Chapter Nine

She needed to survive Christmas.

Julia knew the chances of her leaving Shadow Creek unscathed after Christmas were becoming slimmer and slimmer. Chase and his daughter were roping her in. Maggie had called her this morning, begging her to come and find a Christmas tree with them. Somehow she’d convinced her father to set up a tree at their current home and then another when they moved. The day had been fun and there was something different in the air between her and Chase.

She couldn’t deny, as silly as it sounded, that seeing Chase cut down the large tree, haul it onto his truck, and bring it home for his little girl was…undeniably attractive. He was undeniably hot. And when was the last time she’d thought of a man like that? Even Michael had never evoked this kind of…passion in her. In other words, she’d never wanted to jump his bones. As she stood there, watching him position the tree in the stand, muscles rippling, perfectly efficient, strong, capable, that’s exactly what she felt like doing.

After last night, knowing that he knew nothing about Michael’s affair, she felt a weight lift from her shoulders, and the memory of standing on the street, in his arms, played over and over in her mind as she slept.

She cleared her throat. “You know what? Why don’t I make us some hot chocolate while we wait for Daddy to get that set up?”

“Yay!” yelled Maggie.

“Great. As soon as I finish this, I’ll haul the decorations in from the garage,” Chase said, without taking his head out of the underside of the tree. She practically ran out of the room when she realized she was checking him out, taking in the long legs in those jeans, the washboard abs that she’d catch glimpses of when his shirt rode up. She was a disaster.

Minutes later she was stirring some dark cocoa into the pot of milk. Maggie was sitting at the breakfast bar, spreading out all the candies that she was planning on decorating her gingerbread house with. “I’ve never made a gingerbread house before,” she said with a big grin.

“I used to make them every Christmas with my mom. My favorite part was sneaking candies while I was decorating the house,” she said, remembering her childhood fondly. She refused to let the pain of her bittersweet memory of her own son, and the fact that she had never been able to continue that tradition with him, overwhelm her. And she refused to wonder where she’d be next year, how she could go back to her condo in the city, knowing that Maggie and Chase were here.

“I need hot chocolate, now,” Chase said with a grin, walking into the kitchen.

Julia gave him a salute. “Right away, Sheriff.” She walked over to the stove to pour.

“Julia, we both know you’re not the type of woman to take orders,” he whispered, his deep voice filled with humor and something else. The something else that was currently making her blood hotter than the liquid in the pot. He was standing behind her, the heat from his body warming her. He had spoken almost in her ear and she knew if she tilted back slightly she’d feel him behind her.

“I’m not sure if that was a compliment or a complaint,” she answered, cringing at the breathlessness in her voice.

“Always a compliment, always,” he said, reaching around her to pour the hot chocolate into the waiting snowman mugs. He smelled of the crisp outdoors and pine and she wanted nothing more than to turn around, face him and kiss him, regardless of what would happen. Instead, she stood there, forcing herself to look normal, sound normal.

“Daddy, did you get the decorations? We have to stay on schedule. First the tree, then I’m doing the gingerbread house. Don’t forget the hot chocolate.”

“My work is never done,” he said under his breath, grabbing a cup, his warm fingers brushing against hers. She was glad when she heard them walking to the tree so she could compose herself for a moment. She took a deep breath and then another, before turning. Father and daughter were standing in front of the tree that now stood proudly in the great room, admiring it. Julia admired them.

“Auntie Julia, you make the best hot chocolate!” Maggie said, placing her cup down on the end table.

Julia took a sip of the warm chocolate drink and walked over to join them. “I’m glad you like it, honey.”

“I think it’s the best I’ve ever had too,” Chase said.

Once they finished their drinks, they started rummaging through the boxes and spent the next hour or so decorating the tree and stringing the lights. By the time they’d finished, dusk was setting in and the snow had picked up, and along with it a howling wind.

“Looks like that storm they were warning us about is starting,” Chase said. Julia caught the worry in his voice as he looked out the window.

“I was hoping maybe the weather reports were wrong.”

“Never wrong when it’s bad weather.”

“Okay, now that we’re done with this, it’s time to move on to the gingerbread house!” Maggie obviously wasn’t concerned with the weather in the least.

Chase laughed. “Aren’t you tired? Maybe we should save that for tomorrow. Why don’t we order some takeout or something?”

“Daddy.”

“If it’s still okay with you, Chase, I don’t mind making the house with Maggie. I haven’t made one of these in years,” she said. Maggie ran over to her and almost toppled them both over as she hugged Julia.

