Chapter Sixteen

She was leaving Shadow Creek.

She justified it by telling herself she was being selfless, that she wanted the best for Maggie. But the cold, pathetic truth was that she was running because she was terrified. The kind of terror that had woken her up the last few nights drenched in sweat ever since Chase had been shot.

The next night she’d dreamt Maggie had drowned after the ice broke on the skating pond and she couldn’t get to her fast enough, and then she dreamt of her baby. Oh God, she hadn’t grown at all, had she? She was so in love with Chase and his little girl and the only way she could deal was by leaving town. She loved him in a way she never thought she could love a man.

Julia clutched the handle on her wheeled suitcase and made her way to the screen mounted on the walls and searched for her bus. The small station was bustling, Christmas travelers being greeted by friends or family, and excited travelers getting ready to leave the town to visit loved ones. This would have been a poignant scene had she not been on her own and running away. There was a man in the corner, playing “The Christmas Song” on his sax, and people dropped bills and coins in his open case.

Something, or someone, made her pause.

She stood motionless in a crowd that was moving and tried to decipher the feeling. A shiver ran through her and her eyes made contact with a man across the station. He was bearded, tall, built, and dressed in cargo pants and a beat up leather jacket. He was scruffy, his hair on the long side…but his eyes. She gasped, and it dawned on her, the exact moment it must have dawned on him. The crowd faded, the noise dimmed, except for the blood rushing in her ears.

It was Jack Bailey. Michael’s twin. Her brother-in-law that no one had seen for five years.

She dropped the handle of her suitcase and ran. He met her halfway and then she was being held in his arms. She could feel the tremor that ripped through him. “Jack, you’re home. It’s so good to see you,” she managed to whisper through her tears.

“You too, Jules. How are you?” he asked, pulling back. He looked down at her; they studied each other. They had both run. They hadn’t seen each other in years and now they were here, looking at each other as people passed by them, paying them no attention.

“I’m good,” she said, swiping at the tears. Good, except I’m on the run again.

He frowned slightly. “Why don’t I believe you? And why are you leaving on Christmas Eve?”

She closed her eyes. “Long story.”

“I’ve got all night.”

She gave a short laugh. “No, you don’t. You better get home before your mother loses it. She’s planning on cooking the biggest two-day feast ever. You go home, and you surprise them.”

“I’m bringing you with me.”

She shook her head, wishing she could. “I…can’t.”

“Why not?”

She groaned and looked down at her boots. “I can’t talk about it.”

“Ah. So you’re running away.”

She crossed her arms and looked up at him. It was funny, because she’d wondered about seeing him again, if he would trigger too many memories, if he would be too much like Michael. But Jack had always been his own man, he’d always had an edge to him that made her never truly feel like she knew him, but he’d always been good to her. He’d always treated her like family, and right now, standing here, knowing what she knew about Michael…she didn’t see many similarities between them at all.

She pursed her lips and he grinned.

“I know a runner when I see one. I’ve had to look at myself in the mirror for five years,” he said, pointing at his face. “Why would you be running from Shadow Creek right before Christmas? Too painful?” he said, his voice dropping, a tenderness entering.

She could claim it was that and maybe he’d believe her, but she didn’t want to lie. Or maybe she secretly wanted his opinion. “It’s not that…”

He rolled back on his heels, a slight smile making the corner of his mouth twitch. “Or maybe it has something to do with my good-for-nothing best friend and county sheriff?”

She knew her face was as red as Rudolph’s nose and just as obvious.

“So I’m right.”

She frowned at him, resisting the urge to stamp her foot. “How did you know?”

Now his grin was full on mischievous. “That idiot has been in love with you since the first day he met you.”

Tears flooded her eyes. Oh God, what was she doing walking away from a man like that? “I don’t know what I’m doing, Jack. I’m scared, I’m a wimp and I’m running. He was shot last week and I almost lost my mind. I can’t do it again.”

