RENEE GOT THROUGH the meeting with Hanna and Graham by focusing on them and pretending Jasper wasn’t in the room. A reality made difficult by Hanna deferring to him on every decision. On the bright side, they’d chosen medium blue and mauve as their colors and they’d set up meetings to discuss food, drinks and decorations.
With all that decided, Renee printed out the details and handed a copy to Hanna and Graham before reluctantly passing one to Jasper.
“I’ll be in touch next week with the information we’re waiting for,” she said as they prepared to leave. “We’re on a tight time frame, so we need to get going on everything.”
“This is so wonderful,” Hanna told her. “I can’t thank you enough.” She turned to Jasper. “You have our email addresses, right? So if you need anything you’ll be in touch?”
He looked faintly uncomfortable as he shook hands with them. “You know I will be.”
Renee was hoping his uneasiness came from the fact that he had to now face her. She hoped he was feeling like the worm he was, but she had her doubts. If he cared about anyone but himself, he wouldn’t have done what he did. It wasn’t a lesson she wanted to learn, but better early in their nonrelationship.
Hanna and Graham left. Renee half expected Jasper to duck out with them to avoid her, but he stayed where he was. She waited until she was sure the other couple was out of earshot before turning her attention on him.
“That was lucky timing,” she said, careful to keep her voice calm when she really wanted to throw a chair at his head. “It took you what, fifteen minutes, to go behind my back?”
“Renee, it’s not what you think.”
“It’s exactly what I think and you know it. You understood everything I was saying and when you didn’t agree, you did what you wanted. You never gave a thought as to why I felt as strongly as I did. You didn’t care that I would be upset or feel betrayed. You wanted what you wanted and that’s all that matters to you.”
She closed her tablet. “Your book is nowhere near as important as their wedding. It’s their day, not yours. You were thoughtless and selfish and you have proven that I was a fool to think we could be friends or that I could trust you. Neither is true. Now I would like you to leave.”
“I don’t get to say anything? What about my thoughts on what just happened?”
“Your opinion doesn’t matter at all to me, Jasper. Not anymore.”
When he made no move to stand, she got up and walked out of the conference room. She went to her office, where she closed and locked the door. While it was unlikely he would follow her there, she wanted to make it clear she was done talking to him.
She leaned against her door and closed her eyes for a second. Disappointment didn’t begin to describe what she was feeling. While their relationship was never going to be about more than sex, she had thought he was a decent guy and now that was ruined forever. He was just some thoughtless jackass who had wormed his way into one of her weddings and there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it.
“I’LL BE THERE at the end of next month, Mom,” Renee said as she turned on the road that would take her to the animal preserve. Her friend Carol had asked her to stop by, without saying why. A reason to be concerned, Renee thought, hoping everything was all right.
“I’m glad we’ll get a few days together,” Verity Grothen, Renee’s mother, said, her voice perfectly clear over the car’s speakers. “I’ve found a lovely little spa in the neighborhood. Let’s have a girls’ day out.”
“I’d like that, Mom.”
“Then it’s a date. You take care, sweetie.”
“I will. You, too.”
They hung up. Renee breathed a sigh of relief that her mother hadn’t mentioned visiting Happily Inc. There had been a few murmurings when Renee had first moved here, but she’d claimed she was too busy to have anyone visit and had instead promised a trip to her mother’s place in San Diego.
Not that she didn’t love her mother—she did. Verity was the only family she had. It was just having her mother around was complicated. Especially here, she thought as she parked at the animal preserve.
The Happily Inc Animal Preserve was on the outskirts of town—by the dump and recycling center. Carol’s father and her uncles, Ed and Ted, had bought the dump and all the surrounding land years ago. After establishing a healthy savanna, they’d brought in nonpredatory animals such as zebras, gazelles, giraffes and a water buffalo.
The nonprofit was supported by donations and a trust that had been established the previous year when artist Ronan Mitchell had donated several glass pieces that were sold at auction.
Whenever Carol hosted a girlfriend lunch, she had it at the preserve, weather permitting. While everyone else enjoyed being outside and catching sight of the animals roaming free, those lunches always made Renee nervous. She preferred to live her life wild animal–free. Not that she didn’t love nature—she did. Just from a safe distance that was definitely out of earshot.
A cat would be different, she thought wistfully. She liked cats. At least she thought she could, if she was ever brave enough to get one. But whenever she considered it, her mind reminded her of all the potential disasters that could follow.
