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EVEN THOUGH WE DON't need to eat anymore, I got hit with a craving for burgers and fries. When I tried to manifest a burger, all I got was a pitiful-looking slider with a single pickle. Heaven—or Home—is littered with restaurants for spirits who want to try new things. Since I can't seem to manifest the burger of my dreams, I head to a restaurant called, “Soulburger” and order something called a double stacked super chili cheeseburger. When I take my first bite, globs of chili tumble down my chin and plop on my shirt.
At that exact moment, Jophiel walks into Soulburger with Archangel Haniel. I would say kill me now, but since I'm already dead, that doesn't carry the same weight as it did before. I try to manifest a new shirt for myself, but the chili-stained monstrosity is persistent. Of course, they're heading in my direction. They had to be heading in my direction—I couldn't be spared from this humiliating moment. Without thinking, I pop off my t-shirt and toss it under the table.
I grab a napkin and scrape the chili from my chin with seconds to spare. This is awful. I've got a dirty napkin bunched up in hand, I'm shirtless, and Archangel Haniel is staring at me like I'm crazy. This moment might have been slightly less humiliating if I'd kept my stupid chili shirt.
“Hello there, Pho,” Jophiel greets me with a raised eyebrow.
“Um... h-hi.” My life was full of embarrassing moments, but this one beats them all.
“Did you forget to manifest a shirt, or is this something you usually do?” he asks. “You like to air out your nipples in public spaces?”
“No!” Under the table, my fists are clenching. He knows I like Haniel, but he's making me look even more ridiculous. Archangel Jophiel is a terrible wingman.
“I ran into Haniel a bit ago. I thought you might like to see her again, so I invited her along,” Jophiel says. “She knows about your little crush on her.”
“What?” My voice makes such a squeak, I feel like I'm thirteen years old again and going through puberty.
Haniel leans over the table, steals one of my waffle fries, and says, “It's okay. I think it's cute.”
“You're not the first young man with a hopeless crush on our Haniel,” Jophiel says. “Look at her! It happens a lot, as I'm sure you can imagine.”
Haniel swats his arm and cries, “Aww, don't say it's hopeless! That's mean.”
I wonder how hard it would be to slide under the table and disappear. I need to learn how to warp. If I knew how to warp, I could take myself out of this deflating conversation and transport myself halfway across the world. I glare at my double stacked super chili cheeseburger and curse it for starting this mess. It wasn't even as good as I wanted it to be.
I push my basket of fries toward Haniel. “You can have another one, if you want,” I offer.
Dropping into the booth across from me, she says, “I think I will, thanks.”
“Pho,” Jophiel steals my attention from Haniel. “I'm afraid I have some... news. I would say it's bad news, but it wouldn't be accurate. It's a matter of perspective.”
I almost miss what he's saying because I'm too busy watching Haniel eat my fries. She even makes chewing look pretty.
“It's about your grandmother,” Jophiel continues. “I've just heard that she's fallen ill. Your death must have been a lot for her to handle. She's currently in the hospital.”
“Grandma Lori?” I exclaim. “Can we visit her?”
“That's why I'm here,” Jophiel says. “I can take you to her, if you wish.”
I'm on my feet in an instant. If Grandma's dying, she shouldn't be alone. Haniel kindly manifests a shirt and passes it my way. She's a lot nicer than Jophiel, who says, “By the way, we know your original shirt was tossed under the table. Nothing escapes our notice, Pho. Nothing.”
Jophiel warps us to my grandmother's hospital room, and Haniel comes too, for whatever reason. It would probably be foolish to think she likes me. My poor grandma is asleep in bed, hooked up to all kinds of monitors and tubes, and I'm familiar with all of them. Heart monitors and catheters were a regular part of my life.
Surprisingly, my mom is with her. I haven't seen her in seven or eight years, but my spirit guide did say she came to visit me in the hospital. She looks the same as she ever did, with her dyed blonde hair, too much makeup, and long red nails that receive more care than she ever gave to me. When we arrive, she's rifling through her purse, searching for a lipstick.
Haniel puts a hand on my shoulder and says, “I'm sorry. This must be really hard for you.”
I answer with a nod, “Yeah. It's hard to see her like this. Do you think she's in a lot of pain?”
“I'm not sensing any pain,” Haniel says. “Her heart gave out a few days ago. That's why she's here.”
Haniel's hand is still on my shoulder. If I wasn't so focused on my grandma and her failing health, I would probably be fixated on that hand.
“Is there anything we can do for her?” I ask. There's a guy sitting next to my mom, and I watch him through scowling eyes. Broad and heavily tattooed, I assume he's my mom's latest boyfriend. He's even got a tattoo on his face. I don't know much about my mom's life, but according to my grandma, she has a new boyfriend every few weeks.
Jophiel replies, “If she was in any pain, we could take it away. But... as Haniel said, I don't think she's suffering much. Other organs are failing, as well as her heart, and they've given her morphine to help with any pain.”
I sink into an empty chair near Grandma's bed. She was so good to me. Grandma Lori was the nicest woman in the world. She was more like a mother than a grandma, and I wish she knew I was here for her.
Haniel says, “At least... if she does die, you'll be reunited with her. That's a good thing, right? You already know what's on the other side.”
“Yeah. That's true.” I still feel sorry for her, though. It's never fun to see someone sick in the hospital.
“Your grandmother may look incoherent, but believe it or not, I can hear her thoughts,” Haniel says. “She's thinking of you. Only you.”
“Thanks. That's good to know.” I lean closer to Grandma Lori's bed and run a finger across her bony knuckles. She's always had the smallest hands I've ever seen, and they're covered in spots that sometimes accompany old age. I think Grandma used to call them “liver spots.” In a way, I'm glad I didn't live long enough to get spots on my hands.
“In the event of her death, we'll try to move you into a dorm with her,” Jophiel tells me. “Is that acceptable?”
“That would be more than acceptable! I would really like that.” If I can get away from Karan, that's a bonus. He still doesn't like me.
I wonder why Jophiel and Haniel are being so nice to me. I don't feel important enough to get special treatment from one—let alone two—Archangels.
Jophiel seems to answer my question. “You're a good young man, Pho. You're better than most. You're certainly a better man than me. Just ask Haniel. I'm terrible.”
“Oh, yes. He's just awful,” agrees a smiling Haniel. “Michael should have stripped him of his Archangel powers a long time ago.”
Jophiel whines, “Hey! I'm not as bad as that!”
“I'm only teasing you, Jo. But... let's be honest, you're far from angelic,” Haniel says. “That last girl you targeted... what was her name? Leigh?”
“Leigh Riley,” Jophiel says. “And she wasn't the last.”
“Yes, well... you tore off her boyfriend's wing. That was pretty vicious.”
“You're failing to recognize that he deserved it!” Jophiel exclaims. “First of all, he took her away from me. Secondly, he stabbed me... and then he slashed one of my wings! I was still his superior officer! He should have been punished for that fight. Not me.”
I'm too focused on my grandma to pay attention to their conversation, and my mind is fixated on a single thought.
If Grandma's gone, who will take care of Cuddleworth?