“You’re not a wimp, and I get it. Everything you’re saying. What happened to you sucked, sweetheart. I get running. But I’m back here now too and I’m filled with a crap-load of regret and I hurt…people and I don’t know if they’ll ever forgive me. Don’t do it, Jules. Don’t be afraid for the rest of your life.”

She nodded rapidly but refused to let herself cry. “I love him and Maggie. I want nothing more than to move back here and start a life with them.”

“Well, then why the hell don’t you?”

Julia froze. It was Chase. She turned around and he was standing there, looking slightly badass and disgruntled, but mostly tender.

Her eyes filled with tears. “What are you doing here?”

He reached out to gently stroke the side of her face and she had to resist the urge to just jump into his arms. “Stopping you. When I said you needed to decide on your own, I wasn’t expecting you to actually buy a bus ticket out of town. I came out here as a last-ditch attempt to convince you to stay.”

“Nice to see you too, Chase.”

Chase grinned, moved forward, and punched Jack on the shoulder. “You too, though you look like crap. Oh and, yes, I was shot, but now I’m fine, thanks for asking.”

Jack barked out a laugh. “Thanks and, yeah, you were shot, but I know it’ll take more than that to bring you down. So you driving me home?”

Chase handed him his keys. “Wait in the truck. If I don’t bring both of you home tonight, Cassy’s going to take one of my guns and shoot me. That’s a direct quote. We’ll be out in a minute. Just don’t play with the sirens.”

“Funny,” Jack mumbled before turning toward the doors. He paused and looked at her.

“You know you gotta come back with us,” he said gruffly. He leaned down and kissed her on the top of her head. “You’re family, Jules, come back.” He held her stare for a moment and then left.

Julia took a deep breath and looked up at the man that had brought her back from a life without feeling or risk…or love. “Chase—”

“Wait, before you say anything, I want to take you somewhere.”

As if she was going to be able to just walk away now. “Where?”

His gaze was intense, his blue eyes trained on her. “Do you trust me?”

“You know I do.”

He held out his hand. “Then come with me. We’ll drop Jack off and then I’m taking you somewhere. If you still want to leave, I’ll drive you back here and you can leave tonight.”

Her chest ached at the thought of leaving again. She was so torn. It was easier to leave without saying good-bye, without seeing him. How was she going to leave when being with him felt so right? “Really? You followed me out here, now you’re telling me you’ll bring me back?”

He shrugged, broad shoulders rising and falling with the motion. There was a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I’m actually banking on you not wanting to leave again, but I’m a man of my word. You want to leave after, I’ll bring you back.”

It was a step in the right direction. She knew with him was always the right direction.

…

Twenty minutes later, Jack had been left on the Baileys’ doorstep and they were now pulling into Chase and Maggie’s new house.

She knew whatever was happening would impact her deeply. She already knew she loved Chase, but now he was showing her this other side of him, which she already had known existed because he’d shown this kind of patience with his daughter. He was patient, kind. He could have given up on her. He could have been angry that she was trying to leave town without saying good-bye. He could have insulted her or belittled her feelings, but he didn’t. Instead he brought her…here. To his new house.

“Come on,” he said, getting out of the SUV.

Julia followed him, surprised when he didn’t go up to the front porch. Instead, he led them around to the back of the home and up the steps to the deck, and then he left her there while he disappeared somewhere.

Julia stood on the back deck, her boots a foot deep in the packed snow as she stared out into the dark yard. She had no idea where he was. “Chase?”

“Merry Christmas, Julia.”

Julia blinked, and then the darkness disappeared, replaced by an almost ethereal light. White lights. Hundreds and hundreds of white, twinkling lights transformed the yard into a paradise where there was no room for darkness. Evergreens, heavy with snow now boasted their gifts of light.

Her voice was trapped somewhere deep inside. This triggered the memory of a walk with Chase when they were young.

Chase appeared at the bottom of the steps, his handsome face shadowed. “Do you remember?”

