Is it love or is it jealousy? Michelle is acting jealous and putting demands on Trent that he doesn’t think are fair at all. Her behavior makes him wonder about whether to stay with her.
What do you do when you really care about someone but you don’t think the person is treating you right? One of the worst things to do is nothing—thinking that if you just ignore her outbursts, they’ll eventually stop. Ignoring a problem won’t solve it. When you both don’t agree about something, you need to take steps to solve the conflict. That means you need to talk. In Michelle’s case, she needs to recognize she has a problem—her jealousy is not a sign of her love. It is a sign of controlling and unhealthy behavior.
When jealousy becomes abuse. When one partner in a relationship is jealous and controlling, things can quickly go from bad to worse. Such problems occur in as many as one out of three teen relationships, some studies show. The vast majority of cases involve the boy being abusive to his girlfriend. This abuse can be controlling behavior in which the guy puts down and constantly criticizes the girl, blames her for his problems, or uses threats of violence or actual violence.
If you have a friend who is in an abusive relationship, try to get help for that person. Talk with someone you trust—a teacher, a guidance counselor, a doctor, a friend, or a parent. You may also want to contact the police or call the domestic violence hotline listed on here. If the person wants to stay in the relationship, he or she must realize that the violence will not go away by itself. Counseling or some other form of outside help is necessary.
Just because you feel jealous from time to time doesn’t mean you are abusive and controlling. But watch yourself. If you find yourself feeling jealous of your girlfriend, stop and think. Be aware that your jealous feelings are affecting your behavior and the way you treat her. Remember, love means being respectful and caring in a relationship.
Respect her and respect yourself. Respect is a key part of any relationship. In friendships, it means that good friends respect your values and beliefs. They don’t tease or put you down because you stand by your choices, like in making decisions about whether to smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol. It is important to resist peer pressure to do things you don’t think are right or that you aren’t comfortable with.
If you’re in a serious relationship, it is also possible that your friends are influencing your decisions about having a physical relationship with your girlfriend. Even if your friends aren’t pressuring you, you’re getting the message from the media—whether TV, film, or Internet—which are saturated with images and stories focusing on sex and seduction. Studies have shown that teens exposed to heavy sexual content in the media are twice as likely to engage in a sexual relationship.
Any kind of sexual activity should be treated very seriously. Being sexually active can lead to all kinds of serious consequences—from pregnancy to sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) to emotional problems. Condoms are a form of contraception that can help prevent pregnancy as well as some STDs; however, they are not 100 percent effective. Be careful, and remember that the safest sex is abstinence—not having sex at all. If you need more information, you may want to speak to your parents, a health teacher or guidance counselor, a doctor, or another trusted adult.
In a good relationship, your girlfriend will understand and accept your values and beliefs. So make sure you talk to her about how you feel and why you feel that way. Remember, you have to make the choice to do what seems right to you.
Adapted from “Am I in a Healthy Relationship?” TeensHealth.org, April 2008
If you scored less than 2, your relationship is in good shape. If you scored 3–5, then your relationship may not be healthy. If you scored 6–8, then check yourself. You are not treating your girlfriend right. If you have concerns about your behavior, you may want to ask for help from a guidance counselor or another trusted adult.
When untreated, STDs can lead to infertility (the inability to father children) and even death. Here are the six most common STDs in men.
AIDS: A viral disease that attacks and wears down the immune system. Acquired immune deficiency syndrome (AIDS) is caused by the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV).
Chlamydia: An infection caused by the bacterium Chlamydia trachomatis.
Genital herpes: A viral infection caused by the herpes simplex virus (HSV) that can cause blisters and sores.
Gonorrhea: An infection caused by the bacterium Neisseria gonorrhoeae.
Human papillomavirus (HPV): A virus that can cause genital warts and increase the risk of various cancers.
Syphilis: An infection caused by the bacterium Treponema pallidum.