‘Where are you going?’
A sleepy whisper came from Connie, stopping Ella in her tracks. She turned and saw Connie sitting up. ‘I’m going to visit the man I love.’
‘What?’
‘Yes. I’ve fallen in love. It took me all of two days. He’s a French officer in the officers’ ward.’
‘Is this wise, Ella, old thing? I mean, I know how you feel, but showing our feelings is frowned upon and could get us into serious trouble – let alone sneaking out during the night for a tête-à-tête.’
‘I know, but I was banned from visiting in the day, so this is the only way. It’s all arranged.’
‘Good luck, then.’ Yawning, Connie lay back down, muttering that she might try it, if Ella got away with it. Ella didn’t have to guess who she would go and meet.
Once in the ward, all she could do was hold Paulo’s hand, because talking would have disturbed the other patients. However, she had written a note for him and pressed this into his hand:
Paulo, my dear,
I know so little about you, but care very much for you. I will try to visit when I can, but know that I will be thinking of you. Once you are well again, you will leave here. If you feel the same way I do, please make sure that I have your address before you go, and then, once the war is over, I will come to you.
Love, Ella x
She knew this was forward of her, but having found him, she wasn’t about to lose him. She’d waited all her life for that special love. And now that she knew she’d found it in Paulo, she wasn’t about to let it pass by.
Rising to leave, Ella impulsively kissed Paulo’s hand. He pulled hers to his heart and held it there for a few moments. A small gesture, but one that made her heart soar. Paulo loved her, she was sure of it.
‘You look bright and breezy this morning – the best I’ve seen you look since before we left Dieppe. Being in love suits you.’
‘Thank you, Connie. I do feel different; life feels like it’s worth living.’
‘Oh, it always is, but . . . Well, to tell the truth, I am very surprised at the turn of events. We all thought Jim was the one, and that you were so upset when he was lost.’
Ella froze. The spoon of porridge she was about to put into her mouth was suspended, and the chatter in the mess hut receded to a far-away mumble. Her nightmare crashed in on her.
‘Ella? Ella, I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?’
Connie sat back, a look of concern on her face, but also one of deep embarrassment. Paddy, who hadn’t yet reported for duty in the isolation ward, leaned forward. ‘What is it that troubles you, Ella? Oh, Ella, is that you crying?’
Sobs racked Ella’s body – uncontrollable sobs that she had tried not to give in to.
‘Come on, old thing. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.’
‘Connie, will you be getting in front of Ella? We must be for protecting her. The others are beginning to notice, so they are. Now, Ella, take me hanky and blow your nose. It is that you should stop yourself from showing this emotion. Me and Connie will walk each side of you. You are to hold your head up high, and we’ll get outside without too much fuss.’
Ella nodded at Paddy.
Once outside, Ella took deep breaths and found some control. Inside, she felt a dread settle, as now she would have to tell the truth. It could be a secret no more. She prayed that Connie and Paddy would agree to keep it to themselves, for she couldn’t face the consequences of what had happened being reported, and all that would entail. She hoped, too, that Connie believed her – and didn’t believe that Ella had asked for it.
‘Please, please don’t tell anyone. I – I couldn’t face the shame and the . . . well, people will point a finger at me and will think I am lying. A lot thought like you, Connie, that there was something going on between us. But there wasn’t. Jim wanted there to be, but I never did.’ Ella told them what had happened.
‘Poor Ella. This is devastating. Jim raped you and tried to kill you! I’m shocked to my core. Look, you’re right, we have to keep this between ourselves. There could be awkward questions, which you don’t deserve. That wicked man. I know of another girl that Jim hurt. But I thought when he met you he’d changed, as you were close for years and never seemed troubled.’
‘Oh? There was another girl?’
‘Yes. She was a young VAD like you. Jim took a shine to her and tried it on with her, but she didn’t want him. One night he forced her to kiss him – nothing more. He was reprimanded, but she was so upset, as she had a fiancé fighting in the war. In the end they shipped her out, to help her. We were all wary of Jim after that.’
This jolted a memory in Ella’s mind. Didn’t Flors say that when Jim came across her, he’d made advances to her, and she’d had to fight him off while she was searching for her brother? His apology had been so genuine that she’d forgiven him.
‘He’s for sounding like a menace to women, and a beast that the Lord Himself has stopped. You say Jim hasn’t been found?’
‘Not that we know of.’
‘Well then, it is that he can hurt no other young girl and has got his just deserts. It is as you say: we need to keep this quiet. No one, or very few, believe there is such a thing as rape. It is that they say that the girl is always willing, then changes her mind, and that she is to blame for teasing the man beyond his point of no return. Ella, I’m only for knowing you this short while, but it is that I believe you don’t deserve such a stigma.’