The look in Chase’s eyes made her heart squeeze. “If it’s okay with you, then it’s okay with me.”

“This is the best day of my life!” Maggie squealed as she ran out of the room.

Chase and Julia stood there looking at each other. The wind howled and the only other sound was Maggie unwrapping packages of candy in the kitchen. “Thanks for making this day so special for Maggie…for both of us.”

Julia blinked back tears. He adored his little girl, and she saw this softer side of him whenever she was around. “Thanks for including me.”

They didn’t move and she wondered when this had become so awkward. She also wondered what he’d do if it were just the two of them in here. She knew he felt what she was feeling. It was becoming impossible to ignore. She wondered if he’d walk across the room and kiss her. She also knew that thinking about him kissing her was not a wise thing to do because she was now having difficulty maintaining eye contact with the man.

Julia tilted her head toward the door. “I should probably go help her before she eats the candy and there’s none left for the actual house.”

…

“Ah hell,” Chase muttered, an hour later as he looked at his phone. “I’m sorry, ladies, but I gotta leave. We’ve got to close down the main roads heading into the county and there’s a pileup at least six cars out.” He was gathering his gear as he spoke, mentally running down what needed to get done before he got out there. “I’ll call Cassy and see if you can stay there tonight, Maggie.”

“I’ll stay. Here. With Maggie.”

He couldn’t say anything over the sound of Maggie screeching with glee and dancing around. “Julia, are you sure? I don’t know when I’m going to get back,” he said, shrugging into his winter jacket. It was going to be brutal out there tonight. He studied her face, noticing she looked pale.

She placed her arms around Maggie and gave her a hug. “Of course I’m sure. I’ll stay, don’t give us a second thought.”

“I’m going to get out our Christmas DVDs,” Maggie said, running out of the room.

Julia followed him to the front door and he shoved his boots on while she stood by quietly. Something was off. “You don’t have to stay, you know. She has a backpack that’s always ready to go in case I get called into work and I can easily drop her off.”

“Chase. Stop. I’m more than happy to spend the night with Maggie.”

He stood and zipped up his jacket, looking at her. His radio was going off non-stop now and he lowered it. One minute wouldn’t change the world.

“Bye, Maggie,” he called out. She ran to the front door, gave him a kiss and then ran out. He laughed. “I think you made her night.”

Julia gave him a small smile. “Chase?”

His hand was on the doorknob, his mind slowly leaving the house and onto whatever was waiting for him out there tonight.

Suddenly, she was reaching up to him, her arms wrapping around him. “Please be careful,” she whispered and he could have sworn he heard tears in her voice, felt a tremor run through her. Jesus. It was him, she was worried about him. He pulled back, bending at the knees slightly to look into her gorgeous green eyes. “I always am. I have a lot to come home to,” he said, his own voice gruff.

She nodded repeatedly, but the worry didn’t go away.

“I always come back, Julia,” he said, this time more forcefully.

Then he stepped out into the blizzard and it hit him, the night of Michael and Matthew’s accident. Of course she looked ill. This was bringing back all sorts of horrible memories, and maybe that’s what it had to do with, certainly more of that, and less of worry for him.

He pulled his SUV out of the driveway, wipers at full speed, forcing his mind off his irrational hurt and stupid sappiness, and trying to focus on the road, when there was zero visibility.

…

Julia forced herself to smile, to focus on having a fun night with Maggie, despite being anxious and panicky. “So what do you want to do first?” Maggie asked.

She tapped her chin and looked around the kitchen. “How about I get some dinner started for us?”

“Sure! Can I help?”

“Of course you can. What do you feel like eating?” She opened the fridge and frowned slightly, trying to figure out what she could make with the items in there. Their options were looking very limited.

“Hmm. Spaghetti and meatballs?”

Julia grimaced. “I don’t know if we have the right stuff for that, sweetie.”

“Oh. Yeah. Daddy doesn’t really cook. He tries to, but he says his talents are limited to bacon and eggs. So that’s what he makes me on Saturdays and he always makes them into a smiley face for me,” she said with a grin.

Oh, how her heart was in this constant state of squeezing whenever she was around this child.

