I rang Jim at the chambers from the pay phone next morning. I had cried all night and wanted to die. For once I needed Jim just as he had said I would and it was annoying to admit he was right.
‘Shall I call the police?’ he asked.
‘I can’t prove anything and they’ll never know who did it. Dixie Dean swears it was louts came in through the back fences and did it. He says they’re always vandalising things but I’m not so sure of it. Fact is, I don’t know. ‘
‘Why don’t you come over to me, Bridie, come and I’ll find you a place over here.’
‘How can I afford the rent round your way, Jim? You said it was too expensive yourself. I’m going out now to look for another job.’
‘You never give up, do you?’
‘No, I don’t,’ I cried with passion, ‘and I never will. I won’t let things beat me! I never have yet.’
‘Bridie, Bridie … why don’t you just let go of this fierce independence of yours!’
‘I can’t. I’ve given up home and Ryan and everything to come here, to prove something to myself. Don’t you understand, don’t you see, Jim? It seems foolish to you, it seems foolish to Ryan. But something in me urges me on. I don’t know why, either.’
Jim sighed. ‘I don’t understand. I really don’t. You’re beautiful, so beautiful. Any man would want to take care of you if you would let him. Yet it seems you’ll never let a man near you. Not me, not Ryan. You’re going to be fierce and Amazonian and much good may it do you, Bridie O’Neill. Anyway, I’m here if you do need me. You know that.’
‘I do know that, Jim. I am grateful, forgive me. I can’t help being the person I am.’
‘You can no more help it than a bird can help wanting to fly. And I wouldn’t want you to be anything else. Look, I’ll come round tonight and take you out for a meal. It’ll cheer you a little. Let me do that, at least. If I know you, you’ll be out all day looking for work. Am I right?’
‘You are right. And I will find something.’
‘Well, do your best, my little trooper. You’ll be shattered after a day looking for work. Expect me after six.’
‘All right. Thanks, Jim,’ I sighed and put the phone down.
I spent the day trudging around again, looking for work. I even called again at De Marco’s but Queenie regretfully said the girls were proving very good and there were no vacancies as yet. She said Mr De Marco paid good wages and so they stuck it out even though he was a demanding boss.
‘Good luck, dearie,’ she said as I went my way, feeling like orphan Annie.
It was a fruitless day. Perhaps my confidence had eroded and it showed to prospective employers and no one wanted me. I would have to think of something else. But what?
My feet were tired when I got back to Portdown Road and I climbed the narrow flights slowly. When I went to put the key in the door of my room, I realised I’d left it unlocked. Oh God! I was so careless. A puzzled frown came to my face. I was so sure I had locked it. It really was time they put Yale locks on these doors, then they would close automatically. Maybe I’d get one put on myself when I had some cash to spare. Nervously I opened the door but all was quiet and looked as I had left it. I breathed a sigh of relief.
As I made a cup of tea for myself, I kept glancing around. There was a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach that I couldn’t account for. I had looked forward to the cup of tea but it now tasted of nothing. I felt so tired that all I wanted to do was go to bed early but Jim was coming. Damn Jim! I was really too tired to be with anyone. I just wanted to be left alone, to curl up and die.
The breakfast things still sat on the table so I cleared them away and washed them up, my mind full of worries and misery. Some instinct made me go to the picture on the back of which I’d taped my envelope with Joe’s money in it. It wasn’t there. My heart lurched.
At that moment, Jim knocked and I let him in. My face must have looked stricken for he said at once, ‘What’s up, Bridie? You look white as a sheet.’
I bit my lip. ‘I can’t find my envelope, the one with the money Joe gave me.’
‘Where do you normally keep it?’
‘I always keep it taped behind a picture. It should have been safe. Jim, oh, Jim … what shall I do!’
He desisted from saying ‘I told you so,’ though he must have felt like it. I was a fool and naïve. I knew it and felt ashamed of myself. I was too trusting. This place was a thieves’ den.
‘Let’s have a good search,’ he said. ‘Maybe it fell on the floor or something, it can’t have just disappeared.’
We both searched high and low, even in the little waste bin. I was beginning to feel desperate. My self-control gave way and I sat down and sobbed.
Jim came and knelt in front of me, giving me his handkerchief to dry my eyes. I took it with a silly, nervous laugh, trying to pretend I was really okay but the sobs returned as I thought that I had only two weeks’ money in my purse, only enough to pay the rent. I was tired, beaten down and felt a failure. Nothing worked for me, everything conspired to make me a passive, pathetic creature who could do very little and had no hope of making anything of herself at all. Self pity rolled over me in waves.
