Repent ye therefore, and be converted,
that your sins may be blotted out,
when the times of refreshing shall come from
the presence of the Lord;
Acts 3:19
Grace was working in the kitchen with Marlene and her mother when they heard hoofbeats outside.
Marlene ran to the window. “It’s Ida and her mudder.”
“Quick, Grace, put the pot on to boil,” her mother said. “Marlene, clean up while I take them into the living room. I hope they don’t come into the kitchen. Quick girls, hurry.”
Grace’s mother hurried out of the kitchen and the two girls giggled.
“I wonder why they’re here,” Marlene said.
“Is this the first time they’ve come?”
“Nee. Mrs. Schwartz has visited before.”
Grace and Marlene cleaned up the kitchen while Mrs. Byler greeted Ida and her mother and sat them in the living room, and as soon as the two girls had finished cleaning up the kitchen, they joined them there.
Grace’s mother looked up. “Come over here, Grace. I want you to meet Ida.
Grace and Ida greeted one another, and then Grace said, “I haven't met you yet, Mrs. Schwartz. I left before you arrived in the community.”
Grace's mother called Marlene over. “Sit down next to me, Marlene. You’ve met Ida, haven't you?”
Marlene smiled and sat down. “Jah. I met Ida before. It's nice to see you back here.”
“Denke, Marlene. I’m happy to be back.”
“I just wanted Ida to come over here and meet you girls. The friends she had aren't here anymore for one reason or another. I thought she should meet some girls her own age. You don't mind me stopping by?”
“I'm glad you’ve come over,” Mrs. Byler said. “We just finished bottling preserves. We sell them one day a week at the farmers market on a Thursday. That's what Marlene and I do.”
Ida looked over at Grace. “And what do you do?”
“Not much. I'm just about to have a baby in a couple months.” Grace patted her stomach.
Ida said, “That's right, I heard someone mention that. I'm sorry to hear about your husband.”
“Jah, but it’s gut now that you’re back in the community among your familye and your friends,” Mrs. Schwartz said.
Grace nodded and smiled. As Ida talked to Marlene, Grace studied her. What man wouldn’t think Ida was attractive with her light-colored hair, blue eyes and even-toned skin?
“You should come to my quilting bee. The three of you should come,” Mrs. Schwartz said. “We have it on Wednesday mornings. Would you like to come along, girls?”
“Jah, that will give me something to do,” Grace said.
“And when is your boppli due, Grace?” Ida asked.
“In a couple of months. I'm not really sure of the dates.” She looked down and held her tummy with both hands. “This little one was a bit of a surprise. I didn't find out until my husband had passed away, and...” Her voice trailed away. She didn't want to tell everybody that the baby wasn't planned. News like that had a way of traveling and Grace didn't want her baby to hear of anything negative when she or he got older.
“Don't worry, you won’t be alone forever. You're still young,” Mrs. Schwartz said. Then she turned to Marlene. “Isn’t it time you had kinner yourself, Marlene?”
Grace looked at Marlene and hoped she wasn't going to cry. Marlene pressed her lips together and said, “Jah, it will be my turn next if Gott wills it.”
“All in His timing,” Grace's mother said. “Now who would like tea?
Marlene jumped up. “I'll get it.” Without waiting for anybody to respond, Marlene walked quickly towards the kitchen.
Grace knew why Marlene was upset, so she stood up and left the room to help her. She found Marlene in the kitchen, putting the pot on the stove and fighting back tears.
Grace put her hands on Marlene's shoulders. “I don't like to see you upset like this, Marlene.”
“I'll be okay; there's nothing you can do about it anyway.”
Grace had no idea what to say. It didn't help when people pointed out that she'd been married for years and there was no baby on the horizon.
Marlene said, “You go out and talk to Ida. I’m all right in here.”
“Are you sure?”
Marlene nodded. Grace hadn’t wanted to leave Ida with the two older women, especially since she’d come specifically so she could talk to Grace and Marlene. Grace returned to the living room.
“You’d know Adam very well, wouldn't you Marlene, since you've lived next door to him all your life?” Mrs. Schwartz asked.
Grace gave a little giggle. “I'm not Marlene, I'm Grace.”
Mrs. Schwartz laughed. “I'm sorry. I find it hard to remember names.”
