20

 

A deep sense of betrayal began to snake a bitter, insidious path into Shelby’s conscience. Forcing down another sudden, huge lump in her throat, she closed her eyes and prayed for the strength to make it through the next few minutes without dissolving in a puddle of tears in Robert’s house. Numbness descended upon her heart, squeezing so hard she thought she’d collapse. Gasping for air, Shelby stumbled down the hallway. She needed to get out of there.

Swallowing her tears and her remaining pride, she walked as quietly as possible back into the living room. Her purse sat on the floor. Snatching it by the strap, she grabbed it and hurried to the door. “Thanks for the great dinner, Robert.” Blindsided or not, she could still be polite.

“Shelby? Where are you going?” Harrison was beside her in a split second. Gratifying, yes, but it wasn’t enough to stop her.

“Home.” She darted a glance at Robert, trying to ignore his expression of shocked surprise. “I’ll call you from Chicago.” Flinging open the door, she stalked outside. It was all too much. She felt like her head was going to explode.

Harrison called to her from the open doorway. “Shelby? Don’t go like this. Stay. Tell us what’s wrong.”

Stay. She wasn’t about to pay heed to that pesky little voice inside her or Harrison’s pleas. Look where it had gotten her. Oh, she’d gone and really done it now. Fallen in love with a man who might only want her for her money, making him no different from most of the other men she’d met. That would explain why he’d devoted so much time to her.

Was Harrison merely a handsome charmer with a devil-may-care attitude who flitted around the world befriending lonely women with money to help fund his foundation or his personal lifestyle? All those things he said before? Had they all been lies, intended to ingratiate himself into her life for his own selfish purposes? She didn’t want to believe such things. Oh, what a muddled mess she was.

“Shelby! Wait!”

“Not this time, Harrison,” she said, gritting her teeth and picking up her pace.

His boots pounded the pavement behind her. She was no match for him. “Please,” he said, putting both hands on her shoulders and turning her around. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s upset you so much that you ran flying out of the house. Robert’s concerned, and so am I.”

“Maybe you should have thought of that when you were—never mind. I was wrong to come to Scotland, wrong to think...wrong to feel.” Blinking back tears, she inhaled a deep breath. “I wish I’d never come to Edinburgh.”

When she dared to glance up at him, she saw the hurt. It pierced her like a knife, but it couldn’t be helped.

“Do you think finding Pops was wrong, Shelby? Please don’t say you believe that. Deep down, you know it’s not true.” He lifted her chin with his hand. “I’ll never believe meeting you was wrong.” When she turned her head, unable to look him in the eye, he dropped his hand. “Where’s this anger coming from?”

“Honestly, Harrison, I don’t know what to think anymore. I just need time and some space,” she said, her voice barely more than a whisper. “Please allow me that much. I’m going to get on the plane tomorrow, go back to Chicago, and get back to my normal routine.” Her eyes found his. “Turns out Scotland has been a dream. A beautiful dream, yes, but an illusion, too good to be true.” She shook her head. “I made this time in Edinburgh—and you—what I’d always hoped to find in my life, but it’s not real.” A tear slipped down her cheek, and she let it fall.

“Let me go get the car keys, and I’ll drive you back to the hotel. We need to talk this through. I can’t let you run away, not without you giving me a fighting chance.” Harrison’s voice was as firm as she’d ever heard it, and while it warmed her heart, she couldn’t do this. Not now, and maybe never.

“I’ll manage. Thanks all the same. I’d appreciate it if you’d call a cab for me.”

Harrison blew out a breath. “Look, I don’t know what happened in there tonight, but you’re not walking out of my life. I won’t let that happen. You’re too important.”

Shelby bit the inside of her cheek and watched as he walked to the curb and whistled. Waving to a cab at the far end of the street, he repeated the harsh, ear-splitting whistle. Within seconds, the driver stopped at the curb. She’d had no idea a cab would be so close, but maybe it was a good thing for a quicker getaway. Her heart breaking, she swallowed more tears.

Opening the door, Harrison stood aside, his expression confused and bewildered. He grabbed her hand as she started to climb into the back of the cab and pulled her around to face him, forcible but never rough. Off balance, she clutched his arms to stay upright.

“Whatever I’ve done, Shelby love, forgive me. I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with you.” His voice was deep and huskier than she’d ever heard it. He brushed a kiss on her cheek and then angled his mouth toward hers. “I never want to let you go.”

“I can’t,” she said, struggling for breath and pushing against him. “I have to go.”

Kisses wouldn’t sway her this time, and she needed to distance herself from this man. All the feelings came crashing down around her, threatening to drown her in a sea of her own insecurity and fear.

“I love you,” he said again. “Stay. Let’s figure out where we go from here.”

Shelby addressed the cab driver. “I’m sorry for your trouble. Please go on your way.”

The driver tipped his cap and then drove off.

She turned back around to face Harrison. Never had she felt more bewildered or confused. Lord, please give me Your words.

Harrison remained silent, but the muscles in his jaws clenched and his arms found their way across his chest.

“Harrison, for one thing, you have a father and a sister to go home to if and when you want, but who do I really have?” Shaking, Shelby ran her hands up and down her arms although she still felt more numb than cold. “You were right. I have neighbors and sorority sisters who might invite me to a garden fundraiser, and work colleagues, but they’re more interested in gaining access to my professional contacts than getting to know me on any kind of personal level.” The admission was difficult to make but regrettably true all the same.

Harrison moved toward her, his expression determined. “You’re missing the big picture, Shelby. The most important people in your life are always there for you. Yes, your parents are gone, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t people who care for you.”

