Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
WINNIE THE POOH (A. A. MILNE)
THE WORD “encourage” means to embolden one with courage, and I’m so thankful for the many people in my life who have emboldened me, urging me to go after my dreams. It began with my mother and her loving enthusiasm, signing me up for dance and music classes, and her quiet, loving support from the back of the room at all those lessons. It continued with my father, who pushed me to pursue an education and who always told me I was strong, capable, and smart.
But they weren’t the only ones who planted the seeds of courage and confidence in me.
By the time I graduated from art school in Brighton, I knew I wanted to be a professional actor. I had studied the work of the Dutch artist Vincent van Gogh, and he had said a curious thing in one of his many letters to his brother Theo. Growing dissatisfied with his work, he expressed that he no longer wanted to be the painter but rather he wanted to be the paint.
When I read this, I instantly understood it in some unspoken way. I wanted to become the “paint” in my work, too. To breathe life into a script, to become a character, to tell a story. I wanted to be an actor. I realized my dream was to be onstage. I decided the best way to achieve this was to further my studies at the Drama Studio in London. I interviewed twice and was finally offered a place at this prestigious school. I was thrilled and so excited about the quality of training I would receive, but my heart sank when I was turned down for a grant to cover the cost of the tuition. I knew I couldn’t afford it on my own and was trying to process my disappointment when a miracle occurred.
Three extraordinary people who I had been working with on a summer theater project banded together and offered to put up the money for me to attend. They told me they believed in me and wanted to invest in my future. It wasn’t a loan, they assured me, it was an investment in me. They didn’t want me to have to turn down this wonderful opportunity. The only thing they asked was that I pay the kindness forward with my life. And I have tried to do that over the years to honor their generosity.
I had never experienced such unbelievable, unselfish kindness before. But before I could accept, I told them I had to talk it over with my father. My dad was stunned. Of course he wished he had enough money to pay the tuition himself, but it was more than our family could afford. Knowing this was an incredible opportunity for me, he said he couldn’t let pride stand in the way, and he gave me permission to accept.
These three wonderful angels gave me so much more than just the tuition fees. They gave me encouragement and confidence. They stepped up and showed that they believed in me, a belief that made all the difference. It made me want to work as hard as I possibly could to show them their investment in me was worthwhile. I didn’t want to let them down.
The agreement was that they would cover the tuition, but I needed to get a job to cover my rent and living expenses. I wasn’t afraid of hard work, and I immediately got a job as a waitress so I could cover my costs.
I excelled in my studies in London, and even went on to win the highest award the school offered: “Most Promising Student of the Year.” Then, just one month before graduation, my father died. I was devastated. Not having him with me at the pivotal moment of accepting my diploma broke my heart. I wanted to see his eyes shining with pride as I walked across the stage, his heart bursting with the knowledge that my whole life was still in front of me, beckoning.
So here I was, finally out of school, and my beloved parents had both passed on and my childhood home in Northern Ireland had been sold. I was trained and ready and eager to start my professional life. Some of my friends in the program were planning to move to New York after graduation. I began to wonder if I could take that leap of faith as well. I was a young woman with a big dream, and I knew that the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.
I was scared, of course. The unknown opened up before me. But when nothing is certain, everything is possible. I prayed I would know what direction to take, that I would be guided to each next step, and that I would have the courage to take it.
Looking back, I can see that if my father had still been alive, I might never have considered moving to America. But I was young and filled with a sense of adventure. So I packed my bags and joined the ranks of thousands of young actors and actresses who pour into New York City each year. I came looking for the American dream.
I remember those early years of walking all over the city in search of a job. I often didn’t have the fare for a taxi, so it was walking or buses or the subway, uptown and downtown and crosstown, to readings and meetings, sometimes several a day. I came home each night hoping to see the light on the answering machine flashing with the offer of a job. But it rarely flashed, and I frequently felt tremendously insecure.
Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.
WILL ROGERS
To be an actor, you have to learn to live with fear. Every actor, no matter how good, no matter how seasoned, must face the fear that inevitably arises when you walk onto a stage in front of hundreds of people. Rosalind Russell, the American actress from the 1940s and ’50s, once said, “Acting is standing up naked and turning around very slowly.” Of course, she was speaking about being emotionally naked, about appearing vulnerable in front of others.
Actors have to learn to live with the fear of being vulnerable, and to conquer it.
You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only choice.
BOB MARLEY
I knew that in order to survive pursuing acting as a career, I had to develop a thick skin and the drive to keep going in the face of rejection. This was hard for me, as I am naturally tenderhearted and sensitive, but I knew that thick skin would provide an armor that would protect me. I had to learn not to take the setbacks to heart and not to take rejection personally.
There are often hundreds of actors pursuing just a few roles on each show. And the truth is that you could give the audition of your life, and they still might reject you just because of the color of your hair or because you are too short or too tall or too different from how directors envision the character.
Even though you know the rejection isn’t personal, it often feels personal, and it hurts. That’s when the thick skin is necessary.
But I had to learn to separate from the rejection. It doesn’t define who I am. The rejection isn’t rejection of me. Acting is what I do, but it’s not who I am.
You can imagine that in those early days, before I had learned to disassociate, I struggled. I can see now that there was still within me a little child who felt the loss of her mother and a painful sense of abandonment. Rejections reopened old wounds that her death had created. And as these hurts reemerged, I no longer had my father there to offer his quiet words of encouragement and compassion.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
MARK TWAIN
No matter what your profession, we all face those feelings sometimes. Feelings of unworthiness. Feelings of failure. Feelings of defeat.
