Endless conversations and thinking about sex: this may sound like the ideal life, and maybe it is. But it’s also very hard work. Understanding one of the most bedeviling and beguiling topics in all of human experience is difficult enough. Attempting to shape that understanding into recognizable ideas, and to communicate those ideas in compelling, new, and helpful ways—now that is frustrating, often overwhelming, very hard work. It may be the ideal life, but don’t romanticize the work.
Fortunately, I don’t have to do it alone. I have generous partners for those endless conversations, smart and experienced professionals who eagerly consider my latest thoughts. This book is informed by dozens and dozens and dozens of late-night, early-morning, and creative “what if” conversations. And so I thank my partners-in-thought: Vena Blanchard, Doug Braun-Henry, Larry Hedges, Dagmar Herzog, Paul Joannides, and Charles Moser.
And while we don’t talk often enough, I always learn something when I discuss the intersections of culture and sexuality with my pals Ellyn Bader, Mickey Diamond, Bill Fisher, Melissa Fritchle, Meg Kaplan, Dick Krueger, Janet Lever, Deb Levine, Peter Pearson, Pepper Schwartz, Bill Taverner, and Carol Tavris. Megan Andelloux made helpful comments on an early draft.
Susan Boyd has generously helped me understand the relevance of my work in the new world of social media. Looking at my work through her insightful, worldly eyes has taught me a great deal.
Veronica Randall has once again shaped my thinking, and therefore my writing. In the early stages of this book, she succeeded in showing me what wouldn’t work. As always, she did it as gently as you’d handle a squirmy lamb.
Michael Castleman is a special friend and colleague (and a great writer). I know he doesn’t exactly mean to, but he’s constantly demanding that I clarify what I want, what I’m trying to say, and why. The constancy of his affection and respect regardless of my answers makes his questions all the more powerful. He’s also done more to ease me into the post-print world of writing than anyone else.
Doug Kirby and Jack Morin are highly accomplished and dear friends. Their confidence in my ability has helped me through more than one bout of wondering what, exactly, was the point of writing yet another book. For decades we have been investigating both sexuality and life together. As a result, I am a better sexologist and a better man.
Eric Brandt brought the book to HarperOne. During his tenure with me, his hand was warm and valuable.
I very much appreciate my editor, Cindy DiTiberio. With enthusiasm and insight, she did something that all editors attempt and few accomplish—she made this book better.
If I wore a hat, I’d gratefully tip it to my agent, Will Lippincott. Will is an old-fashioned gentleman, with a thoroughly modern sensibility. On my behalf, he elegantly navigates the world’s most arcane industry with an uncanny understanding of both it and me. We are a distinctly odd couple—and he generously, graciously, makes it work for both of us.
And my wife? My patient, insightful, literate, loving wife? Aw, don’t get me started; that would take a whole other book. All I’ll say is, if you knew her, you’d envy me.