Chapter 9
Tactfully Tackling
Today’s Temptations
Todd Parker
A young man attending Brigham Young University had been out late one night with his girlfriend and consequently fell asleep during a lecture given by one of his professors the next day. In an attempt to embarrass the snoozing student, the professor woke him up by saying, “Jones, what do you think about that?”
Jones quickly awakened, but not knowing what the discussion was about he replied, “Professor, what do you think about that?” The professor responded, “I don’t think, I know.” Then, with a twinkle in his eye, Jones said, “I don’t think I know either.” Now, I don’t think I know all there is to know about handling temptations. However, I have counseled with many young people about their problems, and I’ve spent some time studying the scriptures. I’d like to share with you some guidelines that the Lord has given us to help us deal with a world so filled with temptations—both open and subtle. I would like to list a few scriptures and try to liken them to us. (See 1 Nephi 19:23.)
The first scripture is Matthew 5:27-28: “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: but I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”
The commandment in verse 27 is, “Don’t commit adultery.” It’s the third most serious sin on the all-time top-ten sin list. (See Alma 39:5-6.) Christ’s suggestion is to not even think unclean thoughts. (Matthew 5:28.) But in verses 29-30, he gives great council on how to avoid the sin. Because of the awkward wording, sometimes people skip past these verses.
Verses 29-30 read: “If thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut if off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.”
What did the Lord mean when he said, “If thy right hand offend thee, cut if off, and cast it from thee”? The following is a newspaper article I clipped from the Mesa, Arizona Tribune several years ago: “An 18 year old man said he cut off his hand because he ‘got in a fight with the devil,’ then walked the streets with a Bible to preach the word of God, says the policeman who found him. Robert Huettl of Stonington, Conn., was in stable condition Tuesday night at Hartford Hospital following surgery to restore his right hand. A spokesman said it was too early to tell if the operation had been successful.
“Patrolman Frank Kania said he found Huettl Monday night as the youth was walking along Route 190, carrying a Bible under his arm and bleeding heavily. ‘I asked him why he did it and he said, “If your right hand offends thee, cut if off and toss it away.”’ Kania said Huetll made a tourniquet for his arm before cutting off the hand with a razor blade. An off-duty fireman who also stopped at the scene made a better tourniquet and called for another officer to retrieve the hand. It was found in a wastebasket in the room.”
Is that the correct interpretation of Matthew 5:30? Can you imagine being the police officer called to retrieve the hand? “Officer Frimsley, would you please drop by the Motel 6 and pick up a hand?”
“Excuse me, sir, it that a hired hand?”
“No, it’s in the wastebasket—just get it and bring it over here quick. Ten-four.”
A close examination of the scripture reveals what Jesus actually intended to teach. A better definition of the word offend from the original Greek is “cause to stumble.” In other words, if your eye is viewing something or your hand is tempted to touch something that would cause you to stumble spiritually, the Savior’s advice is to get rid of the temptation. You should get away from it or not get near whatever it is that tempts you. He is suggesting that not only do we not do the sin, but also that we not even get near the temptation, let alone the sin.
Let’s try to liken this scripture to us. Suppose you have a friend with a rifle collection. He allows you to come to his home and “sight in” his new rifles, which you have done several times. His basement is not very tidy, and you usually rummage through the mess to find something that you can use as a target on which to focus. In your searching, you find a stack of pornographic magazines. You are alone. No one will know if you look at them. Your eye is tempted to violate verse 28, “to looketh on a woman to lust,” and your hand is tempted to touch something that would cause you to stumble spiritually. So what do you do? Do you stay there and work on the rifle, all the time fighting the temptation to look at the magazines? Or do you do what Jesus implies when he says you should “cast it from thee”—get totally away from the temptation? You would do better to leave. The writer of Proverbs wisely asks, “Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?” (Proverbs 6:27.) In other words, can you stay around a temptation and not have it affect you? No. You must remove yourself from the circumstance. Don’t remain around temptation. Leave. Cut yourself off from it.
Joseph Smith gave us added insight to this verse when he supplemented the King James text with the words, “and a man’s hand is his friend.” (JST Matthew 18:9.) Jesus is saying that if your friend is the reason you are stumbling spiritually, then cut him off. It is better that you enter into eternal life with one fewer friend than that you be cast into hell because of another’s negative influence on your life. (See JST Matthew 18:9, footnote 9a in LDS Edition of the Bible.)
