Chapter Six

Chase stared at the white dishes in his hands and refused the urge to just chuck them in the trash can instead of washing them. It’s not that he didn’t do dishes. Hell, he’d been doing dishes since he was five and had learned the hard way that if you wanted something done in life, you had to do it yourself instead of waiting for someone else to do it for you. That was one of many lessons he’d learned at a young age, as the only child of two alcoholic parents.

His childhood had been a classic episode of Hoarders. It was why he hated clutter. He couldn’t let dishes sit in the sink, couldn’t let crap pile up around the house. The memory of his childhood home would flash in front of him every now and then and he had to remind himself that he would never have to live like that again. When he’d been old enough to realize he couldn’t save people who didn’t want to be saved, he’d walked out of that house, and never looked back.

Maybe that had been part of the reason he’d wanted to be a cop. He wanted to defend and protect the people that wanted safety and order. But every single time he got called out to a place with kids, it hit him on an emotional level, that even years of training and experience couldn’t interfere with. He also knew people didn’t really change. Had he felt guilt when he’d left his parents in search of a better life? Hell yes. That didn’t change his life path, though. He’d been born with killer survival instincts.

Being around his parents made his gut churn, made him angry, made him feel worthless. He couldn’t afford to let himself feel like that. He had a daughter who depended on him to be solid, engaged, and whole. He had citizens who needed him to be strong and fearless. He couldn’t do that by having a relationship with people who didn’t value him as a person, or as a son. As a father, he could never understand how his parents could have failed him on such a basic level. He would give the world to see that his little girl grew up in a happy, healthy, safe home. That was his biggest goal in life, to raise a girl that would one day be a strong, happy, independent woman.

Sandy leaving had sent him into a backward spiral, and it was only because of his desperation to raise his daughter differently than he’d been that had kept him from abusing the bottle. It was never far from his thoughts that he was always only a bottle or two away from following in his parents’ footsteps. He’d read the stats on addiction being hereditary. He saved it for his worst nights and even then, his limit was two glasses. Sandy’s leaving their family was a reflection on him. He still blamed himself for marrying someone so selfish and irresponsible. He would never be able to make that up to Maggie.

He glanced over in time to see Maggie bang her head against the kitchen table theatrically. “How’s the homework going, Maggie?”

“It won’t even be finished in time for Christmas,” was the muffled reply.

“I’m sure you can get it done.”

She lifted her head with a start, the gleam in her eye visible across the kitchen. “How about we have a race? Let’s see who can finish first.”

He pointed his index finger in her direction. “Deal, but no sloppy work. I’m still going to inspect it.”

She nodded. “Same goes for you. I’ll inspect how clean the kitchen is.”

He chuckled. “Fair enough.”

“Care to make a wager?”

He leaned his head back and laughed. He loved her competitive streak. “No gambling, remember?”

She frowned.

He ignored her. “Ready. Set. Go!”

Barely a second later her head was down, and her pencil was to the paper. They worked like that for the next half hour, while Christmas music from the radio kept them company. Of course, give him a moment where he actually had time to think, and his thoughts went to Julia. The way she’d been standing in that house the other day, telling him her design ideas. Had he been asking her what she’d want? Hell, yes. He wanted to know. Maybe it was childish, foolish of him to imagine her there with him, but he did. He knew in his gut they were meant to be together. Now all he had to do was prove it to her before she left for good this time.

The doorbell rang and Maggie was out of her chair before he could even dry his hands on the dishcloth, so he dried them on the front of his shirt and followed her out.

“It’s Julia!” Maggie yelled as he stepped into the small entryway.

Sure enough, Julia was standing there, her cheeks rosy, her lips the color of her red scarf. Snow fell gently outside and she looked like a dream come true, standing there on his porch. She was smiling down at his little girl and his heart squeezed painfully at the sight. “Sorry I came by without calling, but I had some news and I was on my way home so I thought I’d drop by.”

“You never have to call,” his daughter said, beating him to it and then proceeded to yank Julia forward. He was laughing along with Julia as she entered the house.

“Thanks, Maggie. I love your Christmas lights out there,” she said.

“That was Daddy. I just gave the orders,” she said, taking Julia’s coat and hanging it on a hook beside the door.

“Yeah. Maggie is about as bossy as I am, so I know I don’t stand a chance arguing with her.”

