After we ate the bland nutritional cubes, Sir said he had work to do but that I should sit with him. He settled himself on the couch and had me sit beside him.
“What kind of work are you going to do?” I asked, as I leaned against his side. I was always a little bit chilly, going around stark naked except for my golden collar, and Sir was big and warm. Plus, I couldn’t get enough of his scent. It seemed like the longer I spent with him, the better he smelled.
“I just have to work on my report on the Twelve Peoples of your galaxy,” he told me. “It is, in effect, a research piece that I hope to present to Her Majesty, Splendara the Third and Thirtieth, to prove you should be left alone instead of being exploited.”
“Can I see it?” I asked, intrigued. “Maybe I can help—at least with the parts about Earth. I have a Masters degree in Library science—I could write a research paper in my sleep.”
Sir frowned.
“Unfortunately, as I understand it, the translation viruses the Ancient Ones seeded your planet with allow you to hear and understand alien languages, but they cannot help you to read or write them.”
“Oh…that’s too bad,” I said, crestfallen. I loved to read and it was going to suck being basically illiterate now that I was away from Earth.
“Even if that wasn’t the case, I doubt you could read or write my own native tongue,” Sir told me. “Korgish is extremely complicated and quite dissimilar to the written languages of the Twelve Peoples of your galaxy. So even if your translation viruses worked for the languages here, I don’t believe they would help you to read Korgish. Don’t worry though,” he added comfortingly. “I’ll teach you how to read and write my native language in due time—we’ll have plenty of time after I present my case in Court.”
“After you present your case and show me off to your Queen, I’m going back home to Earth,” I reminded him.
“Only if you find you still want to leave me.” Sir gave me his one-sided smile and lifted an eyebrow at me. “And I’m going to do everything in my power to be sure that doesn’t happen, little one.”
“Well, while you’re working on your report, I’m going to be bored,” I protested. “What am I supposed to do?”
“Here—I’ll let you look at this.” He got up for a moment and returned with another of the three-fold pamphlets like the one he’d had about human nutrition.
“What’s this?” I asked, frowning as he handed it to me.
“It’s a printout of the informational guide the Commercians gave me when I bought you,” Sir explained. “I don’t expect you can read it, but there are plenty of pictures, to look at.”
“Gee, thanks,” I said sourly, as he settled himself beside me again. “Giving the sweet little pet a pretty picture book to look at. How very kind of you, Master.”
Sir gave me a stern look.
“You’re being sarcastic again, little one. Do you want a smack on the bottom?”
To be honest, his words gave me a little jolt, especially when I remembered the other times he had ‘spanked’ me. All this time I’d been telling myself I wasn’t into any kind of BDSM relationship, but maybe I was wrong? Or maybe I just liked to be “sassy” as Sir said.
But for now, maybe I ought to settle down and let him work, I thought. Or my Sex Pet training might begin sooner than I wanted it to.
“No, Sir,” I said. “It’s just that I have an advanced degree on my planet and I don’t like being treated like a child.”
“I told you I would teach you how to read later, little one,” he said firmly. “For now, you must let me do my work. Remember, I’m trying to save your galaxy.”
“I remember,” I said, contrite at once. “I’m sorry.”
Feeling chastened, I looked down at the pamphlet in my hands. There were, indeed, many pictures of both human women and also alien men. The words, as Sir had predicted, looked like chicken scratch to me.
But then, a strange thing happened. As I stared at the letters on the pamphlet, I began to be able to read them! I flipped to the front and looked more closely at the title.
“Care and Feeding of Your New Human Bride,” it said. Only, someone had put a line through the word “bride” and written in “pet” instead.
“When you first get your human bride,” the first line read, “She may be very emotional. You may expect to see water leaking from her eyes and she may even shout expletives at you or try to hit you. Do not pay any attention to these things—they are only signs of happiness on your bride’s behalf that you have rescued her from such a primitive planet.”
“Signs of happiness!” I muttered indignantly. “That’s ridiculous!”
“Shhh,” Sir admonished me. He was doing something with a specialized looking glove that appeared to have sensor pads in the fingertips. I had no idea how it related to his work, but whatever.
I scanned more of the pamphlet written by the Commercians and got even more upset and disgusted. It was clear the little blue worms, who were abducting Earth women and selling them to whatever alien male wanted them, didn’t really know the first thing about either humans or women in general. At least, they didn’t know anything about human women.
The pamphlet said it was best to keep the new human bride (or pet) locked up until the signs of “happiness” like weeping hysterically, cursing, and hitting, subsided. They also had a long list of nutrients—mostly vitamins and minerals—that should be given to the human to keep her healthy. That was where the “human chow” Sir had tried to serve me had come from, I thought, wrinkling my nose as I remembered the dusty vitamin bottle smell of the crunchy little nuggets.
I was about to discount everything the pamphlet said, when I found a part near the end about “Latizals.”
