Unfortunately, Lulu did not see any other way out. So they asked Dan and Kelly to keep the kids a little longer and went to see her parents first, figuring they could then leave it to Rachel and Frank to spread the word.
As they sat down together at the kitchen table, Lulu said, “Y’all remember spring break, my sophomore year of college, when I went on a country music tour with some of my best girlfriends?”
Her parents nodded, perplexed, unable to see where this was going.
Hating to disappoint them, Lulu knotted her hands in front of her. “Well, I lied to you,” she admitted shamefully. “I was in Tennessee. But I was staying with Sam that week, not a group of girls.”
Her parents looked at Sam. “I apologize for that,” he said with gruff sincerity. “We should have told you the truth.”
Her parents paused. “I assume there is a reason you’re telling us all this now?” her father said.
Lulu nodded. “There is.” She explained how she and Sam had accompanied their friends Peter and Theresa to Tennessee to be the witnesses for their secret wedding ceremony.
Sam reached over and took her hand. Buoyed by the warmth and security of his touch, she plunged on, “I was so caught up in the romance of it all—” and my incredible, overwhelming feelings for Sam, she added silently “—that I suggested we make it a double wedding.”
Sam lifted a hand. “For the record, I was all too ready to jump in.”
“So we eloped, too,” Lulu confessed. “And for the rest of our spring break,” she admitted wistfully as Sam’s hand tightened over hers, “everything was wonderful.” For a few heady days, she’d felt all her dreams had come true.
“What happened to change all that?” her dad asked. “And make you break up?”
“When it came time to go home, the reality of what we had done set in for me.” Hard.
The memory of that last horrible fight was not a good one. Sam withdrew his hand, sat back.
Tears blurred her vision once again. Embarrassed, she continued, “I knew we’d acted recklessly and I was afraid to tell anyone else what we’d done. And I especially didn’t want to disappoint the two of you.” Unable to look her “husband” in the eye, she related sadly, “Sam refused to live our marriage in the shadows, so we broke up.”
“And got the marriage annulled?” her mother assumed.
“Actually...” Sam went on to explain the confusion over the paperwork that had followed. “We just found out we’re still legally married.”
Her parents took a moment to absorb that information. “Which puts us in a little bit of a quandary,” Lulu said.
“Little?” her father echoed, finally appearing as upset with her as Lulu had initially expected him to be.
“Okay. It’s a pretty big problem,” she conceded, chagrined. “But Sam and I are going to figure this out.”
“Well.” Her mother sighed. “First, I wish you had come to us at the time and told us what was going on, so we could have made sure there were no lingering legal snafus. And supported you. And we would have supported you, Lulu, no matter what you thought then. Or think now...”
Her dad, calming down, nodded.
“Second,” Rachel said, with a gentle firmness, “as for you being fearful of our opinion, when it comes to your life—” she paused to look long and hard at the two of them “—it only matters what you two feel in your hearts, not what anyone else thinks.” She reached across the table to take Lulu’s and Sam’s hands. Squeezed. “Furthermore, your family will defend your right to make those choices for yourself, by yourselves, even when we don’t approve or understand them.”
Her dad covered their enjoined hands with his own. “Your mother and brothers and I want you to be happy, sweetheart. And the same goes for you, Sam.” He regarded them both with respect.
“It’s up to you to figure out what will make you feel that way and then go for it,” Rachel added gently.
Everyone disengaged hands. Another silence fell, even more awkward and fraught with untenable emotions.
“Do you know what you’re going to do?” her mom asked finally.
Lulu and Sam looked at each other. “Stay married,” they answered in unison.
Sam draped his arm across the back of Lulu’s chair and continued with the same steady affability that made him such a good leader. “We think it would provide a more stable environment for the kids.”
Frank pushed back his chair and got up to make coffee. Once again, he seemed loaded for bear. “You really think you can make an arrangement like this work?”
Lulu didn’t see any choice if they wanted to help the kids. But sensing it would be a mistake to tell her parents that, she answered, “Yes.” She hauled in another breath, admitting a little more happily, “Sam and I have recently gotten back together, anyway, so it just makes sense for us to stay married and build on that.”