Renee pushed those thoughts away and instead wondered why Carol had asked her to stop by. As Carol was happily married and the mother to an adorable baby, Renee didn’t anticipate them having to discuss a problem.
At least not a problem of Carol’s, Renee mentally amended as she walked toward the main offices. She, on the other hand, was still fuming from her encounter with Jasper two days ago. His complete disregard for her job, her clients and her specific request that he not get involved in a wedding had made it clear he was a definite candidate for jerk of the year. Her only regret was that she’d ever thought he was a decent guy. Obviously her ability to find the worst guy in the room was still alive and well. Note to self—avoid men forever.
Easy enough, she told herself firmly. She wouldn’t look, wouldn’t date and certainly wouldn’t touch. Any attempt to get along with a man on a romantic or sexual level would only lead to disaster. It was just...she’d really liked him. And now she couldn’t and that made her both pissy and sad.
Pushing all thoughts of Jasper and his dickishness from her mind, she walked into the main building and was surprised to find both Carol and Bethany waiting for her.
“Hi,” Renee said, smiling at her friends.
Carol and Bethany both rose and hugged her. Carol was a pretty, down-to-earth redhead who favored cargo pants and T-shirts. Bethany, a gorgeous blonde, was equally casual in her dress code. While Carol worked with the grazing animals that roamed the Happily Inc savanna, Bethany and her husband, Cade, were co-owners of a horse ranch outside of town. Bethany’s claim to fame was that she was the adopted daughter of the king of El Bahar and therefore an honest to goodness princess complete with tiaras and bodyguards. While she was in Happily Inc, she lived pretty much like everyone else, but when she returned to El Bahar, she was living the princess life.
“So what’s up?” Renee asked, then paused as the two women exchanged a glance. Her first thought had been maybe some kind of group party they needed help planning, but now she was thinking it wasn’t anything like that at all.
Her stomach clenched as she braced herself for bad news. Was someone sick? Was it worse than that?
“Let’s go back to my office,” Carol said, leading the way down a short hall.
They went into her small, messy office and she shut the door behind them.
After clearing files off chairs, they all found a seat. Renee looked at each of them.
“Just say it,” she told them. “I can handle it.”
“It’s nothing bad,” Carol said quickly. “I’m sorry. We didn’t mean to scare you.”
“It’s actually good news.” Bethany offered a fake smile. “Really.”
“Uh-huh. Why don’t I believe that?”
“I have no idea.” Bethany sucked in a breath. “I can’t do this.”
“You have to,” Carol said gently. “The news is going to come out eventually and the more people you tell, the better you’ll feel.”
“I’m not sure about your logic,” Bethany muttered before looking at Renee. “I’m pregnant.”
Renee blinked. She hadn’t seen that coming. “You are? That’s wonderful. But you’re not happy. Is there something...?”
Bethany quickly shook her head. “The baby is fine. It’s not that. I’m thrilled, Cade is over the moon. We’re both so excited. It’s just...”
Renee had no idea what she was talking about. If they were happy and the baby was healthy, then what could possibly be wrong? They were going to be parents. There would be a new generation and—
“Your parents,” she said flatly. “You have to tell your parents.”
Bethany dropped her head. “I’m having the first grandchild of the king and queen of El Bahar. My brothers are still kids, so it’s going to be years before any of them gets married, let alone has a kid. My mom will be excited, but my father is going to ruin everything.”
She looked at Renee. “He’ll fly over and wrap me in bubble wrap himself. He’ll want me monitored and protected and life as I know it will never be the same.” Tears filled her eyes. “What if he orders me back to El Bahar?”
“Can he do that?”
“He’s the king. He can do anything he wants when it comes to his family. I wasn’t born in the country, so I’m not in succession to the throne and neither is my child, but that won’t matter to him. He’s going to want to make sure his first grandchild is taken care of from conception, or from the second he knows I’m pregnant.”
Renee grinned. “He’s going to be a grandfather. Of course he’ll be excited.”
“He’s a grandfather with superpowers. There’s a difference.”
Renee glanced at Carol. “Am I here to offer advice?”
Carol nodded. “You’re the most honest, sensible, pragmatic person we know.” Her mouth curved up. “I mean that in a good way.”
“Then I’ll take it that way.” Renee touched Bethany’s hand. “Tell your parents. This is their first grandchild and they deserve to know. Plus, you’re making yourself miserable keeping it from them and that’s not fun.”
Bethany scowled. “That’s it? That’s your advice?”
