A band grew tight around her chest. Her fingers and toes were numb and hot bile stung the back of her throat. Cam knelt down beside her. Hand on her upper arm. She flinched. She couldn’t let him touch her. She was dirty. Unclean. That man’s smell clung to her. Inside and out. Her lungs kept constricting until every molecule of air was squeezed out of her.
In the dim light she saw his face was deformed by panic. Her fear thickened and her breaths grew shorter, coming in taut snatches as she started to shake uncontrollably. Cam glanced back at the motionless figure of Davy Garnett, his eyes staring, unseeing, up towards the cloudy night sky, and pressed two fingers against his neck. When his fingers fell away, he dropped his head and groaned.
‘What happened, Hannah? It’s going to be OK. But you have to tell me.’ His voice was soft and gentle and she wanted to wrap herself up in it.
‘Tell me,’ he said.
She hesitated. ‘He…’ Her voice stuck in her throat. ‘Hurt me.’
The words sounded faint and detached as if spoken by another person. Her body thrummed with the cold. The backs of her legs stung where they’d rubbed against the rough deck.
‘What happened?’
‘He came out of nowhere. He was hurting me. I… I didn’t mean to. The knife. I… You left it in the pub…’ Her voice faded. It had started to rain again, light drops, which turned razor-sharp in the wind. The waves beyond the walls seemed to be crashing harder and louder, angry perhaps, with what she’d done, with what she’d let happen. Was this her fault? She had flashes of Davy in the pub. Her hand on his. Her lips against his cheek. Her smiling as he handed her a drink. Then a violent image of her torn underwear. She clutched her bag tight to her. Cam couldn’t see. He couldn’t know. She pulled on her hem to draw her skirt as low as possible and winced at the flash of pain between her legs. She didn’t want him to see her like this. She wished the sea would suck her under and swallow her whole.
‘He hit me.’
Cam touched her shoulder. She flinched again then looked down to see what he was reaching for and noticed her top was torn at the neck and her bra-strap exposed. She inhaled sharply and threw up her arm to cover herself.
‘I’m sorry,’ Cam whispered.
Had he guessed what Davy had done? She didn’t want him to know. She didn’t want to be tainted and ruined. She didn’t want to be this new version of her. She wanted to turn back time and have it like it was before.