There was once a boy called Clutha who lived with a cat and a crocodile, and they were very happy together. The strange thing was that each of them spoke a different language from the other two so that ordinary conversation was full of guesses and question marks. However, mostly they understood each other very well.
One day they all got up together, and each one of them opened his bedroom door at exactly the same time as the other two.
“Good morning,” said Clutha.
“Gone mooning,” said the cat.
“Green marmalade!” cried the crocodile.
(But they all meant the same thing really.)
“It’s a lovely day, isn’t it?” called Clutha.
“It’s a lively doe, isn’t it?” observed the cat.
“Ladylike Ding-Dong!” exclaimed the crocodile, putting up its blue frilly sunshade to prove it.
(But, as you will have guessed, they all meant the same thing really.)
Now the problem was to find something they all liked for breakfast. Clutha wanted porridge, and the cat said he wanted chops (though he may have meant chips). As for the crocodile, it couldn’t choose between cheese and cherries so they decided to have something totally different.
“How about bacon and eggs?” asked Clutha. “Very tasty, bacon and eggs!”
“Break-in and exit! Very toasty!” agreed the cat.
“Broken explosions. Very twisty!” the crocodile concurred, twirling its blue sunshade.
So they had broken explosions for breakfast and they enjoyed them very much. But after breakfast there is always a problem, as you know. Dirty dishes!
“We’d better do the washing up, I suppose,” said Clutha.
“We’d batter down the swishing cup,” nodded the cat.
“Buttered clown is wishing out,” finished the crocodile — or it sounded like that.
So they did the dishes and then they went out to play.
Now, maybe one green marmalade you’ll wake up on a ladylike ding-dong and have broken explosions for breakfast too — you’ll find them very twisty! But don’t forget to butter the clown and swish the cup when you do the wishing out, will you?
‘Green Marmalade to You’ was first published by Random House New Zealand in 30 New Zealand Stories for Children in October 2000.