‘This wound is not looking good, Ella. The bone is badly damaged at the point of the stump, and I think that a further amputation is needed.’
‘No, Doctor. I couldn’t face that again, I couldn’t . . .’
Ella sought to comfort Reggie. ‘It won’t be anything like the operation you experienced in the field hospital, I promise. If you don’t go ahead and infection sets in, you could end up dying from gangrene. I’m sure you saw that happen around you, Reggie. You wouldn’t want that.’
‘No, Miss, but amputation – I don’t know if I can.’
‘To be sure you can, Reggie. It is as Ella says; it is for being a different outcome in the hospital theatre.’
Reggie was quiet for a moment. Paddy had taken his hand and he clung on to it. After a moment, he nodded.
The doctor let out a sigh of relief. ‘Very well. I will go along to the hospital and book you in myself. I’ll send an ambulance to collect you. Now, if you nurses would be kind enough to prepare him, he doesn’t want to arrive in his altogether.’
‘Thank you, Doctor. I’ll see you out and pay your bill. Which hospital will you take him to?’
‘Great Portland Street, the Royal National. They take military personnel and those discharged from the services, but still needing treatment and care. It is an excellent orthopaedic hospital. King George visited recently, and they are expecting a visit soon from Queen Mary, so you may get lucky, Reggie, and be introduced to the great lady.’
Reggie gave a weak smile, but his eyes held fear.
Ella sought to comfort him. ‘If you give me the address of your mother-in-law, Reggie, I’ll make sure your wife knows where you are, and what is happening.’
‘Ta, Miss. I don’t know ’ow I can ever thank you.’
‘You don’t have to. I’ll come to see you while you are in hospital. And I’ll try to find accommodation for you, on your discharge. By then the war pensions may be sorted out and you should have an income.’
Following the doctor to the door, Ella settled his fee.
‘I only require half the amount, thank you, Ella. What you have done for that young man is amazing, and humbling.’
‘No, it was nothing. As long as he will be all right. That’s all that matters.’
‘I think he will be. He has been lucky that you came across him. There are so many out there like him. It is a tragedy. No one seems to have thought about the aftermath of war. The streets of London sometimes feel littered with beggars, as the returning wounded leave hospital and are unable to put their lives back together. But you cannot be helping them all in this way, my dear. Some are severely mentally damaged. It isn’t safe.’
‘I know.’
Ella told the doctor her thoughts about approaching the Red Cross. ‘Will it be enough, though? Will it be a permanent solution?’
He shook his head. ‘We have lived through a time of horror, and those of you who took up the challenge and did your bit have had the worst of it, and there is bound to be fallout from it all for you. Take care of yourself, Ella. Give yourself a chance to heal.’
Ella nodded. Dr Grey had been her doctor for as long as she could remember. Not that she had needed to see him very often, as she had always known good health until she had been struck down with the mystery illness that laid her low. This he’d diagnosed as a virus that was not yet identified. But he’d brought her through it, and she’d regained the strength that had sapped from her.
As she closed the door on the doctor, Ella thought that knowing, as she did, that feeling of complete weakness and being unable to function had helped her in looking after others. She’d been able to understand when they couldn’t lift a cup to their lips or, worse, take themselves to the bathroom; but, she thought, these were physical disabilities, which could be undertaken by anyone willing to help. But what of mental disabilities, when fear and emotional instability are your hourly companions? That must be the hardest to live with. And the hardest to heal. And she knew she was in that boat, with all those returning from the carnage of war. And on top of trying to forget all she’d seen, she had . . . No! I must forget about it . . . I must! But how – how?
Ella and Paddy sat together in the sitting room of her apartment later that evening. Reggie had gone off to hospital in an ambulance, and they had sorted out the room he’d been in and had made it ready for Paddy.
The fire crackled and spat, as if trying to make them feel that at long last they were home, but the feeling eluded Ella. And she was sure it eluded Paddy, too.
‘Ella, you don’t know what it is that you have done for me. I know we weren’t for knowing each other long, but I’m for thinking we bonded very quickly. It is as if I have known you all me life, and yet am not knowing much about you at all.’
‘Well, that makes two of us, as I know very little about who I am, too.’
