Chapter Fourteen

Julia concentrated on selecting the perfect toy for Maggie, instead of the fact that she had walked out on Chase a few days ago. The charming toy store was exactly as she remembered it and was quite busy which was perfect because it was sometimes easier to get lost in the crowd and she could dwell on her own thoughts.

She knew he wanted her to stay here, start over again in Shadow Creek. A part of her desperately wanted to. She wanted to believe that she could be a family with him and Maggie, that it was the three of them moving into that new house. She wanted to believe that she could heal, start again, and love him with everything she had.

But that would mean she was fearless, and she wasn’t. She hadn’t been in years. Fear consumed her. She was afraid to love anyone as much as she’d loved Michael and Matthew. When you loved like that, with everything you had, it was too hard to recover if they were taken away. It had ripped her apart. She only wanted to protect herself, to keep love away, to just keep on going. Chase and Maggie had changed that.

The night of the storm she had been terrified he wouldn’t come back. She knew, standing in his front window, praying for a glimpse of his headlights, just how much he meant to her. Then when she’d found out he’d been shot…Chase had touched her on so many levels. She had thought she’d be able to leave town after the holidays and be okay. Now she had no idea how she was going to walk away from them. He brought out this other side to her. He brought out a passion she didn’t know existed in her, and Maggie brought out the very best of her, just like her little boy had. She was fulfilled with Maggie and Chase.

She picked an armload of gifts and made her way down the aisles to the front cash.

“It’s so great to see you again, Julia!”

“You too, Sabrina.” She forced a smile on her face as Sabrina, the owner of Jack and Jill’s Toy Shoppe, greeted her from behind the old cashier counter. Just a few days ago she had envisioned the three of them on Christmas morning exchanging presents around the tree they’d decorated together. Stupid, sentimental, Julia. Didn’t she ever learn? Dreams and wishes were for children, not grown women who’d already learned how cruel life could be. She wanted Maggie and Chase to be happy. In the end, if Maggie’s mother was back then she was happy for her. It was her fault for getting hurt. She never should have allowed herself to get so close to them. She never should have allowed herself to fall in love…to spend the night with Chase.

“Is this for Chase’s little girl?”

She nodded, slipping on her red wool gloves, and tried to look casual. She knew Sabrina wasn’t a gossip. “It is. I hope she likes it.”

“I’m sure she will. It’s the last one, super popular this year.”

“It looks like business is going well?” she asked, trying to change the subject off herself. The charming store had been a fixture in the town for as long she could remember. A visit from Santa usually happened the weekend before Christmas. Julia still loved how small and cozy it was, yet still managed to have a selection of unique and popular gifts.

“It is. I’m trying to keep up with trends, but still trying to incorporate some educational and creative gifts,” she said, stuffing some tissue in the red bag. She slid it across the wooden counter. Julia grabbed it by the handle and forced a super cheery grin on her face.

“Well, you’ve done a great job. It was nice seeing you. Thanks for your help,” she said, leaving the store before she ran into someone. She took a deep breath as the blast of cold winter air greeted her upon leaving the little shop. She was only mildly happy to see snow beginning to tumble from the gray sky. Snow reminded her of Chase, and their night together. Well, she was going to have to rid herself of that comparison because she had at least three months of snow ahead of her. She marched down the sidewalk, anxious to turn down one of the side streets before she ran into someone she knew.

“Julia!”

She stopped walking, but took a moment before she forced her feet to move to face the owner of that deep voice. She had tried to get his voice out of her head. All the things he’d whispered…promises, delicious, sweet words she was a fool for thinking she’d ever forget. She clutched the handles of her bag and turned around, and there he was, walking toward her, all confident strides, all delicious, gorgeous Chase. He was in uniform today and she had to quell the flutter in her stomach at the sight of him. She was so hopeless. She commanded herself to not be affected by how he looked, or the warmth and worry in his blue eyes as he finally stood in front of her.

“Are you feeling better?”

“Perfectly fine, see? I’m even cleared for work.”

“You were shot. You could have been killed.”

His jaw ticked for a moment. “Why are you doing this?”

She fidgeted with the handle on her bag and tried not to look at him as he stood close to her. “What do you mean?”

“I want you to stop running. I want you to choose me and my little girl,” he said harshly.

She held up her hand and said the words she’d been avoiding the last few weeks. She hadn’t said them in her mind, and certainly not out loud. But if this was the last time they spoke about this before she left town, she needed him to know. “If I weren’t, if I were a different person, if there weren’t a little girl involved, I’d stay and fight for you. I’d tell you I loved you. I’d tell you that you’re the only man that has ever made me feel completely whole. I’d tell you that that night with you was the best night of my life and that I ache for more of you. All of you, for the rest of my life. I’d tell you that being a mom to Maggie is the sweetest, best gift I could have this Christmas. But I can’t. We can’t.”

“Auntie Julia!”

Julia swiped at the tears that had started rolling down her face and backed up a few steps from Chase at the sound of Maggie’s voice. He had looked like he’d been about to pull her into his arms and kiss all her common sense from her. She waved as Maggie approached them.

Maggie barrelled into her and her heart squeezed as she hugged her back. “Watcha doing? Are we still going ice skating tonight?”

She stared into Maggie’s blue eyes and then looked up at Chase who currently looked as though he’d turned into stone. She searched for something to say that wouldn’t make Maggie upset, but Chase beat her to it. “Auntie Julia promised Cassy that she’d stay in tonight. I’ll take you. Just me and you.”

“I’m sorry sweetheart,” she whispered, hating herself.

“It’s okay, Auntie Julia. Daddy and I are two peas in a pod, remember? We’re used to it just being the two of us!”

She forced a smile and didn’t look at Chase. “You all have a great night. I’m going to hurry so that I can get home before dark. Bye!”

Her stomach churned and she felt acid rise in her throat as she walked as fast as she could on the partially snow-covered sidewalks. She needed to leave Shadow Creek as soon as the holidays were over.