Chapter Eighteen

The following day passed uneventfully and Melissa managed to reassure an upset William that she and Daniel were still friends. She’d even managed to convince herself of that fact. He understood that she cared for him, but that she needed more space, more time. It wasn’t the end, just a minor blip.

On the twenty-eighth she drove William to the tennis academy. She’d have been happy to duck out of it, but William had stomped his feet and insisted he wanted to go. As he so rarely played up, and as she’d been the one who’d encouraged him to take up the sport in the first place, she’d acquiesced. Where she’d once felt a lovely sense of anticipation driving there though, now she was agitated and anxious. She wanted to see Daniel. She was dying to see him.

But now she was going to find out whether her take of their situation was the same as his.

William rushed up to Daniel as soon as he saw him, and her heart lifted at the mutual affection between man and boy. High-fives were exchanged, William’s new racket admired and laughter filled the air.

When Daniel looked in her direction though, Melissa received only the slightest of nods. There was no casual kiss on the cheek. Certainly no kiss on the lips when nobody was looking.

His coolness hurt; the signal it sent was even more painful. Where she’d said slow down, he’d heard stop.

Slowly the reality of the situation began to sink in. She and Daniel were over.

Catching sight of Alice and some of the other mothers arriving, Melissa fled to the changing rooms. She couldn’t face them. Not at the moment. Not when the new world she’d been so carefully building had come crashing down on her. And all she wanted to do was cry.

While Melissa was regaining her composure in the ladies’ changing room, Daniel wasn’t faring much better on court. Never had he been so grateful for the distraction of a bunch of boisterous kids. His one consolation was that Melissa didn’t look any better than he did. He wanted to believe she was regretting turning down his, admittedly half-cocked, proposal so swiftly, but he’d already made enough arrogant assumptions.

At the end of the coaching session he hung back, pretending to need a talk with one of the other coaches. At some point he had to find a way back to being friends with Melissa – he couldn’t lose her totally, it would destroy him – but at the moment it was all too raw.

When he thought the coast was clear he walked slowly back towards the locker rooms, only to find the crowd of kids and parents still there.

‘What’s going on?’ he asked his nephew, who was at that moment ripping open an envelope.

‘William’s giving out his party invitations.’ Simon looked down at the card he’d pulled out. ‘Sick.’

Daniel tried not to squirm at his nephew’s term. To an old fogey like him, sick would always mean carrots swimming in a smelly liquid. ‘When’s the big day then, Will?’ he asked.

‘Tomorrow.’ He stared down at the two envelopes he had left. ‘I forgot to write you one, but I want you to come, too.’ A grin split his face. ‘Please.’

Daniel’s heart thumped and he glanced quickly over at Melissa. Her expression – startled, bordering on horrified – told him all he needed to know. How the heck did he get out of this one without hurting the boy’s feelings? ‘That’s really kind of you, but you don’t want an old man like me there. A party is for your friends.’

William frowned. ‘You are my friend and I want you there.’

Help. Again he looked over at Melissa, this time for support. He knew damn well she didn’t want him there. ‘Look mate, I’m just not sure …’

‘We’d both like you to come,’ she said evenly, nodding in confirmation at his unspoken are you absolutely sure?

Okay then. He inhaled slowly, taking time to remind his heart that this wasn’t about her wanting to see him. This was about her making her son happy. ‘Well, with an invitation like that, how can I refuse?’ he replied, ruffling William’s hair. ‘I’d be honoured to come.’

He made his escape quickly, anxious to avoid any further contact. Seeing the pair of them was too sharp a reminder of what he was missing, and one he hadn’t flaming needed. His mind was doing a good enough job on its own.

What he did need was to go and get quietly drunk somewhere.

He strode towards his office with renewed intent, though hopes of a speedy exit were dashed the moment he opened the door to find Alice sitting on the end of his desk. Her arms were crossed, her expression fierce. Both were a stark contrast to the worry in her eyes.

‘You look like hell,’ she told him bluntly. ‘What’s going on?’

‘Thank you,’ he returned sourly. ‘You’re not looking too marvellous yourself.’ Cuttingly he let his eyes wander over her ill-matched combination of tracksuit bottoms and bright green silk blouse.

She glanced down and her expression softened. ‘Yes, well, I was in a rush and this was all I could find quickly. I blame husbands who come home demanding their tea just when you need to leave. What do you blame?’

‘Myself,’ he replied bitterly, sitting down heavily in his chair.

‘Oh.’ Alice studied him for a few moments and then edged off the desk. ‘Let me go and check Simon is okay. This conversation sounds like it might take a while.’

‘What conversation?’ But he found he was talking to an empty room. Needing something to take his angst out on, he read the first letter in his in-tray. The bathroom company reminding him he hadn’t settled the bill for the shower refurbishment yet. With a muttered oath he scrunched it into a ball and threw it into the bin. He’d pay up when they came back and ironed out the snags.

His office door burst open and Alice swept in again. ‘Okay, we’re good. I’ve asked Hank to watch Simon for a bit.’

Daniel barely contained his grimace. ‘I’m sure the centre’s deputy manager has more important things to do than take care of my nephew just so you can grill me.’

‘Tough. As the older sister, I get to boss you around.’ She sat opposite him, plonked her handbag on the floor and fixed him with her steely glare. ‘So, what’s the cause of this sullen mood?’

‘I asked Melissa to marry me.’

Alice stared at him wide-eyed for a few seconds, and then let out a long deep sigh. ‘Oh dear. I take it from your surly behaviour that she said no?’

