I wouldn’t have dared ask God for all He has given me. I couldn’t have done it on my own. I thank God every day for what I have.
LORETTA LYNN
IT ALL COMES down to one thing: gratitude.
Every morning when I get out of bed and my first foot hits the floor, I say, “Thank.” Then the other foot hits the floor, and I say, “You.” And all the way into the bathroom, I am whispering, “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” A pitter-patter of gratitude as I begin my day.
I began this practice when I was filming Touched by an Angel in Utah. I don’t remember where I read or heard about it, but as soon as I discovered this practice, I knew it was something I wanted to integrate into my daily routine. And I’ve done it every day ever since.
I’ve now added another routine to remind me to give thanks throughout the day. Each time I wash my hands and feel the water run over my skin, I say it again. “Thank you. Thank you, God.” It helps me take a step back from whatever is happening in my day to remember my blessings. It’s a reminder for me to acknowledge God; and from that space, I am brought into a place of strength and wholeness and fullness. I find when I attach an attitude to an action—something I am bound to do throughout the day—it helps me remember the attitude more. And so every time I wash my hands, my perception of whatever is going on around me instantly changes.
I think that practice spoke to me while I was in Utah because I was so grateful during that season of my life. So grateful to be cast in a starring role on a TV show, so thankful that the series had been picked up and that it had finally found its audience. While Touched by an Angel eventually went on to become the number one show on the network, the first year or two it really struggled to find its audience. We shot the pilot not knowing if it would be picked up, and CBS initially ordered only six episodes, then increased it to thirteen. They kept moving our time slot, and we were even placed on an early hiatus for a while—which often signals that the end is in sight and that the show will be canceled. But then, finally, they put us in a Saturday-night time slot, and we began to pick up some ratings. We realized, as a cast and crew, that if we didn’t do something to spread the word, this show would be over before it even had a chance to begin, which often happens. So we reached out to youth groups and churches all across the country and let them know that there was a TV show on the air that celebrated God and was hoping to spread the message of God’s love. And slowly the faith community began to mobilize, word of mouth began to spread, the churches began to pray, and we became the little engine that could. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.
One more day to serve. One more hour to love. One more minute to praise. For this day I am grateful. If I awaken to the morning sun, I am grateful.
MARY LOU KOWNACKI, ORDER OF SAINT BENEDICT
Finally, the network moved us to Sunday night. That was the sweet spot. Families could gather at the end of the weekend to watch this show together. Parents and grandparents could snuggle on the couch with their kids and know they didn’t have to keep their finger on the remote control. They trusted the show and enjoyed the message of hope. Soon millions of people were watching each week.
Talk about gratitude. It was more than any of us could have hoped for.
And we soon realized that it was more than entertainment; we came to believe that God was truly using our show to reach His children.
I was so moved by letters I received from people who shared how a particular episode impacted them and deeply touched their lives. Because I was the face of the show, many of these letters were addressed to me, but I would bring them to set to share with my cast and crew. We would laugh and cry and hug, hearing the messages from these viewers, so grateful for the opportunity to be part of something that was clearly bigger than all of us. As Della would say, “It’s a God thing, baby.”
One time I was at a bookstore in Los Angeles doing a signing for a children’s book I had written, and a young woman came up to me, tears in her eyes and fresh scars on her wrists. And she told me the most remarkable story.
She hadn’t had an easy life, and one night she found herself full of despair and ready to take her own life. She slit her wrists and slid down the bathroom wall, filled with anger at her family because she felt abandoned and alone, feelings that had plagued her throughout her life. And now here she was, feeling abandoned and alone again. She cried out to God, “Even now, there’s no one here! There’s no one here.” And she let her head sink to her knees, waiting for death to take her.
But then she heard something from the living room. It was the television. She didn’t even remember turning it on. Touched by an Angel was on, and it was the angel revelation scene. And this woman heard the words of Monica the angel come wafting through the bathroom door: “You are not alone. You are never alone. Don’t you know that God loves you?”
I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.
JOHN 8:12 (ESV)
When she heard those words, she lifted her head. She felt those words were just for her. And she picked up a towel and wrapped up her wrists and called an ambulance.
