Home is the sailor, home from the sea,’ and all that.” Phillip Travis’s debonair manner disappeared as he slumped into a chair. Honor had been trying to read in the library without much success. Every footstep on the tiled hall floor brought her heart to her throat. She expected James to come in, look at her coldly, and order her to go.
Her relief was so great that she welcomed Phillip more warmly that she would have thought possible. “Hello! We’ve been wondering when you would come.”
“Oh?” The dark eyes were wary. “Wouldn’t have thought you’d care one way or the other now that you’re all hitched up with James.”
Choosing her words carefully, Honor insisted, “We will always care about you, Phillip.” Her gentle voice attested to the truth of her words.
“Sure you will. That’s why you came down here and married James within a week of the time we were engaged.”
“I can explain that—” But Honor stopped short. She couldn’t explain. It would be too humiliating.
Phillip didn’t seem to notice. He was staring moodily into the roaring fire that was always kept going now that the weather had turned colder. “I might have known. You were always good to me. It’s really better this way.” He grinned crookedly at her shocked expression. “I mean it. I’m a rotten guy. James can make you happy.”
It was the last thing on earth she would have expected from him. “You—you really mean that?”
“Sure.” He looked surprised. “Even at the canyon I knew it wouldn’t last.” He caught her disillusionment and leaned forward. “I’m just no good, Honor. At least not for a girl like you. I even wish I could be, but not all the time.”
From somewhere deep inside Honor was given insight, as she had been at the canyon. “Phillip, if you have even a desire to change, God will help you if you will only—”
“Don’t preach, Honor.” But there was no anger in his voice. “Funny, I’m James’s twin, and he isn’t always drunk or gambling.” Again there was a note of wistfulness. “But of course, he has the ranch to look after.”
“And you? What do you have to look after?”
For one moment she thought she had probed too deeply, but Phillip only stared at her then lazily yawned. “Me, I guess.” He yawned again. “A long time ago I thought I’d have Babs to look after, but she had other ideas.”
Eyes steady, forcing him to look at her, Honor said, “I believe Babs cares for you more than you know.”
There was a quick flare of hope in his eyes, replaced by dullness. “Too late. I don’t care about her.”
“Don’t you, Phillip?” Without giving him a chance to answer, Honor stood. “Why don’t you invite Babs for a visit? Give her a chance to be something other than your ‘good-time’ date. You might be surprised.”
“At least it would be something different. I’m about fed up with the social whirl. Maybe I will give her a call.” He slumped back and closed his eyes, but Honor thoughtfully went to her room. Did she dare? She did. She would dare anything to help that troubled man downstairs. Her original love for him had died, but there was another reason to help him now. He was James’s brother, weak, perhaps foolish, but still James’s brother—and hers, if she stayed.
Gently she picked up the phone and rang. “Operator? Please give me the number of Barbara Merrill in Flagstaff.” She didn’t want to let Phillip see her searching for the number. “Babs, this is Honor Brooks-Travis.” She could hear unfriendliness and suspicion in the other woman’s voice, but rushed on, “I believe Phillip may be going to call and invite you here. You will be welcome. Phillip needs you.”
There was a long pause, along with the thudding of Honor’s heart, then Babs’s slightly thawed voice said, “Thanks.” Was that a husky note?
Honor cradled the phone. Had James been right when he said Babs was waiting for Phillip to prove he could be true? It was odd, out of keeping with her own sheltered life. Such games and social ploys were out of her sphere. Babs seemed to be sophisticated. Was it possible she wanted a lasting marriage? Honor would have judged her as someone to try again if the first time didn’t work.
Soberly Honor donned her riding outfit. It didn’t pay to judge. But how strange it would be if it turned out Babs was one of the first she would be called to witness to about her recent experience in acceptance of Christ! Her heart sank. What a task! Yet if God gave her the task, He would send strength to do it.
Babs had sounded almost thunderstruck when she hung up. The next few days might be quite interesting!
When Honor got downstairs, Phillip was waiting. This time his lazy manner failed to hide his eagerness. “I called Babs. She’s coming and will be here for dinner.” Suddenly he dropped his pose. “I don’t blame you for throwing me down after you met James. We can at least be friends, can’t we?”
Without her own volition Honor parroted James’s words to her from the afternoon before. “Friends are people who trust you.”
“I trust you, Honor.” Phillip stepped closer, looking up to her on the second stair above him. “I don’t know why you married James in such a hurry, but it’s all right.”