Beside her, Sam seemed calm and accepting of the predicament they found themselves in. Her parents regarded them with equal parts doubt and consideration. Which amped up her own wariness. But to her surprise, Frank and Rachel didn’t try to talk them out of it.
“Okay, then,” her mom said finally. “But if you’re going to stay married—” her regard was stern, unrelenting “—your dad and I want you to be as serious as the institution of marriage requires this time. And do it right by officially and publicly recommitting to each other and saying your vows before all your family and friends. That way, everyone—including and especially the two of you—will know it is not just a whim that can be easily discarded. But an honorable, heartfelt promise you can both be proud of.”
“I don’t see why you’re so upset,” Sam said, late into the following week.
Lulu pushed away from her laptop, where she had been dutifully compiling the expected guest lists for her parents. “Because it’s all so unnecessary!” she fumed, stepping out back where the newly installed swings and sandbox sat in the warmth of a perfect summer night.
With the triplets soundly asleep and now snoozing happily through most nights, she should be relaxing and getting to know Sam again. Instead, she was slaving away on the endless To Do lists her parents kept giving her.
She swung around to face Sam, her shoulder knocking into his. “I don’t see why we even have to have a wedding, when everyone in the whole county—heck, probably the whole state, thanks to the McCabe-Laramie grapevine!—knows our story.”
He reached out to steady her, then lounged beside her against the deck railing. His hands braced on either side of him, he continued to study her face, his expression as inscrutable as his mood the last few days.
Unable to quell the emotions riding roughshod inside her, she challenged softly, “Why do we have to go through the motions of getting married again?” If he’d just told her parents no...
He leaned toward her earnestly. “Because the kids deserve it,” he returned with a chivalry that grated on her nerves even more than his calculated calm.
The heat of indignation climbed from her chest, into her face. “They’re not old enough to realize—”
“But they will be one day,” he countered. “Do we really want them to have to weather not just the tragic loss of their parents and the chaos that ensued regarding their guardianship, but a scandal regarding their adoptive parents, too?”
She curled her hands over his biceps, finding much needed solace in his masculine warmth. “It’s not like getting married all over again erases the elopement and paperwork snafu that followed.”
He wrapped both arms about her waist. “But it brings closure and a well-respected, time-honored path to the future stability of our family.” Tugging her closer still, he reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “And proving we are serious about staying together,” he continued tenderly, “not just as co-guardians or lovers and friends but as husband and wife, will bolster our efforts to adopt.”
Abruptly feeling as trapped as she had during their conversation with her parents, she pivoted away and stepped farther into the warm and breezy summer night. Stars sparkled in the black velvet sky overhead. A quarter moon shone bright. “That’s assuming we can still adopt after all this.”
He clamped his lips together, as if he was not going to continue, then did, anyway. “You heard what Liz and Travis said about this.” He followed her down into the grass. “We will be able to, we’re just going to have to wait a little while and prove we have a solid relationship before submitting our application.”
Lulu breathed in the minty scent of his breath. “I get all that,” she said grumpily.
His eyes tracked her as she paced restlessly back and forth. “But...?”
She came closer and tipped her chin up at him. “I just don’t see why I have to have a wedding dress and a whole big reception complete with a live band and a harpist and a flute and five attendants, when we could just as easily say our I dos in jeans and T-shirts.”
He gave her a quelling look. “You really want to give people the impression that this means so little to us we couldn’t even bother to get properly dressed?”
Okay, so maybe she was taking her resistance to all the hoopla too far.
“Your attendants are all family, and your sisters-in-laws and your brothers all want to participate in this day. So why not let them be members of the wedding party? Plus, as your mom has pointed out on numerous occasions for the last several weeks, you are their only daughter. They want the privilege and pleasure of seeing you get married on the ranch, the way you all used to envision, when you were growing up.”
Damn, why did he have to be so reasonable when making his points?
