Drew’s favorite grandmother, Grandma Abigail, used to have a proverb for every occasion, and her little sayings always seemed to come back to Drew when he had a difficult situation to handle. Sometimes, it was like Grandma Abigail was standing right next to him, giving him advice. Today was one of those times. He wasn’t sure why the bus was dented from end to end and covered in mud as if it had rolled down a hillside—but he strongly suspected it had something to do with Rufus’s well documented need for speed. His first inclination was to gather the whole team together and demand an explanation from every single one of them. But then he heard Grandma Abigail’s sweet voice in his head, repeating one of her favorite sayings: When you don’t know what made the carriage tip over, go right to the source and ask the horse. So Drew took a deep breath. “Rufus, can I have a moment alone with you?”
If you have a problem with someone on your team, go directly to that person and ask to speak with him. Start out by explaining how something has made you feel, without accusing him of doing something wrong. I suggest starting the conversation by saying, “I respect you, and I wanted to come to you directly instead of mentioning this to anyone else.” It’s much more respectful that way. And if you don’t have the courage to go directly to the source, then you need to keep that person’s name and the situation out of your mouth. If you’re not going to handle the situation like a professional, then don’t compound the problem by spreading your unhappiness and issues. As we all know, the absolute worst way to handle the situation is to go and tell everyone you’re close with on the staff about a problem you’ve noticed. When I see this, it gets on my nerves to no end, because it spreads negativity and it shifts a weight onto the shoulders of those who are trying to run. When you tell all your colleagues about a sticky issue, you are adding weight to them that they don’t need.
I once worked with a teacher who went around to everyone, unburdening herself by describing everything that bothered her. She was always in everyone else’s space, and when people would ask me where she was, I used to think to myself, Anywhere but her office. I would walk around the school and find her hunched over, sitting closely to a staff member, and it was obvious she was unloading all of her problems on them. Honestly, I had to write her up because her work wasn’t getting completed. I could tell she was complaining about the fact that I had written her up, but if she had just stopped using her time to complain, she easily could have gotten her work done. When I met with her, I asked her to stop going to talk to the other staff members about her issues, and she said, “I am just asking them for advice.” She didn’t get it. She couldn’t see that she was placing her burdens on the entire staff and by making everyone feel sorry for her, it put a big downer on the organization. As previously stated, people are more than willing to let you be their sponge.
So, in short, if you have an issue to resolve, don’t go to all of your colleagues to ask for help. Go directly to anyone you have an issue with, whether it’s the boss or otherwise. Be respectful, get to the point, and squash it. If you hold on to the issue, you can’t run because it will be holding you down, and you don’t want to walk around your organization putting the burden on others either.