Shock registered across Zach’s face. “You’re proposing . . . to me?”
Catherine lowered her head, and despite the draftiness in the barn, her cheeks and neck blazed with embarrassment. She should have thought this through. Maybe if she’d waited he would have come to the decision on his own—eventually.
“Catherine, is that what you’re asking?”
She lifted her head. “Jah, Zachariah Lantz, I asked you to marry me. To be mei mann.”
His brows furrowed. “What’s gotten into you? You sound . . . desperate.”
She gulped. Her words spurted out similar to how blood gushes from a fresh cut. Only she didn’t have a tourniquet for her mouth. Perhaps Elijah showing up unexpectedly and then asking about her mother had pushed her over the edge. Had he thought nothing changed since he’d left the community? Many things hadn’t; she was still working at The Amish Table, still living at home, and still single. Seeing him again highlighted her stagnant life.
Catherine shifted her attention to Cocoa and adjusted the blanket a little higher on the horse’s neck. The mare’s thick winter coat would keep her warm, but the blanket would make Cocoa more comfortable against the wind that howled outside the barn. And adjusting the blanket gave her something to do to help relieve the pressure from Zach’s stare.
“Can you name one other woman who has proposed? Did Annie, Agnes, Doris, Phoebe?” As if driving a nail, he continued hammering out the names of her friends, cousins, and any other married woman in the district.
“Nay,” she muttered, focusing her complete attention on Cocoa. “Just me—the desperate one.”
“Catherine.” He drew her name out in a pitiful tone.
She cringed. Couldn’t he just let it go? She’d already made a complete fool of herself.
“I’m merely trying to point out how unacceptable it is for a woman to be so . . . so bold.”
“Point taken.” Her friends and relatives were right when they teased about her old-maid status. She never wanted to believe she wasn’t marriage material, but nothing had worked. Even her cooking hadn’t won Zach over. She’d invited him to supper numerous times, prepared his favorite meals, but his praise for the tastiness of the food hadn’t encouraged a proposal from him.
Oh, Lord, this isn’t how I wanted to start the new year. Will I ever be able to forget this nacht? Will he?
Zach cupped his hands over her shoulders and turned her to face him. “Patience, Catherine. Don’t fret over the future.”
She forced a smile, but her mouth twitched after a few moments. Anymore it seemed patience had become part of her name. Patience Catherine. Zach should understand why her patience had worn thin. Why she was desperate to get married. She wanted children—lots of children. But obviously he had no inkling how pressured women her age were to get married. Especially those living under their brother and sister-in-law’s roof—imposing on their family time. In a few months, she would turn thirty, and even she understood that the invisible timeline of someone marrying her was fading. She’d be an old maid, living out the rest of her life in her brother’s house, under his care.
“It’s getting late, and Elijah is probably freezing by nau. I should go.” Zach leaned closer and planted a soft kiss on her forehead. “Happy New Year.”
“Jah, Happy New Year to you too.” She stepped back, distancing herself from the warmth of his closeness, and straightened her shoulders. “I don’t want to keep you.”
He placed his hand on her lower back. “I’ll walk you to the haus.”
She planted her feet. “I’d rather stay here awhile longer.” The old barn was cold and drafty, but she wasn’t ready to go inside yet. She dried her eyes with the edge of her wool cloak, flinching as the scratchiness irritated her skin.
“I’m sorry to disappoint you.”
“No need to apologize.” Hearing his deep sigh, she turned to Cocoa and gave the mare a pat on her neck. “You don’t need to worry. I won’t be so bold as to propose to you again.”
The clanging sound of a metal bucket skittering across the barn’s cement floor drew her attention. She spun around to find Zach’s mouth hanging open in stunned silence.
“Sorry.” Elijah stepped out from the shadow of the equipment room. “I tripped over a grain bucket.”
“You were spying on us!” Catherine rasped.
“Well, nay. Nett intentionally.” He pointed his thumb over his shoulder in the door’s direction. “It’s freezing out there.”
“I left you a blanket,” Zach snapped.
“It’s wet, and . . .” He looked at Catherine with those penetrating blue-gray eyes of his, which had a way of seeing straight through her. “I, ah . . . I think I’ll . . .”
Silence hung between them before Zach snipped, “You’ll what?”
Elijah stared a half second longer at Catherine before turning his attention to Zach. “I’m gonna walk the rest of the way to Mammi’s.”
Catherine couldn’t do much about how puffy and blotchy her eyes must look, but she stood straighter and squared her shoulders. “You don’t have to walk home. Zach was just leaving.”
She stormed past Zach, then Elijah—the two men who had broken her heart.
Elijah trudged through the snow toward the sleigh alongside Zach. “What was that all about?”
“Nothing.”