“Not quite. Before you call, take some time to come up with a phrase that defines how you feel and how you want to be treated. For example, something like, ‘Dad, I appreciate that you’re worried about me, but right now I need to focus on taking care of myself and our baby. I need to stay calm and centered and the best way for me to do that is to be with Cade in Happily Inc.’”
Renee shrugged. “Or whatever your version of that is. Then you write it down and keep repeating it until he gets the message. Oh, and have a point of compromise ready. Let him fly over a doctor or invite him to listen to the baby’s heartbeat or something. Ask for what you want, then offer him something he wants that you can live with.”
Bethany stared at her. “That could work. I like what you said.” She turned to Carol. “Can I have a piece of paper and a pen? I want to write that down. It was perfect. And you’re right about offering him something. I’ll say no to everything first, then compromise later. That way he feels as if he’s winning.”
“I told you she’d be good,” Carol said as she handed over a pad and pen.
“It comes from years of working with feuding wedding parties,” Renee said, her voice teasing. “Sometimes what Mom wants and what her daughter wants are not the same thing.” She smiled at Bethany. “I think I forgot to say congratulations. I’m so happy for you.”
“Thanks. We’re both thrilled. There’s just the big royal thing to get over and then we’ll be fine. Now tell me again what you said.”
Renee worked with Bethany to get the statement how she wanted it. They talked for another thirty minutes or so, then Renee drove back to her office. On the way, she thought about how lucky Carol and Pallas were to have their babies. Now Bethany was pregnant. She would guess it was just a matter of time until Natalie and Silver were pregnant, too. She and Wynn were the only ones not married and Wynn had her son, Hunter, so she wasn’t totally alone.
It was hard to be left behind, Renee thought sadly as she waited at a light. She wanted it all—husband, kids, a normal life—and she couldn’t have it. She’d thought just sex might be enough but even that had gone spectacularly wrong. The universe was trying to tell her something and she should probably listen. When it came to a happily-ever-after, she was doomed to nothing but disappointment.
JASPER WAS WILLING to admit that he’d reached the virtual bottom of guydom. He wasn’t sorry about what he’d done, but he was sorry Renee was upset with him. The moral equivalent of not regretting the crime while disliking the consequences.
In the three days since it had all gone to hell with Renee, he’d emailed with Hanna three times, getting more details about their wedding, along with several stories about how they met and two pictures of their cat. They were a cute couple and he knew they would be a great resource and he should have been happy only he wasn’t. He felt guilty and possibly ashamed, although he wasn’t ready to admit the latter. Not yet. And if all the emotional angst wasn’t punishment enough, he couldn’t write.
This wasn’t the I don’t understand women so Mandy is a one-dimensional cliché. Nope, he actually couldn’t put words to paper.
He’d been trying. He had lots of ideas. He’d worked on the plot, had developed Mandy’s character a little more, all of which went fine, but when it came to writing the story, he sat in front of his computer and thought about how he’d screwed up with Renee.
Not that he was going to take it back. He wasn’t. He needed Hanna and Graham to help him. Plus, he wasn’t going to mess with their wedding. Not in a serious way. They were excited to be a part of his book, so it was possible he’d added to the wedding. They were special and didn’t everyone want to be special?
None of which helped with the lack of writing, so he finally gave up and drove to town. He went up and down the main streets, circling closer to Weddings Out of the Box but never actually getting there. At the last minute, he made a left turn and found his way to Wynn’s print shop. He parked and went inside.
He had no idea what he was going to say to her or why he was even here, which turned out not to be a problem. She took one look at him and called for one of her workers to man the front desk, then motioned for him to follow her into her office.
“What?” she demanded when she’d closed the door behind him. “What did you do?”
“Maybe I didn’t do anything.”
She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. “Really? Then why are you here?”
She had the whole mom-stare down cold—no doubt due to years of practice. She looked good in black pants and a multicolored short-sleeved sweater. Her hair was long and curly, her eyes were dark and thickly fringed with lashes.
Funny how he’d never noticed her lashes before. Should he talk about Mandy’s lashes in the book? Did guys notice lashes? He hadn’t until just now, so probably not, although—
“Jasper!”
He returned to the present moment. “What?”
“Tell me what’s going on.” Her gaze narrowed. “It’s Renee, isn’t it? Do not tell me you’ve messed that up already.”
“What? No. How did you know about Renee?”
“She told me you two had gotten together and wanted to make sure I was fine with it.”