‘Thank you. Thank you both.’
‘Well now, you can be talking to us whenever you need to, for bottling it up can be very harmful. And now I’m going to do what me mammy would do and give you a hug.’
Finding herself in Paddy’s arms felt good. Ella had so wanted to be held. But she wasn’t prepared for Connie joining in the hug, and the three of them clung to each other. When they parted, Connie and Paddy both had tears in their eyes.
Connie wiped hers. ‘I haven’t been held like that since Aadita, a servant who mothered me in India, held me.’
‘To be sure, we are all lacking human contact. I was reminded of me mammy, and that choked me, so it did.’
‘Thank you, I so needed a hug. And thank you for agreeing not to breathe a word.’
‘I’m powerful sorry for you, Ella, and as I say, you can be talking to me whenever you need to. And if . . . well, if it comes to pass that you need help a few months down the line, I’ll be there for you, so I will.’
‘Oh, I – I never thought of that. Oh, Ella. What if that happened?’
‘I know, Connie. I have thought of nothing else, and yet at the same time I have suppressed the thought.’
They were silent once more.
Connie broke the silence. ‘I feel the same as Paddy. I’ll always be ready to listen and I can offer help, too. I have a country pile in Surrey, which I inherited from the grandparents. If you need a refuge, you can come and stay there with me and I will look after you. None of us will see you go to one of those convents. And if you want to keep the baby, that will be easy – pass yourself off as a war widow.’
They made it all sound so simple, and yet Ella’s mind screamed against the thought that she’d tried not to allow into her . . . What about Paulo? Would she have a chance with him, if she had another man’s child? Oh God.
‘We’re for jumping the gun here. Sorry, Ella. I expect it is that you’ve tried not to face such a thing happening, and here we are giving you solutions.’
‘No. It’s all right, I know that I have to face the possibility. And what you have done between you has eased that, thank you. Thank you so much. I will always be grateful, and I will take you up on your offers if I need them. I just feel so sad as . . . well, I am in love with another man, and now that seems hopeless.’
‘It isn’t hopeless. Firstly, the worst may not have happened; and secondly, if he turns from you, then he wasn’t worth having. Now, as much as we need to keep talking, we have to get to work. We’ll chat some more tonight. There’s two of us rooting for you now, Ella, so let that lighten the burden you have been carrying.’
A small smile came to Ella’s lips. Connie had a way of instilling confidence in you that made you think you could cope with anything.
‘Yes, I must away,’ said Paddy. ‘I’m to get on the special gown that Matron dug up from a crate. They are for being disposable. Our influenza cases are now numbering four! I’ll be after seeing you both later.’
Although she had visited the possible consequences of the rape, Ella felt a sense of relief to have someone sharing her burden. As she stood threading needle after needle, for Dr Mathews to stitch the inside of a man’s stomach from which he’d removed shrapnel, the sounds of fear – people screaming and shouting – filled the tent. Unnerved, Ella carried on without comment until the smell of burning permeated her nostrils. Turning her head, she saw tendrils of smoke seeping in below the tent flap to her right. ‘Something’s on fire, Alan.’
‘I know, I smelt it. And the panic we can hear from outside suggests that it’s something big. But I cannot stop now or my patient will bleed to death. Just keep the needles coming, Nurse Ella.’
Alan’s calmness helped her. Passing him the needles he’d requested, she steadfastly continued threading others, in case he needed them.
Within minutes, flames were licking the far side of the tent. Smoke curled around them and then the worst happened: the lights flickered and died.
‘Oh God, I’m nearly there. I must complete the repair.’
‘I have a torch.’ Taking hold of the torch on the tray, Ella shone it on the wound. ‘How many more needles will you need?’
‘One more. And I need it now!’
Ella coughed as the smoke rasped her throat. The nurse attending to the respiratory machine cried out, ‘We have to leave. We . . .’ Her voice dissolved into a fit of choking.
‘There, that’s the last. Now get this patient outside.’
Dr Mathews had hardly spoken before a shout came from another nurse. ‘Get out – get out, quickly. The whole hospital is going up in flames. Four tents are alight and—’
Ella grabbed the hospital bed and, along with the respiratory nurse, pushed it outside.
For a moment they stood in shock, as around them lay a world of searing hell. Flames licked every tent, and smoke swirled in a fog that threatened to engulf them. All around them voices called out for help. Some were those of nurses trying to move patients, and others those of patients who were unable to move and were screaming the terror of their situation.
‘Over here! We’ll take care of your patient. He’ll go on the first train.’
Leaving their patient in the care of the nurse who had called out, they were told that an ambulance train with a doctor and nurses aboard was expected any minute. ‘We were lucky it was on its way here, and we know it has left Hospital 19 already.’