Maggie continued, “Usually on Sundays we go to Auntie Cassy’s and Uncle Edward’s house, and they give us leftovers so Daddy doesn’t have to cook on Monday. Tuesday and Wednesday nights I eat dinner there and stay there after school until Daddy is finished at work. Thursday is Mrs. Peter’s day and she cleans up and does laundry and stuff and always starts dinner. Usually it’s beef stew and biscuits and it’s really good. And then Friday, Daddy and I get pizza. That’s my favorite.”

Julia knew how hard Chase worked, but when Maggie spelled out the days of the week, the full impact of all that he was juggling by himself hit her. He adored Maggie and it was obvious he was doing everything to make her childhood as good as he could, but she knew his job was demanding and yet somehow he made his little girl feel loved and safe and cherished. “Your daddy is a hard-working guy, isn’t he?”

Maggie nodded vigorously. “He is, Auntie Julia. He says we’re two peas in a pod. Something about me being even more stubborn than him!”

Julia laughed.

“On Saturday mornings he tries to sleep in,” she said with a giggle.

“Uh oh, but you don’t let him?”

She shook her head, giggling. “I’m so happy it’s Saturday and I can’t wait to see him,” she said. “So I jump into his bed and he grumbles and puts the pillow over his head,” she said, making exaggerated moaning noises and arm gestures. “And then I ask him if I can watch shows in his bed while he sleeps.”

“What does he say?” Julia asked, already knowing the answer.

“He mumbles so I grab the remote and put on the Disney channel and get under the covers and then Daddy always reaches out to hold my hand even though he’s sleeping. Once, when he was super tired, he said he’d pay me five dollars if I could stop talking for five minutes,” she said with a giggle. “I told him bribery was illegal.”

Julia burst out laughing. “Oh, Maggie, you’re the best,” she said.

Maggie beamed. “I think you’re the best, too. And you make my dad so happy. Look, there’s your picture.”

Julia’s throat constricted as she saw the old picture of herself. It had been taken on Matthew’s second birthday. She had looked so young. So happy. It was like she was staring at a different person. She didn’t recognize that person anymore.

“Well, your dad is a special guy. You know, why don’t we make him some yummy food and maybe some dessert, too? I bet he’ll be really hungry when he gets home.”

Maggie jumped up and down. “I think there’s more food in the freezer. Mrs. Peter does groceries and she’s always saying that the house needs to be stocked with staples, whatever that means.”

Julia rummaged through the freezer, finding some ground beef. That was a start. She rolled up her sleeves and looked around. There was a basket of Maggie’s laundry that needed folding. Dinner needed to be made. Judging by what was in the pantry, she might even be able to make some cookies with Maggie.

“Okay, Maggie. How about you and I make some dinner, do some clean up, and then bake cookies?”

“Yes! I’ll be the best helper you ever had,” she said, running up and wrapping her arms around Julia’s waist. Julia kissed the top of her head and then started delegating.

Three hours later, the winds and snow outside had increased drastically and it took all of her self-discipline to not let her worry for Chase show, but every time ice pellets would tap against the window she jumped a little. The image of him trudging through the snow to his truck, all tough, tall, and fearless played over and over again. Chase was tough as nails, and he meant so much more to her than a dear friend. Maybe that was part of her fear; she was finally opening up again, maybe in a way that she never ever had.

But she hadn’t told him. She had been so busy running and guarding herself, she hadn’t even hinted at her feelings for him, and now…he was out in this blizzard, helping other people, putting his own life on the line and she hadn’t even told him…what he meant to her. Life couldn’t be so cruel to take him too.

She forced herself to calm down as she heard Maggie’s footsteps approaching. The kitchen was clean and tidy, Maggie’s laundry neatly folded. They had cooked and eaten together. She had the sauce on low, ready for when Chase came home, whenever that would be.

“Can I have another sugar cookie, Auntie Julia?” Maggie was standing in the doorway, wearing candy cane flannel pajamas and looking so cute, she had to smile despite her worry.

“I think I’m going to get in trouble for letting you have four. Besides, you can have more tomorrow and I’m sure your daddy is going to eat a bunch when he gets home tonight.”

Maggie nodded agreeably. “He loves cookies and I don’t mind sharing.”

“Good girl. All ready for bed?”

“Yup. Brushed my teeth really well too. Can you tuck me in?”

“Of course I can,” she said as they walked out of the kitchen. Julia turned on the table lamp on Maggie’s nightstand and plumped her pillow and turned down the covers.

“I love your room, Maggie.”

Maggie beamed as she settled under the covers. “Me too. Daddy and I worked on it together when I started first grade. I told him I couldn’t really have a baby room anymore because grade one is a big deal, you know?”

