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The coffee was strong, with a hint of berry and chocolate, much nicer than the stuff Riley bought for herself, or the swill they passed off as coffee in the station.
Petra kept chatting, sounding chirpy, even happy, which seemed strange given the breakup had happened so recently.
Don’t ask too many questions, you don’t want to jinx it. The food smelled so good. Petra was an excellent cook, and seemed to enjoy the process as much as anything else.
Riley reluctantly made meals, preferring to repeat the same foods over and over, classics that she’d perfected. The idea of trying a new recipe added unneeded stress. With all the drama and pressure of her job, food needed to be comforting and straight forward.
Whenever Petra turned to the stove, Riley’s eyes were drawn to the shallow V-shape of the apron strings around her waist, the dangling bow that swished over her gorgeously proportioned bottom.
Stop ogling her, get it together. Not the time, not to mention Petra was straight.
At that moment, she realized Petra was asking her something. “Sorry, what?”
“Will you go for your TO exam again?” Petra turned her head, their eyes locking.
“Yeah, the Watch Commander thinks I should, and I’ve had a nice enough time with this rookie. I don’t want the newbies all trained by the grumpy, straight, white men in the department. Gotta give the grumpy lesbians a turn sometimes.”
Petra giggled, her laugh bubbling up and spilling out, making the room feel somehow lighter, warmer. The dull ache in Riley’s chest deepened.
“I think you’re a great teacher. You’ve had to take on so much with your mom and sisters. I really admire you. I don’t think I’ve ever said that.”
Riley scoffed, nearly spitting out her coffee. “Thanks, but I’m a hot mess. It’s a miracle anyone in the family still speaks to me.”
“Surely they know you’re the glue holding everything together nowadays.”
“Some glue.”
“What do you mean?”
“Maddy and I are...not really on speaking terms just now.”
“Oh.” Petra stirred the curry.
“Yeah. I don’t know what to do about it. I tried to tell her she was out of line the other night, with you, but she thinks I was out of line.” She hesitated. “I feel like she’s not who I thought she was.”
“I’ve had a few revelations over the last few hours too...”
“What? You can tell me anything, you know.”
“I know I’ve spoken to you a little about the feelings I get.”
“Yeah.”
“I probably never told you how much I can actually feel. I thought I knew Mike, and you, and Maddy, but today I turned the switch back on.”
“And?” Riley prompted after a long pause.
“I’m sorry I never noticed you for you.”
“What do you mean?”
“All the stuff you do for your family. For me. I never appreciated how much it cost you.”
Time slowed down. What did she mean? It hadn’t cost her that much. Sure, she’d had to pivot her career, and she lived with her mother, and she hadn’t had a relationship for years, and she kept missing out on promotions because she had to deal with crises with her mother and sisters.
“You’re doing so much. And without complaint.”
“There are some complaints.” Riley tried to smile. Her chest felt tight, as though she couldn’t quite get enough breath.
“You’re allowed a few complaints.” Petra’s smile dazzled, her straight white teeth, a little bit of gum below the top lip, and the little wisps of bright red hair that curled around her hairline. If she hadn’t been in love with her sister’s best friend before tonight, she was in this moment. Riley glanced at her coffee cup, willing her cheeks to cool down.
As though Petra caught her awkwardness, she turned away and cleared her throat.
I’ve blown it now, made her uncomfortable mooning over her. She mentally kicked herself for being so unable to control her feelings. Feelings she’d managed to keep to herself for years, which now needed release, whether either of them liked it.
They stayed silent for a while as Petra served their meal and put it out on the beautiful, pale wood dining table.
“I thought we could have iced tea with our food. I went a bit overboard with the wine last night.” Petra looked down and away as she admitted the overindulgence.
“I’m happy with that.” No wine should help me keep my libido in check at least.
“How’s your mom been?”
“Y’know, much the same.”
“I’ll have to come around to talk with her.”
“She would love that. It always sounds like you’re having a full conversation, even though I can only hear your side. Like you’re on the phone.” Riley took a bite of the Japanese curry—velvety and smooth with a delightful umami flavor and a hint of heat. “This is amazing, really.”
“You’re just saying that, but you’re welcome.” Petra smiled and took a bite. “You know Georgina and I do have conversations. I can hear her side.”
Riley hesitated, considering the statement. Petra had mentioned this ability of hers and Riley had always thought it was imagined, or possibly metaphorical, but if she really could talk to her mom, then maybe... “What does she say?”
