Three weeks had passed, in which Ella had made peace within herself as she focused on what the ultimate outcome would be, rather than the means by which she was planning to achieve it. At times she felt she was prostituting herself, but then would justify this with how much more in command she was of her destiny, and of Rowena’s.
A letter had arrived that had eased her mind and paved the way for her to leave, in the not-too-distant future. She just needed to finalize everything, and get Rowena properly settled. The letter, delivered from her mailbox by Arnie, had told of the family moving to Birmingham. And Rowena had written of her joy, because at last her Tobias was going to retire:
With the younger men in our family not having to pay rent, they are going to pool the money they earn and take care of us. They went to Birmingham a week before us and found good digs for us.
My menfolk are in work already, and working on the railways and labouring in the building trade, and one is working as a cleaner in the car factory. Them’s all happy, and making more money than they did here. And they say they are treated better. Not as equals, but with more respect. So, Missy Ella, it is a good thing that you do for us.
And we went to see them houses you have in mind for us, and them’s lovely. There are some of our countrymen living nearby and they are real friendly. It’s like the community we have, back home.
We have all our things with us, as we packed them all up and the boys took them on the train with them. They had to sit in the guard’s van, but they said that was comfortable, as they sat on the bags of my cushions.
None of the furniture is mine, it all belongs to Flora. I have written to her and told her everything, and have given her your address, at your mailbox. I enclose my address.
Take care, Missy Ella x
Ella put Rowena’s address in a coded form in her notebook, using numbers for letters.
Arnie had also brought a letter from her solicitor, telling her that he had received the money and that everything was set in motion to buy the houses. It seemed that the houses were part of a slum-clearance scheme. Because of the intense industrial nature of Birmingham, which had mushroomed over the last century to a level that required a lot of housing, many people lived in back-to-back terraces. Even the middle class, although their houses were bigger and had better sanitation. It was three of these houses that were up for auction. Previously owned by a button-making business, they had housed the administration staff of the factory.
Now a massive building project was under way to provide better and less-crowded housing, but this row of houses was to survive and had come up for auction. Ella liked what she read about them and felt at ease that Rowena was safe, and that her family would be together, and happy.
It was a relief to her, too, that Arnie no longer needed to come to her home. On his last visit to her he had brought her another key to her mailbox, having had a second one cut. They’d come to this arrangement so that she could take over collecting her mail, and yet keep in touch with Arnie, by leaving him notes in the mailbox, and him leaving them for her, too.
Arnie’s relief at not having to come to her home had compounded Ella’s guilt about the danger she had put him in. But she rejoiced that they were still going to keep in contact and would meet up occasionally.
And now that possibility would soon become a reality, as Shamus was trusting her more and more. She’d already had one meeting with the bank and with a solicitor, on his behalf, and he had accompanied her to meet the accountant. He’d shifted most of his money into a bank account and grumbled about the prospect of having to pay taxes, which was not something he’d been used to, and was why he kept one strong box still stuffed with money. She hadn’t objected to this. Shamus’s dealings, more often than not, required cash. Those he dealt with didn’t understand the concept of cheques and bank guarantees, as a lot of their business was underhand. But she could see a more confident Shamus emerging, as he lapped up the respect that these people, who he thought belonged to a different world, gave him. He stood now, dressed in his new suit, ready to go for yet another long meeting with his solicitor, because making all his holdings legally binding in his name was taking a lot of time.
Adjusting his neckerchief, she told him, ‘There, you look the proper businessman. That suit we bought you is perfect, and you look very handsome.’
His hand smacked her bottom, then tightened on her bottom cheek. ‘It’s all down to you, me little Ella. You’ve lifted me place in the world, so you have. Ha! Me bank manager shook me hand yesterday.’
‘Did he now.’ Ella loved how proud Shamus was of these little things, which were commonplace to most other businessmen.
‘Aye, it was like I’d been greeted by the King, so it was. I was as proud as a peacock.’ He planted a kiss on the top of her head, then pulled her into his huge body. ‘I love you, me Ella. And I long for the day you tell me you love me. It is that you act now as if you do, but you never say the words, and that keeps me heart sore.’
Taking a deep breath and mentally crossing herself, something she had been taught as a child – she could hear the words now: If you are forced to tell a white lie, then cross yourself first, to show the Lord that’s what it is, and that you have to do it – Ella looked up into Shamus’s eyes and said, ‘I am coming to love you. And if things continue how they are between us, with you beginning to trust me and give me more freedom, then I think my feelings will deepen for you.’
‘That will be a good day, so it will. But isn’t me love-making helping? Sure it is that you’re for telling me I take you to places you’d never dreamed of, and you’re loving it.’
Ella’s face coloured, as much from the truth of what he said as from embarrassment. Coupling with him was something her body betrayed her on, as she longed for it to happen and wallowed in the sensations he gave her. This weakness was the deepest source of the guilt that she harboured inside herself.
