MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE 1987
17%
Directed by Gary Goddard
Written by David Odell
Starring Dolph Lundgren, Billy Barty, Frank Langella, Courteney Cox, Meg Foster
Synopsis
Hoping to save the planet Eternia from destruction by an evil empire, He-Man faces off against Skeletor in the weird, far-away environs of… suburban California.
Why We Love It
What do you get when you combine a Star Wars knockoff, budget woes, plot holes galore, a young Courteney Cox, flagrant product placements, and enough body oil to make Rambo blush? This pop-culture curio, which proved the death knell to the He-Man character—at least until an upcoming reboot—albeit a so-bad-it’s-good final blow that deserves some kind of special mention in the ironic-stoner film canon. Up until Masters of the Universe’s release, He-Man was having one hell of a run in the 1980s, existing as a toy first (a toy first, people), then a series of comics, then an animated TV show, before making the jump to the big screen. For a certain generation of kids, the pull quote calling Masters of the Universe “The Star Wars of the ’80s” on the poster was reason enough to give it a whirl. (Spoiler alert: It wasn’t the Star Wars of the ’80s.)
Speaking of, let’s address the Death Star in the room: so much of this movie reeks of ripping off the biggest film franchise ever, from the font on the opening title card (with a booming horns score to boot) to Skeletor’s soldiers (Darth Vaders without the capes) to Gwildor (a jocular Yoda lite played by screen vet Billy Barty) to… too many other things to mention here. The aping doesn’t stop there. To get from space to La La Land, it also features a car that jets you off to another dimension—the film lifts liberally from Back to the Future’s playbook. There’s some nonsense about changing the past to keep your family together. The character played by Cox, in her second film role, has a boyfriend with a band who’s pumped to—you guessed it—play the big high school dance. And even James Tolkan is in this thing, pretty much in the same “fuck you, McFly” mode as he was as Back to the Future’s Mr. Strickland, only this time as a detective.
But Masters of the Universe’s charm lies in its preposterousness. As a sort of greased-up Conan the Barbarian, Dolph Lundgren’s He-Man runs around modern-day California with a black Speedo, blond mullet, and a thick Swedish accent. (Worried producers initially planned to dub all of his lines but eventually decided against it.) Frank Langella, as He-Man’s nemesis Skeletor, brings his A-game acting chops to a movie that really doesn’t deserve it. And the big face-off fight scene between hero and villain is so underwhelming that learning it was shot hastily after the movie had already run out of money is not at all surprising. It’s a car crash of a cash grab, for sure, but if you’re not down to laugh along to this buoyantly fun fiasco well past midnight, we don’t think we can be friends.