With Lilly feeling a lot better and Paul’s mum now well enough to look after her, Paul was able to come to court with me on the Friday. While I’d been grateful for the quiet headspace I’d had during my solo car journeys to Lewes, it was only when I had Paul by my side in the car that I realised how much I needed him with me.
He was relieved to be with me, too. It wasn’t just that he felt bad about not being there to support me during the first three days of the trial, but he also felt guilty about what had happened with Gemma and Forrest. He blamed himself for having provided half the money to pay for the school trip to Los Angeles, when Forrest first clawed his way into Gemma’s life.
During the drive to Lewes we talked about the morning of that fateful school trip, when I had dropped Gemma off at the coach. I had made her introduce me to the teacher who was supervising her group, and I said to her: ‘This is my little girl and I’m trusting you to look after her.’ Gemma had cringed with embarrassment at the time as if I was being overprotective, but her teacher clearly didn’t do her job.
Like me, Paul felt so much guilt about what had happened. He has never tried to be Gemma’s father, but he has always been there for her and they have a good relationship. What had happened to her with Forrest had really taken its toll on him, too.
When we arrived at the court, I checked in with the witness services team to say that I was around, but that I would be downstairs. While there I saw two girls from Gemma’s school there to give evidence and I felt really bad for them. It was so sad that they had to go through all this, especially as it was right in the middle of their GCSEs.
I managed a quick hello, but I didn’t want to stick around; I knew that I had to keep my distance. To be honest, I don’t really know what I would have said to them and their mums anyway, apart from apologising. Nobody wants to see their children put through the trauma of giving evidence in court.
Paul and I decided to go for a walk around Lewes – we probably walked back and forth up Lewes High Street a hundred times that day! But we couldn’t think straight and wandered from shop to shop, looking at things but not really seeing them, our minds whirring with thoughts of what was happening in court. We would buy yet more cups of coffee and watch them go cold in front of us – we didn’t have the focus to drink, talk or make any decisions, we just drifted.
At about 3pm we went back to the courthouse and waited close to the courtroom for the session to end. Mum and Charlotte had been back in court that day, as Gemma had completed her evidence and it was now the teachers’ turn to be questioned.
I was eager to see the expressions on everyone’s faces when the doors opened. As soon as I saw them, I could sense something significant had happened again.
Mum could see that I really wanted to know what had been said. Charlotte quickly turned to her: ‘You can’t tell her anything!’ Charlotte was right, I would find out soon enough. I didn’t want to put Mum and Charlotte in a difficult position and so we quickly changed the subject.
It was the same with Darcee and Chloe: they both stood firm. Chloe said, ‘You know we can’t tell you anything, but we don’t want you to worry. Trust us, it’s going to be OK.’
One thing made me feel a lot more positive about the situation, though. It was when Chloe turned to me and said: ‘I can’t wait for you to have your say.’
Whatever the teachers had been claiming had gone on, I knew the truth.