Julia laughed, the sound filling up the small entrance. He found himself checking her out without her coat on. She was wearing one of those cardigan things that didn’t have buttons and was longer in the front. It looked soft and warm…much like the woman herself. Her dark jeans and the red shirt she wore under the cardigan hugged her curves.

“Come on in. I was about to put a pot of coffee on. Wanna cup?”

She walked forward, her arm around Maggie. “That would be great. It’s freezing out there.”

“I’m so glad you came. Daddy, does this mean I don’t have to finish my homework?”

Chase chuckled at the hopeful look on his daughter’s face. “Uh, nice try, but nope. Besides, I thought you were going to win the race?”

Maggie scrunched up her nose. “All bets are off due to interference.”

“Contest?” Julia asked.

Maggie nodded while he took out the coffee grinds and prepped the coffee. “Daddy and I were bored. I didn’t want to do my homework, because it’s soooooo boring, and he didn’t want to do dishes so we thought we’d have a contest.”

“That’s a great idea. But I interrupted?”

“That’s okay. I was going to win,” she said with a wink. Julia burst out laughing and he stood there wondering when his daughter had turned eight going on eighteen.

“What are you working on?” Julia asked. Maggie pulled on her hand and they sat side by side at the table while he waited for the coffee to brew.

“Math, which is so boring.”

“Oh I used to think so too. How much do you have left?”

“Five more questions! And then it’ll be bedtime! It’s like our teacher is the Grinch’s wife.” Maggie banged her head on her textbook dramatically once again.

He made eye contact with Julia who was covering her mouth, her eyes narrowed with laughter. He shook his head and leaned against the counter. He wasn’t even going to let himself think how perfect this was, Julia here, the three of them on this winter’s night, just hanging out like a family. God, this is what he always wanted—a good woman, a woman he loved, desired. A child. This is what he’d wanted since he’d figured out that good families really existed. He fisted his hands and forced his eyes away from the perfect picture the two of them made at the table. Instead he looked out the window and cursed himself for still wanting things that the boy inside him wanted. He knew better. He’d lived through shit and he’d seen shit, so wanting so much more was futile. It was juvenile to wish for things.

“Okay, how about this? If you hurry up and get through this, I can read you a bedtime story?”

His drama queen daughter lifted her head, looking like a new kid. She spread her arms wide. “Deal. Nobody talk to me.”

Julia stood as he walked over with two mugs of coffee. “How about we go into the living room and give Maggie peace and quiet while she works?”

“Perfect. I’m going to grab my file and I’ll meet you there,” she said, walking out of the room.

He followed her out, telling himself he shouldn’t be checking her out from behind, even though it was a great view. He placed the mugs down on the coffee table and turned on a table lamp. Julia was back in a moment and sat on the couch. He sat down beside her. The room was quiet except for the low sound of Christmas music playing from the kitchen.

“Do you still take your coffee with milk, no sugar?”

She nodded, reaching for her cup. “Good memory. Yes, this is perfect,” she said, taking a sip. “Okay. So I didn’t want to say anything in front of Maggie, but you got it, Chase.”

He put his cup down on the table and slowly stood. “What?”

She looked up at him, and emotion clogged his throat as she sat there, smiling at him.

“The house. You got it,” she whispered, standing up. He reached for her hand and tugged her into him and suddenly she was wrapped in his arms, and everything felt right. He remembered everything about holding her. Even though he hated thinking of that time in their lives, he remembered how she felt, how she smelled, how she fit him so perfectly.

“Thank you,” he said, his voice sounding hoarse to his own ears.

She cleared her throat and slowly pulled back. His hands dropped to his sides and he saw the fear in her eyes, the reservation.

“You’re welcome,” she said and sat down, quickly grabbing her coffee. She grabbed the file. “I’m so happy for you, and for Maggie. This will be the best Christmas present ever,” she whispered, glancing out the hallway.

He reached for his coffee and settled back into the cushions with a sigh. He couldn’t push Julia. He didn’t want to scare her. He forced himself to focus on the reason she came by—not on his own feelings. “How did you manage to get Marlene to agree to all our terms?”

She lifted a brow and gave him a little smirk that he found incredibly adorable as she flipped open the file. “I called her on the fact that there was no interest in the place. I may have also suggested you were too busy for going back and forth and that if we couldn’t close this deal in the next twenty-four hours you were going to stay put in this house and not move at all.”

