she’s changed her mind about me cooking my own food. Didn’t I say she’s menopausal? What more proof do you need, I ask you? She’s up one minute and down the next like an oil pump.
I think I’m starving in the clinical sense. The incident with the MC and the oven mitt distracted me so much that the burger got burned and all I had for supper was vegetables. It’s like living on water. But I’m not giving up. The Hendley has enough advantages with Elvin. I can’t let her have that one too. And all I had last night was a cheese sandwich. I had to stop at McDonald’s on the way to school this morning, I was feeling so faint. I ate two boxes of those chicken things (I couldn’t eat duck – you know, because ducks are so cute – but chickens aren’t very attractive so I reckon they’re all right). But coming home on the bus tonight was this depressed-looking giant chicken (wearing Reeboks) and I wondered if it was some sort of sign and started feeling guilty.
Disha says she was once given a bag of baby carrots by a giant rabbit on Parkway. She says he was really grubby and there was even a stain on one of his ears. She threw the carrots away.
Last night was the last straw as far as Mr Kipling is concerned. They always say that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but as far as I can see you can’t teach a cat ANYTHING. If I’m not really careful about keeping my door shut, I find him sleeping on my bed, spreading fleas and cat fur. But I was so exhausted by the time I got back from Mrs Kennedy’s last night that I forgot to shut the door properly and I woke up with him actually ON MY FACE! He licks himself ALL OVER, for God’s sake! So tonight, while the MC and Nan were busy stupefying their minds with some shallow piece of popular entertainment on the telly, I shoved him out into the garden. I reckon he’ll be all right there till morning. There’s no way he can get over the wall (it’s v high) with his big belly. If I could get rid of Justin that easily I’d be REALLY happy.