Chapter 20

A Ram in the Bush

Should go without sayin’, I had yet another sleepless night. My thoughts wandered all to and fro, back and forth all night. It seemed like with just one word, one wrong move, everything and everyone I loved could be taken away from me. If Jaydith even thought there might be somethin’ goin’ on between me and Mattie again, he wouldn’t think twice ‘bout tellin’ Miss Elizabeth, which meant Mama wasn’t safe. Then there was tryin’ to figure out what to do ‘bout an unborn child I knew nothing ‘bout, Miss Victoria, and the business of war. It was all becoming too much to bear.

The next mornin’, I went up to the main house early again, hopin’ to find Master. One thing was for certain—I couldn’t trust myself around Mattie. I had to get to Madam’s and I had to get there fast. I found Master ’round back, gettin’ the carriage ready to go in town. “Master, I need to talk to you.”

“Well, good morning to you too, Nady. What on earth are you doin’ up so early again?”

“I need to talk to you.”

“Well, if it’s ’bout last night, Nady…you never cease to amaze me. You were magnificent! I would have told you that last night, but you disappeared so quickly I didn’t get the chance.”

“Oh, I just needed to get off my feet is all. Went to bed early.”

He smiled. I knew he didn’t believe me…well, not all the way. You see, Master had this kind of sideways smile that would give him away. It would let you know when he was on to you. “Yeah, funny thing, Mattie disappeared too...” and there it was again, that sideways smile.

“Master, can I go into town with you today?”

“Why, of course you can. Any particular reason you want to go with me?”

“I want to see Madam LaPierre. I wanna see when she can start my lessons.”

“Nady, we discussed that yesterday. You won’t start your lessons until after you’ve had the baby.”

“But Mama says I still have some time yet.”

“Your Mama would know better than me. But why are you rushing so?”

“Master, I need it. I need to sing or else I’ll lose my mind ’round here. It’s the closest thing to freedom I know.”

“Nady…”

“You don’t understand…Mama says everythin’ will change once the baby comes.”

“What is it, Nady? What are you so scared of? This isn’t like you.” By this time, Master had stopped what he was doin’ and was giving me his full attention.

“I’m scared that if I don’t start now, I won’t ever. I can’t lose myself to this baby, or anybody. I need somethin’ for me.” I could tell my words were startin’ to get to him. He knew what I was sayin’, even if I didn’t say it outright. Just then, I saw his eyes wander behind me. I looked over my shoulder and saw he was staring at Mattie, who was standing on the front porch. I turned back around to face Master, with my eyes full of stubborn tears. “Please,” my voice cried as I willed my tears not to fall.

“I won’t make any promises, but I will at least talk to LaPierre.”

I couldn’t help myself; I hugged him as hard as I could. Finally, there it was. All I had to do was get to Madam’s. She would figure out a way to help me.

“Well, you might as well go on and tell Clara you’ll be coming into town with me. We’ll need to get a move on.”

And wouldn’t you know it, just as I turned around, there was Mattie, coming up right behind me. Thankfully, I had already dried the tracks of my tears. He wouldn’t see my pain this early in the mornin’. “Well, where are you off to in such a hurry?”

“Mornin’. Going to tell Mama I’m going into town with Master.”

“Is that right?” Mattie asked, lookin’ at Master.

“Yes.” I knew that man like I knew the back of my hand. It was almost as if he had found his new purpose in life. He wasn’t goin’ to make this easy, not at all. I messed up last night, lettin’ him in again, but I wouldn’t do that today.

“Mattie, you leave her alone. We’ve got to get a move on. Surely you’ve got plenty to do other than slow us down.” Master’s words did more than keep Mattie from holding us up; they reminded him that Master was watchin’.

As I got close to the main house, I saw Surry, Mammie Dee’s grandbaby, runnin’ down to where Master and Mattie were. By time I had gotten back, Master’s face had completely changed. “Nady, I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to postpone our trip into town this morning. It seems I’ve got some unexpected company…now, Surry, what did you say his name was again? Mr. Burns…? Funny, I don’t know any Burns.”