“Oh, Phillip.” Blindly she reached out a hand to be caught in the white ones shaped like James’s hands but so different in color and texture from the working hands she had learned to love!
“What a touching scene.” The sarcasm in James’s voice effectively separated the two on the stairs. “Welcoming the prodigal home, Honor? Don’t overdo it.” He brushed past them rudely. Honor clung to the banister rail in order to keep from being upset.
“Just a minute!”
Honor had never seen such determination in Phillip’s eyes. It must have startled James. He swung around, looking back down with intense dislike in his face.
“Honor was kind enough to suggest that I ask Babs for a visit. I told her Babs was coming and asked Honor to be my friend. That’s why she gave me her hand.”
“My wife needs no explanation of her actions to me by you or anyone—especially by you.” James’s face was granite, his eyes flint. “If Babs is coming I would suggest you remember she is your guest. My wife will make her welcome, of course.” Had there been the slightest emphasis on the words my wife?
Phillip started up the stairs. “Why, you—”
“Phillip, no!” With a horror of scenes, Honor caught his arm. He mustn’t fight his own brother on her account! She had longed to bring peace to this house, not contention. “You must not fight! Either of you.” She scornfully looked at James. “Phillip told you the truth. If you don’t want to believe him, that’s your problem.”
“Then since it doesn’t matter, I won’t commit myself. We’ll be dressing for dinner, I suppose, in Babs’s honor?”
Tears of fury stung Honor’s eyes. He had parried her plea for trust as effectively as she had done the day before. “Yes, we will dress for dinner.” She turned her back squarely on him. “Phillip, I don’t seem to have the proper clothing for Casa del Sol and its visitors. Perhaps you and Babs will drive in with me to Flagstaff one day this week. I’m sure Babs can tell me where to buy.”
Only the sneaking admiration in Phillip’s eyes held her together. Had she been expected to knuckle under? Perhaps as Phillip had done—too often? With a weaker personality it must have been much easier just to take the line of least resistance.
“I’ll give you a check when you want to go shopping.”
Resisting an impulse to kick him in the shins or say something even more sarcastic than he had done, Honor counted to ten and turned. She would not lose her belief in a soft answer’s turning away wrath simply because this man infuriated and goaded her beyond belief. Her voice was low and even. “That won’t be necessary.” She even managed a smile. “After all, brides provide their own trousseaus.”
She thought he would protest. His face had thunderclouded to a scowl. At the last moment he changed tactics, stepping aside and sweeping her a low bow. “As you say, my dear.” For the first time since the wedding he turned and caught her to him, kissing her lightly on the forehead. “Sorry I was cross. Why don’t you have a ride before dinner? There’s plenty of time.” As if forgetting why he had been going upstairs, James trod heavily down and across the hall, leaving the door ajar behind him.
Phillip smiled. “You’ve got him befuddled, Honor. He wants to believe in you but isn’t too sure about me.” He grinned, yet an anxious look crept into his face. “I suppose I should be flattered, but I really don’t want to cause trouble between you two. He’s the biggest thing in my life. I’ve always wanted to be more like him.”
Honor again caught the cry for help. “There’s no reason you can’t be, Phillip. If you would only believe in yourself—and in God.”
“I really can’t see myself in that role.” He shook his head.
“I can—with all my heart.” Her fervent exclamation scored, and a bit awkwardly Phillip asked, “How about that ride? We certainly have James’s blessing.”
Honor swallowed a lump in her throat. James’s change of direction had been superb showmanship, nothing more. The kiss had not held tenderness, as had his kisses before their wedding. It had all been for Phillip’s benefit. Dashing back disappointment, she forced gaiety. “Of course! How long has it been since you’ve really ridden here? I bet I know more about Casa del Sol than you do!”
“We’ll see about that!”
But an hour later Phillip had to admit defeat. “You’re right. You really do know more. I guess I’ve been too busy indoors to remember how grand it is.” His sweeping hand took in the still-yellow aspens, towering firs and pines, and distance-softened rolling hills leading to mountains dusted by early snow. “You think Babs will like it?”
Honor whirled toward him. “Phillip, I want to know right now—why did you pay all that attention to me, build up promises? You know you’ve never really loved anyone but Babs!”
She didn’t think he would answer, and when he did it was in a shamed voice. “I know. But you were different, sweet. When Babs turned me down I made up my mind I’d never let her hurt me again. She—” He stopped, forced himself to look at Honor. “When I was at the canyon I really did think maybe I could make it with you.”
“It was a terrible thing to do, Phillip.”
Her gently accusing voice brought color even to his ears. “I know—now. But it all turned out all right. You married James. You could have searched the world over and never found a better man.”
