Chapter Three

Rowes

 

He must’ve swallowed swamp water or something because his breath was terrible. Groaning, Rowes rolled onto his side, thudding against something warm and sweaty. With all the time zones they’d been going through for the past few weeks, his body was so ragged that he had to blink his eyes open before he remembered who was with him.

Izzy, obviously. Rowes grinned to himself, wrapping his arms around Izzy’s chest and nuzzling in close. He wasn’t daisy fresh, but so distinctly Izzy that Rowes couldn’t care less. He’d seen Izzy drunk and covered in puke and it hadn’t bothered him—a little sleep sweat didn’t bug him, either.

After another full day, they’d fallen asleep in their hotel room during a movie marathon. The television was still humming in the background, the sound so muted that it was nothing more than a distant muffling of voices. With the remote nowhere to be found within reach, Rowes ignored it, along with everything else.

At some point Izzy had taken his shirt and pants off, leaving himself in nothing but a pair of boxers. Rowes almost felt overdressed in his actual pajamas. He would have been in the same state if Izzy hadn’t told him to put pajamas on before bed, but he’d put off brushing his teeth, chomping down on wine and chocolate instead as he’d tried to stay awake.

“Your morning wood is stabbing me to death over here,” said Rowes, as he shifted away a touch. He giggled as Izzy let out a groan and pushed at him with one arm.

“And your morning breath is like daisies on a spring morning,” said Izzy, scrunching up his nose without opening his eyes. “And stop squishing it or it will get attached to you.”

Rolling off the bed, Rowes stretched, wincing at the sheer number of cracking noises. Once their promotional tour was done, he was getting back to the gym ASAP.

“And I’ll make my fresh breath scent into the next perfume,” said Rowes, letting out a yawn as he reached for the remote, which was in the middle of the floor. He was a kicker when he slept, so he’d probably nailed it straight off the bed and across the floor.

Izzy chuckled, rolling and faceplanting into his pillow. “I’m going back to sleep.”

His nonchalance was so relieving that Rowes let out a breath. It had been two weeks since they’d watched the fan video together, and he’d started to worry that things had changed between them.

He’d watched enough of the stupid things to know when to shrug it off and when to take constructive criticism, but this one had seemed to linger. He could still hear the beat of the music in his dreams…and the way Izzy had looked at him.

He closed his eyes, letting out a sigh as goosebumps inexplicably prickled over his skin. He’d have to turn the heat up if he was wearing these pajamas again.

The video was causing issues for them. All their touches suddenly seemed purposeful, and it was driving him insane. He just wanted to chill with his best friend, but now he had to wonder if there was someone watching them and where the hell he was going to sit. He liked sitting on the floor…mostly because he loved it when Izzy played with his hair. Sometimes it was the only way he could relax after a long day.

And trying to look up BDSM on his phone was completely out of the question. He rarely had any time alone, and Izzy would probably quiz the fuck out of him if he saw him searching for something like that.

“Have you ever thought about being a Daddy?” asked Rowes, opening his suitcase and grabbing the closest pair of boxes before doing a sniff test to make sure they were clean. He was going to need some laundry services at the next place or he would be freeballing soon.

Izzy jerked on the bed before throwing the covers back and sitting up. His morning wood was straining at his boxers, and Rowes averted his eyes as he lowered his own pants. They were alone, but he wasn’t sure if it was okay for him to look or not. He didn’t know the boundaries of their new relationship since they’d watched that video.

“Like…kids?” Izzy asked, his voice pitching. Rowes glanced at him, snickering at the shock he found there.

“You hate kids.” Rowes grinned to himself. Perhaps hate was too strong of a word, but Izzy couldn’t stand being around the little rascals. Rowes didn’t mind them, but he didn’t want a dozen to call his own someday, either.

“You aren’t talking about kids.” Izzy flushed, scratching the back of his head before flopping on the bed.

“Uh…no.” Rowes glared at his suitcase, his bravery starting to fail. He was usually the follower, but he couldn’t stand the tension between them. In their room, it wasn’t so bad, but as soon as they left, it was as if Lorena was watching over his shoulder all the time. It would only get worse when they started shooting again in the next few weeks.

“I just thought maybe that was what has been bothering you the last little bit. Maybe you missed the kink aspect you had with your boyfriend and hadn’t thought about it much since that fan video shoved it in your face.” Rowes risked a glance at Izzy, wilting at his thinly pressed lips and furrowed forehead. “Shit. I never should have let you watch that,” said Rowes, cursing himself for the hundredth time.

Maybe Lorena was right. Maybe he was too close with Izzy and was stomping all over his game. He could have a hundred guys waiting for him, but Rowes was simply in the way.

“That’s not it exactly,” said Izzy, doing his own stretching routine, which managed to be much more athletic than Rowes’. “But I have been thinking if maybe I’ve crossed a few lines with you that I shouldn’t have. I don’t want you to be labeled a submissive if that’s not who you are. Being told you’re something that you aren’t can be really hurtful.”

Ugh. Sometimes Izzy was too thoughtful for his own good. “You didn’t cross any lines. I mean, there are literally hundreds of those videos. Not D/s ones, but ones about us hooking up and all that. They started back in season one and are still going strong.”

