I’m standing next to Esther Crossland. She’s got blood streaking from her head down to the collar of her uniform, and she’s so skinny it’s no wonder those Coalies didn’t match her to the picture on her arrest warrant.
She’s handed over some rations in exchange for a cup of oily bone broth, and now I’m leaning on the outside wall of the Pit, trying to get my thoughts in line while she stares at me. I let the broth warm my hands, let the steam defrost my face. She chews the inside corner of her mouth, nipping off fragments of flesh. Must hurt. Her eyes are orbs, the skin around them tightened and pulled back, cheeks sunken so you can see the shape of her mandible. Her hair’s not been washed in a while, and it’s all rough with sand and salt. She’s fared even worse than me, to be honest.
The Coalies cleared out after they put these things on our ears, off to find some other poor souls to harass. I wasn’t scared of them. Well, only a bit. But, if I needed to, I’d tell them who I was, and they’d check, and then they’d let me get on with it.
Imagine the luck of it, Seb. Imagine the pain, deep and delicious, of the Coalies piercing my ear with that thing and at the same time she’s kneeling right next to me. She even took my hand when I offered it.
‘What happened after the Lookout?’ she says. ‘The Coalies had you. How did you get away?’
I take a sip of broth. It smells like dog fur and oil. ‘Well, I fell, and they grabbed me. Everyone else ran off, yourself included.’ I pause and snatch a glimpse of her face. She winces. ‘And then I was in a cell for a few days. Don’t know really cos there was no sunlight to tell whether it was night or day.’ I flex my fingers, remembering the feeling of the bones being snapped out of place by that big old Coaly they called Hadley. I’m not even slightly sorry that one’s gone.
‘Then what?’ She’s worrying that mouth again. Keep half expecting to see a gush of blood.
‘One morning, early, the Coalies all run out of there like they’re under attack, and then the whole ship’s moving, and then there’s an almighty bang.’
She’s watching me like this is some sort of epic adventure story.
‘And then the place is on its side. I can’t tell which way is up, but I’m still in this cell, and I know the door’s locked, even though now it’s below me. It’s like it’s in the floor instead of the wall. And it’s messing with my head, you know? Because nothing feels right. It gets worse and worse, and I know the ship’s going down. That’s when I hear water. So I manage to get to the door, and by now it’s almost like looking straight downwards. There’s a little window in the door that they use to look in when you’re in the cell, and somehow it’s come open and it’s flapping about, so I put my face up against it, and I see that the corridor is already trickling with water.
‘Now I’m thinking: this cell is on the port side of the ship, and we’ve gone over on our side, and now the water’s coming in. But I’m trapped. And if I don’t get out of here, if I don’t climb, the water’s going to fill it. I try the handle, obviously, but there’s nothing. Then I hear someone wading through the water, and I look out and it’s one of the Coalies, a woman. Her hair’s all over the place, and it looks like she’s been crying because her eyes are all puffy and red. The water’s creeping up, and I can smell the salt of it. She’s knee-deep now, walking along what used to be the wall of the corridor. Good job it’s a broad one, I think, else she’d be having to swim. I shout to her. And she looks at me for a second, and she keeps going.’
‘She left you?’
‘Yeah, well, I was getting used to that, wasn’t I?’
I see that land like a sucker punch. Esther takes my empty cup and replaces it with her untouched broth.
‘So how did you get out?’
I shrug. ‘She must have changed her mind because she comes back, and she unhooks the bunch of keys from her belt and holds it up to me. I stretch down through the tiny window, and I can’t tell you the relief when I manage to grab hold of the keys. “Which one?” I shout, but she’s already gone.’
But that Coaly didn’t leave. She waited until I found the right key, dodging the door as it swung downwards into the water-filled corridor.
‘Found the right key, thank God. Then let myself out.’
What really happened was that I splashed down into the corridor, and the Coaly hauled me up, and we got off the Arcadia together. But as soon as we set foot on dry land she handed me over to her mates, and I spent the next four months in an interrogation room. I don’t tell Esther the hours I was made to look at pictures of rebels, hundreds of them, over and over. They asked me if I was one of them. If it was me that dropped the leaflets. If it was me who wanted to start the engine and crash the Arcadia. I told them none of it was me. But I soon realized they liked it better when they thought I was being helpful. When Esther’s picture blinked on to the screen, I could say for the first time that I did recognize her, and I knew for sure she was in the Lookout when the leaflets started to drop.
Esther looks like she’s going to be sick. I could almost feel sorry for her.
‘Where have you been staying?’ she says, clearing the emotion from her throat.
‘Tent. About halfway up the beach,’ I say, lying through my teeth. Few more minutes’ tugging on her heartstrings and she’s going to be wrapped round my finger. ‘You a medic still?’ I ask, nodding at the snake symbol on her uniform.
‘For my sins,’ she says.
‘Do you get extra food and stuff?’ I take a slurp of broth, watching her with big, wide eyes.
‘I might be able to get you something extra. Meet me here in the morning?’
‘All right,’ I say.
She gives me a slight smile, and she honestly looks like she’s been broken, face all long and bony. Eyes glistening. It gives me a good feeling that I’ve managed to hurt her already. There’s more where that came from.
She turns back to look at me from the other side of the yard. I give her a little wave, a smile of gratitude.
Can’t wait to tell them I found her.