Sappho and Mags rolled up unexpectedly tonight with a bottle of organic champagne. Sigmund (who is a BIG FAN of the grape) must’ve known somehow that there was going to be free wine on offer because he was actually home for a change. Psychologists aren’t known for their sense of humour either, and Sigmund is no exception (unless it was marrying my mother), but he still tried to make a joke. “What’s the occasion? You scalp another white man?” The Mad Cow, Sappho and Mags all told him to shut up. Sappho said she had a major announcement. Turns out Sappho and Mags are pregnant! Well, one of them’s pregnant (I think it’s Sappho, but I got a little confused with all the shrieking this announcement caused). Once things had settled down a bit, Justin decided to make a joke. He wanted to know if it was an immaculate conception. Instead of telling him to shut up the way they did Sigmund, Sappho said yes, and they all laughed hysterically (except for Nan, who said it was blasphemous and made her lips into a straight line). While they were laughing, Sigmund poured himself another glass of champagne (a big one). Then Nan decided she’d given them the silent treatment long enough, and got back into the act. She couldn’t understand how Sappho (probably) could be preggers when she’s One of Them! Things weren’t like this in her day. In her day people knew what they were meant to do, and if they didn’t want to do it they didn’t make a big deal of it and have sperm injected into them. Sigmund told her not to start (which was pretty ridiculous, since she was already in full swing). Nan said she hoped they were going to have the baby baptized, the poor little thing. Sappho told her what she thought of that idea, and Nan stomped off to pray for everybody (she made sure she took her champagne with her though). I hope Sappho isn’t making a Big Mistake. I mean, she’s only just started living with Mags. What if it doesn’t work out? (It’s never worked out before.) It seems like a pretty major step to take. Disha agrees. She says it’s like marrying somebody on the first date. You’d think that someone who’s been to university and is so politically sussed, like Sappho, would have a little more common sense, but Disha says that common sense is like the Canary Islands. There aren’t any canaries left on the Canary Islands, and there’s nothing common about common sense. Sometimes D can be v profound.
Sappho said I should’ve known about the cheese not being vegetarian because she’d told me often enough. She wanted to know if I ever listened to anything she said, and I said sometimes.