Even when you’re in a committed relationship, it is important that you don’t forget your other relationships. Of course, if you’ve made a promise to help your girlfriend out with a chore, you need to abide by that promise. But if no promises were made, you shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting to do stuff with friends sometimes. And she shouldn’t get mad that your parents say you can’t go out with her this weekend because they want you to visit your grandmother. After all, other people are a part of your life, too.
Making time for friends. While a romantic relationship can be fun and you can enjoy spending a lot of time with the girl you are dating, you don’t need to give her your exclusive attention. Some people have lost friends when dating because they haven’t made time for anyone else.
Discovering the balance between time spent with your girlfriend and with your group of friends can be difficult. Both deserve a certain amount of attention. You don’t want your friends to be mad at you for spending too much time with your girlfriend. But at the same time, you don’t want your girlfriend to be angry that you’re always with the guys.
Be aware of the message you’re sending when you ignore the group or the girl—one or the other will come to believe the relationship doesn’t mean much to you. And think about it. What happens if you and your girlfriend break up? If you have drifted away from your friends, you will have lost an important support group. You need to make sure to maintain a healthy balance between your group of friends and your girlfriend.
Dealing with teasing. Maybe you’ve started dating earlier than a lot of your friends. Now they’re giving you a hard time when you tell them you’re going to watch your girlfriend’s basketball game instead of joining them for a video game session.
“Love is a choice you make from moment to moment.”
—Barbara De Angelis
Do your best to accept that there will be teasing from your friends. Their behavior is normal. They may be envious of you and your relationship. Or in their way, they may be saying they’re hurt that you don’t want to spend time with them. Whatever is behind their remarks, they are still your friends.
Just smile and do your best to ignore the teasing. But don’t distance yourself from friends. Make sure you set aside times when you do things with just them. Invite them over or suggest a pickup game for next weekend. Do your best to keep those relationships alive.
An even more difficult form of teasing may come from your family. Both younger and older brothers and sisters may tease you for being “in love.” Or they may do their best to embarrass you in front of your girlfriend.
Teasing from siblings can be harder to deal with than that from friends because you can’t always walk away from it. Try not to show it if you feel annoyed. Leave the situation—go to your room or take a walk. Don’t let yourself be brought down by their teasing. However, if it gets to be too much, let your mother or father know, and ask for some advice on what to do. It’s likely your parents will listen to your complaint and have a talk with the troublemakers.
Making time for family. Parents can sometimes become annoyed when you spend every waking hour with your new love and overlook your responsibilities at home. They may also be concerned if you are never available for family activities.
Avoid these kinds of issues by keeping communication lines open with your mother and father. You can keep your parents happy by letting them know your plans. For example, before you call your girlfriend to say you’ll be over on Saturday afternoon, make sure your father knows that you’re counting on him to give you a ride. Double check with your mother about when the party for your uncle’s fiftieth birthday party is so you don’t ask your girl to a movie that night. In other words, keep your parents in the loop. Do your best to communicate with them.
If your parents decide you shouldn’t date each other. Perhaps her parents just don’t like you. Or maybe your parents don’t like her, and they forbid you from seeing each other anymore. What do you do?
It is a serious matter when your parents don’t like the person you are dating because she is of a different background, race, or religion. A situation like this can be an opportunity to sit down and talk to your parents about what they believe and why they believe it. Even if you feel angry about their attitude, keep a level head and explain why you disagree.
On the other hand, perhaps your parents don’t like your new girlfriend because they don’t like the way she treats you. Their opinion should cause you to think seriously about the relationship that you are in.
Letting your parents influence your decisions can be hard. But when it comes to a relationship with the opposite sex, what your parents think and want can have a big influence over whether or not you hang out with a specific person. Ask yourself: “Is this girl worth getting into a fight with my parents?”
If you continue seeing this girl despite what your parents say, they will only become angry. You will have broken their trust by sneaking around behind their backs. And a broken trust is hard to repair.
The best thing to do if your parents want you to end a relationship is to sit down with them and have a long discussion. Try to find out their specific reasons. But be willing to compromise—maybe you and the girl in question may only be friends for now. In time, your folks may change their mind. But meanwhile, respect their point of view.
Discuss the rules ahead of time so you are clear about their expectations.
Follow the rules. If your plans mean you’ll be late for curfew, let them know and ask if you can have an exception to the rule.
Pick your battles. Avoid fights over every little thing. If you are going to argue, make sure you deal with the issues that are important to you.
Don’t lose your temper. Try to remain calm when your parents say no about something. Listen to what they say.
In a calm voice, ask to explain your side of the issue. Ask your parents to give you the same respect that they want from you.
Accept their decision gracefully,even if it is not the response you wanted.