Lulu gaped at Sam. His thick blond hair rumpled, his gold-flecked eyes filled with worry, he looked a little ragged around the edges. Which, after the afternoon they’d had, was exactly how she felt. And they still had the rest of the day, and night, to get through.
“You want me to actually move in?” she repeated in astonishment, not sure she’d understood him correctly. “With you?”
“And the boys, obviously,” Sam said. He appeared perfectly at ease with the idea of them residing together under one roof, full-time.
“Temporarily,” Lulu ascertained.
He shook his head, correcting, “From here on out.”
Lulu was still trying to wrap her mind around that when he moved closer. His gaze caressed her face. “You heard what Kate said.” He tucked his hand in hers, gave it a tender squeeze. “If we want the boys to recover, we have to give them as much security as possible. Get back to familiar routines.” He paused to let his words sink in. Once again, a thoughtful silence brought them together.
“And what was normal to them,” he continued practically, “was living with a mom and a dad under one roof.”
A tingle of awareness sweeping through her, Lulu hitched in a breath. “That’s true,” she managed around the sudden dryness of her throat. The thought of making love with him again dominated her mind. “But...” It would be impossible to ignore their attraction for long under such intimate circumstances. A fact she guessed he knew very well!
Dropping his grip on her, he stepped back. Cocked a brow. “What?” he prodded.
This was the kind of impulsive thing she would do. Not him. Doing her best to control her soaring emotions, she studied him from beneath her lashes. “Are you sure you really want to do this?” Thus far, their arrangement had been only temporary. Meant to last only until the boys adjusted and were sleeping peacefully through the night.
They’d yet to discuss what would happen after that.
“If we’re going to raise them together, as full-time co-guardians, we need to be permanently under one roof.” He lifted a hand. “We could do it at your place, of course, but it’s so much smaller...”
They would be tripping all over each other.
“And the boys are already sort of used to staying at Hidden Creek. I don’t think it would be smart to uproot them again, do you? Especially after what happened a little while ago.” He jerked his head in the direction of the classroom floor.
Aware that Kelly and the two sets of triplets were waiting for them on the playground, Lulu began moving about the classroom, gathering up the boys’ things. “No. Of course it wouldn’t be wise to move them again,” she said.
He held her carryall open while she slid their belongings inside. “Then...?”
The two of them hesitated just inside the door. Lulu hated to admit it, but she was worried about how it would look. “If I actually move in,” she murmured, looking up at him, “people are going to probably assume, because of our romantic history, that you and I are a couple again.”
Sam lounged, arms folded, with one brawny shoulder braced against the wall. His glance drifted over her intimately. “So?”
“So,” Lulu said before she could stop herself, “that could put a crimp in your dating life.” Oh my god! Where did that thought come from?
To her embarrassment, her flash of jealousy did not go unnoticed.
Male satisfaction tugging at the corners of his lips, he stepped closer, gently cupped her shoulders and told her exactly what she had hoped to hear. “I’m not going to have any dating life when I have three kids to take care of.”
A thrill swept through her. She forced herself to calm down. Just because they’d had a brief fling did not mean he would ever fall in love with her again, or vice versa. And from what she’d seen in the time since they’d broken up, he’d suffered no shortage of attractive female dinner companions.
Shrugging, she stepped back, away from the enticing feel of his warm, calloused hands on her bare skin. “You might be surprised. A lot of women my age have baby fever.” A lot of women lust after you. She pretended an insouciance she couldn’t begin to feel. “Three adorable toddlers could make you a very hot prospect.”
Just that suddenly, something came and went in the air between them. The slightest spark of hope of renewed passion and a rekindling of the love they had once shared.
“Is that why you made love with me?” he chided, in a tone that was half joking, half serious. “Because you have a well-known case of baby fever? And wanted in on the bounty of family I suddenly found myself blessed with?”
Wondering just what it was about him that made her unable to get over him, she said, “Of course not.”
To her chagrin, he looked skeptical.
“As I said before, I made love with you because I was...” nostalgic for what we once shared, she wanted to say “...curious,” she fibbed instead.
His eyes darkened with a mixture of masculine pride and intense interest. Oblivious to the leaping of her heart, he mused in a low, husky voice that made her want to kiss him passionately, “You wanted to see if it was as good as we both recalled.”
“Yes,” she replied in a strangled voice.
Seemingly in no hurry to leave until he had the answers he wanted, Sam tucked a hand behind her ear. “And was it?”
Lulu swallowed around the building tightness in her throat. “Physically, you know it was.” She shoved her hands into the pockets of her sundress skirt. In an attempt to appear oh-so-casual, she leaned against the bulletin board decorated with pictures of family. Children, parents, grandparents, pets... The sum of which made her want him, and everything he offered, all the more.
“And emotionally?” His gaze dropped to her lips and he came closer still.
