In the predawn dark of Christmas morning, Gabby checked on the peacefully sleeping Izzy, washed her face and went downstairs. She stirred flour together with yeast and salt, then heated milk, butter and sugar in a small saucepan. She tested the temperature, then stirred the liquid mixture into the dry one, gradually beating in an egg and more flour. Once the dough looked the same as Nana’s, or almost, she placed it on the flour-covered counter and started to knead.
Worries about Jacob crowded in, but she firmly pushed all her disasterizing thoughts aside. She’d prayed the situation into God’s hands and there was no more she could do.
Thinking of Jacob took her back to two nights ago, to the Markowskis’ house. To thoughts of Brock.
Remembering him, seeing the image of his face and smile, had shaken her...but it hadn’t broken her. The assault was a trauma she’d never forget, but after so many prayers, so many tears, she’d moved beyond it. She had a real life to live now, a daughter to raise. Brock had paid for his crime, the ultimate price, and he, too, was in God’s hands now, to be dealt with as God willed. Searching her heart, she found that most of the hatred she’d felt for him had faded away.
And that left Reese. He’d apologized for his lack of belief in her last night. She was glad of that, because part of her wanted him to think well of her. He’d been so important in her emotional life for so long.
And yet she couldn’t trust his words; or rather, they weren’t enough. He’d declared love for her before, told her he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, begged her to wait for him. But with just one social media posting, his perception of her had changed, and his feelings had been too quick to change, too.
He’d been quick to judge her and find her wanting. Quick to anger.
If she’d been on her own, she might have risked accepting his apology, smiling sweetly, trying again.
But she had Nana, and Jacob and most of all Izzy to care for. She had to take care of herself so she could take care of them. Put on her oxygen mask first, just like she’d heard they instructed on an airplane, not that she’d ever been on one.
Whatever Reese thought of her, whatever the Markowskis thought of her didn’t matter. She knew now, inside herself, that she was an okay person and she was going to do okay. Her mistakes and sins were forgiven, and she was loved by God.
As the sun rose, making diamonds on the snow, she felt glad to be staying here, in the town where she’d grown up, where her family was. Here, she could help Jacob and Nana, and she could raise Izzy.
She checked the dough. It had risen just enough, so she turned it onto the floury counter and rolled it out into a rectangle, the long motions of Nana’s old rolling pin soothing her. She’d wanted to make Izzy’s first Christmas special, but there would be no frilly dress, no shiny baby toys, no board or bathtub books. Not this year. Nana was fine about the lack of gifts, of course, but Jacob would be disappointed that she was going to have to return his hockey stick and skates so she could pay the Markowskis for his vandalism. It was a valid consequence, but a tough lesson to learn at fifteen.
She painted melted butter onto the dough and then sprinkled a mixture of cinnamon and brown sugar generously over the whole thing.
Christmas wasn’t about gifts; it was about Jesus. Through tears, as she rolled and then sliced the cinnamon-filled log, she lifted her praises and thanks.
But after sharing her joy with God, she had to share the sorrow that had caused the tears. How she’d wanted a complete family, wanted to be loved in the special way that a husband loved a wife. Wanted to be someone’s favorite person, wanted to make someone’s eyes light up.
She’d wanted it to be Reese. Wanted it with all her heart, and she could share that, now, with God.
Not my will but Thine, she whispered as she slid the cinnamon rolls into the oven.
The spicy, yeasty smell of them brought Jacob downstairs first, and he actually came over to the kitchen table where Gabby was sitting and gave her a quick hug. “Merry Christmas, sis,” he said.
“Same to you, kiddo.” She bit her lip. “I’m not going to be able to give you a present.”
“I figured,” he said, sounding philosophical. “Whatever you’re baking will do just fine for me.”
Inspiration struck. She couldn’t give him a physical gift, but she could give him something that might be even better. “Jacob,” she said, putting into words the plan she’d been pondering, “would you like to stay here?”
His head whipped around to face her. “What do you mean?”
“Stay here permanently. With me, and Nana and Izzy.”
“Even after what I did?”
She shrugged. “We’re family. When we make mistakes, we still love each other.”
The words hung in the air as they looked at each other, and then Jacob rubbed a knuckle across his face. “Something in my eye,” he mumbled. “Is Nana okay with it?”