“Jah. I’ve known him my whole life, but I didn’t see him in the four years I was away.”
Mrs. Schwartz continued, “And why do you think he's never married?”
She felt everybody's eyes on her. “I'm not sure; he's never mentioned anything to me about it. We’re not that close that he would tell me all his secrets.”
“You’re not close?” Ida asked.
“Not at all. I mean, we’re friends, that’s what we are, I suppose.” She looked at her mother, hoping she’d change the subject. It was clear that Ida and her mother weren’t there to get to know Marlene and Grace at all. They were simply there to gather information about Adam, hoping he was still available and wasn’t seeing anyone.
Marlene came out at the right time with a pot of tea and teacups on a tray.
Grace’s mother said, “Marlene, why don't you get the blueberry cake out and cut it up into slices?”
“Good idea. I forgot we had that. I mean, it's fresh – we only made it yesterday.”
Ida and her mother laughed.
The rest of their visit was spent talking about quilting. They all agreed to go to Mrs. Schwartz’s quilting bee on Wednesday morning.
When they left, Marlene and Grace got the dinner ready while Grace’s mother sipped on another cup of tea in the living room.
“Why do people mention kinner to me all the time, Grace? Why?”
“I suppose many people don’t know what else to talk about. They could be doing nothing more than making conversation.”
“How do you feel about Ida, Grace?”
“She seems very nice.”
Marlene nodded and said no more.
As Grace plunged her hands into the dishwashing water, she said, “There’s nothing I can do about it.”
“So you do like Adam?”
“Of course I like Adam. He’s a good friend.” Grace wasn't ready to trust Marlene with the secrets in her heart.
“I won't tell anybody. If I know you like him, I can help you.”
Grace laughed. “If things are going to happen between us they’ll happen without interference. Ida seems nice. Maybe she and Adam will get married.” Grace shrugged her shoulders and handed Marlene a plate to dry.
“Your mudder said I’d find you girls in here.”
Both girls swung around to see who belonged to the male voice behind them. It was Adam, and Grace only hoped that he hadn't heard what she’d just said.
“Who am I supposed to be getting married to?”
Marlene giggled, and said, “You tell him, Grace.”
Grace felt her face flush with warmth. “It's nothing. We were just gossiping; sometimes girls do that. Have a seat at the table and I'll make you a cup of tea. We’ve just boiled the pot.”
“It looks like I just missed out on seeing Ida and her mudder. I saw them driving off as I was walking over. You think Ida and I will marry, Grace?”
Grace’s mouth fell open and she was frozen to the spot while Marlene threw her tea-towel down and sat at the kitchen table opposite Adam.
Marlene said, “Everyone knows you were dating before she left the community.”
Grace found her voice. “Marlene! Those things are private and should not be discussed.” Grace passed her the tea towel and said, “Finish wiping up and I'll make Adam a cup of tea.”
“I hope that’s not too much trouble. It’ll be giving you another cup to clean,” Adam said.
“No trouble at all. What's Mamm doing in the living room?”
Adam said, “When I came through the front door she was nearly asleep.”
“You walked here?” Marlene asked.
“I did, since I've still got one buggy out of operation.”
Grace and Adam stared at Marlene who silently continued drying the dishes. They exchanged glances, knowing that they’d have to wait longer for Marlene to confess that it was she who ran Adam’s buggy off the road.
Grace made three cups of hot tea and set one in front of Adam. She placed one out for Marlene, and sat down with one herself. “I’ll let Mamm have a rest in the living room. She's only just had a cup of tea; I doubt she’ll want another.”
“I just remembered I had something to do upstairs. I'll take my tea with me.” Marlene made herself scarce, leaving Adam and Grace alone in the kitchen.
“How long do you think it's going to be before she tells the truth?” Adam asked.
Grace laughed. “Sometime between now and never; maybe closer to never.”
Adam took a sip of tea and Grace wondered if he was there to say something to her.
Finally he spoke. “You and the boppli have been good?”
“Jah, your Aunt Sarah has been looking after us well.”
He nodded. “That's good news. I wanted to tell you something, Grace, now that we're alone.”
Grace stared at him and had a sip of tea while waiting to hear what he was going to say.
“I mentioned to you that Ida and I had a close relationship before she left the community.”
