CONTENTS

SLOPPY SARAH:
A FOREWORD by Chelsea Handler

WHERE DO I START?

HOW MANY POLACKS DOES IT TAKE TO RUIN A MARRIAGE?

FRIENDS WITHOUT BENEFITS

ALCOHOL IS FOR CLOSURES

TRUNDLE BEDS AND MASTURBATORS

BIKINI ROCK BOTTOM

REALLY BAD HAIR DAY

LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE

THE CUSTOMER IS NEVER RIGHT

MOVE IT OR LOSE IT

CLOSING ARGUMENT

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

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