Recalling how much she hated arguing with him and coming out the loser, she steered the conversation in another direction. “Your family isn’t making such a fuss.”
His stoicism took on a tinge of sadness. “That’s because we’re all scattered all over the world now, since all five of my sisters opted for demanding international jobs. And none of them can get here till the very last moment.”
Lulu sensed there was more. “And...?” she prodded gently.
One corner of his lips turned down. “No one’s actually said it, but I think it’s hard for them, having the first wedding, without either of my parents still here with us on earth.”
Lulu drew in a breath, guilt washing over her. She hadn’t meant to be so insensitive. “Oh, Sam. I’m so sorry about that.”
“It’s okay.” He squared his broad shoulders, dealing with trouble the way he always did. Head-on. He flashed her a grin. “I think they’re still looking down on us from up above. And what they are telling us, Lulu...is that you need to get yourself in gear.”
Lulu knew Sam was right.
So she tried.
She went to her final dress fitting. Approved the tuxes Sam had picked out for him and the boys. Went with Sam to taste wedding cake and pick out a band. And sat down with the florist.
But when it came to the last and final thing, she balked.
“I don’t want to be married by a minister or say traditional wedding vows.”
Sam gave her the long-suffering look that had become way too commonplace during the weeks of wedding prep. He continued getting ready for bed. “How come?”
Because this all still felt like a travesty. Like the romance and the enthralling passion was gone, and now all they had left was the duty of recommitment.
Leery of admitting that out loud, though, for fear of hurting his feelings, Lulu washed off her makeup. “I’d prefer a justice of the peace.”
Sam stripped down to his boxers and a T-shirt, then walked into the bathroom. “And why’s that?”
Trying not to notice how buff he looked or how much she always seemed to want to make love to him, Lulu layered toothpaste onto her brush. “Because when we got married before, we were too young to know what we were doing.”
“And now it’s different?” he prompted.
“Yes, totally different. Now that we’re old enough to know what we are doing, we are going in with clearer heads and are on the same page about the fact that our nuptials aren’t romantically or spiritually motivated.” She lounged against the marble counter. “Rather, it’s just more of a...an optimal agreement about how we’re going to live in the future. So.” She drew in a deep breath. “That being the case, it seems like we should use a justice of the peace instead of a minister.”
That look again. A very long exhalation. Another heartfelt pause.
“Okay,” he said finally. “A justice of the peace it is. What do you want to do about the vows?”
Lulu brushed her teeth, rinsed, spit. As did he. “Maybe we could each write our own.”
She expected an argument. Instead, he set his toothbrush back in the holder next to hers and said, “That’ll work.”
Aware all over again how cozy and right it felt to share space with him like this, Lulu said, “You don’t mind?”
“Not at all.” Coming close enough to take her in his arms, he gazed down at her lovingly and sifted his hand through her hair. “In fact, I kind of like the idea.”
As it turned out, however, Lulu did not enjoy writing her vows to Sam any more than she had liked any of the other wedding preparations. Mostly because she could not figure out what to say. Reciting poetry just wasn’t them. Everything she wrote sounded either disingenuous or lame. Or both.
Finally, there were just three days left before the big event. And she was nowhere close to having anything to say.
She moaned over her laptop, where she had been continuously typing...and deleting...and typing...and deleting.
Sam sank down on the big leather sofa next to her. With the kids and Beauty asleep upstairs in the nursery, the house was oddly quiet. He draped his arm around her shoulders. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
Aware this part of her life felt more out of control than ever, Lulu buried her face in her hands. “I’m never going to get my vows written.”
Settling closer, he gave her an encouraging squeeze. “Do you want my help?”
Briefly, she turned her head and rested her face against his shoulder. She loved snuggling up to him, especially when her emotions were in turmoil. He made her feel so protected. “No.” She sighed. “It has to come from me.”
Looking devilishly handsome with the hint of evening beard rimming his face, he bussed the top of her head. “Give it time. It’ll come.”
Would it? “What if it doesn’t?” Lulu lamented, her mood growing ever more troubled. She looked deep into Sam’s eyes. “What then?”
