Chapter Twenty-Two

December 1941

Just before Christmas, the whole set of Stella’s friends, minus Stephen, descended on her. In the end, Stella had never felt too lonely in the comfortable house that Leo was still renting in his name in Bath, and it was lovely that her friends kept their word and popped in as often as they could.

Her father had always told her they were a shallow bunch of layabouts, but Stella would emphatically disagree. If they had been like that, her Big Announcement as she now called it, would have sent them hightailing into the sunset, and that had most certainly not happened.

The neighbours near the rented house had accepted her story that her husband had been killed in action – it wasn’t too far from the truth, really, so Stella didn’t find it a chore to remember to stick to this tale. Ironically, it had been Rob who told her that if she was ever to spin a great big fib, it was best if you stuck as close to the truth as possible.

Rob’s words came back to her as she fended off well-meaning neighbours who pressed for more information than she was prepared to share: Yes, her poor husband had been in the RAF. Yes, he’d flown quite a few successful missions and it was tragic. No, it hadn’t been a case of crashing his plane in a training mission. No, she had no idea where his grave was – that was a hard one, because it made it too real and caused her eyes to fill up with tears. No, she hadn’t been married very long. Yes, she was lucky she had friends like Helen and Leo to help her out. No, he had no other family either.

She’d kept herself busy so far with a little job at the post office. Her father had abruptly decided to stop paying her an allowance, telling her that as a nurse she was clearly earning her own money now and didn’t need to live on his charity. Leo had told her not to worry, he would make sure she was provided for, but she shook her head and said they’d done enough for her, then found herself a job.

Despite her protests, Leo paid her a small allowance anyway, and Stella began to save the money she didn’t need. She had an idea that it would help her out when the baby was born, for who could predict the future? It wouldn’t be so easy to find work as a young mother, but once Leo and Helen took the baby back to Hartsford … Her stomach churned at the thought. The baby was very much part of her now. And she knew it had to happen but the thought of giving it up made her want to curl up in a ball and howl with despair.

‘It just feels rather strange to be sort of married and very pregnant, and to just go back to being me afterwards,’ she told Helen one day. Helen hugged her and smiled and said it felt strange for her, too, even though she was married for real.

‘You’re doing splendidly,’ Helen assured her.

Stella tugged at her horrid, serviceable, cotton dress that had been let out and let out again and smiled wryly. ‘I always imagined I’d be a very glamorous mother-to-be and have lots and lots of lovely new clothes to see me through. If I keep getting bigger, I don’t know what I’ll do. These seams don’t have much material left in them. Of course, I also imagined I’d have a husband to see me through it as well. How wrong I was.’

But at least, this Christmas season, Stella had lots of friends around her, even though she’d lose them all, apart from Vronnie, for the day itself. Stephen was in no fit mental state at the moment, and was, as far as Stella could tell, in some sort of institution whilst he recovered. Stephen and Vronnie had married quietly a few weeks after Leo and Helen. To all intents and purposes, they were still newlyweds, and Stella was sure Vronnie would rather be spending Christmas with her husband than with her, but God love her, she had never once complained. In fact, she had been the one to suggest the get-together and cheerfully offer herself for company as and when she was required.

Stella had heard that Esmond Romilly had died in November, leaving Decca Mitford a widow with a new, nine-month old baby, and she spared a thought for her one-time heroine and the horrible parallels that had, finally, occurred in their lives. She doubted Decca would be welcomed back into the Mitford household with open arms, and hoped the poor woman had some friends as good as Stella’s little crowd, to spend Christmas with.

As they all sat around a small fire in the comfortable drawing room and exchanged gifts – much smaller and less extravagant than those they’d exchanged in the past – Stella cast a glance at Vronnie. Her pretty face was strained behind the smile, and every so often she kept going very quiet and her expression clouded. Stella leaned over to her and touched the back of her hand. Vronnie jumped and looked at Stella.