‘Rubbish!’ said Jim as I wailed these thoughts aloud. ‘You’re tired and upset. Naturally, you’re upset. Bridie, maybe we should call the police, maybe your money has been stolen. Do you think that weird old fellow downstairs might have anything to do with it? Was there any sign of forced entry?’
That shut me up. I stared at Jim and said slowly, ‘No, Jim, the door was unlocked when I got back yet I’m so sure I locked it. I must have got confused – I left in such an awful hurry this morning, my mind on everything that’s happened. Usually I’m really careful, make sure the gas is off and all that sort of thing.’
‘You must have forgotten to lock it if you say there was no sign of its being forced open. The police won’t help you much if that’s the case, they’ll say it’s your own fault. They really ought to have Yale locks; it’s a disgrace. No good having a Yale on the front door when the inmates aren’t to be trusted. I’m going to have a word with Mrs Townsend about it.’
‘That’s a fat lot of good when I’ve had my money stolen. I’ve never had that much money in my life and it’s been taken from me. It’s so cruel. Who did it, Jim – who could have taken it?’
I knew it wasn’t Luke or Betty. I wasn’t sure about Ted. I didn’t really know the other couple of people in the house except by sight. However, I had mentioned having money to that old scoundrel Dixie Dean. I began to feel certain it was him.
‘Maybe we should call the police. I think he should be arrested,’ said Jim angrily when I told him this.
‘We don’t know if it’s him for sure, we just don’t know. If we call the police I suppose they’ll search everyone’s rooms and that would be so horrid. They’ll all hate me. I can’t stay here after this. In fact, I don’t want to stay here at all. Oh, Jim, what can I do?’
I seemed to have lost all power of action. Jim went downstairs in a fury saying he would confront the old bastard and see if it was him. I heard raised voices; Dixie, Jim and their shouts were soon joined by the other tenants who came out of their rooms to witness the goings on with relish. I went out onto the landing and saw old Dixie Dean cowering in a corner of the hall with several people standing about him looking threatening.
‘If you’ve pinched the gel’s money, you miserable old sod, then you’re in for it!’ yelled Betty. ‘And I bet you did pinch it. You’re always snoopin’ and pryin’ and it’s bleedin’ time you was locked up! Bet you smashed up our garden an’ all.’
‘I never did, I never touched no soddin’ money!’ said Dixie. His old face was a crumpled mess of fear as Ted, still in his vest and with muscles like a navvie, came close to his face, grasping the tattered shirt and almost lifting the old man from the floor.
‘Well then, let’s ’ave a look in your room, eh? That can’t ’urt, can it?’
‘I ain’t got no money, I tell you,’ whined the old man. ‘I ain’t.’
He turned as if to escape back into his room. Betty suddenly swooped upon him. ‘Wot’s this, then?’ she demanded grabbing his shirt which gave in with the ripping sound of rotting material. An envelope was sticking half out of the old fellow’s back pocket. She pulled it out and sickeningly I knew it was mine. Opening it, she revealed the five crisp tenners.
‘So you never took it, eh?’
Ted picked up Dixie like a rag doll. He looked as if he was going to strike his head against the wall but I screamed and ran downstairs as fast as I could.
‘It’s okay, it’s okay – you’ve found the money. Don’t hit him!’
The big fellow was reluctant to give up his sport but I insisted that they let him go.
‘Tell them, Jim!’ I shrieked. ‘Tell them he’s an old man and they can’t treat him like this.’
Jim was leaning against a wall taking no part in it now, just allowing things to unroll. He almost seemed to be enjoying the furore he had begun.
‘She’s right. We ought to turn him over to the police,’ he reprimanded Ted, ‘not take the law into our own hands. You’ll get into trouble yourself if you do that.’
Ted considered this and Betty grabbed his arm and tried to pull him away from the scene.
‘Aw, leave the bloody old fool alone, Ted. You’ll be ’ad for GBH again’
Ted shrugged and said to the pale and cowering Dixie, ‘You better watch it, mate, that’s all. Any more of your crap and I won’t be responsible for what ’appens. Got it?’
‘I never took it, ’onest,’ was all Dixie could say. There was a look in his eyes of pathetic bewilderment.
Jim went to the phone. I seized his arm and stopped him just as he began dialling 999.
‘No, no, let him alone, I don’t want the police.’
‘But justice must be done.’
‘Oh Jim, shut up about justice. You’re worse than bloody Shylock! I don’t think he did take it.’
