The whiteness surrounding her, when Ella opened her eyes, made her wonder if she had died. But then the pain seared through her and she cried out, until a beloved voice came through the misty cloud that hung over her.
‘Ella darling, it’s okay, you are in hospital.’
‘Arnie?’
‘Yes, Ella, it is me. Lie still.’
Another male voice that she recognized spoke then. ‘Nurses are not good patients, I’m afraid.’
‘Daniel?’
‘Yes. Good to see you, Ella, though I wish it had been under better circumstances. We have been worried sick about you. Why didn’t you keep in touch with Alan and Connie? They have been out of their minds with worry. Even the Red Cross could no longer trace you, but said that you just vanished.’
‘It’s a long, long story, Daniel. Why am I here? I mean, you are a neurosurgeon?’
‘Yes, and you were badly in need of one. A cracked skull and several broken ribs, one of which had pierced your lung. And yes, I do know most of what has happened to you. I’m so sorry – it all beggars belief. But you are safe now, and maybe could have been a long time ago, if you had kept those who love you informed of what was going on.’ Daniel sounded different. The shy, retiring man that she’d known in France was now a confident surgeon, unafraid to speak his mind.
‘I’m sorry. In the beginning it was pride that stopped me, and then it was impossible for me to contact anyone. Am I going to be all right?’
‘Yes, you’re on the mend, though it may not feel like it. You also had a femur injury, so we have put a splint on that. We will be putting a cast on it later today, but you have been through an operation on both your head and your chest. So you will feel pretty grim for a few days.’
Her questions piled up, but Daniel quietened her.
‘I will leave Arnold to tell you all that has happened. I have to tend to other patients, but I will be back later to check on you. Now, Arnold, don’t tire her. Yes, she’s needs to know, but be careful not to upset her too much.’
As Daniel left her side, Ella asked, ‘My baby? My little Paulo?’
‘I’m sorry, Ella, my love, but he hasn’t been located yet. The police are questioning the men; they will find him.’
Ella closed her eyes against the pain of this.
‘You have to call on all the resources that you used as a nurse, Ella. All that strength and courage. Daniel has told me a bit about what you coped with. Now you have to be as strong as you were then. The police will find Paulo, they will.’
Taking a deep breath, which caused her to moan with the intensity of the hurt it caused, Ella asked, ‘How long have I been here? And what happened – what about Tilly?’
‘One at a time, darling. You have been here for two days. A cab driver called at my house with the message that you sent. I went to the solicitor I told you about, the one I was going to work with; it was after his office hours, but he didn’t baulk at helping me. He knew people – policemen and detectives, people he could talk to about everything, off the record at first. When they arrived at the stables, you were unconscious. The other girl was not as bad as you, but she was taken to the local hospital. Anyway, Shamus was arrested, and they have since rounded up his cronies. The local police have been cleared out; it seems all but three of them, including their sergeant, were in the pay of Shamus. They have been replaced. The other three are doing the rounds, gathering evidence with which to convict Shamus and his men. I have it, from my solicitor friend, that some of the evidence concerns eyewitnesses to murders that Shamus has carried out. It is likely that he will hang, and possibly his cronies, too. So you are safe, my darling. You’re safe.’ This last came out on a sob.
‘Hold my hand, Arnie. Hold me and stop me from falling. Don’t let me let go, or I will never come round again.’
‘What are you saying, my darling, what’s happening?’
‘I am losing the will to live. To face it all. Many people die that way, when they have lost hope. I have lost hope of ever seeing my little Paulo again.’
‘Don’t, please don’t. The police have a lot of negotiating power. My solicitor friend told me they will use it against the one who took your child away. It seems Tilly was able to say which man it was, and it also seems that he hasn’t as much hanging over him as the others. But apparently the police will tell him that unless he trades information about where he took your son, he will be charged with everything that the others are charged with.’
‘Will it work?’