Her smile switched on almost automatically. ‘Hallo, darling. Do you need anything? Another cushion for your poor aching back?’ She nodded at Stella’s tummy. ‘There’s a lot of it on the front, isn’t there? But I think you’ve expanded everywhere to be honest. Sideways as well. It must be terribly uncomfortable. Don’t worry, though, I don’t think you can entirely tell from the back you’re in an interesting condition.’

Despite herself, Stella giggled. ‘You can if I walk anywhere. I feel like a penguin. I probably look like one too.’

‘Actually, you do.’

‘Oh, ha ha!’ Stella smiled at her friend, then her face became serious. ‘No. I’m not concerned about my predicament at the moment. It’s you I’m worried about. Are you missing Stephen?’

Vronnie dropped her head and stared at her hands. She picked up a piece of ribbon her present had been tied with and began to smooth it out, then wind it through her fingers. It would no doubt be saved for the next birthday gift that someone got from her.

‘Yes, I’m missing him. But I feel guilty as well. I’m actually pleased he’s where he is at the moment.’ She raised her head and Stella was astonished to see tears glistening. ‘He tried to kill himself, you know.’ Stella hadn’t known, and was sure her face must have given her feelings away. ‘He feels terrible that he survived, and Anthony didn’t,’ continued Vronnie. ‘He feels terrible that all his limbs are in working order and Oscar’s aren’t. And he feels terrible about Rob disappearing. He says he feels he should be back out there, and not safe and sound here. Oh, Stella, it’s been awful.’

Stella had no words. She glanced around at the little group and knew that, for every one of them, things had changed irrevocably.

‘I miss our summers,’ said Vronnie suddenly. ‘I miss being silly and carefree. I don’t think I like this new world.’

‘I wish I’d appreciated it more when we could be silly and carefree.’ Stella rested her hand on her ever-increasing bump. ‘I just hope this little one has a better world to grow up in and it’s not all for nothing.’

‘I agree.’ Vronnie sat up straighter and seemed to pull herself together with a little shake. Her smile switched on again. ‘But, we must be grateful for the things we have left, and—’

‘Hallo! Can we just have everyone’s attention?’ Oscar knocked a fork against a glass.

Stella and Vronnie turned and stared. There was a spark of the old Oscar there and Stella’s heart warmed to him. He’d even been joking about having some new legs fitted and the way he’d been trying to relearn how to walk again. It was worse, he said, than trying to keep one’s balance after knocking back three bottles of champagne. They’d all laughed, and Lois had told him that he’d never been able to hold three glasses of the stuff without falling over, never mind three bottles. Oscar had shrugged and agreed and they’d all laughed again.

But this, it seemed, was a more serious announcement. ‘I’ve finally done it,’ he said. ‘I’ve popped the question to Rosie and she’s said yes.’ His face coloured and he looked around, as if seeking approval from everyone.

‘Oh, my God! Oscar! Rosie! That’s wonderful news.’ Stella struggled out of her seat and waddled over to him. She leaned over awkwardly, apologising if her stomach got in the way, but she really had to be the first to hug them both.

Oscar laughed and hugged her back. Rosie blushed and giggled like a virgin maid, although everybody knew she was nothing of the sort. She was hugged by everyone as well.

‘Why ever did it take you so bloody long?’ cried Mary, cracking open a bottle of champagne Leo and Helen had brought with them from the Hartsford cellars.

‘Because I wanted to be standing at the end of the aisle waiting for her.’ Oscar flushed ‘And I want to lead her around the dance floor afterwards. And I think I might be able to do that soon.’

‘I think so too.’ Rosie nodded, and there was such love in her eyes when she looked at him, that Stella bit hard on her lip, lest the tears started again. She was delighted for them, she really was. It was a bright spot in all the awfulness. But a tiny nub of jealousy sprang up as she wished with all her heart that she had the opportunity to hear Rob propose one more time.

She knew her answer would be the same as it had been in May – and she didn’t care if her father agreed to it or not.