She planted a hand on the center of his chest before she gave in to the temptation to kiss him again. “Whoa there, cowboy.” She stepped aside. “I’m not going there.”
Sam shrugged. And straightened. “We’re going to have to eventually, if we plan to adopt the kids.”
Wow. The man just didn’t stop. But then, she remembered that about him, too. When he wanted something, he worked single-mindedly until he achieved his goal.
Her eyes widened. “If we plan to adopt?” she echoed.
Talk about acting impulsively and going way too far way too fast! Had the two of them exchanged personality flaws or what?
Shrugging, he straightened to his full six feet three inches. “You didn’t think I’d be content to be just guardians forever. Did you?”
Honestly, she’d been so busy trying to keep pace with the swift moving events she hadn’t given it any thought. Although in the back of her mind, she had always thought, if she were lucky enough to be given the chance to raise the kids, she would certainly adopt.
None of that meant, however, that she and Sam should rush into anything again. No matter how selfless the reason.
She folded her arms. “First of all, Sam, at this point, the boys are so young they don’t know the difference between us being their guardians versus their adoptive parents.”
“But they will, probably before we know it. And if we want to give them the most stable family possible, we should probably be married, too.”
Of course he would throw in a matter-of-fact proposal. Sam was a get-things-done kind of person. He never put off for tomorrow what could be done right now.
The thing was, to her surprise, she could see them eventually deciding to get married, too, if it meant giving the three little boys more security.
Still, she had to make sure she and Sam were on the exact same wavelength when it came to their future. That she wasn’t jumping to erroneous conclusions. “And we would eventually do this as a convenience,” she said, trying not to think what his steady appraisal and deep voice did to her.
“Yes. And a way to ensure sexual exclusivity.”
Leave it to him, she thought with a mixture of excitement and exasperation, to spell it out when she would rather have left it undecided.
“Because you’re right, Lulu,” he continued in a way that seemed designed to curtail her emotional vulnerability. And maybe his, too. “If we’re just living together, acting as guardians and taking care of the kids without having made a formal public commitment to each other, people will speculate about the state of our relationship.”
And that could hurt the kids at some point down the road, Lulu realized.
“So, if we find we have needs...” She kept her eyes locked with his, even as her heart raced like a wild thing in her chest.
He squared his shoulders. “Then we satisfy them with each other.”
It was certainly a practical, adult approach to what could be a very thorny situation. There was also no doubt they’d both lost the naivete that had once made them believe in fairy-tale romance and happy endings.
Even so, thinking about adoption and eventual marriage was a risk. One she wasn’t sure she was ready to take, even if he wanted to go ahead and get everything settled. “What makes you think a marriage of convenience would work?” she challenged. Were they even really discussing this? “When our previous romance crashed and burned?” Big-time.
“There would be less pressure on us, as a couple and a family, if you and I went into it from a practical standpoint, as friends and co-parents.”
And less pressure, at least in his view, meant it might work.
“And maybe, at some point, lovers, too.” Doing her best to protect them both, she went back to his previous point.
A corner of his mouth quirked. “Yes.” He looked as pleased as she was by the prospect of never having to imagine each other with anyone else. His gaze drifted over her lovingly. “I could see that happening,” he rasped, taking her hand and rubbing his thumb along the inside of her wrist, starting a thousand tiny fires. “Especially after what happened yesterday.”
Lulu flushed. Their lovemaking had been spectacular. No question. All she had to do was think about what it had felt like to be with him again, and renewed need pulsed inside her. Pushing aside the lingering thrill, she cautioned, “We need to slow down, Sam. Take it one day, one step at a time.”
He glanced at her, as if his heart were on the line, too. “But you’ll think about it?” he pressed.
Was he kidding? She wouldn’t be able to do anything but!
An hour and a half later, all three boys shouted and giggled as they bounced wildly up and down on the center of Lulu’s queen-size bed.
“Whoo whee!”
“Jump!”
“Me fun!”
Keeping watch to make sure the boys remained somewhat contained and didn’t tumble off the mattress, Sam asked, “Can I help you?”
Lulu could tell he wanted her to go faster. It wasn’t easy to pack when she was so completely distracted.
“Yes,” she said, getting a handful of frilly bras and panties from her drawer and stashing them as unobtrusively as possible in the duffel she had looped over her arm. Noting Sam’s glance tracking a silky burgundy thong hanging over the side, she hastily stuffed it out of sight. In an effort to direct his attention elsewhere, she inclined her head toward the boys. “Make sure they don’t fall off and land on their heads.”
“Okay, guys, settle down a little bit. We don’t want anyone getting hurt.”
The triplets responded by hopping around even higher.
Lulu sighed. What was it about guys and danger?
“I’ve got this,” Sam said, scooping them up into his arms. “Time to sing the monkey song!”