Paddy listened to Ella’s story without interrupting her. ‘To be sure, that’s a powerful tale of mystery. I can understand the need in you to know more. Your nanny should be telling you. It is unfair and cruel to leave you in the dark about your own family.’
‘I don’t blame Nanny. I think she has her reasons. I cannot think what they are, but she is a good person.’
‘Will you be after trying to find out, in the future?’
‘Yes. It is a burning need in me. But I don’t know where to start. Nanny seems ready to tell me, but she isn’t able to. I feel that my last chance is slipping away.’
‘And what of Paulo?’
‘I’m still hoping he will contact me, but it is early days. Have you heard anything from Bobby?’
‘No. I’ve had no time, so I haven’t. I’m not for knowing if he has returned home even. They say that those in the push forward to Germany may be a while returning, as the British have to be part of the occupation.’
‘Oh, Paddy, suddenly the enormity of the aftermath of the war is upon us. Will life ever be the same as it was?’
‘No, for sure the world has changed forever. But from what they are saying, it is that it was a war to end all wars, so we have to be picking up the pieces as best we can.’
Ella knew she should feel a grain of hope in Paddy’s words, but instead she felt a deep sadness descend on her as she remembered the doctor’s comment: ‘The streets of London sometimes feel littered with beggars.’ There are such a lot of pieces to pick up.
‘Ella, it is that you have been through so much more than any of us. I’m for admiring you and how you are coping. I have to be telling you that, as I sit here getting to know you, and realize that you have such a lot on your plate and yet give so much to others, I am inspired to see a way that I will get through the pain in me.’
‘You will, dear Paddy. It isn’t easy, and the pain you have is harder than any I have to live with. But it will ease. You will have your memories to help you – at least you will have, when visiting them doesn’t hurt so much.’
‘For you, it has been throwing yourself into work in the field hospital to blot out your pain that has helped, I can see that.’
‘Yes. Especially since . . . well, you know. Dealing with those worse off than you is like a salve to your own hurt. As for my family mystery, that is pain of a different kind and one that I didn’t really feel for years. I had never known any different, you see. My curiosity was aroused as a child, when friends I made asked me to visit and I began to understand what a real family should be like. But Nanny was a good replacement for that. It wasn’t until I began to grow up that I realized my family made a choice to banish me from their lives.’
‘It must be very difficult to come to terms with that. But it is that you have family, to a degree. I need to come to terms with what has happened to me. My pappy was weak in many ways, but he was a loving father. I so wanted to come home to him and to be setting up a decent home for us both. I was for thinking that I wouldn’t work for a long time, that I hadn’t the heart for it, though how I was to manage, I didn’t know or care. But now I can see that was the wrong path to take, so it was.’
‘I think so. Carrying on is the only way.’
‘Aye, I see that now . . . Ella, well, it is that you say you will be needing help with your nanny. Is it that you would consider me? I’m not for thinking that I could cope with nursing on a ward right now, but if I could take on the responsibility of caring for your nanny, it would be a start for me, in an environment that I’d feel happier in. I – I’m not meaning to be presumptuous . . . I mean, I would be for finding meself somewhere to live, but I really would like you to be considering me for the position.’
‘Oh, Paddy, would you? It would be an answer to my prayers, to have you here helping me. That room is yours for as long as you need it. I was going to look for a live-in nurse, and for you to fill the role would be wonderful.’
‘Really? Oh, Ella, it is glad I am that I sought you out. You’ve given me a lifeline, so you have. And in a while, when I have healed a little, I’ll be glad to help you with the homeless, too.’
‘I think we’ll drink to that. I’ll make some cocoa.’
‘Cocoa? Is it nothing stronger that you have?’
Ella laughed. ‘Of course – there’s a drop of my nanny’s night-medicine.’ On Paddy turning her nose up at this, Ella laughed louder. ‘It’s a nice gin, if that will do you.’
‘Well, now you’re after talking the good talk. I don’t mind if I do.’
As they clinked their glasses, some warmth entered Ella and seeped into her heart. She had Paddy, and Reggie was safe. Soon she would have Nanny home, and maybe – just maybe – Paulo would get in contact with her. Please God, let him do so. Because whatever my future holds, I want it to hold Paulo.