I’VE BEEN MUGGED! Can you even believe it? I HAVE BEEN MUGGED! IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!!! I hate to say it, but Nan’s right. What IS the world coming to? Here’s what happened. I went to see this bike that was advertised in Loot after school. It’s not exactly state-of-the-art (it’s white, pink, lilac and rust), but it was only twenty quid (which seems to me a reasonable price for something you have to pedal). I took the overground after I bought the bike because it was MILES away and there was no way I was getting all sweaty riding it home. I was talking to Disha as I came out of the train station. (Lila’s NEVER allowed to have another party because this time someone threw up in the ficus. They’d covered it up with dead leaves, but Mrs Jenkins smelled it.) We were trying to work out who the mysterious barfer might be. I had to stop for a second to get my bearings, and then I went left through the tunnel. That’s when it happened. Two boys were coming towards me, and I had to swerve a bit to avoid running into them. The bike sort of wobbled, and I was dealing with that (not easy with only one hand!) when two more boys came up behind me. One grabbed my phone and the other gave me a shove. I tore my best tights. The stripy ones Willow gave me for my birthday. I was so traumatized by falling over with the bike and all that, I didn’t even know my phone was gone until I’d calmed down. No one came over to help me up or anything, of course (this is definitely the age of selfishness!!!). And the irony is that I could have been saved. Flynn wanted to go to the library to work on our English project, but I said I couldn’t. Well, I couldn’t. I HAVE to have a bike by Saturday or I’m really going to have a problem. But if I could have that moment back, I’d make Flynn come with me to see the bike. I’m sure he would’ve done it. He’s very accommodating.
I must’ve caught her on one of her UP swings, because the Mad Cow was excruciatingly sympathetic about my mugging. She wanted to take me for an X-ray. And she wasn’t even angry about me losing my phone. She just kept saying, “You poor thing… Are you sure you’re all right?” over and over. Nan tried to cheer me up by reminding me that God Works in Mysterious Ways. Justin, of course, was his usual insensitive, uncaring self. He said I was the only person he knew who’d fallen off a bike without ever getting on it. I said at least I hadn’t ridden in front of a police car. I wasn’t as stupid as that.
Justin had three phone calls tonight – and they were ALL FROM HER!!! The Mad Cow answered the first time, I answered the second, and Nan answered the third. Nan has no shame, so she asked her what her name is. You won’t believe this!!! It’s Bethsheba!!! I knew she couldn’t be NORMAL and interested in the Bandrys’ other child. I usually spend some time before I fall asleep imagining all the brilliant things that are going to happen to me once I’ve left secondary school, but last night I spent it wondering what Bethsheba could possibly see in my brother. I know girls are different to boys. Boys see a short skirt and a big pair of tits and they go into meltdown. (I think it has something to do with male hormones but Sappho says it’s because men can see better than they can think.) Girls, however, are attracted by other things, like intelligence, talent, character and personality. But Justin doesn’t possess intelligence, talent, character or personality any more than he possesses looks, for God’s sake. I reckon Bethsheba either lost a bet or is a nymphomaniac with no standards whatsoever.