“Master, I’m sho’. Says he wants to talk some business over with you,” Surry said, still a little out of breath.

“Well, nevertheless, Nady, we won’t be able to go today. Maybe tomorrow.”

“Oh Father, I can take her,” Mattie said. “It’s not a problem.”

“No, I don’t want to inconvenience you, son. We can go tomorrow.”

“Father, it’s no inconvenience. I was headed into town myself.”

“Son, are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure.”

Master didn’t like it, I could tell, but he nodded his head and said, “Well then, you two be careful. And son, try to be home before it’s too late. Your mother and Miss Victoria will be expecting us for dinner.”

“Of course.” And with that said, Mattie looked at me and whispered, “I play to win.” But that wasn’t what was on my mind at that moment. For some reason, I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t shake the name Mr. Burns. I knew I had heard that name before; I just couldn’t place it.

***

Our trip started quiet, but it didn’t stay that way for long. “You should know that I didn’t get a second of sleep last night,” Mattie said. I said nothing. “So, are you going to give me the silent treatment for the entire trip?” Still I said nothing.

Thankfully, before I knew it we were at Madam’s front door. “Nady, dear, is that you?” she called from her parlor.

“Yes, Madam, it’s me.”

“Oh my goodness, two times in one week! I can’t believe it! And what do we have here? Mattie, it’s been quite some time since I last saw you.”

“Yes Ma’am. It’s been way too long.”

“Well, let’s not make a habit of this. I’d much rather run into you than your father. You’re much better looking,” she said as she sweetly patted his face. They both smiled, then she turned her attention to me. “Oh, dear, let me have a look at you. My goodness, I still can’t believe it. Why, you look as if you’re ready to have that baby any day now!”

My eyes got as big as any pecan you’ve ever seen…my way of lettin’ her know that she’d said the wrong thing. But it was too late. “Our thoughts exactly, Madam,” Mattie said with pride.

“Mama says I got some time yet.” Catching my unspoken worry, Madam changed the topic.

“Well, I hear congratulations are in order. Miss Victoria Cummings is a fine lady, comes from a fine family. I hope the two of you will be very happy together.”

“Good news does travel fast,” he said, lookin’ a bit uneasy.

“That it does.” She watched him and wondered why his words were empty. Why did he seem sunken, sad even? Was it the newness of being engaged, or was it something else? “Well, we all know your mother is sure to make this wedding one of the finest celebrations these parts have ever seen,” she said as she motioned us inside.

“Yes, that she will.” Now he was clearly uncomfortable, and it didn’t take Madam LaPierre long to know that something else was going on with him. She just didn’t know what. “I really wish I could stay, but I do have some business to attend to in town. I’ll leave you two ladies to your visit and be on my way. I shouldn’t be long.”

“Of course,” Madam said as she watched him leave. Mattie turned back just enough to gesture goodbye, willing me to respond to him, but I didn’t, I couldn’t.

Finally, he was gone. Madam LaPierre closed the door and walked me in the house, past the piano to her setting room. It had been months since I’d been there. She had new things everywhere. I tried to act interested in everything that I saw, but Madam was never one for small talk. “You might as well get to it. You heard the man, we don’t have all day.”

“Madam, there’s a reason I want…I need to start my lessons as soon as possible.”

“I’m smart enough to know that, Nady. But why? What is it?” I knew what I needed to say, I just didn’t know how to get it out. I thought walkin’ to the window would help, but it didn’t. “Nady, I cannot help you if I don’t know what it is. Now spill it…today. I’m an old woman!”

“Madam LaPierre, I need to stay here with you, just until I have the baby.”

“What? What on earth for?” Again, I had trouble finding my words. “Nady, what is going on?” And then, just that quick, flashes of the rape overtook me, so much so that I began to lose my breath. “Nady, dear, sit down! My Lord in heaven, what’s happened to you, child?” It was at that moment I was certain that I would tell her everything, and I did. I started from the first night Mattie and I were together to last night. In no time at all, she knew everything.