“The usual stuff. She knows what’s going on. You’re her favorite, not that she would use that word, but she’s been let down by Maddy’s wild choices and Jen still acts like a child.”
“She said that?”
“About Jen?”
“No, about me.” Riley’s cheeks heated again.
“She’s very warm about you. Always saying how much you do for her, keeping everything running. For a while I thought she was being over the top, but I’ve realized today, she isn’t. You keep the family together. Me included.” Petra put her fork down and looked Riley straight in the eye. Her cheeks had turned the most delicious pink, her eyes wide and almost sparkling in the warm golden light.
If she didn’t know any better, Riley would think she wanted to be kissed, but that was silly.
Petra took Riley’s hand in hers. “You’re amazing. I’ve only just seen it.”
“Don’t tease.” Riley tried to pull her hand away. This couldn’t be real. It must be some sort of horrible joke. Maybe Maddy had put her up to it as a prank, or revenge.
“I’m not teasing. You’re strong, capable, caring. I’ve been so unaware about so many things—Mike, Maddy. But I see in your heart Riley Holmes.” She put her other hand on Riley’s chest.
Hot, thudding, racing. Petra had to feel it all through her clothes.
Riley pushed her chair away and stood up. “This isn’t funny.”
Petra looked stunned, her forehead creased with confusion. “I’m not joking. I know you’ve loved me for a long time, and I... thought this was what you wanted?”
“I don’t want to be a pity fuck. And you don’t even like women.”
“You’re not my first. And I don’t want you out of pity or obligation. I’m seeing you in a way I never had before—the fierce, protective, nurturing person I’ve been looking for all my life and you’ve been right under my nose.”
Her head spun. Too much, too quick. Riley felt drunk, her arms and legs seemed to belong to someone else. “I need a minute,” she said and strode toward the balcony. She sank into the hammock chair which bounced and rocked.
This couldn’t be happening. Riley had fantasized about Petra for so long, she had wished for this moment, but now it felt wrong. She must be rebounding. She’d dumped Mike barely days before.
Maybe she was still drunk from last night. Then again, she didn’t seem drunk—she seemed happier than she had been in months.
Petra had never been a prankster, and after the fight with Maddy, it seemed unlikely she’d do something like this even if she’d been asked to. One of the things Riley loved about her was her unwillingness to compromise, even for a close friend.
“Can I come out?” Petra stepped onto the balcony, two beers in her hands.
“Sure.”
“Do you want one? I thought it might take the edge off. I know I said I wasn’t going to drink, but that went so spectacularly badly, maybe I need one.”
Riley laughed. “I would love a beer.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m sorry I reacted so...”
They each sipped the beer, its cool herby flavor helping to bring Riley back to herself.
“The thing is, my psychic abilities, I’ve been suppressing them.”
Riley stayed silent, waiting for her to elaborate.
“In my heart, I knew there was something wrong between Mike and I, so I stopped listening to the messages around him, and around my friends. It gets too painful to hear what people really feel and think when they’re close to you.
“With the people in the home, they’re on their way out of this life. They want comfort, they deserve companionship, so I turn it on for them. I listen with all my being, and I help them cross over when it’s time.”
“Okay.” Riley had never heard her speak this candidly about her ability.
“I woke up this morning miserable, so I opened myself up. I looked into Mike’s heart, and I saw how vain and shallow he is. I looked at Maddy, and she was...well you know how she is. She doesn’t really think about other people much. Then when I felt really alone, I felt you. The person who has been looking out for me, caring for me, and I saw how you felt.”
“Oh.”
“You’ve hidden it so well. You never made me feel uncomfortable.”
“I thought you were straight.”
“There are things I haven’t told you, or Maddy. She’s not what you would call discreet.”
Riley laughed again, releasing a weight from her chest. “No.”
“If you don’t want to, y’know, I totally understand. I sprung it on you unexpectedly but, you’re worthy of love, just the way you are.”
“Come on now.”
“I’m serious,” Petra said, stepping forward. She stood only inches away, and the smell of her coconut shampoo caught in Riley’s nostrils. She looked away, but Petra reached out and turned her chin back toward her. “You’re beautiful.”
Was this real? It would be easy to give in to this invitation, to leap up and kiss Petra long and hard, as she’d wanted to do for so long, but was it right? “What about Mike?”
“What about him?”
“Don’t you want to, I dunno, wait a little while?”
“No. My mind is clear. I feel you. I want you.”
Riley had never had someone declare themselves so openly. It was equal parts refreshing and terrifying. “I’m—it’s all very sudden.”