The boys, who’d been hyperactive since their expression of grief earlier in the day, paused. All three tilted their head at Sam.
He sat down on the bed and gathered them onto his lap. “Everybody knows the monkey song,” Sam said. He sang, “One little monkey jumping on the bed. He fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said...” he wagged his finger in theatrical admonishment “...no more monkeys jumping on the bed!”
The boys began to grin. Clearly, they’d heard this children’s song before.
He glanced over at her. “You could join in.”
Still gathering shirts, shorts, pajamas and the occasional summer dress or skirt, Lulu winked at the guys in her life and, as requested, added her voice to Sam’s baritone. “Two little monkeys...”
The boys chimed in, too, their words and tune garbled and mostly nonsensical but cute.
To Lulu and Sam’s mutual relief, the switch in activity helped bring about much needed calm. They were up to ten monkeys by the time Lulu had what she needed for the rest of the week in two clothes baskets.
“Sure that’s all?” Sam asked when she showed him what he would need to carry down to her Lexus for her while she shepherded the boys outside.
“Yep.”
He quirked a brow.
She knew what he was thinking. If she was really moving in, she should be taking a lot more with her. For lots of reasons she preferred not to examine too closely, she needed to keep one foot out the door. Leaving the majority of her summer clothes at the Honeybee Ranch would accomplish that.
That evening, they closely followed their nighttime routine. Dinner, bath and then, at long last, story time. With Lulu and Sam sitting side by side on the sofa and all three boys sprawled across their laps, they read a few of the favorite tales. Then injected the book Kate Marten-McCabe had given them, about children whose parents had gone to heaven.
The boys listened, but did not seem to connect it to Peter and Theresa or themselves.
Sam and Lulu continued reading, alternating stories, until the boys fell asleep, then carried them one by one upstairs to their toddler beds.
With the boys asleep, Sam went to take Beauty out while Lulu stayed nearby, putting her things away. Shortly after Sam returned, the boys awakened. And once again, Sam and Lulu walked the floor with them, only to end up for the rest of the night snuggled with all five of them together in Sam’s big bed, Beauty sleeping on the floor next to them.
The following morning, as per Kate’s advice, they went into town and formally enrolled the boys in preschool, from nine to one o’clock every day.
“So what’s next on the list Kate gave us?” Sam asked as they walked out of the preschool.
Relieved the drop-off had been so easy and feeling a lot like the co-parents they aspired to be, Lulu fell into step beside him. “We need to find a way to help the boys remember Peter and Theresa.”
Sam matched his long strides to her shorter ones. “All their belongings are in the boxes in my attic.”
Lulu pushed aside the dread she felt at having to tackle such an emotional chore. They had to do this for the kids. “Want to go have a look?”
He nodded.
Like the rest of Sam’s home, the third floor of the ranch house was clean, well lit and spacious. They pulled the boxes to the rug on the center of the wood floor and wordlessly began going through them, finding clothes of Theresa’s and Peter’s. A huge cache of old photos. Theresa’s perfume. Peter’s aftershave. Photos of their Memphis elopement.
“Here’s a few with us in the picture, too,” Sam said thickly. He handed over a photo of the four of them. The guys were in suits and ties, the gals in pretty white spring dresses. The guys wore boutonnieres, the girls carried bouquets.
“We were so young,” Lulu murmured.
“And happy and idealistic,” Sam said, studying their smiling faces.
If only they could have stayed that way, Lulu thought wistfully. But they hadn’t, so...
She handed the photo back to Sam. And took out another. This one of Peter and Theresa at the hospital with their three newborns. Their first Christmas, the boys’ first and second birthdays. One from Easter that year, which had to have been taken just before Theresa and Peter’s death. A folder of the children’s artwork from school. Another with newspaper articles detailing the eight-car pileup on the Houston freeway during morning rush hour that had killed them and seriously injured a dozen others.
Suddenly, the loss was too much. The grief hit Lulu hard, and she began to cry.
“Hey,” Sam said, folding her close. After reading the articles, his eyes were wet, too. “Hey...” He stroked a hand through her hair. “I’ve got you...”
Needing the comfort only he could give, she snuggled into the reassuring safety of his strong arms. “Oh, Sam,” she sobbed. “This is all just so unfair!” Her chin quivering, tears still streaming down her face, she struggled to get her emotions under control. “How are we ever going to fill the void their parents’ deaths have left?”
Sorrow etched the handsome contours of Sam’s face. “The only way we can,” he countered, cupping her face between his big hands. “By taking it one day, one moment at a time. And becoming a real family in every possible way.”
Lulu thought of the boys’ meltdown the previous day, their sad little faces, the heartrending sounds of their sobs when they awakened at night.
“But what if we fail them?” she asked, knowing she’d never been so scared and so overwhelmed. “The way we once failed each other?”