Contents

Part One

The Dickhead Clause

Floating Turds

The Crazy American Salad

Bonga Bonga

Auto Suck

Comedy Assassin

A Class Act

At Home in the Haunted Goldfish Bowl

Part Two

The Rudest Chinese Restaurant

Valentine’s Day

Chocolate Cravings

Smother-Love

The Meat Market

The Ball

Maggots in the Meat Market

Part Three

Who Do I Have to Fuck to Get Off This Show?

The Llama Parlour

Beautiful Beginnings

Obscurity Knocks

Death – A Fate Worse Than Life

Rooster One Day – Feather Duster the Next

A Note on the Author

By the Same Author

Also Available by Kathy Lette