Julia stifled her grin as she sat next to Maggie. “I agree. Grade one is a big deal.”

“I got to pick out the paint color and Daddy painted and I was his assistant.”

“You make a good team.”

Maggie’s smile faltered slightly. “We have to be. It’s just me and him. Sometimes I worry he won’t come back and when I was little, I worried about it a lot.”

Julia smoothed Maggie’s dark hair from her forehead while she tried to find her voice. But Maggie beat her to it. “Sometimes I’d have nightmares that he left with my mom, but then Daddy always came back, and whenever I’d have a nightmare he’d let me sleep in his bed and I knew nothing else bad would happen. And he said to me that there was nothing in the world that would keep him from getting home to me. So now I never worry,” she said.

Julia stared at Chase’s little girl and fought the emotion that was swirling through her uncontrollably. She was so much like her father. She was so sure, and she believed in Chase. She quickly swiped at a tear that escaped.

She would never tell Maggie that her dad couldn’t really promise something like that, but she believed it, and Julia desperately wanted to believe it. She wanted to be able to sit in this room and enjoy being with his little girl, without fearing for his life. She wished the sound of the wind howling and the ice pellets hitting the window didn’t make her stomach churn with dread, but they did. She was falling in love with Chase and she didn’t know what to do about it. Chase’s life was in danger every day. Being with a man like him, loving a man like him, meant opening herself up to loss all over again. She wouldn’t feel calm until Chase walked through that door, whatever time it was.

“I’m sorry, Auntie Julia,” Maggie whispered, looking worried now.

Julia shook her head. “Why are you sorry? I’m being silly, that’s all.”

“My dad told me about your little boy and your husband. I think what I said reminded you of them.” Her lower lip trembled as she stared at Julia. Julia took a ragged breath and squeezed Maggie’s hand.

“You didn’t say anything wrong. Expressing your feelings is never wrong and you don’t have to be afraid of mentioning Matthew and Michael. I think about my little boy all the time, honey. He’s right here,” she whispered, touching her heart. “It’s impossible for me to forget him. Don’t ever be afraid of talking to me, okay?”

Maggie gave her a shaky smile. “Then can I ask you something about being a mom?”

Julia nodded.

“Because I asked my dad, but sometimes I think it’s hard for him, and he’s not a mom, so I don’t know if his answers are really right. Did your little boy do anything really bad? Like so bad that you wanted to leave him?”

Oh God. She didn’t breathe for a moment, knowing Maggie was watching her closely. “Honey, there is nothing my baby could have done to make me leave him. What happened with your mom was her fault. It was something in her that made her need to leave, it had nothing to do with you. You’re the sweetest, most precious little girl I’ve ever met,” she said with a smile, trying to find humor in an impossible situation.

“My daddy is so special, Julia.”

Julia sucked in a breath.

“She shouldn’t have left him too.”

Julia leaned down to kiss Maggie’s forehead. “You’re very smart, Maggie. Just as smart as him, and you’re right. Your daddy is special. The best.”

Maggie’s features relaxed and she turned slightly under the covers, her eyelids looking heavy now. “It’s really past my bedtime, isn’t it?”

“Way past,” Julia said, leaning down to kiss her soft cheek. “You have a good night’s sleep, okay, sweetheart? I’ll be downstairs.”

Maggie nodded and Julia turned off her lamp.

“Auntie Julia?” Maggie called out when she was almost out the door.

Julia paused. “Yes?”

“I’m glad you and my dad are good friends.”

“Me too, sweetie.”

“I’m glad you make him so happy. And when he’s happy, I’m happy. I know that grownups have girlfriends and boyfriends and get married and stuff, but my dad doesn’t. He’s all by himself and that makes me sad for him. But now that you’re here, he doesn’t seem alone anymore.”

Julia clutched the door frame and a flood of feeling stole through her. “I’m glad,” she said, stupidly, unable to come up with anything else to say, but it didn’t seem to matter because Maggie’s eyes were shut. She stood there, looking at Chase’s daughter, feeling all those feelings she used to have for her little boy. The love, the maternal instincts to protect and cherish and love. They flooded her until she almost couldn’t stand.

She stood there, drowning in emotion she hadn’t felt for another child since Matthew was taken from her. The most shocking part was that she didn’t want it gone, she didn’t want to hide it. Maggie was slowly making her whole again, a new version of the woman she once was, living a different life than she had before.

Because of Maggie.

And Chase.