July, Present Day

Cassie was oddly excited – not just because she was going out with Aidan again, but because of where they were going. While having coffee that morning, he’d asked her to come on another bike ride with him in the evening, but he’d been very cagey and just told her the destination was secret. Try as she might, she had been unable to draw any information out of him.

‘Trust me,’ he’d said. ‘It’ll be absolutely worth it, I promise.’

She was trying again now to find out the destination, and failing just as spectacularly.

‘Just follow me,’ Aidan said, laughing. And, in the absence of a good enough reason not to, she did so willingly.

They rode for about fifteen minutes, and then Aidan pulled up at the end of a driveway. He stopped and took his helmet off, then turned to face her. ‘Here it is. Fenwharton House. Rob’s childhood home. You can’t see much of it from here, but we can go up the drive and get right up to it. Have a better look.’

‘Rob’s home?’ Cassie was astonished and delighted in equal measures. ‘And we can go right up to it? But won’t the people who live there get upset?’ She peered along the drive and saw a variety of tangled shrubs lining overgrown tarmac.

‘No, it’s fine.’ Aidan smiled. ‘It’s more or less derelict. Well, maybe not derelict in the true sense of things. It’s still got a roof and walls and things, but it hasn’t been lived in for years. Jack was sent to live with some relatives after Rob joined up, as their parents were both dead. This was the family home, and it was sold, eventually. Like I said, I started hunting around and it came up on a rather exclusive estate agent’s website. I’ve acquired the keys under the pretext of having a look with a view to buying and doing it up.’ He shrugged, almost embarrassed. ‘I don’t know if I believe in such things as Fate, but you have to admit, catching things at the right time is often quite as spectacular.’

‘Oh, my goodness.’ Cassie stared. ‘What are we waiting for then? Come on.’ Her stomach churned with excitement. ‘It’s another part of their lives, isn’t it? Oh, Aidan. Why didn’t you look up all of this earlier? You would have had a lot more information on Rob than you had when you first brought that book to me.’

‘I would,’ Aidan agreed, ‘but somehow it wasn’t as much fun looking on my own. It’s much nicer to share the journey with someone who understands. After all, it’s not just my relative that’s involved now, is it?’

‘No, that’s true. I wonder if Stella ever visited here?’ Cassie looked up the driveway. ‘Come on. If you’re sure it’s okay to go closer, let’s go right now.’

They kicked their bikes into gear and drove slowly up the driveway, Cassie enjoying the short, winding journey, skirting the potholes and overgrown shrubs that dipped over the edge of the lawns.

They pulled up at a reasonably sized manor house, probably dating from the Georgian times, looking at the classical lines of it. It was nowhere near as big as Hartsford Hall, but it was definitely large enough to be a comfortable, happy home to a boisterous family.

Cassie laughed in delight and looked up at it, her attention drawn to a first-floor window, where, she noticed, the room seemed to occupy the corner of the house as it had a window looking out onto the side as well. She cast her glance to the side and wondered if Hartsford Hall would be visible from it. She was willing to bet it would.

She turned to ask Aidan if he thought the same, and saw he was already inserting the keys into the lock.

‘There you go.’ He stood aside and made a sweeping bow. ‘After you, Lady Cassandra. I think you should have the first peek.’

‘No. It’s your uncle’s house – your family home. You should be first.’

Aidan shook his head and laughed. ‘But you know you want to go first.’

‘I do, but I was first in the wine cellar at Hartsford.’ She thought for almost a millisecond, then grabbed his hand. ‘We go in together.’

And, hand in hand, they stepped through the door.

Aidan was rather reluctant to let Cassie’s hand go once they had walked inside, so he didn’t. Not immediately, anyway.

‘Can you feel it?’ Cassie almost whispered, her voice echoing around the empty, square hallway. ‘It’s like Rob and Stella are waiting, just around the corner.’ Her gaze travelled to a door in the far wall, leading into what might have been a reception room at one point, then she looked at the staircase on the right-hand side of the hallway. ‘D’you mind if I have a look up there? I noticed a room before that I simply have to check out.’ She glanced at Aidan and blushed. ‘I just want to see if you can see Hartsford from the side window. And if you can, I’d like to imagine it was Rob’s room. I’d like to think of him sitting in the window seat with his sketchpad or his notebook and thinking of Stella.’