It is because friends sometimes cause us to stumble that President Spencer W. Kimball gave his advice about steady dating, French kissing, necking, and petting. When youth date steadily, they became close friends, become too familiar, and constantly find themselves in tempting situations where they have to resist physical attraction.
So to help you follow Jesus’ counsel and remove yourself not only from committing the sin but also from even being in a position where you would be tempted to sin, President Kimball gives this advice: “When you get in the teenage years, your social associations should still be general acquaintance with both boys and girls. Any dating or pairing off in social contacts should be postponed until at least the age of 16 or older, and even then there should be much judgment used in selections and in the seriousness… One can have all the blessings if he is in control and takes the experiences in proper turn: first some limited social get-acquainted contacts, then his mission, then his courting [going steady], then his temple marriage and his schooling and his family, then his life’s work. In any other sequence he could run into difficulty.” (Ensign, Feb. 1975, p. 4.)
President Kimball has also given counsel about French kissing. Before I quote President Kimball, however, I’d like to remind you of two things:
1. When a prophet speaks as a prophet, under the direction of the Spirit, his words are scripture. They are the mind, will, and voice of the Lord. (See D&C 68:2-4.) I therefore feel that these words are modern scripture to youth.
2. If you read these words and feel guilty, that is probably good—not good in the sense that you have been involved with French kissing, but good in the sense that your guilt is a spiritual signal. Nephi said, “the guilty taketh the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center.” (1 Nephi 6:2.) Guilt is to the spirit what pain is to the body. If you are playing basketball and twist an ankle, the physical pain gives you the signal, “Stop! Don’t do any more or you’ll damage yourself further!” If you read President Kimball’s words and you feel guilty, the message is “Stop! If you continue, you’ll harm yourself spiritually!”
President Kimball’s counsel on French kissing is: “Kissing has been prostituted and has been degenerated to develop and express lust instead of affection, honor, and admiration. To kiss in casual dating is asking for trouble. What do kisses mean when given out like pretzels or robbed of sacredness?
“What is miscalled the [French] kiss is an abomination and stirs passion that results in the eventual loss of virtue. Even if timely courtship justifies a kiss, it should be a clean, decent, sexless one, like the kiss between a mother and a son, or a daughter and a father. If the [French] kiss with its passion were eliminated from dating, there would be an immediate upswing in chastity and honor, with fewer illegitimate babies, fewer unwed mothers, fewer forced marriages, and fewer unhappy souls. With the absence of the [French] kiss, necking would be greatly reduced. Its younger sister, petting, would be totally eliminated. Both are abominations of their own right and kind. The persons who have indulged in such practices need a purging to cleanse themselves and should seek assistance from bishops to whom they should go and confess their sins.” (Mexico City Conference, Aug. 26, 1972.)
In summary, Jesus taught us to stay morally clean by staying away from tempting situations, whether it be pornography, friends of evil influence, French kissing, or prematurely going steady. He blessed us with a conscience so we would feel guilt as a warning to help us avoid stumbling spiritually.
The Apostle Peter wrote: “Sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear.” (1 Peter 3:15.)
When Peter counsels us to have an answer ready, I like to interpret that as having a premeditated answer ready. It’s hard sometimes to think or react under pressure. If we are wise, we will premeditate a potentially tempting situation, decide that we won’t participate, and have a reply ready for whatever may be asked of us.
I learned that lesson from an unfortunate experience. I was dating a girl who had just moved into our school. A friend of mine, who was going steady with a girl, suggested that we double date. The date began at a recreation area where we played pool. Then my friend said, “I have a surprise for you.” I said, “What is it?” He said, “You’ll see. You’ll love it.”
We got in my car (actually it was my Dad’s Volkswagen), and I started driving. He directed me to go down our town’s main street, then up a mountain road, and off on a dirt road. I said, “Where are we going?” He said, “If I told you it would spoil the surprise.” After we got to a secluded area, he said, “Okay, park here.” I said, “What?” He said, “Park it, Parker.” (That’s my name, Todd Parker.) He leaned over the seat, turned off the ignition and pulled up the parking brake. He then proceeded to engage in premarital, heterosexual, succulent mastication of the obicularis oris—that’s kissing.
