During Foods of the World Week Room 5 had Japanese cooking demos from Setsuko’s mother; Room 6 did Tongan food with Tevita’s grandmother, but Ms Love’s class had an Italian Chef called Cliff Minestrone.
Cliff Minestrone wore colourful striped trousers, a blue neckerchief, and a faded red apron with oil spots all over. He had long grey hair in a ponytail. He wore dark glasses and carried a walking stick. He had a small leather suitcase with knives inside and a rubber garlic peeler.
“Buon giorno!” he called to Room 8 and kissed Ms Love noisily on both cheeks. “You lika to eatta?”
“Yeah!!!!” yelled Room 8.
“Toodayee we maka the minestrone, lika my name! First you taka the onions!”
“Minestrone means vegetable soup,” Freddy told his Dad that night. Dad had made soup, too. Horrible tomato with milky spots and skin floating. Freddy sipped three spoonfuls then pushed his plate away.
“Oh, I see,” said Dad, “not as good as Cliff’s, eh?”
On Tuesday Cliff Minestrone arrived with a large black cauldron.
“You lika da pasta?” he asked.
“Si!” yelled Room 8. Si meant Yes in Italian.
“First you taka your garleec,” said Cliff. Freddy got to use the rubber garlic peeler. Carla poured the olive oil. Alex cut up the bacon and Cliff whisked the eggs and cream.
“Itsa varrry richa theesa salsa,” said Cliff. Salsa meant sauce.
That night Freddy and Dad ate pasta too. Dad had pasta with mushroom sauce and grated cheese. Freddy had pasta-without-sauce-or-cheese. He poked at his lump of plain pasta.
“Your pasta is always so dry,” he complained.
“What do you expect when you won’t eat my sauce?” said Dad.
“I liked Cliff Minestrone’s sauce,” said Freddy. “It’s called Spaghetti alIa carbonara!” He said it just like Cliff Minestrone; he waved his fork in the air like Cliff, too.
On Wednesday Cliff Minestrone came through the door weighed down with a big bag.
“Buon giorno!” shouted Room 8. They all watched Cliff kiss Ms Love noisily.
“Toodaya,”said Cliff, “todaya we do muscoli! Muscoli al forno! First taka your muscoli!” He split open the bag and fresh mussels poured into the sink with a clatter.
Freddy told Dad all about it that night as Dad was serving up the fish for dinner. Freddy made a face at the fish.
“What’s wrong with it?” said Dad. “It’s from the sea like mussels.”
“It smells,” said Freddy. “And it’s just called fish. Not Fisho al forno.” He waved his hands and rolled his eyes, like Cliff Minestrone.
“ls that right?” said Dad.
On Thursday Cliff came into Room 8 with six long sticks of bread.
“BUON GIORNO!” yelled Room 8. “Come stai?” That meant, “How’s it going?”
“Todayee weara gonna do crostini con olive. First taka your oleeves!”
This time Billy rubbed the garlic, Kendal poured the oil and Jake and Sam W. chopped the olives. Cliff sliced the bread with his long, shiny knife.
That night Freddy and Dad had meat-loaf sandwiches with pickle and cheese. The bread was just like Cliff’s but it didn’t taste the same.
“I suppose Cliff Minestrone doesn’t have boring old bread,” said Dad.
“He has bread,” said Freddy. “But it’s not boring. It’s crostini and it’s crunchy and a corrverred weeth oleeves.”
He waved his hands and rolled his eyes and shrugged his shoulders.
“No kidding,” said Dad.
On Friday there was no cooking but Room 8 ate heaps.
“Firsta take your bowl!” said Cliff. “Then taka your spoon!”
“Then getta your cassata,” said Cliff, kissing the air noisily. Cassata was a famous Italian ice cream. And it was Cliff’s all-time favourite so he had second helpings.
And then, when Cliff Minestrone had licked his last spoonful, he picked up his suitcase and walking stick; he kissed Ms Love noisily on both cheeks and called Arriverderci to Room 8. Arriverderci meant goodbye.
“Arriverderci,” yelled Room 8. They waved and blew noisy kisses to Cliff as he disappeared through the door.
When Freddy arrived home that afternoon he nearly fell over with surprise. Sitting at the kitchen table with his suitcase and stick was Cliff Minestrone.
“Buon giorno,” said Cliff.
“Buon giorno,” said Freddy. “How come you’re at my house? Where’s my Dad?”
Then Cliff did the strangest thing. He took off his dark glasses and put them on the table. Then he took off his grey pony-tailed hair.
Freddy stared at the grey hair sitting on the table. It was a wig.
He looked hard at Cliff Minestrone.
“Buon giorno, Freddy,” said Cliff in a very different sort of voice.
Dad’s voice! Freddy felt his mouth fall open.
“Don’t be mad,” said Dad.
“You mean …” started Freddy.
“Yes,” said Dad, opening the suitcase and taking out a red, oil-spotted apron.
“You were …” said Freddy. He couldn’t take his eyes off Dad in Cliff’s clothes.
“I was Cliff,” said Dad. He took out a sharp knife.
“Every day?” Freddy asked.
“Every day,” said Dad, lifting a bag of groceries up onto the bench. “Good thing, too — now I know what you really like.”
Freddy looked at Dad Minestrone for a long time, trying to decide whether to be mad or not about the trick.
Finally he bent down and got the rubber garlic peeler out of the suitcase.
“First,” he said to Dad, “first you taka da garleec.”
‘Cliff Minestrone’ was first published by Random House New Zealand in Another 30 New Zealand Stories for Children in October 2002.