‘Sure.’ Aidan smiled. ‘It sounds like a good place to start. I’ll have a quick look around down here and let you have some space to explore for yourself. I might as well try to get a feel for the place as a developer.’ He shrugged. ‘You never know. It would be kind of nice to do some work here and bring it back up to spec.’ Reluctantly, he disconnected their hands and pulled a notebook out of his pocket. ‘I’ll see you in a few minutes, okay?’

Cassie nodded. ‘Yes. See you soon. And thank you for bringing me here.’ Then she hurried up the stairs and disappeared from sight.

Aidan watched her go and headed towards the room at the back. Unlike Cassie, he had felt a pull towards that room, and his heart began to thud as he walked in. There was a draught as something seemed to rush past him, and he looked quickly at the direction it was heading. It was towards the window – more specifically, one of the smaller ones at the side of what he now saw was a room with a big, square bay window looking out onto the gardens. He scanned the area, wondering if he had just been imagining it, but he had the same sort of feeling he’d had in the changing rooms.

Taking a deep breath, he went over and saw the glass was damaged near the bottom. That then, was where the draught had come from. Unless—

He leaned down and ran his fingers over what had originally seemed to be an area of multiple scratches and cracks. ‘What on earth?’ He looked more closely and saw there were some words scratched on the glass.

Biting my truant pen, beating myself for spite,

‘Fool’ said my Muse to me, ‘look in thy heart and write.’

Whoever had scratched that in, had taken their time over it. And had, quite possibly, been angry with themselves for some reason.

‘Was this you, Rob?’ Aidan whispered into the empty room. The whole building was listed, and this might explain why this quote had been left there, unobtrusively, not bothering any of the tenants, but perhaps just intriguing them a little bit …

‘Cassie!’ Aidan suddenly shouted, turning from the windows. ‘Cassie!’ He ran to the door and shouted upstairs. ‘I’ve found something!’

‘Me too!’ she called, her voice excited. ‘I can see the Hall from here! Come up. It’s a perfect view.’

‘Give me one moment.’ Aidan quickly took out his phone and snapped a picture of the quotation. Then he opened the internet search app and typed a few words in. This time, he thought his heart would burst out of his chest. He had to show Cassie this – he had to. He ran out of the room and took the stairs two at a time.

Cassie was standing at the entrance of the room, holding the door open, peering excitedly out along the landing. ‘There you are. This place is just full of Rob. I thought I’d be better at sensing Stella being here, but Rob has definitely left his mark and—’ She cut herself off, abruptly. ‘Not that I’m seeing ghosts or anything.’ She went scarlet. ‘That would be weird for you, wouldn’t it? Not weird for me, perhaps, but you don’t need to know that just yet. I mean, not ever. No. Not ever. I mean – oh, God. What do I mean?’ She looked up at him searchingly.

Aidan looked down at her and suddenly a wave of emotion flooded over him. He knew he was seriously attracted to her, had known that since the very first time he’d met her, but here it was all condensed and distilled. And being in the very room that Rob might have slept in, might have dreamed of Stella in, did something to him that he couldn’t quite describe.

‘I don’t know what you mean,’ he said, ‘but I think I understand. They’re all over this place, aren’t they? Not only Rob, but Stella too. The idea of Stella.’

And if we don’t leave Rob’s bedroom, then I’ll be forced to follow in his footsteps. And it won’t stop at a kiss.

‘All over it.’ Cassie nodded. ‘But I haven’t … seen … anyone. Sometimes, I sort of see them at Hartsford.’ She dropped her gaze. ‘Weird. Sorry.’

‘Not weird. Understandable, I would say.’ Aidan chose his words carefully, then took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. ‘Come and see something that’s almost as exciting.’

But not as exciting as spending more time with you …