He ran a hand through his hair, wanting to rub away the dull ache he could feel starting at his temple. ‘Of course she said no.’ Knowing it was nothing his sister hadn’t heard before, he let out a ripe oath. ‘I played it all wrong. I’ve only got myself to blame. You warned me she didn’t want a relationship, Melissa herself warned me, but did I take any notice? Of course not.’ Emotion pressed on his throat and he had to force the next words out. ‘I wanted the dream too much,’ he admitted hoarsely. ‘Melissa and William, a future together. I tried to rush her, to push her where I wanted her to go. In the end she dug in her heels and refused to budge.’

‘Hey, don’t be too hard on yourself.’ Before he knew it Alice was standing over him, hugging him tight. ‘You just followed your feelings. It must be a McCormack family trait. I mean, look at me. I wouldn’t be onto marriage number three if I hadn’t gone with my heart.’

‘Or if you hadn’t been in so much of a rush to jump into marriages one and two.’

She let out a short laugh. ‘Okay, point taken, but who’s to say our way isn’t right? If you’d let Melissa go at her pace you’d still be dancing round each other now.’

He allowed himself a glimmer of a smile. ‘Maybe. But at least I’d still be thinking we had a shot at a future together. I’ve just blown that out of the water.’

‘How do you know you’ve blown it? Perhaps if you take a step back and start again more slowly.’

He shook his head, the action causing the dull ache to shift into a sharp throb. ‘Melissa wants a friend and occasional lover. I want a wife and family. The two will never come together.’

Alice squeezed his hand. ‘You should never say never. You taught me that.’

He laughed, but his heart wasn’t in it. ‘Sometimes I talk the biggest load of bollocks.’ Sighing, he crossed his legs and sat back in the chair. ‘I have to face it, Alice. I asked her to marry me. She didn’t say maybe, or ask me again in a few months. She said no.’

‘Then she’s a bloody fool,’ Alice replied staunchly. ‘Did she tell you why?’

His head felt as if it was about to explode and the last thing he needed now was to go back over old ground. ‘The brief version is that she’d already been in a relationship with a man who bossed her around and she didn’t want another.’ Rubbing a hand over his forehead, he heaved out a sigh. ‘Can we leave it there? Please? I know you’re only trying to help but I’ve had enough.’

Her eyes swimming in sympathy, she bent to kiss his cheek. ‘Okay, I’ll leave it there,’ she agreed. ‘I can’t promise I won’t interfere, though. You two are made for each other. Any fool can see that. You might be pig-headed at times, but you sure as hell aren’t anything like Lawrence.’

He smiled wanly. ‘On that we can agree, though I’m not sure she does.’ He winced as a sharp arrow-like pain pierced his skull. ‘Bugger, I’ve got a splitting headache. There goes my plan for getting quietly wasted.’

Alice reached into her handbag and pulled out two tablets. ‘Here, take these before you get into that lethal car of yours. Then get home and get some sleep.’

‘Yes boss.’

Melissa kissed William goodnight and walked slowly down the stairs. The lights from the Christmas tree in the sitting room winked over at her, taunting her. Reminding her of a time a few days ago when she’d felt happy. When she’d dashed down the stairs with a bounce in her step, not lead in her heart.

Seeing Daniel again had been more traumatic than she’d bargained for. And now, thanks to William’s shock invitation and her big mouth, she would have to see him again tomorrow. Endure an awkward afternoon together playing happy families. Just what she needed. She turned into the sitting room and was about to flop onto the sofa when she heard a knock at the door.

No peace for the wicked. And damn it she felt wicked. She was hurting both Daniel and her son. Never mind what she was doing to herself.

‘Alice.’ She gasped in surprise at the woman on her doorstep. ‘To what do I owe this honour?’ Though she had a sinking feeling she already knew.

Refraining from any of their usual greetings – the kiss on the cheek, the hug – Alice walked quickly into the sitting room. ‘This won’t take long. I think you know what it’s about.’

‘I guess it’s about Daniel.’

‘Too right it is.’ Alice sat stiffly on the sofa. ‘Look, I don’t want us to argue. We were friends before you met my brother and I hope we can still be friends.’

‘So do I.’ They were both acutely aware how much her voice trembled.

Alice’s expression softened. ‘You warned him all along that you didn’t want a relationship, so in a way he only has himself to blame. Which is something he’s well aware of,’ she added quickly.

Not knowing what to say, Melissa sat in the armchair opposite and prepared to listen.

‘He’s hurting, Melissa, and I hate to see my brother in pain. He’s been through enough already with his injury, the loss of his career. He doesn’t deserve this.’

‘I know,’ Melissa replied sadly. ‘He deserves someone who’ll love him, marry him and make him happy.’

‘But it won’t be you?’

Her heart tightened, making it difficult to breathe. It was so easy to picture her standing beside Daniel and William, happiness shining in their eyes. But hadn’t the picture of her and Lawrence begun like that, too? ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t want any of this to happen. I didn’t want to hurt Daniel. I just can’t get married again.’

‘You don’t love him?’

‘Please don’t ask me that,’ she begged, her voice faltering. ‘All I know is whatever I feel for him, I can’t marry him.’

With a sad smile, Alice rose to her feet. ‘Then it’s time for me to leave.’ She walked quietly to the front door and had opened it by the time Melissa caught up. ‘It might take a while for us to get back to normal, but I promise you we’ll get there. You will still come to my New Year’s Eve party?’

‘Yes. If you want me to.’ She shook her head, misery dragging her at. ‘Not that I’m going to feel like celebrating.’ It looked like she was destined to have bad Christmases.

‘Oh, Melissa.’ Alice moved to give her a light hug. ‘When I leave, I want you to think on this. Daniel is nothing like Lawrence. And you are nothing like the naive young girl you were when you first got married.’

The words stayed with her as Melissa wearily made her way back upstairs. After undressing she climbed into bed and curled into a ball, feeling every bit the lonely, sad, young girl Alice believed she’d moved on from.