I stared at her in shock and gave her a hug, tears flooding my eyes, and all I could say was, “Thank you, God.”
Thank you, God.
Over and over. I was so humbled by what God was able to accomplish with that little show of ours.
God is willing and able to use any of us to do His work. We just have to be ready. How do you prepare yourself to be God’s angel? We’ve touched on it throughout this book. You slow down so you can hear His whisper. Find the stillness. You look for ways to perform small acts of kindness. You dare to do something courageous and step out onto that water. You look for ways to love. For that’s who and what God is. Love. You want to be His angel? Spread love.
Love.
Love.
After the show wrapped, I went through a time of mourning. I missed my cast and crew family, but I also missed Monica. I missed playing her and inhabiting her spirit. Playing Monica for many hours a day, over many years, taught me so much. She made me a better friend, a better listener, a more faithful servant. I enjoyed living in her skin, and I think she brought out the best of me. She was able to truly, fully show up for someone. She listened, not just with her ears but also with her heart. When people come to you with a heart-load of hurt, they aren’t always looking for solutions or answers. It’s often enough just to listen and love. When people feel they are truly heard, healing can happen.
I also missed the important work we were doing, the purpose that I felt in my life. Reilly and I had come back to Malibu, and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do next; but I knew I didn’t want to just jump into another role.
One of the first things I filmed after the show wrapped was an infomercial for Operation Smile, a short film to increase awareness of the good work that they do. I had been meaning to do it ever since I had gotten involved with this wonderful organization after the first season of the show, but I hadn’t had enough time to go on location to shoot it. So I packed my bags and headed off to Vietnam. I spent a week at the mission hospital, working to tell the story of children whose lives had been forever changed with this restorative surgery. I was grateful to be able to help bring attention to the cause and to help raise millions of dollars for this organization that brings so much hope and light into the world.
After that, I just waited. I waited, knowing that God would bring forth the right next step for me. I poured myself into being a mom. I loved being there for Reilly in a way I hadn’t been able to do when I was putting in twelve-hour days on set. A number of job opportunities presented themselves, but I kept waiting. I didn’t want to say yes to something out of fear of becoming irrelevant. If a job wasn’t going to bring light and hope, I wasn’t that interested.
But I had been chasing work for my entire life. It was scary to not work. I had to trust that space, even when waves of panic came crashing in.
The Bible says there is a time for everything. A time for sowing and reaping. Even Jesus took time to be alone and away from the crowds, time to pray, to gather Himself, before he went back out to do the good work.
I had no idea at the time that the next big thing for me would be the Bible project, but of course Mark had to come into my life before that could come to fruition.
I’m so thankful that God gave me the courage to wait. For Mark. For the Bible series. For Him.
Many people are surprised that my husband and I are able to work together. I have girlfriends who joke that they can hardly wash dishes with their husbands without getting into a disagreement! But I know God brought Mark and me together for a greater purpose. I often tell people that he and I have different skill sets and that we are quite a team when put together. Sometimes, to get a project made, you need to kick down a door; and there is no better man to kick a door down than my husband! But sometimes the door requires a gentle knock, and that’s what I am able to do. Either way, the doors opened for us together. Our production company is named LightWorkers Media, and we believe it’s better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.
Thank you, God. For my beautiful family. Thank you for my husband, Mark. For the important work you are guiding us to do together. Thank you for helping us find a way to bring your light into the world in an industry that isn’t always interested in the light.
Sometimes it feels as if there is so much darkness in the world. I want to be a helper to bring people to the light. To spread the light. To shine the light. God is the Light, and He is always there.
Oh, there were many times when I was not as patient as I sound now. There were times when I would call out to Monica and say, somewhat jokingly, “Where are you when I need you? I miss you!”
I don’t think of all the misery, but of the beauty that still remains.
ANNE FRANK
But of course, she was there, wasn’t she? The angel is just the conduit of spirit. And in those moments, those moments when I was laughing as I called on Monica, I was calling out to God. And I would feel Him come alongside me, just as He came alongside those footprints in the sand, and say, I’m right here, it’s okay. Just sit. You don’t have to be doing all the time. Just trust. You are doing enough.
You are not alone. I’m right here with you.
Thank you, God.
There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
EDITH WHARTON