Petra took Riley’s hand. “Come back inside. We’ll eat dinner and maybe watch a movie. There’s no rush.”
Without words, Riley followed her back into the apartment, and they sat down. The food had gotten a little cold, but that was okay.
She kept smiling, like a giddy school girl. Petra knew how she felt, and she felt the same. Maybe it wouldn’t last, but Riley wasn’t willing to turn down the opportunity.
As they sat at opposite ends of the couch, watching a nineties Sandra Bullock rom com, Riley wanted more than anything to curl up with her, but it felt rushed. She worried the dream would shatter if she pushed too hard.
The end of the film, where the two main characters fell into one another’s arms, embraced, and laughed—fuck, she yearned for that feeling. She turned and caught Petra looking at her.
“Sorry,” Petra said, turning back to the screen.
“What for?”
“I was staring.”
“Yeah, you were.” Riley smiled.
“I was thinking about what it would feel like to kiss you.”
Riley didn’t know what to say. Her mouth was dry and her palms were damp—she’d been thinking about it too.
“I think you should kiss me.”
Riley took a breath and moved up the couch, the credits of the film rolling, but she didn’t pay any attention.
Petra leaned in, her lips so close, her feathery breath grazed Riley’s skin, and the next moment she’d closed the distance.
Petra’s lips met hers—full, moist, warm, and giving, just as she’d hoped they would be, just as she’d imagined. They tasted of beer, and the subtle undercurrent of Petra’s natural flavor.
Riley’s neck and cheeks became hot, and her groin tingled. She put her hand up to Petra’s face, sliding her fingers back into her fiery red hair, grabbing it to pull her closer, deeper.
Petra moaned and leaned further into the kiss. Riley pulled her back until she almost lay on top of her. Riley’s fantasies paled in comparison. The real thing, the real Petra, the pressure of that sweet, silky body right there in her arms was better than any other experience she’d ever had.
Riley snaked her other arm around Petra’s body to pull her closer, palm to the small of her back, pushing down.
She pulled away, and Riley went to protest, until she repositioned herself straddling her. The warmth of her thighs, and what lay between, burned into Riley’s pelvis. She wanted so badly to rip their clothes off and take her right there, but this wasn’t a sprint. It needed to be sweet and delicate, strong and rough, but never fast.
Petra’s hands roamed all over her body, sometimes feathery, sometimes clawing. She unbuttoned Riley’s shirt, and threw it open, pulling off her own sporty tank top, revealing her alabaster skin and tiny pink nipples. She wasn’t wearing a bra, not that she needed to with her perfect, upturned breasts.
“Oh god,” Riley moaned. Petra leaned forward and Riley’s mouth found one of the nipples. She arched her back in response, her nipple hardening further into a rosebud of excitement under Riley’s lips and tongue. Her hands moved around Petra’s back and over her bottom, all the yoga she did giving her excellent definition and flexibility.
Riley had wanted to do this for so long, making it hard to keep her mind in the moment, but she wanted to savor it, in case this was a one-time-only thing.
She moved her mouth to the other nipple, this one already hard, and Petra’s breath caught erratically in response.
“Mmm...” she mumbled.
Riley kept her tongue and lips pressed to the delicate, fragrant skin. As she did so, her hand swept its way down Petra’s belly, which trembled a little as she moved over it, and stopped at the waistband of her sweatpants.
Petra’s hips tilted, as though urging Riley to move lower, and when Riley hesitated, she shuffled closer, opening her knees to allow her in.
More than anything, she wanted to strip Petra naked, pull her onto her lap, get skin to skin, as though trying to meld their bodies together. But the anticipation was so good.
Petra reached down to pull Riley’s face back to hers and kissed her deeply. Riley ran her hand under Petra’s leg, pulling it up.
Petra broke the kiss and moved so she straddled Riley again, the heat from her groin like fire. Riley exhaled, trying to keep herself calm, but it wasn’t working. The urge to pick Petra up, carry her to the bedroom and ravage her until they couldn’t move was overwhelming.
Petra ground her pelvis onto her lap, kissing Riley’s neck and ears. Riley’s hands slid over her hips, butt, and thighs. Petra moaned and pushed herself forward, but Riley held back.
“Should we take this to the bedroom?” Petra said, breathless.
“We could... or we could stay here?”
“Are you teasing me?”
“A little.” Riley grinned and looked into Petra’s flushed face.
“If we stay on this couch, will you fuck me?”
“Yes, eventually.”
Petra moaned, a frustrated but aroused sound. “You’re killing me.”
“We only have the first time once; I don’t want to rush anything.”