Feeling relieved that help was at hand, Ella ran towards a burning tent where she knew bedridden patients were housed. Connie met her halfway. ‘What happened, Connie? Dear God, is everybody safe?’
‘I’m not sure. I was helping with an operation. But someone said the fire started in the officers’ ward, where a lamp was knocked over. When I came out, there were only two tents burning, but it is spreading. Quickly, Ella, help me – I’ve just got one patient who could use crutches clear of tent nine, but there are dozens of others who are bedridden and trapped and are still in there.’
‘Oh God, Paulo! Are all the officers out, Connie?’
‘Yes, a nurse told me that one of them raised the alarm, and the rescue started there, as did the firefighting, although they couldn’t contain it. We’re going to lose the whole hospital at this rate.’
The fire scorched Ella’s arms as she followed Connie into the tent.
‘How are we going to shift the beds, Ella? We’re not strong enough.’
Smoke burned Ella’s throat as she shouted back, ‘Grab the under-sheets and wrap them around the patients. Together we can drag them onto the floor and then pull them along.’
Their plan worked but, with the fifth patient through the burnt-out tent flap, Ella didn’t know if she could carry on, as pain creased her back. She looked over at Connie and could see that she looked exhausted.
Burning pieces of canvas landed on them as they went in once more. Looking up, Ella saw the twisted iron frame of the tent silhouetted against the sky. The canvas had all burned away.
‘The others will be safe now, as the fire has burned itself out. Let’s go and see if we’re needed elsewhere.’ Shouting over to the dozen or so men left inside the empty shell of the tent that they must keep their sheets over their mouths to guard against the smoke, Ella turned to her fellow nurse. ‘Oh, Connie, what are we going to do with everyone?’
A bell sounded at that moment and Matron’s voice boomed out, ‘Everyone to the stores. The men are all safe now. And there are more ambulances and trains on their way to ship them out. Medical supplies are in short supply everywhere, so save what you can.’
Exhausted, Ella trundled over to the stores, passing mangled shells of iron that had only this morning held tents in position, as protectors of the sick. She was amazed at how quickly a fire could destroy what man had built over many months.
With the last of the men put onto trains and ambulances, to be taken to various hospitals in the area, Ella climbed the steps of the train that had a makeshift operating theatre aboard. She had no idea where Paulo had been taken, and felt with a heavy heart that she would probably never see him again.
She and Connie were to continue assisting with the operations that were still to be carried out. These were only minor procedures and, once they were fixed, the patients would be taken aboard other trains or ambulances to be transferred to hospitals, ready to be shipped home, or sent back to the front line if they were judged fit enough to continue fighting.
‘Does anyone know what is to happen to us?’ Daniel Frazer asked, as they sat drinking cups of tea. With their shift finished, the train carrying them was about to reach Abbeville, where they would hand over the patients they had been operating on.
‘I’m hoping our orders will be waiting for us at the hospital. Until then, I suppose, we will have to help out there, until we are contacted. It’s all a mess. How can a whole hospital be destroyed, just like that?’
Ella was surprised to hear the shock in Alan Mathews’s voice. He’d seemed so in control from the moment they’d first detected the smoke.
Connie looked up. ‘Are you all right, Alan? I know – it was inconceivable, but at least no one was hurt by the fire, and we all got out.’
‘Yes, I’m fine. You girls did a sterling job. How are you both?’
As Connie and Alan held each other’s gaze, Ella looked over to Daniel and smiled, but any implication was lost on him. He lived in a world of his own.
When they reached Abbeville, Matron was waiting. As they’d learned in the brief time they had known her, she was unflappable and got everyone organized. Her voice boomed out, ‘The Red Cross workers – where are they?’
‘Here, Matron.’
‘Right, Dr Mathews, you and your team are to stay on the train, as you are to join Australian Clearing Station number nineteen. It’s one of the busiest stations, and the nearest to the front line. Good luck, and thank you for your help.’
Ella called after Matron, but she was met not with the gentle person she knew existed under the cool exterior, but with the efficient, no-nonsense nurse. ‘I know what you want to ask, but there is no time to pander to your infatuation. Do as you are told, Nurse Wronski.’
Feeling embarrassed, and with a heavy heart, Ella apologized.
‘Come on, old thing. Let it go.’
‘I wasn’t only going to ask after Paulo, Connie. I haven’t seen Paddy, either. I’m worried about her.’
‘Me too, but no doubt she had to stay with the patients in isolation. I’m sure she will contact us when she can.’
Ella went back to their carriage. Is that it, then? Oh, Paulo, I can’t believe this is the end. No, something so beautiful – even if sudden – cannot end like this. I will find you, Paulo. I will.