They had been down this road before, Sam thought, at the end of their passion-filled Tennessee honeymoon. Then, it had been post-wedding jitters. Was this the pre-wedding jitters?
He hadn’t talked her out of making a mistake the last time and heartbreak had ensued. He wouldn’t let her run away again.
Tilting her face toward his, he gently stroked her cheek. “There is no rule that says we have to write our own vows, Lulu. We can just go back to the tried and true.” Which would be a heck of a lot easier, since he hadn’t written his vows yet, either. Although he wasn’t stressing out about it.
Lulu shot to her feet. Her eyes were steady but her lower lip trembled. “I can’t stand up in front of everyone we love and say traditional vows, Sam.”
He rose, too. “Why not?”
Regret glimmered briefly in her gaze. She seemed to think she had failed on some level. “Because they’re not true!”
He stepped closer and took her rigid body in his arms. “You’d leave me if I was sick? Or poor?”
She lifted her chin and speared him with an outraged look. “No, of course not,” she conceded.
“You don’t plan to take me as your lawfully wedded husband?” he asked, his own temper beginning to flare.
As she spoke, her face grew pale, her shoulders even stiffer. She shook her head, determined, it seemed, to think the worst of them. “We’re already legally hitched.”
He stared at her in frustration. “You don’t want to love and cherish me?”
“I...” She sent him a confused glance, making no effort at all to hide her reluctance to further their romance. “You mean love like a friend?” she asked warily.
His heart rate accelerated. “Like a wife loves a husband.”
She swallowed, looking miserable all over again. Shoving a hand through her hair, she paced away from him. “See? This is why I don’t like this!”
“You’ve lost me, darlin’.” He followed her over to the fireplace. “Don’t like what?”
She spun around to face him, the soft swell of her breasts lifting and lowering with every anxious breath she took. “Having to analyze our relationship and spell everything out.”
These were not the words of a bride who was blissfully in love. These were the words of a woman who was desperately trying to find a way out of getting hitched. He positioned himself so she had no choice but to look at him. “Our relationship won’t stand the test of time, is that what you’re saying?”
“Of course we’ll be together for the kids’ sake. For as long as they need us,” she said, her eyes glittering. “But we don’t have to go through all this rigmarole to do that, Sam. We could just continue on, as we have been, as we would have, had we not become aware we were still legally married.”
Sam forced himself to show no reaction. He might not want to hear this but he had half expected her to say something similar. “You’re saying you want a divorce?”
“No!” Still holding his eyes—even more reluctantly now, he noticed—she gulped. “I’m saying I don’t want to go through with this wedding.” Tears blurred her eyes, and her lower lip trembled all the more. “If they need us to restate our vows, and honestly I don’t see why in the world we need to go to the trouble to do that since our marriage is legal just as it is, then I’d rather just elope again. And make the statement that way.”
Sam stood, arms crossed. “Thereby proving what, exactly, Lulu? That we’re still the impulsive idiots we were before?”
Huffing out a breath, she went back to her laptop and closed it with more care than necessary. “No,” she said. She slid her computer back into its case, zipped it shut. “We would be doing what other couples do when they decide the hoopla is all too much and that life has gotten too crazy. They run off and elope.”
He took her by the shoulders and held her in front of him. “We did that, Lulu. It didn’t work out so well.”
Case held against her chest, she eased away. “I was a lot younger.” She stalked into the kitchen.
He watched her set the case down. “True. But still just as skittish when it comes to making an actual commitment.”
She opened the fridge. “I’m completely committed to the children.”
“Just not to me.”
She spun back to face him, a riot of color filling her cheeks. “Please don’t misinterpret this.”
He reached past her to get a beer for himself. His gut tightened as he twisted off the cap. “What other way is there to interpret it, darlin’? You want to stay married to me, so long as you don’t have to publicly act like you mean it.”
She took a sip of water. He took a swig of beer.
“I’m living here, aren’t I?”
He grimaced. “As a matter of convenience.”
Her gaze narrowing, she set her bottle down with a thud. “Well, that makes sense, because you invited me to bunk here as a matter of convenience.”