I was shocked! I didn’t know what to do. I had no answer ready, as Peter directs us. So what do you do? Do you turn around and say, “Stop that, you two! That’s disgusting. It’s carnal, sensual, and devilish!” Most of us wouldn’t be so daring. So I just sat there, with those two making out in the back seat and my date staring at me. I thought “This is your big test, Parker. Are you going to act the way you’ve been taught or the way your best friend is acting?” I decided that I wouldn’t do what he was doing, but I still had no answer—I didn’t know what to say to get out of the situation. I started to talk. I talked about the North Star, the Big Dipper, and how to tell time by the stars the way I had learned in Boy Scouts. But it was still so uncomfortable. Then a thought occurred to me. I’d try something that had worked before in a similar situation.
I ran on the cross-country team. The coach didn’t like us to stay out late on weekends, so the hardest workout of the week was always on Saturday morning. It punished those who had stayed out the latest on Friday night. I always wanted to get enough sleep so I wouldn’t die during the Saturday morning workout. I also wanted to be with my friends. I didn’t always want to be the one to say, “Take me home, I need to get my rest.”
So I made a deal with my dad. I said, “Dad, I need your help. Can we make a deal that whenever I want to come home, I can make up a time and tell my friends you will get upset with me if I get in late?” He said, “If that is the way you want to handle it, it is okay with me.” So when my friends and I were out late and I wanted to get to bed but I didn’t want to look like a sissy, I’d say, “Oh, man, it’s five to twelve! If I’m not home at midnight, my dad will kill me!” It made Dad the bad guy. But he didn’t mind.
So, when I found myself parked with my friends, I thought, “I’ll use dear old Dad to get out of this.” I looked at my watch and said, “Holy mackerel—it’s 11:40! If I don’t have this car home by 12:00 Dad will kill me!” We left—Dad to the rescue. Now, I doubt that there is a concerned parent around who wouldn’t be willing to be the “bad guy” to help their kids out of a tempting situation. Can you imagine asking your parents for such an arrangement and having them say, “No, you cannot make us be the bad guy—you stay out there and make out with that guy!”
Using your parents is only one alternative. Let me suggest some others. If a boy were to stop his car, turn off the ignition, and try his “clutch” on a girl, she should have an answer ready. I suggest quoting a scripture. She could say, “Wait! Do you know what it says in Colossians 2:21?” He may say, “No, what does it say?” She could answer, “Touch not, taste not, handle not.” The boy may then get her message. Another possible answer to improper advances is, “Listen, buddy, my body is a temple, not a visitor’s center, and you don’t have a recommend.”
President Kimball suggests a more direct approach. He tells this story: “One young lady had an unpleasant experience. They were in the car, and the boy tried to take advantage of the girl, and she was courageous enough to say, ‘Get over on your own side of the seat.’ When he insisted on getting his arms around her, she said, ‘You stop this car and let me get out, and if you don’t, I’ll knock out your teeth!’” (Mexico City Conference, Aug. 26, 1972.)
Not all of your temptations will be of this kind, however. A more common one is to have friends ask you to help them cheat in school. You may be taking a test and the teacher leaves the room. Your friend may say, “Hey, what is the answer to number six?” Most of us are afraid of looking too self-righteous as if to imply, “I’m so holy and righteous and you are so slothful and decadent. I refuse to give you the answer to number six.” Remember Peter’s advice to have an answer ready. You may say, “Use your brain—it’s the small things in life that count.”
You may have someone tempt you with a cigarette or drugs by saying, “Would you like one of these?” You may say, “Sure, I’d love one!” Then take the cigarette, shred it into pieces, and say, “That was great! May I have another one?” His reply may be, “Don’t give this guy anything—he’s weird.”
I have only listed a few ideas about avoiding temptations. There are undoubtedly many more that you can think of. I honestly believe that if you do at least these basic things, Satan’s attempts to control you will be thwarted. In summary they are:
1. Remove yourself from tempting people and situations.
2. Have answers ready in your mind for difficult situations that might arise.
It is my sincere prayer that these suggestions will help you avoid temptations in these latter days.
Todd Parker is an institute instructor at the University of Arizona. He enjoys sports and has been a pole vaulter, a gymnast, and a distance runner. In college, he broke his neck in a pole-vaulting accident, but the vertebrae were fused and he still pole vaults on occasion. He and his wife, Debra, have six children. They live in Tucson, Arizona.