Julia shook her head and then slowly nodded as the warmth of the memory flooded her body.

“We were seventeen, walking home from school after the play rehearsal. It was dark out and you were giving a running commentary on the Christmas lights in front of each house.” His mouth ventured slightly upward, his eyes unwavering.

Julia swallowed, pushing down the lump in her throat, pushing down the past before it ruined the moment.

“And you said that one day you were going to have your own house and the man you married would be so in love with you that he’d create a winter wonderland of lights for you every year at Christmas.”

Julia choked on the sob that broke free and Chase’s image blurred with her tears. She remembered. It had been their private memory, a silly teenage dream, one she’d never even told Michael about. But Chase knew. He remembered. That night at his house, she hadn’t had time to pull the memory because he’d started kissing her. But he’d been right, he remembered everything about them.

He walked up the remaining steps until he stood still in front of her. Love emanated from him, seeped through her body until she couldn’t ignore it anymore. Chase was brave, and strong. And maybe he was invincible.

“Don’t leave me, don’t leave us, Julia.”

She squeezed her eyes shut at the vulnerability in his voice. Chase was never vulnerable. “When I got the call that night you’d been shot I thought I was going to lose my mind and then I saw you there, in that hospital bed.” Her voice broke on a sob and he pulled her into his arms, kissing her head.

“I know, I know. But I’m fine. I always come back, remember?”

She pulled back from him slightly. “You can’t make that promise. I’m not Maggie.”

He frowned. “I’m not leaving you, ever. I’m here.”

“I went to see them, Chase,” she whispered, her hands grasping his waist.

“Who?”

“Michael and Matthew. I hadn’t been back there…since the funeral.”

He leaned forward and kissed her softly. “I would have come with you.”

“I know, but I had to do it on my own. I had to say good-bye. And after that I just shut down. All I could think of was you and Maggie and that I loved you both so much and I was just too scared to lose you too. I’m so sorry I walked out, Chase.” He wrapped her up in his strong arms and she felt all the worry slowly recede. He made her feel safe, he made her believe everything he said.

“I know, darling. I know. I’m not mad at you, I love you, Jules. I have never needed anyone. I’ve been the guy to help everyone else get their crap together. I’ve been dumped on and abandoned and I’ve grown to accept that that’s who I am. I like being strong. I like being dependable. I’ve learned never to count on anyone else. I’m the only person I can rely on. I don’t need anyone. But I need Maggie and I need you, God, how I need you in my life, in my bed, in my soul.”

Julia squeezed her eyes shut and tried to find the words to speak but he beat her to it.

“Julia, I have loved you since we were in high school. I have loved you through everything and I swear to God, I would have done anything to spare you the pain of losing Michael and Matthew. But we’re here, I’m here, and I’m offering you everything I’ve got. Me. My little girl. My heart. My soul. You’ve got me if you want me.”

Julia leaned forward, into him, into the man that had saved her five years ago, the man that was saving her now, injecting life and love and faith back into her soul. And the pain of the past was finally less than the pain of not having a future…with Chase.

“God, how could I not want you, Chase? It was never about not wanting you. It was about me.” She held his face in front of hers for a moment, letting everything she had come to know about this man play in front of her. The little boy he’d once been, unloved and neglected, to the strong, resilient, brave man he’d become. And he was hers; all she had to do was be as brave as he, and she’d have it all. A family. Motherhood. And a man she loved more than any guarantees of safety, a man she loved more than she ever knew possible.

“You saved me, over and over again. I don’t need saving anymore. You’ve got me. All of me, as whole as I’ll ever be. I want to be yours. I want to be Maggie’s mama. God, how badly do I want that. I love you both so much, forever,” she whispered before his mouth covered hers.

It was the first Christmas in so long that she felt the magic of the season seep through her and fill her with peace and love. Chase had brought her back, he’d given her the gift of love again, the gift of family. She was finally home.