And like I knew she would, Madam LaPierre came up with a plan. She would tell Master McCullen that I had to stay with her because of a big engagement, that she would of course schedule in a timely manner, so that it put me right in the middle of needing to be at her home, practicing as much as possible. She would convince him that I needed all the spare time possible to prepare. It wouldn’t be easy, but we had to make it happen. While I stayed with her, I would have the baby. If the baby was black, then we would go back home. But if the baby was Mattie’s, until I figured out what to do it would stay there with Madam LaPierre. We would tell everyone back home that the baby died during birth. Madam LaPierre made it all seem so easy, but we both knew that it was going to be nothing of the sort.

“Nady, I wish to God you could know the happiness you were meant. You’ve got to know that this isn’t the life that was intended for you. Your spirit is a dear one. I’ve traveled all around this world, and I’ve yet to find an instrument as rich as yours. Whatever it takes, amore, mio will help you.”

“What ’bout Mattie?”

“Now that, I have no part of…except to say this. You are responsible for your story and for taking care of the little one who grows inside of you. You must think past yourself and him now. The rest…well, one day I pray you both get the chance to decide for yourselves.”

With tears spilling down my face I said, “Thank you for helping me.”

She slowly placed her fingers on my lips and whispered, “You give me reason, dear. You give me reason.”

Before Mattie returned, Madam had already started putting her plan in place. She sent word to the Baxters, dear friends with a lot of money and influence who would do anything for her, and without hesitation Mrs. Baxter made her way to Madam’s. To Mattie, it was just rich old ladies having tea, but to me it was like watchin’ a masterpiece being created right before my very eyes.

“Evening, ladies,” Mattie said as he bowed. “All is well, I presume.”

“Why, of course it is. You took off so quickly, I didn’t have time to tell you that Mrs. Baxter was stopping by for tea,” Madam replied.

“Young McCullen, it’s been ages since I’ve last seen you. My, how you’ve grown!”

“Yes Ma’am, and I’m so sorry for the intrusion.” He smiled.

“Nonsense. We do this every Thursday!” She smiled back. “Ronald told me of your engagement. Do give your fiancée my regards. She’s one lucky lady.”

“She’s a wonderful woman, I’m the lucky one.” He smiled, almost believably this time.

“Mattie, would you be a dear and have your father contact me?” Madam asked. “I have some matters I’d like to discuss with him.”

As if on cue, Mrs. Baxter motioned for the servant to gather her things. “Well, I must be on my way,” she said, makin’ her way to the front door. Mattie smiled as he bowed again and said goodbye.

Once Mrs. Baxter was gone, Mattie turned his attention back to Madam. “Madam, I’m certain my father will be happy to help in any way he can. Is there something I can do concerning the matter?”

“No there isn’t, but please don’t tarry. This matter requires his immediate attention.”

“Should I be concerned?”

“Oh, no. Frankly, it’s great news, both for your father and Nady.”

“Nady?”

“Why, yes. Nady here has been asked to sing at the Baxter dinner. Isn’t that wonderful?”

“Splendid! Father will be very pleased. Father and Mr. Baxter have been close for years. That’s sure to put a smile on his face.”

“Yes indeed. We all need a little lift in spirits. I’m sure it won’t be as grand as in years past, but nonetheless the show must go on.”

“Father will be delighted!”

“Wonderful! So, it should be no problem for Nady to reside here with me, to prepare. She’s been out of discipline for months now. She’ll need time to properly rehearse. The pieces I have in mind are far more advanced than Nady’s ever performed before, which is why we’ll need to brush up on her French. There’s a lot of work to be done!”

Before Madam LaPierre could say another word, Mattie interrupted her. “Did you just ask for Nady to stay here with you? As in, live here?”

“Why yes, that’s exactly what I meant.”

“It’s completely out of the question!”

“Why, young Mattie, isn’t that your father’s decision?”

Mattie’s eyes went mad. He let out a hard sigh. “The sun will be setting soon, Madam LaPierre. We should be on our way.”

“That it will.” Her response was colored with meaning, and he knew it.

I left Madam LaPierre’s house that day so unsure. Would it really work? To me, it seemed like she had made things worse; but little did I know, there was a ram waiting in the bush.