“Latizals are Pure Ones that the Goddess of Mercy and the Ancient Ones have seen fit to bless with extra gifts,” the pamphlet read. “At the Alien Mate Index, we have developed a method of ascertaining which human females are Latizals, though regrettably, we cannot be certain which gifts each one will display.
“You must be patient and realize that it takes a La-ti-zal some time for her special qualities to manifest, for they are often only activated once the Pure One female has left the atmosphere of Earth. Please remember there are no refunds or exchanges if your human bride does not manifest the gift you hoped for when you bought her.”
“Huh,” I said, frowning at the passage. I wondered what kind of gifts Sir hoped I would manifest. As for right now, I hadn’t done anything unusual. Well, except make his soap faucet in the tub come out when I tapped for it… Oh, and reading this pamphlet which was apparently written in an alien language.
But maybe Sir had been wrong and the translation virus was good for reading and writing alien languages too, as well as speaking and understanding them, I speculated. At least, the languages of the Twelve Peoples, as he called the sentient humanoid species of my galaxy. I would probably still be lost if I tried to decipher Korgish.
“Are you enjoying the pictures, little one?” Sir murmured distractedly. He was carefully fastening the glove with the sensor pads in the fingertips over his right hand and now he made a motion in the air.
At once, a lighted screen appeared in front of him. It was filled with strange-looking characters at first that looked something like this:
■⬥□♏◆ ♋⬧ ⬥❑⌘❍⬥♒◆⬥♌
That must be his native language—Korgish, I thought. Well, Sir had been right about one thing—I absolutely couldn’t make heads or tails of the lettering on the lighted screen.
Except, as I stared at it, it began to make sense…
As Sir scrolled rapidly down the document with flicks of his gloved fingers, I realized this part of the report was about the Naggians—the people of O’nagga Nine that we were going to go meet before Sir took me to the Royal Court on his home world.
“Some would claim that that Naggians are barbaric savages due to the fact that they need to drink blood from a living humanoid donor on a regular basis in order to survive and thrive,” I read, my eyes moving rapidly over the glowing letters. “But this is incorrect—the Naggians are very civilized, if elusive, and never take blood from an unwilling donor. They have long, sharp fangs in their upper teeth which allow them to pierce the skin and—“
“Seriously? O’nagga Nine is a whole planet filled with vampires?” I exclaimed, unable to help myself.
“What?” Sir turned to me, frowning. “What are you talking about? What is a ‘vampire’?”
“A blood sucker—a monster who lives on blood. Like what you’re describing there.” I pointed at the lighted letters scrolling across the screen.
Sir frowned at me.
“Are you telling me you’re able to read my report?”
I nodded.
“Yes—when I concentrated on the letters, they just seemed to translate themselves for me.”
He shook his head.
“But…this is impossible! How are you able to do this?”
I shrugged.
“I don’t know. I just can.”
“Here—read me this passage.” Sir pointed at a paragraph in the middle of the document.
“Securing blood from a donor is often purely practical and transactional for a Naggian,” I read out loud. “Though blood exchange and consumption also plays a large part in their sexual rituals and customs.” I wrinkled my nose. “Eww—they want to do it while they’re drinking blood?”
“Yes, but that is beside the point,” Sir said distractedly. “The point is, you can read my native tongue!”
I shrugged again.
“Well, maybe the translation virus the Ancient Ones sent down to Earth is better that we thought.”
“I don’t know about that.” He looked doubtful. “I suppose you were able to read that, too?” He nodded at the “Care and Feeding of your new human” guide lying discarded on my lap.
“Oh, yeah.” I nodded. “It’s complete bullshit, by the way. The Commercians don’t have the faintest clue about human women.”
“That could be because they have no females of their own,” he remarked. “Their species is entirely male—they reproduce by asexual budding, as I understand it.”
“Then they shouldn’t presume to write a whole pamphlet about what human women want and need!” I said indignantly.
“Perhaps not,” Sir murmured. He was still looking at me speculatively. “Little one, seeing that you are able to read Korgish, perhaps you can be of help to me.”
“Oh? How?” I asked, brightening at once.
“Well, because Earth was a Closed World for so long and most of the inhabitants still don’t know anything about the other Twelve Peoples, its societies and cultures aren’t very well understood,” he said. “In fact, the section of my report about Earth is extremely—even embarrassingly—threadbare. Perhaps you could fill in some of the blanks for me, so to speak.”
“I’d love to!” I exclaimed. This kind of thing was what I lived for. I always got excited when I was working at the library and a student asked for help on their research paper. I know, I know—I’m a total nerd. But like I said, it’s something I’m good at and I really enjoy it.
Sir smiled—a full smile this time, not just a half one.
“Excellent,” he murmured. “Then come here and let’s go over the Earth section together.”
He put an arm around me and drew me closer so that I was cuddled right up against him. I took the opportunity to wrap the long panel of his vest around me for extra warmth, and then we snuggled together and went over his report.