Damn—women really did talk about everything. Renee had told Wynn about their night together? He hadn’t said a word to anyone. Not that he was keeping a secret—it simply hadn’t occurred to him to say anything.
Wynn’s sharp expression softened. “I told her it was okay. You and I were over months ago.”
There was something in her tone. At least he thought there was. “What aren’t you telling me?”
She smiled. “Nothing.”
He didn’t believe her but wasn’t sure he really wanted to know. The whole woman thing was so much more complicated than he’d ever realized.
“I’m sorry about before,” she told him. “When we were going out. I was wrong to be so arbitrary about Hunter.”
“You mean telling me he and I couldn’t be friends? You were wrong.”
She laughed. “Yes, I was. I was scared of you becoming too important to him and then us breaking up. I should have seen that you would stay friends with him no matter what.”
He didn’t know what to do with that. While the apology was nice, he had a feeling it wasn’t free. There was something else coming—he was sure of it.
“So you don’t mind Hunter and I hang out now?”
“It’s good for him. You were right. He needs a man in his life. As much as I want to be everything to him, that’s not realistic.”
“Maybe you’ll meet someone and get married.”
She rolled her eyes. “No, thank you. I’m not interested in anything permanent.”
They’d had that in common, he thought. He knew his reasons—he’d been damaged in the war and would never be healed enough to fall in love—but what about Wynn? What were her demons?
Before he could ask, she said, “This conversation is not about me. You’re the one who showed up on my doorstep.”
“I didn’t know where else to go. Do you really think you’re going to be alone for the rest of your life?” Did Mandy? Did she want more? And if she didn’t, why not?
“Sometimes love isn’t practical,” she told him. “It’s not about wanting or not wanting, it’s about what can be. You assume you can’t fall in love because you’re too broken from what happened in Afghanistan.”
“I was warned it was a likely outcome.”
“Maybe then, but you’ve changed a lot. When you first moved to town, you kept to yourself. We barely saw you. Then you started making friends. We got together. It was nearly a year, Jasper. That’s a big deal.”
“It didn’t work out.”
“It was the best we could do at the time. My point is you’ve come a long way. Hunter said you even have a dog.”
“I didn’t plan on getting a dog.”
“You still have one, even without a plan. You’re getting better by the week. I think you’re a lot closer to normal than you want to believe. Now tell me what happened with Renee.”
He wanted to say that she was wrong, that he hadn’t healed as much as she claimed, that he would never be right and he was okay with that. Only he didn’t want to fight with her and suddenly the need to know what to do about Renee seemed more important than anything else.
“I told her I wanted to be involved with one of her weddings. Sit in on the meetings, understand why the bride and groom were making the decisions they were, listen to them pick out stuff.”
Wynn frowned. “Why on earth would you want to do that?”
“In the book I’m writing Vidar’s love interest is a wedding planner and the serial killer is somehow involved with the weddings.”
“Oh dear God, you’re not subtle, are you?” She rubbed her temple. “Let me guess. Renee said no way, no how because she would never agree to that.” She looked up at him, her eyes wide. “Tell me you didn’t go behind her back and charm some couple into letting you get involved.”
He shifted his weight, then shoved his hands in his jeans pockets. “Maybe.”
“You are the dumbest of the dumb. She must be furious with you. Personally I’d hire someone to beat you up and then set you on fire. How could you? And don’t tell me you needed it for the book. Yes, it’s how you make your living, blah, blah, blah. We’re talking about the woman you were sleeping with. We’re talking about a friend. You dismissed her feelings and violated everything she cared about. She let you into her world, she trusted you, and you betrayed that trust and her.”
He opened his mouth to say it wasn’t like that at all, only before he could speak, he realized it was exactly that. He’d done those things and more. He’d acted as if what she thought didn’t matter. He’d treated her badly, then he’d rubbed her nose in it.
“I see the light bulb,” Wynn said.
“I was terrible,” he breathed. “I messed up everything.”
“Yes, you did.”
She opened the door and pushed him into the hallway.
“What are you doing?” he demanded. “We have to talk. You need to tell me what to do to fix this.”
“Sorry. That’s not my problem. I suggest you go home and think about everything you did wrong. Revel in your wrongness and when you feel you understand it fully, wallow just a little more. Only then can you go and apologize to Renee.”
Before he knew what was happening, she’d pushed him out onto the sidewalk and turned and walked away. Jasper stood there, the self-loathing growing by the second. He felt awful and he had no idea what he was supposed to do now.