He grinned. “That’s brilliant.”

“Thanks. I thought so. I just really, really wanted this for you and Maggie. That house is perfect.”

“I think so.”

“So, they agreed to everything?”

She eyed him over the rim of her mug and took a sip. “Yup. Since there’s no financing conditions, this can move really quickly. If you can get that building inspection done in the next day or two, that’s all we need.”

Julia flipped through the offer agreement and then presented him with three sheets that had sticky notes attached to the sides. “I need your signature and initials on these pages.” She slid the papers over to him and he took the pen from her, feeling the slight tremor in her hand as it brushed against his. Once finished, she took the papers and efficiently lined them up and placed them neatly back in her file.

“We’re done. I’ll fax this over to Marlene tonight.”

“Thanks, Jules.” He took a sip of coffee and crossed his ankle over the other. He didn’t want her to leave yet.

“So, when are you going to tell Maggie?” Julia whispered, glancing over her shoulder before speaking.

He grinned. “Maybe tomorrow morning. If I tell her now she’ll never go to sleep,” he said with a low chuckle. “When can we list this place?”

“I can get the sign on your lawn tomorrow afternoon. I think it’ll go quickly despite the season. It’s right downtown, updated, and affordable.”

He was nodding as she spoke. “Do you have listing papers for this house?”

“I come prepared,” she said, flipping through her briefcase and then pulling out a fresh listing agreement.

She worked in silence until it was time to discuss numbers. He knew enough about the local real estate market that agreeing on a price was quick and painless.

“So you’re good with this listing price?”

He nodded. It was exactly what he’d thought it was worth. He’d known how to manage money from an early age. Growing up with nothing forced a person to learn how to be frugal, and he had been when he was starting out. He’d worked two jobs before Maggie had been born. He’d used the money from the one job and put it directly into savings. The other went to living expenses. Of course after Maggie everything had changed, but he’d already had a solid amount of savings. Since Sandy had walked out on him, he wasn’t paying her a dime, which was fine with him, since he was the one providing for their kid. He was in a decent financial position. That filled him with pride when he thought back to what he came from. He was able to provide his little girl with a comfortable life, and now a nice house with a big yard to play in. He wanted to give her the childhood he never had.

By the time they finished, their coffees were done and it was late.

“I can’t wait for her to find out.”

“Find out what?”

She jumped in her seat. Maggie was standing in the doorway, hands on her hips, mischievous grin on her face.

“You know Christmas isn’t a time for being nosy and asking questions,” Chase said, trying to keep a straight face.

She rolled her eyes and shrugged. “It was worth a try.”

“Are you finished with your homework?”

She threw her arms in the air. “Done!”

“I should probably check it over,” he said, rising.

“It’s on the table. I’m sure it’s perfect. I’m going to get my pajamas on so Auntie Julia can tuck me in and read me a Christmas book. Call me if there’s a problem,” she said before walking out of the room.

Julia burst out laughing. “Wow. That’s totally your daughter. She’s good at giving orders, but her charm keeps her from sounding bossy.”

“So you’re saying I’m charming and bossy, but I hide it well.”

She stood, picking up her empty mug. The look in her eyes beckoned him. She was fighting the attraction. He knew she was scared. Hell, he couldn’t blame her. But he also knew that if she left Shadow Creek without knowing how he really felt about her, he’d regret it. He’d never been one to run scared. He took a step closer to her, and he watched the emotions play across her expressive eyes. She didn’t move back, but she didn’t move forward either.

“Chase,” she whispered.

“Yeah?” he said, swallowing the last bit of air between them. He lifted his hands to her hair, slowly moving his hand to cup the nape of her neck.

“We shouldn’t be doing any of this,” she whispered, raising her eyes to his.

He stilled. “Why not?”

She licked her lips. “Because I’m going home after Christmas. We can’t start something that will go nowhere. I can’t leave here with a broken heart twice.”

“Then don’t leave,” he whispered gruffly.

She closed her eyes for a moment and he leaned down to kiss her lids. The softest, sexiest whimper came from her parted lips and she clutched his arms. He slowly pulled back and she opened her eyes and God, when her gaze went from his eyes to his lips he knew he had to kiss her. He could see the pulse at the base of her throat beating rapidly and her lips were parted, her breath hitched.