‘Ha! Is that you blushing, me wee one? Isn’t it that you are looking prettier than ever when you blush, and you make a man feel the need of you. But I’m having to go, so I am. All these newfangled things you have me involved in are for taking me from what I really want to be doing.’ His voice had deepened and his hand had cupped her breast. ‘Oh, Ella, have I time enough?’
‘No, you haven’t.’ She playfully slapped his hand away. ‘Behave yourself. As much as I fancy you, in your best bib and tucker, you have a business to run.’
Shamus laughed. ‘Aye, and you have some shopping to do. I’ve been for neglecting you, so I have. Have you got the money I gave you in your purse?’
‘I have, and I’ve already got a new outfit in mind. I saw it in the window of Marigold’s Gowns when I last went to your bank, so you can drop me off there, as that will be my starting point.’
‘Sure I cannot wait to see you in it. And it is that you and I, Mrs McMahon, will go up west and have the night of our lives. I might even book us into one of those fancy hotels. Yes, I will that. For we’ve not had a honeymoon, and that can be it.’
‘That’s a few weeks away, as I will have my outfit made and there will be fittings to have, but I will look forward to it. Thank you.’
Once they were settled in the car, the idea of the trip had really taken hold of her. ‘Shamus, have you ever been to a show in the West End?’
‘No, them places are not for the likes of me.’
‘Of course they are, you are a rich and successful businessman. You are exactly the type of man who goes to the theatre.’
‘But I’m not sure I will be liking it. Sure, I like the craic and used to enjoy a sing-song down the local Irish pub, but a show is out of me depths.’
‘Well then, we’ll have to do that: go for a sing-song. I love to hear your voice when you sing in the bath, and the songs you sing are sometimes very funny, and at other times nostalgic. We should have more fun.’
What had prompted this from her, Ella didn’t know. She was used to everything she said to Shamus, and did with him, being part of her ultimate plan, but saying this had been spontaneous, as if they really were a couple. That was the wrong path to go down. She’d have to be more careful.
Shamus took up her idea and talked of nothing else, even singing her one of his funny Irish songs, ‘Paddy McGinty’s Goat’. Ella laughed out loud at the lyrics and especially at the last line, which spoke of an angel with a beard being Paddy McGinty’s goat!
‘Oh, Shamus, you Irish are so funny.’
‘Ah, but that’s not a song that came from Ireland. It was written a few years ago, by a pair of Englishmen who call themselves “The Two Bobs”.’
This really creased Ella. ‘Bob’ was a term for a shilling, and the thought of two composers calling themselves that, on top of hearing the words of the hilarious song, undid her.
‘I love your laugh, so I do, me Ella.’ Shamus’s voice became serious then. ‘It is that I did wrong by you, and I’m heart-sorry, so I am. I was used to taking what I want, whether or not I was entitled to it. I was for looking at you when you came to see to me mammy, and I knew you were the one for me. There can be no one else. But sure it is that I did a terrible thing, kidnapping you – and you just having lost your husband.’
Ella didn’t know what to say. She sat staring out of the window. For Shamus to apologize in this way was a huge thing for him, and showed how far he’d come as a man since she’d changed her ways with him.
‘And, Ella, it is that I did an even worse thing, making you give your child away, when you had already lost a babby in the past. Can you find it in yourself to forgive me, Ella?’
She cringed against the feeling inside her that wanted to claw and scream at him that she could never forgive him. The moment gave her clarity. For somehow she’d slipped into the comfortable place she’d made for herself with her deceit, and had begun to let some feeling for Shamus creep into her. But now he had reminded her of the hateful things he was capable of, and she was back in her own skin. She knew for certain that she still hated this man.
‘Ella, is it that my meaning to make things right has upset you again? I wasn’t for meaning to do that. I’m wanting to clear the air between us, so I am.’
Inside her a voice yelled, You can never do that! But she swallowed hard and said, ‘The memory of it all is still raw. I – I thank you for apologizing, but I can’t yet forgive and forget. I’m just trying to live with it all. You being sorry will help that.’
Not a word of this was meant, but Ella knew she mustn’t damage all that she’d worked towards.
Shamus’s hand touched her leg. ‘How can I make it up to you, for it is that I am a different man from the beast that did that to you. What if I went to Poland with me boys and we snatched your child back? Would that help? I would love him like those sons you are going to give me, and work for him as I do for me own.’
This shocked Ella. How much a man could change. Was it really possible? Could it be so?
Her heart thudded. Could she sacrifice her own plans to get her child back? Yes, she could. ‘Would you really do that for me, Shamus?’
‘I would, me darling. I’m in a state inside me as to what I did to you. I’ve thought about it this good while, so I have.’
She had to take up this offer, she had to. Yes, it would mean her life would be shackled to Shamus, but as things were, that wouldn’t be a bad thing, and she could keep improving them little by little, couldn’t she? And having her Paulo with her would fill any emotional gaps that remained inside her.
‘If you do that for me, then I will love you forever, and will be the wife that you dream me to be.’