“Okay with what?” Nana said through a yawn. She stood in the doorway in her old chenille bathrobe, holding Izzy, who was bundled in a blanket and babbling long strings of nonsense syllables in the rising and falling tones of a meaningful conversation.
“With Jacob staying here,” Gabby said.
“I’d like nothing better. And what’s more, I think I can talk your father into it.” Nana walked over to squeeze Jacob’s shoulder. “But we can have no repeats of what you did at the Markowskis’ place, understand?”
“I understand. I’m sorry for all the trouble I caused.” He gave Nana a quick, fierce hug.
Feeling teary herself, Gabby enlisted Jacob to frost the cinnamon rolls while she ran upstairs to throw on jeans and her old red sweater. And then they gathered around the table, and prayed and ate together.
It was enough. It had to be.
This hole in her heart would heal. Eventually.
Gabby had just started dishing out a second round of rolls when the doorbell rang.
Jacob’s mouth was full and Nana was holding a new sippy cup for Izzy, so Gabby went to answer the door. At first, all she could see was a white beard and hair and red Santa suit. And bags. Lots and lots of bags, overflowing from Santa’s arms onto Nana’s porch.
“Ho ho ho!” came a deep voice.
She’d recognize it anywhere. “Reese?” She just stared, trying to figure out what she was seeing and hearing.
“Can you let a merry old guy in?”
“Um...sure, I guess.” She held the door wider.
His costume made him almost too broad for the doorway, but he pushed his way in, eyes twinkling above a cottony beard.
“Let me help you, um, Santa,” she said, and took the packages from his arms. What on earth? He turned to grab more bags: wrapped presents, what looked like colorful decorations, and groceries—a large ham, a couple of pies, dishes of vegetables and potatoes.
As soon as they’d carried everything into the kitchen, Reese knelt down low in front of Izzy, speaking softly. “Ho ho ho,” he said, dangling a stuffed reindeer. “I hear it’s somebody’s first Christmas.”
She laughed and reached for it.
“And I think you’d look awfully pretty in a new dress.” He held up a stretchy red one and then pulled a bright red snowsuit from another bag.
Gabby snapped pictures and cried.
As Reese helped clean up the wrapping paper after they’d feasted and opened gifts, he looked over at Gabby. She was squatting in front of Izzy, holding out her arms, trying to encourage Izzy to let go of the sofa and walk to her.
It wasn’t happening yet, but it would surely be soon.
Whether his relationship with Gabby would move forward similarly was anyone’s guess.
He couldn’t find out unless he could get her alone, and that wasn’t going to be easy. He knelt beside Nana’s recliner. “I need your help,” he said, and explained what he wanted to do.
Minutes later, she’d collected Izzy and Jacob and gone upstairs with promises of an Xbox marathon and a nap.
Gabby looked after them like she wanted to follow, so he took her hand. “I need to talk to you a minute,” he said, and drew her toward the Christmas tree.
“Oh! Of course.” She shook her head and pulled her hand away. “In all the excitement I forgot to thank you. You did a very kind thing today.”
“I had a lot to make up for,” he said, facing her. “I was wrong, Gabby. I jumped to conclusions, I guess because I’m insecure in certain ways. I didn’t think someone like you would really want me, and I made that come true.”
She crossed her arms and studied him, head cocked to one side.
“Because of this, partly,” he said, holding up his prosthesis.
“Oh, Reese. That means nothing to me, except that you sacrificed for the rest of us.”
“Partly also because of...other things.”
“Your uncle and aunt?”
He nodded, then clapped his hand to his forehead. “I forgot to tell you! They’re not going to press charges against Jacob.”
Her eyes widened. “You talked them out of it?”
“Yeah.” He’d tell her the whole story later; she deserved to know. But right now, he had something else he wanted to do.
She wrapped her arms around him in a sudden tight hug that took his breath. And then she let go and backed away just as quickly. “Can we go tell Jacob? I know it was weighing on him today.”
He was never going to get another chance like this. “In a few minutes,” he said. “I have something I want to discuss with you first.”
“But knowing Jacob isn’t in trouble...it’s the best Christmas gift ever! Thank you so, so much.”
“I have another one,” he said. Sinking down on one knee, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the little box that he’d had for three plus years. He’d never thought he’d get the chance to make this offer, but it was time. Past time.