“Does your brother know how much you care about him?”
“Don’t be ridiculous!” The mood was broken. “Men don’t go around telling each other stuff like that.”
“You’re the one who is ridiculous. He’s your brother. If you had let him know a long time ago how you feel, a lot of the trouble between you could have been solved before it began.”
“Maybe you’re right.” But it was too serious for Phillip. “Come on—race you to the ranch!”
“Didn’t think you could do it,” he teased as he reined in beside her. “A tenderfoot like you beating an old hand like me?”
“An old hand like you had better do more riding. You’re getting rusty. Next time I’ll beat you worse!” Honor swung from the saddle and prepared to remove it.
“Hey, let one of the hands do that.”
“What? A good rancher takes care of his own, or her own, horse. Get that saddle off and your mount rubbed down.”
“That’s telling him,” a soft voice applauded. Babs Merrill leaned against the door laughing at them, even more beautiful than when Honor had seen her before.
“Babs, welcome!” Honor stepped toward her, a smile lighting her face. “I won’t offer to shake hands—mine are pretty dirty!”
“That won’t stop me.” Phillip took the well-groomed hands in his own grimy ones. Honor saw the look in his eyes and turned her back. Who would have thought she wouldn’t have minded? She busied herself with her horse, glad for the activity to keep pace with her galloping thoughts. She really didn’t mind. She only hoped Phillip could find happiness. Would Babs ever be interested in learning about God? How much happier they could be if they knew Him! She closed her lips tight. She wouldn’t preach.
She didn’t have to. After the leisurely dinner interspersed with laughter, Babs excused herself and went upstairs. Wondering, Honor followed to see if there was anything needed in the ornate guest suite. Babs’s room door was open, but she wasn’t there. Strange. Honor glanced in the open door of the guest suite bathroom. No Babs. Her own door stood open. Had Babs gone there?
Babs was sitting on Honor’s bed when Honor entered. “Why did you invite me here? Another of your do-gooder deeds?” But her voice held only a flick of her usual sarcasm. “Why did you say Phillip needed me?”
“Because it’s true.” Honor saw the doubt mixed with hope in green eyes gone suddenly soft. The long, slender fingers trembled. Honor knew what she must do. “Babs, you were right at the canyon. Phillip saw me as a summer romance.”
“And you?”
“Much more.” She could be candid, open, without fear of hurt. “I was lonely. I saw everything in Phillip I’d ever wanted. Yet I also knew it would take a miracle for us to ever be happy. I wanted to believe Phillip had a longing inside for something more than his present way of life. I felt I had something to offer him.” She fell silent for a moment. “Babs, I still do.”
Honor saw Babs stiffen, resentment oozing from every pore.
“Wait! Not what you think, Babs! I’m married to James. I have no love for Phillip at all.”
“So you didn’t marry James for his money!” Babs had the grace to flush. “Maybe I’ve misjudged you. You’re really in love with him, aren’t you?”
Honor was speechless that this woman of the world could so easily shatter her defenses.
“Honor, forgive me. But what did you mean, you still have something to offer Phillip?”
Honor’s tongue was released. “I have the Lord Jesus Christ to offer Phillip. A better friend, a finer companion than anyone on earth could ever be. He’s there for the taking.”
Babs looked disappointed. “Oh, you mean religion.”
“Not exactly.” Honor’s face glowed with determination. She had been given a chance to witness without preaching. She would do just that. “Religion encompasses many things. But the belief in and acceptance of Jesus Christ as your Savior is much more! God sent His only Son to earth that we might know Him and have eternal life.”
“You really believe that? Why?”
Honor thought for a moment. “Babs, I was only a child when my parents were killed in the San Francisco earthquake. But I had my brother, Keith, to look after and Granny to lean on. Then Keith died somewhere in France. Granny followed. I was left alone, so alone I wished I could die, too.” Tears glittered but did not fall. “For a time I was numb, uncaring. Then I knew my life had to count for something. Their work was over; mine was not.”
“You mean this God of yours took away the pain?” Babs was frankly disbelieving, but at least she was listening.
“No, Babs.” Honor faced her guest steadily. “The pain is there, but God has given me extra strength so I can live with it.” She was encouraged by Babs’s face, the almost reluctant fascination.