It wasn’t the first time tonight he’d noticed her lips. They always looked so damn kissable, with that lower one larger than the top. He’d fantasized about tugging on it, kissing it, her, until both of them forgot everything they were both afraid of.

“I can’t do that. I have to leave. This isn’t my home anymore.”

“You can try again.”

She shook her head. “I can’t. I can’t risk it all again. For anyone,” she said, taking a step back from him. It was only a step, but it felt as though she’d just put up a massive stone wall between them.

“I’m not going to tell you what you should be feeling or what you should be doing, but I can tell you that sometimes it’s worse to try and bury what you’re feeling because sometimes what you feel becomes so strong and powerful it becomes impossible to ignore. Sometimes it can be all-encompassing. All you think about. All you want, day and night.”

Everything in her eyes told him she felt every ounce of desire he did, and it humbled him. It affected him profoundly because this was the woman he’d wanted for a lifetime and everything he felt for her was staring him back in the eyes. Except for the fear, which was why he didn’t move.

He didn’t take it personally. He knew she was afraid. He shoved his hands in his back pockets. Her mouth parted again, and the heat and longing in her eyes was almost enough to make him want to walk across and kiss her until he convinced her with his mouth that he was worth the risk, but he wasn’t going to do that. Julia would have to come to him. It was his job to make her want to take the risk. If it took a few more weeks then that was fine.

They stood in silence, the glow from the fireplace highlighting the rugged lines of his face, the emotion, the desire in his eyes.

“Auntie Julia! I’m all done!”

Julia jumped at the sound of Maggie. “On my way, Maggie.” Julia scrambled, bumping into the sofa.

“I’ll go check her homework and then be up to say good night,” he said, as she left the room.

“Okay,” she said. Her voice sounded squeaky as she practically flew out of the room.

He wasn’t going to grin, but he was pretty damn happy that he could make her that flustered.

…

Julia closed Rudolph and glanced over at Maggie. Maggie was smiling, at her, looking so much like her father.

“I love that book, don’t you?”

Julia nodded. “It was one of my favorites when I was little.” Sometimes she wondered how she could remember pieces of her childhood so vividly and at the same time have trouble remembering life in Shadow Creek. She wondered if it was her mind’s way of protecting her. She remembered Matthew with great detail, but sometimes she thought she felt more than she actually remembered. Matthew evoked feeling.

Now, in Chase and Maggie’s home, those feelings returned. They rose to a surface she wasn’t sure she was capable of holding down.

Chase had made it clear downstairs that he had feelings for her. She couldn’t deny hers. She knew it was more than attraction, because she’d been around attractive men. Okay, maybe none as attractive as him, but still. He got her on another level, one that scared her, one that no one had ever really understood her on. The emotions were the problem now, because they were winning over logic. She wanted everything he was offering. She wanted to walk right into his arms and she wanted him to hold her and touch her without an ounce of sympathy, only desire. She wanted to remember what it felt like to be loved. She wanted to know what it felt like to be loved by Chase.

“Julia?”

She focused her attention back on the little girl who was staring at her with an intensity that matched her father’s. “Yes, sweetie?”

“Do you know what Daddy’s surprise is?”

She smiled as she rose from the bed, tucking the pastel quilt around Maggie. “I do.”

“You’re not going to tell me, are you?”

She laughed at the disgruntled look on her face. “Sorry. Your dad would kill me. This is his surprise. But I will tell you this, I think you’re going to love it.”

Maggie gave a nod and then a wide-mouthed yawn. “You’re still coming to the pageant, aren’t you?”

“Of course! I wouldn’t miss that for anything.”

Maggie smiled. “I’m glad. We’ve been rehearsing every day after school.”

“Well, not much longer now. Five days?”

Maggie nodded. “I think this is going to be the best Christmas ever, Julia.”

Julia’s heart squeezed and then she leaned down and kissed Maggie’s forehead. She had trouble holding on to her tears, the emotion that coursed through her, enveloping her in a cloud of warmth, want for this life that Chase and Maggie had. All her years of being away, protecting herself from emotion, only to be led here, right in the center of it all. She didn’t know what was scarier—the thought of staying in it, exposing herself, or leaving.