‘What do you mean? It was in his pocket; everyone saw that.’
‘I know, but … I don’t think he could even walk up all those stairs, not with his false leg. Everyone was crowding around him; anyone might have shoved it in his pocket. Look, we’ve got the money back, let’s leave it alone. It could be any of these awful people and they’re all trying to blame him. This place is a hornet’s nest. I don’t want to stay another night here.’
‘It weren’t me,’ said Dixie again, looking at me hopefully. ‘Don’t get the rozzers in, mister.’
I looked at the poor, pathetic old fool and my heart turned over. It was time to leave this place and go. Anywhere. I ran back upstairs and Jim followed me.
I began to pack my cases, flinging things in.
‘Where will you go, Bridie? You’re acting like a fool. Stop for a moment and let’s think it out.’
‘I’m going back home.’
‘And where is home?’
I stopped packing and sat down wearliy on the bed. Where indeed was home? Not with Joe and Sheila, not with Ethel in Bournemouth and my pride forbade me trying to find Ryan. ‘I don’t know. I have no home, Jim. I’ve never had a home,’
Jim came over to me then and put his arms about me, pulling me up to face him. He simply hugged me and stroked back my hair so gently that tears came to my eyes again.
‘Oh Jim, I feel so unhappy. I don’t know what to do, where to turn.’
‘Turn to me,’ he urged. ‘I care about you, Bridie. You know I love you. I always have. I’ve tried, I’ve really tried to do the sister-brother thing but it won’t work. You’re a brave soul and a strong one and I love you for it – but just now and then lean on someone else, don’t refuse help. It’s foolish. Learn to take as well as to give.’
I leant on his chest and felt the strength and warmth of his body. He held me tight and let me rest there. It felt good and my sobs subsided.
‘Come to my place tonight,’ said Jim. ‘Where else can you go? To a hotel? No, come to me, Bridie, come home to me. We’ll think of something else tomorrow.’
I sighed and moved away from him. I felt utterly defeated and nodded my head. We packed the cases and he bundled them in the car and taking my keys went back upstairs to lock up the door to my room before taking me off to his flat in Finchley. As I sat waiting in the car, I saw Luke coming up the road, presumably on his way back from work. He looked tired and thoughtful. I was regretful that we would never get to know one another better. He was a good man. I popped my head out of the car window and called him.
‘There’s been some trouble, Luke,’ I said. ‘My brother’s taking me away for a bit. I thought I’d better let you know you’re on your own again up there.’
‘Oh, Miss Bridie, I’m sorry about that,’ he said coming over to speak to me. He sounded really upset. ‘I’m sorry you’re going. It’s not on account of me, I hope.’
‘No, no, Luke, nothing to do with you. Someone stole my money. It’s all right, it’s been recovered and I don’t want to involve the police. I’m just going away. I probably won’t be back.’
‘I wish you luck, whatever you do,’ he said and put out his hand for me to shake.
Jim came back down at this point and glared at Luke who smiled at him affably and said, ‘Good evening, sir.’
Jim made no reply, just got in the car.
‘Goodbye, Luke,’ I said and waved as we set off.
‘Who the hell was that fellow? Really, Bridie, you’d talk to anyone.’
‘He has the room next to mine,’ I said. ‘He a really good man.’
‘He’s coloured,’ said Jim firmly. ‘I’m surprised it wasn’t him who stole your cash.’
‘He’s just come home from work,’ I said. ‘Of course he didn’t. Why are you men always so suspicious of one another?’
‘It’s the stag instinct in us,’ said Jim with a smile. ‘We can’t abide rivals on our territory.’
I eyed him curiously. ‘Stags collect a harem of does. Not a very good example. I hope you don’t think I’m going to be a part of your doe collection.’
He looked genuinely shocked. ‘Heaven forbid, Bridie! You’re the only girl I’ve ever been interested in.’
‘You could have fooled me. Well, don’t think of me as your territory, Jim. It’s bad enough with Ryan.’
‘But Ryan isn’t around to defend his territory any more,’ said Jim with a malicious grin.
‘No, he’s not.’ I fell silent at this and felt a pang of remorse. Ryan would have a fit if he knew I was going to Jim’s place for the night. He’d think the worst. I was determined not to let the worst happen.
As we drove to his place, Jim chattering away in his usual fashion, I let myself relax at last and felt a sense of peace. It seemed as if it was all inevitable. At least tonight I wouldn’t be afraid of Millie’s ghost. It had all been my imagination and even if it wasn’t, she wouldn’t haunt me with Jim there to protect me.