“I love you, Gabby. I’ve loved you since the first time I kissed you on Romano’s Mountain. You’re beautiful, and amazing, and kind and smart, and...will you marry me?”
Gabby pinched the skin on the back of her hand to figure out whether she was dreaming.
It hurt. She wasn’t.
Will you marry me? He’d really said it.
But did he mean it? Was it as changeable as his teenage feelings of love for her, easily destroyed by something somebody said?
Be still. It was a piece of one of her favorite Bible verses, and she’d found it more and more applicable as she’d assumed the hectic life of a single working mom. Once she stilled her mind, the day’s reality had room to come in.
He’d shown up in a Santa suit and brought gifts for all of them, including a little Christmas outfit for Izzy that made her look like a Christmas elf. That meant he remembered Gabby’s offhand comment that she wanted to buy Izzy a Christmas outfit. Remembered it and noticed that it hadn’t happened yet.
Dressed in that uncomfortable rented Santa suit, he’d stood still for photo after photo. And then he’d helped them cook the Christmas dinner he’d brought fixings for, ate it with them, talking and laughing like a member of the family, and then helped clean up.
And he’d gotten Jacob off the hook with his aunt and uncle.
He’d been so kind to all of them. He seemed to genuinely care for Jacob and for Nana, which meant he could truly be a part of their family. He’d gone beyond words into actions, which was priceless to her.
But she had one more worry before she could relax into what Reese seemed to be offering. “Wait here,” she said, patting the couch. And then she rushed upstairs. “I need to borrow Izzy,” she said to Nana. She picked up the baby. Held her close and breathed in her sweet fragrance.
She loved Reese with all her heart; she could admit that now. Maybe she’d never stopped loving him.
But now, she loved Izzy that much and more, and she had a responsibility.
She carried Izzy over to the couch where Reese was sitting, and this time it was she who went to her knees, a posture of supplication consciously chosen. “We’re a package deal, Reese,” she said, holding Izzy snug against her. “She’s my joy out of sorrow, and she’s...” She swallowed, then made herself say it. “She’s Brock’s child by blood. Can you accept her, knowing that?”
The Christmas lights shone behind him, and the smell of evergreens was heavy in the air as he met her eyes. Deliberately, he held out his arms for Izzy and then cuddled her close, just as Gabby had. “How can I not accept her,” he asked, “when she’s a part of you? And when you’re such a wonderful mother to her, even after all you went through?” He placed a resounding kiss on the top of Izzy’s head, and she laughed up at him, so sweet and trusting.
Seeing the two of them together, Gabby’s eyes filled.
“I want to be a father to her,” Reese said, looking back at Gabby.
She opened her mouth to tell him she’d marry him tomorrow, but he held up a hand. “I know I’ve made mistakes,” he said. “If you can’t say yes now, it’s okay, just...just please don’t close the door entirely if there’s even a chance.”
She felt her lips curve into a watery smile. Yes, Reese had made some mistakes, but so had she. She’d readily forgive him if he could forgive her. She climbed up onto the couch right next to him. “I’d love to marry you,” she said, “because I love you. I think I always have.”
His face lit up and he wrapped his arms around her. “I love you so much,” he said.
With those words, all the acceptance she’d desired burst over her like fireworks, and all the hurt she’d felt as a neglected kid and as a victim of assault dissolved in the warmth of Reese’s embrace.
As she lifted her face to kiss him, she thanked God, who’d orchestrated all of it.
“And...that’s a wrap!” came Jacob’s voice minutes later. “Come on, guys, enough kissing already!”
Gabby reluctantly pulled away from Reese and turned. There was Jacob marching into the room, obviously pleased with himself. Nana was right behind him, a huge smile breaking her face into a million happy wrinkles.
“I caught it all on video,” Jacob said. “Nice proposal, dude. A little low-key, compared to how some of the guys ask girls to dances, but hey. Whatever works.”
“Especially the part with Izzy,” Nana declared. “That’s going to bring some tears at your wedding.”
Gabby looked up at Reese, half laughing, half crying, and gestured toward Jacob and Nana. “Package deal, remember? They’re part of the package, too.”
“Package deal,” he said with a smile. “They’re part of who you are. I love you, and I love them, too.”
And as they all collapsed onto the couch together, hugging and laughing, Gabby looked heavenward and thanked God for the good and generous gifts He’d given her.