‘I think so. So far he can be done for intimidation and assault, but as I understand it, most people are saying that he was not as bad as the others, and only used bullying tactics when the others were around. Some even had a good word for him. So he won’t want a conviction of murder – and possibly hanging – for a crime he didn’t commit; or even one of accessory to murder, which is still a very serious offence. The game is up for Shamus, and therefore the man who took Paulo has nothing to gain by keeping quiet, and everything to lose.’
Hope – a feeling that she’d had so little of – seeped into Ella. But two days? Why haven’t they any knowledge of where my Paulo is, by now?
The ward was in darkness when Ella woke again. Daniel was sitting by her side.
‘Aren’t you off-duty yet?’
‘Yes, I am, but I needed to talk to you. Are you up to it?’
‘You’re the doctor. But first, is there any news?’
‘Yes. Your Arnold came to the hospital about an hour ago. He was going with the police to a woman’s house in Brighton. It appears she is the sister of the man who took your child away in the van. Arnold has gone there because the child has seen him before, and it may help him to see a familiar face.’
‘Oh, thank God. Thank God!’
‘Don’t get upset, Ella, it won’t help your recovery.’
‘These are tears of relief and joy, Daniel. Now, what did you want to talk to me about?’
Daniel cleared his throat. ‘I don’t know if I should, because I have just told you that I don’t want you upset. But I have never forgotten the young man that we helped to die.’
‘No, I haven’t, either. But I remember him with a peace in me, as you and I were brave enough not to let him suffer any longer. We helped him to a peaceful end. I sense that you are feeling guilty about it, but please don’t.’
‘I can’t help it. What we did was against all medical ethics. I want to confess to it.’
‘No, you must not. With all the war trials and recriminations going on, you could be done for murder, and me as an accessory, when all we did was speed up what would have happened anyway. Daniel, you are a brilliant surgeon; you have saved countless lives since, and will save many more. You pioneer treatment. Many will die needlessly if you are lost to the world of medicine.’
‘I know, but I cannot reconcile what we did.’
‘Daniel, I have paid. I have paid any guilt that you think is attributed to me, a million times over. Don’t make me suffer any more. Please, don’t. I beg of you. What we did was the right thing. We treated a patient – a dying patient – to the best of our ability. No more or less could have been asked of us.’
Ella felt a different desperation settle in her, at Daniel’s demeanour. She could see that he was suffering, and had suffered, mentally from their action, and didn’t know how to stop him destroying them both. Gasping for breath, she pleaded with him one more time. ‘Talk to someone . . . s – someone you trust. A priest, anyone. P – please, Daniel.’
‘Oh, Ella, what have I done? You’re sweating. Oh, my dear, I’ve done the very thing I didn’t want to happen. Forgive me.’ Returning to the doctor he was, Daniel began to administer to her: clearing her airways, with a tube that almost choked her; injecting her with something that made her woozy; and talking in a soothing voice. ‘Don’t worry, dear Ella, I will talk to someone. I’ll seek help from someone that I can trust not to report us. I will sort it out. I’m so sorry.’
Ella left him then and sank into the mercy that the drug gave her.
It was the sound of a baby gurgling that Ella woke to the next morning. Sitting next to her was Arnie, holding little Paulo. Never had she seen a more beautiful sight. ‘Oh, Arnie. Paulo, my boys, my darlings.’
Arnie’s kiss was the first she’d ever had from him. He placed Paulo on her legs and leaned over her. His lips touched hers for a brief moment, but a moment that she knew would be engraved in her memory forever. When he pulled away, his eyes were full of tears.
‘You are part of me, Ella; you are me. How this happened so quickly to me, I do not know, but what I said before still stands. I will give you time. I want you to grieve properly for Paulo, and to come to terms with all that has happened to you.’ As she put her hand on her baby’s face and stroked it, Arnie asked, ‘Do you still want to go to France?’
‘Yes. Yes, more than anything.’
‘Well. As soon as we can, we will go. But you do know there is a trial to get through first, and that you are the chief witness? The police have already enquired as to whether you are able to answer any questions yet or not.’