From what little he’d been able to figure out about submission from the few searches he had risked, he was a textbook sub. He tried not to think too hard on the fact that Izzy seemed one hundred percent a Daddy.

“Well, show me some more then. Maybe it will help me figure some stuff out once and for all.”

Wait…what? Rowes bit his lip, clutching his jeans to his chest. He had not been prepared for that. He’d hoped that Izzy would take his word for it like he always did. On one hand, maybe the videos would clear things up, or maybe they would make it so much worse.

What if Izzy started to doubt their entire relationship? No. There was nothing between them except friendship, and that was the only thing there would ever be—but not according to the rest of the world.

“Are you sure?” Why did I open my mouth? He tugged on his pants, grabbing the shirt from the top of the case and pulling it on. He was pretty sure it was the same one he’d worn the day before, but it would have to do.

“Yeah, what’s the harm? They are all over the internet, right?”

Izzy may have been Daddy material, but he was also apparently naïve. It was like someone going online looking for all five-star reviews on their show and having a mental breakdown at anything less. Rowes had spent years trolling himself on the internet and was used to the haters. Izzy, though?

“Fine, but you have to promise me something,” said Rowes, searching for his phone and finding it tucked under the pillow on the bed. Izzy had barely moved other than to cover his lap with the duvet from the bed.

“Anything.”

He said it so easily, as if Rowes could ask him for the world and Izzy would somehow deliver. He probably would. He’d been craving fried chicken one day, and Izzy had taken a cab all the way across town to get it for him.

“Don’t take anything personally. I mean it.” He gave Izzy a steady look. “People are assholes, especially people on the internet. Seriously, just let it slide off.”

Izzy shrugged, leaning against the headboard and patting the spot next to him. Rowes was more than happy to snuggle in close, the coolness of the room sinking in. He must’ve cranked the air conditioning before bed because it was frigid. Izzy tucked him right under his arm like he belonged, morning body odor and all. Rowes couldn’t complain because he still hadn’t brushed his teeth.

Bringing up the video app, he scrolled through his feed until he found one that caught his eye. It was an older one, but it had a lot of views and a mind-boggling number of comments.

“Last chance to back out,” he hovered his finger over the play button, waiting for Izzy’s nod before he pushed it.

Unlike the D/s video, this one was much more upbeat, with a sparkly pop song and no text comments throughout. It was just shot after shot of them together in places that Rowes barely remembered.

The first one was a short of them at Niagara Falls. Rowes was terrified of heights but had wanted to look down into the swirling mass of water right at the base of the falls. His hands had been shaking as he grasped the metal fence that had been slick with the never-ending mist.

He wasn’t sure how Izzy had known, but he’d been there in an instant, pressing his chest to Rowes’ back and wrapping an arm around his waist to hold him firm. He’d braced his other hand on the fence, leaning them as far as he dared while clutching Rowes tight.

He’d felt so safe, the plunge and danger fading to the periphery of his thoughts as he’d gotten his first good look at the whirlpools below. His smile of thanks had been caught on camera, along with the way he’d tilted his head to Izzy, their lips so close to touching.

He curled his toes into the bedsheets as Izzy shifted against him, the warmth of the blankets almost too much. He’d seen it all before, but he remembered the first time and how off guard it had taken him.

“Did you want me to stop it?” he asked softly, reaching for the screen.

“No,” Izzy answered, his voice even quieter. He sounded almost resigned.

Rowes swallowed, wincing at the next shot of them. It had been at a photoshoot and Rowes had just tripped over absolutely nothing, splaying on the ground and scraping the hell out of his knee through his way-too-expensive pants. Izzy had helped him to the nearest chair before kneeling and rolling up his pant leg to check on the scrape. Izzy had been the one to grab a bandage from the first-aid kit, touching the wound that had barely been bleeding.

The rest were no less incriminating. Shots of them holding hands, leaning close or smiling at each other, their gazes appearing to hold a thousand secrets.

Rowes was sweating by the time Izzy asked for another video, and by the third, he had to kick the blanket off them, wishing that he’d turned the air conditioning even higher. He didn’t dare look at Izzy, whose breath was steady against the side of his neck, his heart thudding a steady beat, unlike Rowes’ racing one.

He wasn’t sure how long they sat together, going through video after video, some of them with the same shots and others completely unrelated. They probably would have sat there forever if Rowes’ stomach hadn’t growled, demanding breakfast and effectively calling an end to their screen show.

Shutting off his phone, Rowes tossed it across the bed, slowly leaning away from Izzy and standing. The air was so tight he could scarcely breathe, his gut twisting in a way that made him wonder how the hell he was going to eat.

“You okay?” asked Izzy, the sound of shuffling following him as he presumably stood. He patted Rowes’ shoulder, the warmth of his hand sinking in. There was no hesitance, only friendship and support.

“Yeah.” Rowes let out a sigh of relief. Leaning into the touch before shooting Izzy a smile. “I’ll order breakfast for us.”

“Get me the waffles, Ro, and you should try the pancakes. The menu promised real maple syrup and fresh fruit toppings. You could get the blueberry.”

With the way Izzy said it, how could he resist?