Petra pushed her hand down between Riley’s legs, making her gasp. Riley grabbed her wrist, grinding herself onto Petra’s hand, sure that her wetness had soaked through her jeans.
“When you put it like that, how can I refuse?” Riley said, sliding her other hand into the front of Petra’s pants.
***
After they were both spent, having explored one another’s bodies, bringing each other to the point of climax several times, the two women were sprawled together on Petra’s living room floor, sweaty, sleepy, and satisfied.
“Wow,” Petra said.
“Yeah.”
“I—”
Riley turned to her. “What?”
“Your stamina is—let’s just say I had more orgasms with you just now than in the last six months with Mike.”
Riley laughed. “You’re joking? What was he doing?”
Petra looked away. “I’ve come to realize he is only interested in himself. Whenever I orgasmed with him, it was an accident.”
“I’m so sorry.” Riley ran her hand down Petra’s cheek. “So, did you enjoy that?”
“Definitely. Five stars.”
They both laughed. It was a relief to know that Petra had had a great experience, although, given what she’d said earlier about other things she hadn’t shared with Maddy, Riley was curious how much experience she’d had with women.
Time had gotten away from her; it was after midnight. She wanted to stay curled up beside her love forever, but the carpet under her started to itch, and the cooling sweat from their activities raised gooseflesh along her arms.
“Are you cold?” Petra asked.
“A little.”
“Should we shower before going to bed?”
“Are you cool with me staying?”
Petra frowned. “Do you not want to? Do you need to go home for your mom?”
“Of course, I want to. I just... didn’t want to make assumptions.”
“You’re so used to people treating you like shit. After what we just did, sharing my bed would be the perfect end to an amazing night.”
“Are you sure?”
Petra sighed and looked away, her hand roaming along Riley’s arm as though without intention. “Mike didn’t like sleepovers. He stayed here a few times at the start, but then if I wanted to sleep with him, it had to be at his place, and it was only a couple of times a month.”
“And that didn’t seem like a red flag?” Riley frowned.
“He had excuses. He had to get up early, or needed to work on stuff I wasn’t allowed to see, but yeah, in hindsight, I should have known earlier he was up to something.”
“Don’t beat yourself up. You’re such a positive person—you want to see the best in people. You didn’t do anything to deserve that.” Riley kissed Petra’s forehead. “Shall we get some sleep?”
Petra nodded.
***
They spent the night curled against one another. Riley’s smooth, muscular form felt both strange and familiar at once. Mike never liked to cuddle even when he did stick around after sex.
In only a few days it had become clear that her relationship had been a sham; someone for him to parade in front of his work colleagues, or parents. Even when they were engaged, he hadn’t changed his behavior, always ready to leave. Had he been treating her like an accessory on purpose? Or was it that she was so agreeable it left her needs unmet?
And now she had fallen straight into bed with someone else which was on the top of the list of things not to do after a breakup. Maybe it was okay, given she had known Riley for a long time, they were good friends, and her feelings weren’t new.
“Morning,” Riley murmured into her back. “How did you sleep?”
“For someone who isn’t used to sharing the bed, I was surprised how good it was.”
“Like we’re meant to be together?”
Petra stiffened. Only days ago, she’d thought she and Mike that were meant to be together, but that had been built on a sea of lies she had missed. This was too soon, she’d made a mistake, no matter how good the sex was.
“What just happened?”
“Nothing.” She pulled away and went to the bathroom. When she came back into the bedroom, Riley had disappeared. Petra walked into the kitchen and Riley was pulling her shoes on.
“I’ll go.”
“You don’t have to go.”
“I think I need to give you some space.”
“Will you stop running away for one minute?” Petra put her hand over Riley’s on the kitchen counter. “I don’t regret what we did. I was... worried about the timing. Maybe we need to wait.”
“Why?” Riley’s foot was poised with her left shoe half on and half off.
“I’ve just come out of a long-term relationship. I don’t want this to be a rebound fling.”
Riley smiled and exhaled deeply. “Is that all?”
“Is that all?” she echoed.
“I thought you hated me or something, which would suck, but I can work with this.” Riley smiled. “I’ll wait for you until you’re ready to explore this properly, but I don’t think you need to worry. Not all rebounds are bad. Not all break-ups leave a person scarred.”
Petra frowned. Maybe she was right? It had felt so good. So right with Riley in her arms, and in her bed. “Let me meditate on it, and then I’ll feel better about moving forward.”
“You know where I live. But I do have to go now. Maddy says I need to get home—I wasn’t running away. I’ll talk to you soon.”