But we don’t have to stay in those places. I have found that the best remedy to negative self-talk is to try to move myself from a place of fear into a space of love. I start by simply thinking about the people I love. Remember Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music encouraging the von Trapp children to think of a few of their favorite things when they were afraid of the storm? Well, that’s a version of what I do. I count my blessings, I pray, and I connect to God. Then I am reminded that God has a plan for my life, even when I do not always see it myself.
The time spent in that space of love restores me and gives me courage and joy, and my sense of purpose rises again. I am filled back up to go out into the world and chase my dreams, energized, excited, and full of faith.
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
LAO TZU
I spent several years in New York trying to make things happen. I booked some regional theater shows, which were good experiences but did not pay much. In between shows, I went to acting classes and voice classes and exercise classes, making sure that I was ready. An acting teacher of mine always said that if opportunity knocks, it needs to find you ready and prepared, not taking a nap on the couch. You’ve got to stay well tuned in your craft.
During my years in Manhattan, I had the good fortune to meet all sorts of wonderful people who respected the struggle of the aspiring actors who populate the city and would do their part to cheer them up. The first celebrity I ever met came up to me one night when I was working as a coat-check girl in a fancy Upper West Side restaurant. It was seasonal work, but on a cold winter night I could pull in some decent tips, making anywhere from twenty-five cents to a dollar per coat. I would arrive at five o’clock to get set up for the night, and most customers would arrive between seven and eight. I would check people’s coats, sit and read for a few hours while they dined, and then retrieve their coats for them around ten or eleven. One night, Regis Philbin walked up and asked me what I was reading. I looked up and recognized his face immediately. I told him the title of my book, and he looked at me with that famous twinkle in his eye, and said, “Oh, do I detect a bit of an accent?”
I laughed and said, “Yes, I’m from Ireland.”
We chatted for a bit, and then he went off to enjoy dinner with his lovely wife, Joy. He left me a twenty-dollar tip, and I will never forget his kindness.
Many years later, when I was doing publicity in New York City for Touched by an Angel, I went on his show with Kathie Lee Gifford, and I told him the story. Regis laughed at the end of it and pretended to wipe his brow. “Phew! I was worried for a bit that I had stiffed you!”
We soon became friends, and many years later Mark and I hosted a birthday luncheon for Regis and Joy at our Malibu home. Kathie Lee and I became very dear friends as well. She did a few guest appearances on Touched by an Angel, and I was honored to work with her as an actress. Kathie Lee is a talented, strong woman of faith and is just lovely to be around.
My coat checking soon gave way to some acting work, and I was finally cast Off Broadway, at New York’s Public Theater and the Roundabout Theatre, doing Shaw and Ibsen and Shakespeare, wonderful roles in classical plays. I was thrilled to be finally doing what I was trained for and what I loved. It wasn’t Broadway yet, but it was interesting, quality work, and it paid, supplementing my other part-time gigs. And then one evening at intermission, the stage manager popped into my room and said, “We have a special guest who wants to meet you.”
Sir Rex Harrison had been in the audience, and he walked into my dressing room in his impeccably tailored suit. I practically fainted. It was such an honor to meet this movie star, most beloved for his role as Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady.
Sir Rex was mounting a production of W. Somerset Maugham’s The Circle for Broadway, and he wanted me to come in the following Monday to audition for the role of the ingénue. My heart skipped a beat, and I of course said yes.
The following Monday I auditioned and landed the role. This was my first big break. The production also starred Glynis Johns and Stewart Granger, true old-time movie stars who, along with Sir Rex, were in the later stages of their careers. Between them they had so much experience and wisdom. We toured the country for three months and then ended up on Broadway for a six-month run.
I will never forget that first performance on the Broadway stage in New York. Taking my bow at curtain call, I was overcome with emotion. I was grateful to God for guiding me; to my mother, who instilled in me the love of theater; to my father, who gave me the belief that I had wings and could fly; and to the three angels who had helped put me through drama school.
Because of all of them and their love and support and belief in me, I saw my dreams come true that night.
And that was just the beginning. Appearing on Broadway in The Circle led to the title role in A Woman Named Jackie, which gave me the courage to move to Los Angeles. Which, of course, would eventually lead to me being cast on Touched by an Angel.
Nothing gets going from a stationary position. Energy begets energy; one thing leads to another. Each step of my journey opened the door for the next step, which led to Rex Harrison seeing me, which led me to my dream. Sometimes we say no to opportunities because they may not be exactly what we are looking for. But the truth is you never know where things might lead. You’ve got to stay open and have faith.
Life as an actor means living with a degree of uncertainty. It’s a life that can create self-doubt and upset the natural urge we all have to feel safe. But we have to be bold and brave, because if we are not, we may miss the opportunity to do really great things.
It’s life, Sidda. You don’t figure it out. You just climb up on the beast and ride.
REBECCA WELLS
I used to think I needed to have all my ducks lined up in a row before I could step out, that only when I felt certain of success should I move forward. But the truth is there is no certainty in this life. Pastor Rick Warren once said, “Living by faith isn’t living with certainty. It’s trusting God in spite of unanswered questions and unresolved doubts.” If I had not put my trust in God, I never would have moved to New York or to Los Angeles.
Living a life of faith means learning to get our feet wet. When Jesus walked on water, only one disciple asked to join him: Peter. Peter slowly stepped out of the boat and began to do the impossible. When he looked down and began to doubt, Jesus stretched out his hand and encouraged him to trust, to look only at Him. And Peter walked on water.
I once heard someone say that the only difference between excitement and fear is your attitude.
Peter was afraid. But at least he got out of the boat.
Our God is not one who is content to keep us in our comfort zone. Jesus challenged his disciples to do more than they thought possible. The disciples weren’t cut from theological cloth or raised on supernatural milk. But they were an ounce more devoted than they were afraid, and, as a result, did some extraordinary things.
MAX LUCADO