It wasn’t nothing. Elijah climbed onto the sleigh and sat on the bench. “You made her cry.”
“Like you haven’t?” Zach ground the words under his breath, but Elijah knew enough to clamp his mouth shut and leave things alone. He didn’t need anyone reminding him how badly he’d hurt Catherine. Past decisions had plagued him with daily reminders. Still, it pained him to see tears clinging to her lashes—especially when she was trying so hard not to show her emotions.
Elijah wished now he hadn’t gone to The Amish Table for the get-together. Other than his parents and mammi, Catherine and Zach were the main people he wanted to see, and neither of them offered much welcome. Now he wished he had slipped into the district, spent a few days visiting his family, then hopped the first bus out of town without seeing anyone else.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kumm into the barn,” Elijah said.
Zach tapped the reins and the sleigh lurched forward.
Something was eating at his friend, but Elijah wasn’t sure if he should bring it out in the open or leave things alone. Besides, it wasn’t like he could offer relationship advice; he’d certainly made a mess of his life.
“I think the temperature has dropped more.”
“Probably,” Zach muttered.
Neither spoke until they reached Mammi’s farm, and then Zach only muttered something about the tracks leading into the ditch as he stopped the sleigh. Without verbalizing his thoughts, he unhooked the lantern and climbed off the bench.
Elijah circled around the back of the sleigh. “What do you think?”
Zach shone the lantern over the area. “Doesn’t look damaged.”
“That’s gut.” The old buggy had seen better days. The worn top was cracked to the point of seeing snow flurries inside the buggy before the accident, and he couldn’t imagine riding in it during a rainstorm. Even so, he would have felt awful if he had bent a wheel or done major damage. His grandmother didn’t go out by herself anymore, but she did lend the horse and buggy to neighboring youth who offered to go into town for her groceries and supplies.
“I don’t think it’ll be difficult to pull it out. I’ll kumm by tomorrow,” Zach said.
“Danki, I appreciate it.”
“It won’t be early. I have someone coming by the shop in the morning to pick up an order.”
“So, you’re open on New Year’s Day?”
“Every day but Sunday.”
“Nett much free time.”
Zach snorted. “It’s the only way to build a business.”
Elijah hadn’t meant to sound judgmental. Lately he had too much free time on his hands. He wished he had clear goals again— and a horse training business to build.
Thankfully when Catherine went into the house all was quiet. Her older brother, George, and his wife, Gwyneth, had already put the children to bed and had turned in themselves. Otherwise they would have been full of questions. Especially Gwen, since earlier Catherine, in her excitement, had slipped and shared how she hoped Zach would propose tonight during their sleigh ride.
Catherine tiptoed upstairs and went into her bedroom. The moment she stepped into the room, she flopped onto her bed and buried her face in the feather pillow to muffle her sobs.
Lord, I’m so confused. If I’m nett to marry Zach, then what is mei purpose? To cook at The Amish Table the rest of mei life? She cried harder as the prospect of her thoughts coming true cemented in her mind.
“Closing is for the best.” Faith’s words mocked Catherine. Only moments ago she’d whined about being a cook the rest of her life— forgetting that she was jobless. Ungrateful. She sobbed harder. Now how would she be able to help George with the bills? He’d taken the brunt of their mother’s financial responsibility when complications from diabetes had claimed her foot, then her leg, and finally her life. At least the money Catherine had earned working at The Amish Table helped pay the household expenses.
She reached for the box of tissues on her bedside table and yanked one out, then blew her nose. “No job. No bu. No purpose. Nau what?”
Catherine pushed off the bed, changed into her nightdress, then crawled back into bed, burying herself under the covers. Her eyes filled with tears once more, and the tissue couldn’t absorb them fast enough.
The door creaked open, and her five-year-old niece poked her head inside. “Aenti Catherine, are you awake?”
Catherine coughed to push down the lump clogging her throat. “Jah, kumm in, Julie.”
The child padded over to the bed.
“Are you nett feeling well?” Her niece had been feverish earlier. Catherine placed her hand on the child’s forehead. “You don’t feel as hot as you did earlier.”
“I heard a noise. Can I sleep with you, Aenti?”
Catherine flipped back multiple layers of blankets and patted the mattress. “Kumm nau, before you wake your parents.”
Her niece snuggled next to her under the covers, warming her cold feet on Catherine’s legs.
“Where are your socks, child?”
Julie simply giggled and wiggled her toes more against Catherine’s skin. Her playful gesture brought a smile to Catherine’s face. At least her niece seemed to be feeling better. It wasn’t long before Julie fell asleep.
Catherine wished she could close her eyes and not see the scorn on Zach’s face. After the blunder she’d made, she wished she could move to another district and start a new life—if only that were possible.