Grace nodded, knowing what was coming next. When he hesitated, Grace said, “It’s fine. You don’t need to explain anything to me.”
“I don't want you to get the wrong idea.”
“I think I know what you’re trying to say, Adam.”
“I'm not certain that you do. I just wanted to say that it’s you…”
Grace’s mother stepped into the kitchen, interrupting them. “Where’s Marlene?”
“She’s gone up to her bedroom. Would you like more tea, Mamm?”
“I think I’d like kaffe.” Grace's mother sat down at the kitchen table next to Adam while Grace got her a cup of coffee. “We just had visitors. Ida and her mudder were here. I thought they might have gone to visit you after they called here to see us.”
“I'm not certain. Maybe they did, but I came here on foot through the fields. I did see their buggy heading down the road.”
“You must be pleased she’s back,” Mrs. Byler said to Adam.
“Milk, mudder?”
“Nee.” Mrs. Byler swung around to stare at her. “You know I never have milk, Grace.”
“Would you like some cake, Adam?”
“Jah, I would.”
Grace sat back down at the table, passed her mother a cup of coffee, and then pushed the plate of cake along to Adam. He chewed on a mouthful of cake while her mother told him how sorry she was that Grace had damaged his buggy so badly.
“Don't worry about that, Mrs. Byler. That's all been sorted out now. Matthew is helping me fix it, and Grace has paid me off by doing chores.”
“Jah, there's no need to mention it again, Mamm.”
“And what brings you here today, Adam? Were you hoping that Matthew would be home?”
“Nee. I knew Matthew would be at work at this time. I came to speak to Grace.”
“About the buggy?” Mrs. Byler asked.
Adam leaned back with his huge smile on his face. “Nee, not about the buggy. We’re forgetting about the buggy. We’ve moved past the buggy ordeal.”
All of a sudden, Grace couldn't face knowing why he was there. She thought he might have been about to say that he liked her, and as much as she wanted that to be true, she was too filled with mixed emotions to hear what he had to say.
“Can our talk wait, Adam? I'm really tired right now.”
Adam sprang to his feet. “Is there anything I can do?”
She shook her head. “I need to lie down.”
Her mother said, “Are you sure you're all right, Grace? You’ve come over all pale and ill-looking.”
“I'm fine.” Grace walked out of the room and climbed the stairs to her bedroom, closing the bedroom door behind her. She lay down and had a rest while wondering if she should’ve stayed to let Adam finish speaking.
With Ida, Adam would have a chance to start a family since Ida had never married. Surely Adam’s life would be less complicated with Ida. But what if he’d come to say that he’d liked her and not Ida? If that were the case, he’d had plenty of opportunities to say so.
There was a quiet knock on her door and before she could speak, the door creaked open.
“Are you asleep?” Marlene hissed.
“Nee. Come in.” Grace rolled on her side and pushed herself up. Then she leaned against the wall that her bed was pushed against.
“I can hear every word in the kitchen from my bedroom. He nearly admitted he was here to talk to you. Why did you leave before he could say anything to you?”
“It's just complicated. I feel overwhelmed with so many things right at the moment. Everything is unknown for me. When I first married Jeremy, I thought everything would be wonderful but the next few years had so many ups and downs – it was just awful. And look at me now; I’m pregnant without a vadder for my boppli and I’m living back at my parents’ haus.”
“You have to be patient, Grace. Isn't your mother always saying that things happen in Gott's timing?”
“I think I am being patient. Even if Adam had said he likes me, I’m not ready for any more changes in my life right now.”
“You have to be patient with yourself. Once your child is born and things get back to normal, then you can decide what you want to do. Even get a job and get your own place if you don't want to live here forever. Or you could live with Matthew and me when we get a home.”
“Denke, Marlene. That's a very nice offer. I’ll keep that in mind.”
“He might have been going to ask you to marry him. That's the only thing that makes sense. If he liked Ida, wouldn't he have tried to wave their buggy down to talk to them? He didn't seem the least concerned that they might be going to his house when your mother said that might be what they had in mind.”
“I'm almost too scared to think that it might be true. I’m not used to good things happening to me. I just want to keep away from everybody and go into a dark cave, a quiet dark cave.”
“Anyway, now we’ve got a quilting bee to go to.”
Grace nodded. “I’ll enjoy that. I haven’t been to one for ages. I'll make one for my baby.”
