TOTAL HUMILIATION! And it’s all the Anti-Barbie’s fault. It was pissing down so we got to stay in and play volleyball. What a treat! I told the old bag I was feeling crampy and wanted to go and get a pad, just in case, but she wouldn’t let me leave the class. “I thought you had terminal cramps last week, Janet. How can you be getting your period again?” She was well sarky. Catriona Hendley laughed louder than anybody else. (Disha says I should’ve said that I was afraid of getting hit on the nose by the ball. Which would have been true. It already hurts like hell.) Anyway, I said that last week’s cramps were a false alarm, but she wasn’t having any of it. The Anti-Barbie forced me to play, and of course I started bleeding like I’d been stabbed – right in the middle of the game. It was so gross! Blood was dripping down my leg. Everybody started shrieking. You’d think that with PE being the last class of the day the Anti-Barbie would have let me go home after that, to avoid the rush, but OH NO, she let me go and get a pad and clean up and all, but then she made me stay right to the gruesome end. I didn’t want to go on the bus because I was feeling really stressed by then, so I went to Disha’s to call the Mad Cow to come and get me. And who do you think was sitting in the kitchen, eating a cheese sandwich? Elvin! Who else? Of all the billions and billions of people in the world – many of whom I wouldn’t mind seeing me traumatized and smelling like something slaughtered – it had to be him. I would’ve swooned, but I was on automatic panic. This was my big chance! My chance to sit down and have a cheese sandwich with one of the most desirable men in London while we discussed the merits of being vegetarian. Only I couldn’t take it because I felt so gross. I didn’t even say hello. I just turned straight round and collided with Disha. I nearly trampled her getting out of the room. What a day!!!
Three Reasons Why Disha Paski’s My Best Friend:
(1) She’s intelligent and loyal.
(2) We’re into all the same things.
(3) Disha told Elvin that the reason I ran off like that yesterday was because I suddenly remembered it was the afternoon I worked in the local Oxfam shop. It was a pretty brilliant lie. She said he was suitably impressed, being the serious sort. I just hope he never asks me where the shop I work in is, since I haven’t a clue. Except for when the MC used to take me to charity shops when I was little and didn’t know any better, I’ve never been to one in my life. They smell. And also Siranee’s sister’s friend got bugs from a second-hand jumper once.