Shamus pulled into a lay-by and turned to her. ‘Oh, Ella, me little darling, I’ve been a fool, so I have. Tell me that you can forgive, and can come to love me as I love you.’
‘I can, Shamus. I truly can. Without my son, I am only half a person, unable to give of my whole self. You will make me complete by reuniting us. I will have my child, my memories of my loved ones, and a good husband to care for me and our future children. That is all that I can ask for in life.’
‘I want to kiss you, Ella. Lean yourself towards me, me darling – come into me arms.’
Ella did as he bade and found an answering emotion in herself. As they came out of the kiss – and in complete contrast to what her feelings had been a few minutes earlier – she told him, ‘I love you, Shamus.’
His eyes filled with tears.
As they drove the rest of the way in silence, Shamus with one hand over hers, Ella knew that she could live her life out with Shamus, and be happy, as her heart sang with the joy of soon having her child back in her arms.
On reaching her mailbox, Ella was nonplussed to find a note from Arnie, saying that he was missing her and wanted to meet up with her as soon as possible. If she was to make her future with Shamus work, then she had to put Arnie out of her life. She would have to meet him to tell him that, as he had been so kind to her.
There were three more letters for her. One was from Rowena, distinguishable by the scrawl that almost covered the envelope. Reading the letter gave Ella a good feeling. Her friend was safe and happy, but wanted to know when she could move into her house.
Then there was a welcome letter from Mr Partridge, saying that the sale had gone through and the houses were now hers, but Ella would need to sign a number of papers. Could she make an appointment, at her earliest convenience? It appeared that the houses were sold to her at half what she had expected to pay.
At last. Now she could relax, and stay if she wanted to, or leave. She was free.
The third letter was from Flora, who expressed her worry about all that Rowena had told her, and pleaded with Ella to contact her soon:
I understand that you had to get Rowena out of my house, but I am very upset by it, as I had given her the house for the rest of her and Tobias’s days. However, I know that you will look after her, and my heart goes out to you, my dear Ella. I cannot wait for the time when you come to me. It will be so wonderful to have you here.
We are faring well, but have had a setback, which Rowena tells me she explained to you.
I do have something to tell you. Please don’t think badly of me, but I found out something very shocking, just before we came to France. I won’t tell you in this letter, as it is something I need to tell you when we are together. And that won’t be long, now that you have Rowena safe and sound.
My house is to be let. Cyrus has contacted our solicitor there, and he is seeing to it immediately.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, my dear friend. Remember all that we went through in Brussels, and in Dieppe. We got through that, so you can get through this.
Cyrus sends his love.
I am your loving friend, Flors x
Confusion held Ella still for a moment. Her future had looked set an hour ago, but with this letter, she wasn’t so sure. And what was it that Flors needed to tell her? A deep sigh left her body as she walked over to the counter, where a space was made for customers to write. There was some paper and a pen to hand.
Ella wrote quickly to her solicitor, telling him that she would come to see him in two days’ time, thinking that surely now Shamus would trust her to go on an errand on her own. She would tell him that she had a fitting for the outfits she intended to buy today.
In the letter she asked that Mr Partridge contact the agent who had dealt with the sale of the houses to her, and get him to arrange for a furniture store in Birmingham to allow Rowena to buy what she needed, and to send the bill to her, at Mr Partridge’s address. And then for him to settle the bill and his own costs out of the amount she had transferred to him, before transferring the rest back to her account.
After that, a note to Arnie to meet her in Kensington on the same day:
There is a tea shop just around the corner of Westbourne Grove and Kensington Park Road. I will meet you there on the afternoon of Thursday, 25th October.
The letter to Rowena was very short, telling her the information regarding the agent, and where she could pick up the keys. She was to pick whichever house they each wanted, and then the agent would give her the address of a furniture shop where she could buy all she needed.
With this done, and all safely in her mailbox, Ella decided she would delay writing to Flors, as she really didn’t know what she was going to do. She would wait until she had a more definite plan in her mind.
Sipping tea in the cafe where she and Shamus were to meet, Ella felt pleased with how the day had gone. She had ordered three elegant dresses and a costume. Being so small, she had to have each one made for her, but this pleased her, as she would have plenty of excuses to go out alone.
Sitting back, she gazed out of the window at the shoppers traipsing the high street, and wondered what it would be like to be truly free. Had she ever been? It seemed a long, long time since her decisions were based entirely on what she wanted to do. In the Red Cross she had to obey orders; and then in her marriage to Paulo, everything relied on and was planned around his health – a shackle she would gladly take on again, if she could. And now? Yes, for all her joyful thoughts, and for all it looked as if everything was going to get better, she was still a prisoner.
Shamus’s hold over me now is the possible return to me of little Paulo. Oh, what a worthy sacrifice. But what will happen if I do get him back? Yes, what then? Will I still want to leave Shamus? With a sigh, Ella had to concede that she didn’t know the answer.