When I came into Room Ten on Wednesday morning, all the kids were down the far end.
The girls were going, “Oh, so cute!”
The guys were going, “Looks like you, Jarrod … Nah, looks like you, Matiu.”
I pushed through the crowd of kids, and stared. It was a poodle. No, a baby goat. No, a — “It’s a lamb!” I said.
“Hey,” went Matiu. “What do you call stories told by a baby sheep? Lamb’s Tales.”
Tamsin had brought the lamb to school. “She’s our first lamb born this year,” Tamsin said. “Her mother had twins, but she hasn’t got enough milk for both of them, so we’re feeding this one from a bottle.”
“Hey,” went Matiu. “What do you get when you cross a lamb with a kangaroo? A woolly jumper.”
Tamsin took no notice of him. She pulled a baby’s bottle out of her bag, and next minute — Glomp! The lamb was sucking away flat out. Her head bunted, her tail waggled, milk dribbled down her chin. Just like my little sister Stacey — except for the tail.
“What’s she called, Tamsin?” our teacher Ms Mika asked.
“Yeah,” said Jarrod. “Is she called Baaaarbie?”
“No,” Tamsin told him. “She’s called Pam. Pam the Lamb.”
Pam the Lamb curled up on the floor beside Tamsin’s desk. A couple of times she went “Baaaa!” So all Room Ten went “Baaaa!” back to her — until Ms Mika said that anyone who kept doing that would end up on a baaaarbecue.
Pam had another bottle at interval. “Why’s she shaking?” someone asked. “All lambs shake,” said Andrew, who lives on a farm like Tamsin. “lt’s because their hearts beat so fast.”
“Hey,” went Matiu. “What did the farmer say to insult the lady sheep? Ewe Idiot!”
After interval, we had Personal Writing. “I’m going to write some nursery rhymes,” Ripeka Matthews announced.
“Tamsin had a little lamb …”
“Yeah,” said Jarrod. “Tamsin had a little lamb. A little pork. A little ham …”
We’d been writing for about ten minutes when Tamsin looked down at Pam and put her hand up. “Er … Ms Mika? Pam’s done a puddle on the floor.”
She is like my little sister Stacey, I thought. Ms Mika sighed. “Find Mr Chan the caretaker. Get some disinfectant and a bucket of water.”
At lunchtime, Tamsin put a leash on Pam’s collar and we took her outside. The guys all wanted to teach Pam how to play soccer, but Tamsin said no, she and her friends were going to read Pam some Hairy Maclary stories.
“Hairy Maclary?” Jarrod asked. “Don’t you mean Woolly MacPully?”
“Hey,” went Matiu. “What did the sailor call when he saw the lamb’s parents? Sheep Ahoy!”
After lunch, we had our usual Wednesday Afternoon Girls versus Guys Word-Quiz. The girls said that Pam was going to be in their team.
“Now,” said Ms Mika. “What’s the name for a bank of sand formed when a river meets the sea? A sand …?”
“Baaaa!” went Pam.
“Right!” said Ms Mika. “A sand bar. Well done, Pam. A point for the girls.”
“Awww!” groaned all the guys.
“Next word,” said Ms Mika. “The name for the part of a bike you steer with. A handle …?”
“Baaaa!” went Pam again.
“Right!” said Ms Mika. “Another point for the girls.”
“Awww!” groaned all the guys again.
When the quiz was over, Pam had some more milk, and went to sleep beside Tamsin’s desk.
After a while Jarrod suddenly yelled, “Look! Pam’s eating my science project!”
She was, too. A piece of green paper was just vanishing into her mouth.
“What’s your project about, Jarrod?” someone asked.
“It’s about healthy diets,” Jarrod replied. “Why’s everyone laughing?”
“Hey,” went Matiu. “What did the man sing when he was shearing the friendly sheep? ‘Fleece A Jolly Good Fellow’.”
We worked on for another quarter of an hour. Then Tamsin looked down and put up her hand again. “Er … Ms Mika?”
“Another puddle?” our teacher asked.
“Ummm … not a puddle exactly,” Tamsin said. Sure enough, kids near her desk were holding their noses.
Ms Mika sighed again. “Find Mr Chan the caretaker. Get some disinfectant and a big bucket of water.”
When we were packing up that afternoon, Ms Mika said, “Andrew, if any lambs are born on your farm tonight, just bring a photo of them.” Andrew grinned.
Next morning in class, Ms Mika was calling out everyone’s names. Andrew wasn’t there. Then the door opened, and Andrew looked in. He was holding a rope tied to something outside. “Hey, Ms Mika …” he began.
Our teacher stared. “Andrew, I told you not to bring any lambs along!”
Andrew shook his head. “Nah. Nah, I haven’t brought a lamb.”
“MOOOOO!” went the something outside.
‘Wool You Join Us?’ was first published by Random House New Zealand in Claws & Jaws: 30 New Zealand Animal Stories in October 2004.