“Haven’t you ever stayed awake at night, Babs, wondering what life is all about? Haven’t you ever been so lonely you would have gladly traded everything you have to have one friend close enough to share your deepest feelings with? Haven’t you ever been let down so badly, even by Phillip, you wondered if life was worth living?” She could see her shot had struck home. “God doesn’t let people down. I know that now. He sent His Son to show us the best and only way to live.” She broke off. What she said could be crucial at this point. She prayed silently for guidance.
Babs was no longer cynical or laughing. “Then you believe God controls everything in your life and that it’s all for a purpose?”
Honor hesitated, choosing her words carefully. “Only when we accept that we are under God’s control. So long as we go our way, feeling we are in charge, we step out from under His protection….” She searched for a parable. “If we were walking together down the street under an umbrella and I deliberately chose to step out from under it, I would be subject to the storm.”
“But Christians still have storms in their lives.” Babs’s green eyes were more speculative than antagonistic. “Why doesn’t God take better care of those who worship Him?”
For an instant Honor thought of James’s lightly asking how she knew it wasn’t God’s will for her to marry him instead of Phillip. A spasm of regret chased shadows into her eyes. “Sometimes God does send trials, Judge Bell says. I really think, though, that most of the time we bring them to ourselves when we refuse to follow Him.”
Babs slowly rose. “Glad I came.” So few words in response to the message of salvation.
Honor’s heart sank as she hesitated then said, “Babs, it wasn’t until after my wedding I stopped rebelling against God and accepted Christ. I can honestly say it’s made all the difference in the world. If you want real happiness you will seek God and help Phillip do the same.” There! It was out.
Babs looked amazed. “I’d have thought you were—” Her face flushed. “I won’t say it. I’ll think about it, Honor.”
“Don’t wait too long.” Honor could feel the strain in her voice. “Good night, Babs.” Prey to her own emotions, Honor still rejoiced. At least some of the bitterness and suspicion Babs carried for her had gone. Would she consider what Honor had said? Troubled by her own flippant remarks to James, desiring to share the Lord she had ignored so long, and concerned over wondering if she could ever become the kind of witness she wanted to be, she restlessly wandered around her room then donned her riding habit for the second time that day. Jingles was much better now. Maybe she could either lead him or ride a little on the path near the house.
Cautiously she slipped downstairs and out the door, noting it was ajar. How strange Juan had not locked it as usual! Was someone else prowling? She laughed at her groundless fears. Why get panicky over an unlocked door?
The moon was bright as she walked toward the corral, keeping her head turned back over her shoulder. Why should she feel as if she had been observed slipping from the house? Intent on watching the front door she ran smack into a solid, tall figure in riding clothes.
“Phillip!”
There was a slight sound then the man pushed back his sombrero and grinned sardonically. “Sorry to disappoint you, Mrs. Travis. Not Phillip. Just your husband.” James Travis stood bareheaded before her.
How maddening! Now what did he believe about her? Honor wasn’t long in finding out.
“Why did you invite Babs here? As a cover? Seems like you could wait a bit before sneaking out to meet Phillip!”
“I did not come out to meet Phillip!”
“Oh?” She could see his lip curl even in the moonlight. “Then what, may I ask, are you doing running around the ranch in the middle of the night?”
Her voice quivered. “Maybe you can’t understand how hard it is for me to be here.” Mistaking his silence for disbelief, she stumbled on. “How would you like to live in a place where you were watched, mistrusted? How would you like to have someone spying on you all the time, waiting for you to make a mistake?”
“I was not spying. I have every right to be here. I live at Casa del Sol—or haven’t you noticed?”
“I’ve noticed. I’ve noticed how everyone around here jumps without even asking how high when you speak. Phillip—”
“So you’re still in love with him!”
She ignored the savage way he cut the air with his riding crop. “I am not in love with him! That doesn’t mean I can’t see what you are too blind to notice. Phillip worships you, wishes with all his heart and soul he could be like you! He envies your strength, longs to be able to take control as you do—”
“And covets my wife.”
“He does not! You were right: he never loved anyone but Babs. I was a passing fancy, like all the rest.” She paused for breath. “I hope Phillip and Babs marry and get as far away from you as possible. You don’t know how to love anyone but yourself!”
It was curious what strange tricks moonlight could play. For an instant she could have sworn a terrible pain crossed the face above her. There was something deadly in his voice as he softly asked, “Oh? Have you so soon forgotten?” She was inexorably being drawn to him. Her cry of protest was smothered by his kiss, gentle at first, then demanding. When he lifted his face from hers she was exhausted.
“Good night, Mrs. Travis.” With giant strides he was at the corral. Before Honor could move he had cut out Sol, leaped to his bare back, and disappeared around the bend in the moonlight.