An accusatory silence fell.
She came nearer, her hurt obvious. “I don’t understand why you’re so upset with me. For once in my life, I don’t care what people think about this situation we’ve found ourselves in. I don’t care if my parents are going to be disappointed or mad at me.”
There was a time when that would have pleased him immensely, to know that she put their relationship above all else. Now, it felt like a booby prize.
“I only care what we think and feel is right for us.”
He tore his eyes away from the way her knee-length shorts hugged her hips, her cotton T-shirt her breasts. “Which would be...?”
Noticing her hair was falling out of the clip, she undid the clasp and let her mane fall across her shoulders. “To just skip this whole travesty of a wedding and leave things as is.”
“Meaning married.”
“Technically.” She ran her fingers through the silky strands, pushing them into place, then leaned against the opposite counter, her hands braced on either side of her. “And living together.”
He definitely felt burned by her casual attitude. “As co-parents.”
“Yes.” She caught his hand. “Don’t you see, Sam? Everything was great until we found we were still legally hitched.”
It had been—and it hadn’t. The feel of her smooth fingers in his brought only partial comfort. He tried and failed to summon up what little gallantry he had left. “Just like it was great when we were on a honeymoon.” A muscle ticked in his jaw. “But then when we had to go home and tell our families what we had done, it was not so great.”
She flushed and shook her head in silent remonstration. “There’s no comparison between then and now, Sam,” she warned.
“Isn’t there?” he asked bitterly. Their glances meshed, held. “You’re doing exactly what you did before.”
She looked at him, incredulous.
“Recklessly jump all in with me—all the while swearing your devotion—only to jump all out.”
Her eyes shone even as her low tone took on a defiant edge. “I won’t leave the kids, Sam, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
He knew that. Was even grateful for it.
“But you would be right back out that door if the kids weren’t here,” he countered, before he could stop himself. “Wouldn’t you?”
She stared at him, as if feeling every bit as boxed in—and deeply disappointed—as he felt. Like they needed to take a step back. Give each other time to breathe. Figure out what they really felt. “I don’t know how to answer that,” she said finally, her chin quivering.
“Sadly, I do.” He paused to give her a slow, critical once-over. Wondering all the while how they ever could have deluded themselves into thinking this would work. “We never should have told your parents we would renew our vows. Or fooled ourselves into thinking we could carry off this charade,” he said, pain knotting his gut. “And this is what any marriage between us is to you, isn’t it, Lulu? A charade?”
Her disillusionment grew. “Given the way this wedding has come about, how could it be anything but?” she asked, her face a polite, bland mask.
She moved closer still, imploring now. “Which is why I can’t seem to write my vows no matter how hard I try.” She lifted her chin. In control, again. “And why we should cancel it, Sam. So we can go back to the way things were before marriage entered the mix.”
It wasn’t the legality of the situation that was destroying them. It was her refusal to open up her heart. “I asked you this before but I am going to ask you again. And this time, I want an honest answer.” He propped his hands on her shoulders and bore his eyes into hers. “You want a divorce?”
She flinched. “No, of course I don’t want a divorce now!”
Now...
Which meant...
Releasing her, his feelings for her erupted in a storm of anger and sorrow. “But you will, won’t you?” he concluded bitterly, wishing like hell he had seen this coming. Like their second time around would end any other way. “Maybe not tomorrow. Or the next. But one day...”
She compressed her lips. “You’re twisting everything I’ve said.”
He told himself he was immune to her hurt. He had to be. For everyone’s sake, one of them needed to be reasonable. “Well, one thing is clear. For us, marriage is and always has been a mistake. We can be co-parents, Lulu, but that is all.”
She blinked. “You’re throwing down the gauntlet and issuing an ultimatum to me? Again?”
Not happily.
He shook his head, and with a heavy sigh, said, “No. I’m doing what you’ve been trying to do, indirectly, for weeks now, Lulu. I’m calling an end to our romantic relationship. This time, for good.” Heart aching, he stormed out.