She stared at him. “What do you mean?”

“How about the people who’ve served a generation of your family—the ones who’ve tended the horses, cleaned the stables, cooked the meals, washed the cars.” He stepped closer. “I wish you could see and hear yourself when you talk about Harmony Lane. You become so animated your eyes light up. It’s your passion, and you don’t even know it. You’ve told me about Jonas and Nan and all the terrific people there. They’re not simply employees hired by your mom and dad. They’re so much more. Those people are your friends...your family. I doubt you’ll find anyone else more fiercely protective of you. They’re the ones who’ve been there all along, watching you grow up into this beautiful and self-sufficient woman standing in front of me now.” His eyes, so brilliant, flashed in the light from a street lamp. “A woman who thinks she can make it on her own in the world without help from anyone else.”

“Now you’re talking nonsense,” she said.

“Am I? You give off the strong impression you’re perfectly capable, but I’m not sure you even want God Himself beside you. Trust me. I’ve tried going it alone without Him, and it doesn’t work. You need Him in your life.”

She gasped. Moving one hand over her mouth, Shelby backed away. “That’s not fair.”

Harrison reached for her and held her by both arms with a firm but unyielding hold. “Let Him work in your life, Shelby. If I never see you again, please promise me you’ll give up the reins and let Him take over. He’s already given you a huge gift with Pops. Look how that’s working out. But I want you to find your own miracle, when you can see what marvelous things He can accomplish in your life. But here’s the thing.”

He waited until she raised her head and met his eyes once more. His words stung, they hurt more than anything, but still he cared enough to tell her the truth. “Please enlighten me,” she said.

“Trust the Lord to help you find your way home.”

She shook her head and ran a hand through her hair. “I have a home.”

“In Lexington at Harmony Lane. That’s your true home.” He tapped his fist over his heart. “In here, Shelby.”

“Yes.” The word was barely more than a whisper. “It always has been.”

Moving both hands to her shoulders, he gave them a gentle squeeze. “Then go home for good. Do what you need to do to make it happen. Take the clients who’ll go with you and let go of the others. You don’t need them. Find new clients in Lexington. People with money who need help figuring out what to do with it are everywhere.”

“Where’s your home, Harry? Home in your heart?”

Her question apparently stunned him. He paced back and forth a few seconds before turning and coming to stand in front of her again. “I honestly don’t know the answer to that question. I don’t have all the answers either. Maybe that’s what I need to figure out.”

She blew out a breath, her eyes misting. “Then I guess we’re on the same sinking ship, and we both need to choose a lifeboat.”

He snapped up his head. “This isn’t good-bye forever, Shelby. Whatever I did or said to make you run away tonight, I hope you can forgive me.”

“Forgiveness is the easiest thing,” she said. “We both need time to figure out some things in our lives. Whether what we have between us is real...” She swallowed back more tears and met his eyes. “Or if it was all a lovely dream.” Oh, yes, she had a whole lot of praying to do. She’d seek the Lord’s will, knowing He’d have the answers she couldn’t find on her own. Lean on Him, as Harrison encouraged her to do. He was right, but she needed to find out for herself.

“If this has all been a dream,” Harrison said, “then it’s the most vivid dream of my life. Believe that.” Perched on the curb, he raised his arm and whistled. A cab with its driver behind the wheel sat a block away. At Harrison’s call, the driver started up the car and headed in their direction. When it stopped beside them, Harrison opened the door, waiting, his expression downcast. For once, he didn’t look at her. She hated leaving him like this. “Harry,” she said, her voice faltering. “Forgive me, too. It’s just...”

“Just what?” His voice was low, bewilderment creasing his features.

She inhaled a quick, deep breath. “I heard you say something in Robert’s house. You and Pops were talking about my financial situation and about Harmony Lane.”

His mouth gaped. “Please don’t jump to conclusions, Shelby. If you think for one second that I only want you for your money, you’ve got it all wrong—”

“Maybe I do,” she said, “but it was only the catalyst. Like a wise man told me, I need to find my home and know my own heart. But until I do that, I fear my heart is not mine to give. Harrison, I came to Edinburgh to honor a promise to my father. I never expected to meet you. Everything happened so fast between us, and I’m not sure I can trust these feelings.”

Harrison stared at her as if in disbelief, his brows drawn together, his lips compressed. “You’re not sure you can trust me. That’s what this is all about. Look, even if you can’t admit it to me, be honest enough to admit it to yourself. From the moment you spouted that absolutely ridiculous spiel in the Castle Gardens about having pins in your head, you had me. Call me crazy, but I knew you were one of the least pretentious, genuine people I’d ever met.” He shook his head. “I never would have believed you’d question my motives, my ethics, or especially the depth of my feelings for you.”

He waved one hand in the air as if dismissing her. “Go back to Chicago, Shelby. I hope you’ll be very happy. Find your peace. With Pops running Harmony Lane, you can rest assured it’s in capable hands. I can only pray, in the years to come, you’ll think fondly of this time we’ve spent together in Edinburgh.” His eyes met hers. “I know I will.”

Swallowing her tears, knowing there was nothing further she could say, Shelby climbed into the backseat of the cab. Harrison closed the door, telling the driver to take her to the hotel. Turning her head, she steeled herself not to glance out the window as the cab pulled away. Harrison would be standing there, but she couldn’t bear it. She settled into the seat and allowed the tears to flow.

Saying good-bye and letting go of her parents was the hardest thing she’d ever done.

Until now.