Fiona Rugg and Millie Scroggs
Stop for their elevenses
In the Cobweb Tearooms, run
By Mrs. Kingston-Biggs, poor thing,
Whom fortune forced into the trade,
Who once kept servants by the score—
But that’s another story. Now
She serves up set teas and gâteaux.
You’d never know that Rugg and Scroggs,
So friendly-like they seem, quite loathe
One another. Both of them are
In love with Quickly, the chauffeur,
Who’s made rash promises to both.
But worse to come: Fiona’s sure
That Millie found her locket lying
By the broken statue of Eros.
The negatives of dirty pictures
Whipsnade took in surgery
That day she weakened, Dreadful man!
You can’t trust no one nowadays!
To think he’s got the sauce to marry
Lady Madrigal du Bois!
Millie searches out the pills
She stole from Whipsnade’s shelf, and when
Fiona leaves to freshen up,
She drops them in Fiona’s cup.
That should take care of you, my girl!
Fiona’s back and watching; while
Millie chats with Kingston-Biggs,
Fiona sprinkles something vile
On Millie’s chocolate gâteaux.
An hour later, feeling sickly,
Each is sure she’ll be the one
To scarper off and marry Quickly.