‘Yes, I understand that. But, Arnie, there is something else pressing on my mind.’ Ella told Arnie how she and Daniel had administered a strong dose of morphine to a dying soldier, knowing that it would kill him, and how Daniel was still troubled by it.
‘A mercy killing?’
‘Yes. The boy was in agony and had an hour at the most to live.’
‘I understand. A soldier friend and I did much the same. We were trapped in a dugout, three of us, and our mate was shot in the stomach as he went to leave and get help. We were trying to cover him. It was bad, really bad. I can still hear his cries of agony; him begging us to shoot him. My friend looked at me after about an hour of this, and I knew what he wanted to do, and I nodded. His shot echoed around what was by then a still and dark field. Someone shouted in German that it was an attack. I speak German, and I heard another voice say, “No. A mercy killing. Quieten down.” And all went silent. My mate and I crawled out of the hole to no resistance, and made it back to the trench.’
‘Oh, Arnie, it was a terrible time.’
‘It was, and all of us took actions that we wouldn’t normally take.’
‘Does your friend’s death bother you?’
‘No. I’m just glad we had the courage to help him, and I know that to this day he is grateful to us. This is how Daniel should think of it.’
‘I know, but Daniel has always been different, very deep. A thinking man, who over-thinks things.’
‘I have, haven’t I?’
‘Daniel! Oh, I’m sorry. I know I promised never to discuss what happened, but—’
‘No, it’s all right. I instigated this and left you with no choice. I’m sorry. I did as you said and went to see the hospital chaplain. He guessed I had something serious on my mind and granted me the status of confession, and told me that whatever I said – no matter how bad – it would never be repeated or acted upon.’
‘And?’
‘He had a story similar to what I have just heard Arnold tell you. And as a priest, although he could not give me details, he said that he had counselled many doctors who had done the same – both during the war and since. “So, you see,” he said, “if you did wrong, so did all of them.” And besides, he said that we had done the work God put us on earth to do. To treat and make well those we could, and to help those we couldn’t pass on to Him, with as little pain and discomfort as possible.’
‘And do you agree? Is your mind at rest?’
‘It is, Ella. It is. I feel as though that man lifted a huge weight from me; and not only from me, but from my soul.’
‘Oh, Daniel, I am so glad. Come and meet my son. Little Paulo.’
Daniel lifted Paulo up into the air. ‘You’re a fine boy, and do you know, my wife is expecting a child, and I hope that it is a boy, just like you.’
‘Your wife!’
‘Yes, I know what you all thought; but I’m not a man who likes men, I’m just a bit on the delicate side.’ His laughter made Paulo jump and Daniel giggled with him, and so did Ella.
‘Oh, Daniel, you knew that?’
‘Yes, and you weren’t the only ones to think it. I have been teased all my life. But my wife says it is my gentle, caring side, and is nothing to be ashamed of.’
‘It isn’t, and you are a special person, Daniel.’
‘Thank you, Ella. I would say the same about you.’
With that, he placed Paulo in Arnie’s arms, gave a huge smile and turned and left the room.
‘Well, you’ll have to tell me what that was all about another time, darling. I need to prepare you. The police are coming to question you. I’ll be with you, so don’t worry, just tell them honestly all the answers they want to know.’
The ordeal with the police wasn’t as bad as Ella had thought it would be. At the moment they were simply concerned with what happened on the night Shamus took her to the stables. ‘We need something concrete to charge them all with, in these initial stages, and to enable us to keep them in prison without granting them bail. As you might expect, with all Shamus McMahon’s money, he has been able to engage a good lawyer and is proving tricky to pin down. But what you have given us is borne out by Tilly Manton and her father, so we have enough now, and plenty more information coming in. Don’t you worry, Miss. You are rid of Shamus for good, I promise you that. And I’m sorry for what you have been through.’
Somehow Ella couldn’t relax at these words. His previous comment had a greater impact on her and put fear into her: Shamus has a good lawyer.