“I've got lots of material you can have. I've been collecting it for when I have a boppli. You can have whatever you want. I’ve got so many nice colors: soft yellows, greens, blues, and apricot.”
“Denke, but don't you want to save them for when your time comes?”
“I’ve got more than enough for six quilts.” Marlene giggled. “When I first got married I’d go to the store nearly every week and buy fabric until Matthew told me I was spending too much money. That's the bad thing about being married; you have to consider the other person and what they want.” Marlene stood. “I'll let you have a sleep and when you wake up we can have a look at the material together.”
“Denke, Marlene. I’d really like that.”
When Marlene left the room, Grace thought on what she’d said about compromise. There hadn't been any compromise in her marriage to Jeremy. Jeremy was the one who called all the shots; it had been his way or no way at all.
When Grace opened her eyes, she saw by the sun out the window that was late afternoon. She got out of bed and hurried down the stairs to help with the dinner.
“Grace, you shouldn't be rushing about like that when you're so large,” her mother said.
“I just didn't want you to fix dinner on your own.”
“Nonsense. Marlene’s helping.”
“Mamm, can Grace and I disappear for a few minutes?”
“I’ll need you to peel the vegetables in fifteen minutes.”
“I’m going to show Grace all the fabric I’ve got. She’s going to choose some to make a quilt.”
“That's a wunderbaar idea. I'll help you with that quilt, Grace. We’ll get it done that much faster that way.”
“That will be lovely.”
When the two girls went upstairs to Marlene’s room, Grace was surprised how many boxes there were stacked against the side of the wall. “You don't have much room to move in here.”
“I've got a lot of things for my house already. There’s nowhere else to put them.”
“I’ll help you take them to one of the spare rooms.”
“Your mudder said she wants them free for when guests come.”
“When was the last time we had people stay overnight?”
“About six months ago.”
“Surely we can leave them in a room and then move them when someone comes?”
“That's what I suggested and your mudder said no. I told you I don't feel very welcome here.”
“You are welcome. I guess Mamm’s just got her funny ways.” Grace shrugged.
“Now, I'm not sure what box the materials are in.” Marlene started opening the boxes and placing them in the middle of the floor when they weren’t what she was looking for. “Here, this box.” She opened the box and pulled each piece of material out.
“I can’t choose. They’re all so lovely. Why don’t you take what you want first, Marlene? I don't want to take anything that you might want.”
“Grace, I might never have kinner. There's obviously something wrong with me. Maybe Gott is punishing me.”
“I don’t think Gott punishes.”
“Ever heard of Job? Look at all the horrible things that happened to him.”
“Jah, but that was in the Old Testament and now we’re under the new. And remember, Job was being tested, not punished”
“I'm not so sure about that.”
“From what I recall it says in the Bible that the rain falls on both the just and the unjust, meaning bad things can happen to everyone.”
Marlene nodded. “I thought when I got baptized and married everything would be perfect in my life.”
“And I thought when I got married to Jeremy we'd be happily married and grow old together.”
“Your marriage to Jeremy wasn't in Gott's plan for you, though, because he was an Englischer.”
“I'm just saying we don't know what life holds for us because we’re not in control. All we can do is cope the best with what happens to us. I didn't ask for Jeremy to treat me badly, and then die. I didn't ask to be pregnant and have to be a single parent, but all these things have happened.”
“But that all brought you back to the community, Grace. Most of it did. So I can see that might have been in His plan for you, but what sense does it make for me to have no kinner?”
“I don’t know the answer. But what you said isn’t right – I was coming back anyway. I’d told Jeremy I was leaving him just before he died. There was no reason for him to die. As horrible as he was to me sometimes, I didn’t want him to die.”
Marlene raised her eyebrows. “I didn't know you were leaving him.”
“I made the decision I didn't want to be married to him anymore.”
“You mean you were going to divorce?”
“I don't know if I would have divorced him or not. I was going to separate from him.”
“And then you could never marry again if Jeremy was still alive.”
“That didn't matter to me. I'd much rather he still be alive somewhere even though it would mean that I could never marry again. Well, I could marry, but not if I came back to the community.”
“You can marry again now – you're free.” Marlene's gaze fell to the fabric laid out on the bed. “You take your pick, Grace.”
Grace chose soft yellows and blues.