Neither of them spoke for a brief moment as though not knowing whether to hug, or kiss goodbye. In the end, Riley leaned forward to kiss her, a chaste peck on the lips.
After the door swung closed behind her, the silence in Petra’s apartment felt oppressive. It was as though her joy had left with Riley. Without her, things felt darker, less vibrant. She sighed.
I said I was going to meditate on it, and I guess that’s what I need to do.
***
Riley got home to find Georgina alone. Maddy had said she would wait for Riley or the home care nurse to come, but hadn’t.
“Hey Mom, you here on your own again?”
Georgina mumbled something unintelligible that Riley took as agreement.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here last night. I...” she hesitated, was this something she should share? What harm could it do? “I spent the night with Petra.”
Georgina burbled excitedly.
“Calm down, it’s not that big a deal.” She wiped a little trail of drool from her mother’s face and sat down on the couch not far from her mother’s favorite chair. “Alright, maybe it is a big deal. I’ve had a crush on her for a long time, you knew even before I did. Last night I had intended to go around as a friend, after the blowup with Maddy, and her and Mike breaking up—”
Georgina squeaked.
“Sorry, did I leave that bit out? Petra dumped his ass. After seeing him in the car with Cindy, some woman from his office, Petra went up there and told him where he could stick his ring. So, I went round to comfort her but in the end she... we... well, I didn’t think she liked women, but I was wrong.”
Georgina seemed to take that as good news, jerking her head around with a vigorous nod.
“This morning, she... said she needed time to get over the breakup. She could have just been saying that, being kind, but I think she really meant it. I guess I bide my time a little longer, until she’s sure it’s not a rebound thing.”
Georgina’s hand twitched.
“Yes, I know it’s only been a couple of days. I’m not blaming her for wanting to take some time. It’s been years already, a few weeks, or months even, isn’t going to change how I feel. And now I know she might feel the same, it’s like—” she stopped for a moment, getting all her thoughts in order.
“It’s like I’ve been asleep and now I’m awake. Everything I was doing before was going through the motions—work, friends, looking after you, Maddy, Jen. But now, I guess all the songs make sense. Isn’t that what you said love was like?” Riley turned to her mom, whose eyes welled with tears. “It’s okay, Mom, I’m alright. I’m amazing actually.”
Her mind went back to the feeling of Petra’s silky-smooth skin against hers. She’d held her all night. And in the morning, though she had been a bit strange, Riley couldn’t fault her. This time last week she’d had a fiancé and her life all worked out. Now that had all changed.
“I’ll make you a coffee. Have you eaten breakfast?” Riley said, her own stomach grumbling in response.
Georgina wobbled her head indicating no.
“I’ll be right back.”
Riley put on some blues music, something to keep her and her mother company while she was in the kitchen.
Despite how Petra had responded this morning, Riley couldn’t help grinning. The thing she’d dreamed of for years had finally happened. Hope for a relationship—something there hadn’t been before last night—had become a possibility even if she had to wait.
She made a fresh pot of coffee and waffles, though she had to look in the very back of the cupboard to find the machine.
Waffles were one of Georgina’s specialty breakfast foods. She would make chicken and waffles, or bacon and waffles, but they didn’t have any of either in the fridge. Riley made a mental note to go to the store for some later.
“Here we are,” Riley said when she brought the feast into the lounge where her mother was sitting with her eyes closed. “I got a bit enthusiastic, and there’s a hell of a mess in the kitchen, but that’s for later.” She laughed, still feeling quite giddy.
Georgina’s eyes widened in surprise at the spread.
“I know you’re not really supposed to eat all this sugar, but I thought for a little treat you could try some. If you don’t want it, I can get your bran cereal instead, and I’ll have your share.”
Riley had finished her plate of waffles and her coffee, while Georgina had managed to get through almost half a waffle, which was quite good for her, before the home care nurse arrived.
Since her mom had become largely immobile, she didn’t eat much. The nurse used the key safe to let herself in, as all three daughters had usually left the house when she came to care for Georgina.
At least Maddy paid her share of the healthcare bills. Riley remembered how often she would shirk her share of the caring duties. Jen was a bit flakey but would usually do her part when she wasn’t out having drinks with her work friends, or on dates with men she met online.
As Georgina and the nurse went through her morning routine, washing her and then taking her through some physical therapy, Riley returned to the catastrophe she’d left in the kitchen, but even the trail of dirty utensils and flour spilled across the counter couldn’t dampen her smile.
Petra liked her, and that was all she needed to know.