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Between the wall and the Guard’s house was a square courtyard where crowds of villagers gathered for public events. Today the mass was held at bay by a least a dozen soldiers as Destiny and I passed. I noticed the young ladies dressed too formally for a chanced glance at the Princess; many a fist-sized brooch polished impeccably between powdered breasts, large opulent necklaces with pendants dangling a hare’s breath above the mouth of their cleavage, dresses too thin for the weather. They were visibly cold but not one of them wore a cloak lest they obscure any view Destiny had of their proffered flesh. I trailed a little behind her, feeling lonely despite a private pleasure at being the only of her admirers in blue. All of these women were of noble blood, the daughters or sisters or nieces of the lower nobility–I had no chance against them. A worthy bride, I reminded myself bitterly.
It didn’t stop me from fantasizing.
Many a night I lay awake thinking of the friction between us and how it had only intensified as the bond between us grew. Many a night, I drifted to sleep with a vivid picture of the two of us entangled in her vanilla-scented sheets, our mouths locked together. I yearned to taste her lips and her skin and I often wondered if she lay awake at night envisioning the same things. Absently, I pulled my braid over my shoulder and tugged on the end of it. Other than a few times when Prince Darling had come calling, she hadn’t shown any sort of emotion toward me at all, well other than the overt friendliness. The way she acted whenever Darling was present–it was almost protective, menacing even. I wondered if that had tricked me into believing she was guarding me for herself. I sighed and she looked around for me, noticed I wasn’t directly beside her and reached for my hand. As always when she touched me, I blushed. I smiled at the envious glares of the shivering ladies.
The ancient keep served as housing for a small detachment of the Caunican Guard as well as the castle’s main gate. There were two tall square watch towers at either end with flags billowing in the cold wind, and a narrow walkway joining them. The walls stood at least three stories high and were dotted with slotted windows through which archers could shoot their arrows. I heard men shouting inside as we walked underneath the raised portcullis. A heavy iron studded door opened beside us and six armed guards surrounded us. Destiny stopped and nodded at the leader of them.
“Good evening, Nathaniel,” she said, “I won’t need an escort.” She gestured to the sword at her hip and the dagger strapped to her waist. I drew my hood up over my head to shield my ears from the cold gusts of wind and my face from the lusty stares of the men. I grumbled inwardly as I shifted my weight from foot to foot. The leader glanced around at his men and then nodded and drew back to let us pass. I heard the leather of their jerkins crease as they saluted her and went back inside. We moved to join the steady trickle of people beyond the castle gates.
“Why are we here?” I asked as I came to walk beside her. Those who recognized her bowed deeply and smiled at me.
“For books,” Destiny answered with a grin, “I did some poking around and discovered there is a horribly small amount of literature available to servants and I thought, ‘well, she’s more than welcome to my books but she has that empty shelf in her room. It could do with filling up.”
That she thought of me at all elated me. I felt I could take off in flight as a bird I was so happy. I beamed in delight, unable to put words to my gratitude.
We moved sluggishly through the wind and snow until we reached a tall rectangular building with many wrought iron stairs spaced evenly along the face. Above each stair was a wooden sign post, carved with words and pictures. She walked up the first set, under a sign that read Tomes and pushed open the wood and glass door. It looked like a library on the inside. The room was very narrow and very long, with many rows of tall shelves lined end to end with books. The air was warm and smelled of burning cedar though I didn’t see a hearth. It was deserted of people except for a short thin man atop a ladder filling in empty places on the towering shelves along the wall. He looked down as a chorus of bells chimed over the door. His blue eyes were magnified by thick round spectacles.
“Princess Destiny!” he exclaimed. He slid down the ladder quickly for such an old man and crossed the length of the room in five long strides. He pumped Destiny’s hand vigorously, a wide smile of happiness on his face as though he’d just come across a very dear old friend. Destiny returned his smile in kind and warmly gripped his shoulder. They both turned their faces to me. “And who might this extraordinary creature be?”
“This is my friend, Amia,” Destiny introduced me, “Amia, this is Frank Loslyn. He owns the place.”
“Pleased to meet you,” I said as I reached out my hand to take his. He kissed it instead.
“Delighted,” he said as his blue eyes twinkled merrily. I had the urge to giggle. “What can I do for you, Your Grace? It has been a long, long time since you’ve been browsing for books.”
“I’ve been away,” she answered. Frank turned away from us and headed for the back of the shop, Destiny gestured for me to follow him.
“And what are we looking for this glorious evening, now that you have returned?” he asked, turning his head to look at us. “I have new books from the west.”
“None of that,” Destiny replied, “well...perhaps later. Amia has an empty book case.”
“What shame!” he roared. I blinked and took a step back. His eyes flashed in anger and he clutched his chest in mock surprise as Destiny laughed. “What do you want to know?”
I glanced at Destiny and she nodded in encouragement.
“Everything,” I finally blurted. He laughed heartily and rubbed the palms of his hands together. His laughter was infectious and I found myself giggling.
“You’ve come to the right place,” he chuckled, “I have a very wide selection.” He climbed another ladder against the tall wall of books and pulled down three. He handed them to me before continuing to rummage. By the time he came back down, I carried eight heavy books—all different, some thinner than others. One particular book I knew I wouldn’t finish until the same time next year. “That’s a bit of everything. What do you think—more?”
I felt a little twinge of guilt, Destiny didn’t have to buy these books for me. I glanced at her and she fastidiously ignored me.
“Yes, please.”
“Well done,” he clapped his hands and climbed down. He led me to the front of the store and bent over an old wooden chest filled to the brim with books. “How about these?”
We spent most of the evening in Frank’s book shop, Destiny encouraging me to choose whatever I wished by insisting on filling the shelf in my room.
“I don’t think all of these will fit,” I said to Destiny in complaint. “It’s enough, isn’t it?”
“We’ll make them,” she answered.
“Here,” called Frank. He sank behind the counter and came up with a trunk big enough for all my books.
“This is perfect, Frank,” she said.
“Thank you!” I had a difficult time keeping my lips straight, I was smiling so much. He smiled with a nod and helped us stack the books neatly inside the trunk.
“I could have my son help you to the castle with that, if you like.”
“That would be wonderful,” Destiny answered, “but we have another stop to make. If the shop’s closed by the time we get back, I’ll send someone for these.”
“All right, I’ll wait around until closing time,” he replied. We bid him farewell and left his shop.
“More shopping?” I asked. Destiny shook her head as she glanced up at the sky. The sun had set at least half a candle mark ago, soon all the shops would close.
“Dinner,” she answered. “There’s an inn where I like to go for a meal if I don’t want to be bothered with my mother’s guests. It’s not far from here, I thought we could go.” I frowned as she pulled her hood up, half covering her face in shadow. “I don’t want to be recognized,” she explained as we walked on.
“I shouldn’t have come with you,” I told her. She gave me a puzzled look and I gestured at myself. “I stick out like a sore thumb wherever I go and I’m sure Lesia has been whispering about me since the Harvest Feast.” She snorted and grabbed my hand.
“They’ll think you’re with some lucky young lad,” she chuckled. “Aren’t you hungry?” My stomach growled in answer and she laughed outright. “Me too. Madam Evlyn has the best roast pork I’ve ever tasted.”
“Better than Mistress Rosen?” I asked.
“Exceptionally.” As the wind rolled over us, I pulled my cloak tighter but had to stop as the chill set my body shivering uncontrollably. She turned back as she tugged my hand and hugged me close to her side, wrapping her heavy cloak around my shoulders. I was afraid she would feel my heart beating we were pressed so tightly together. A particularly nasty gust of wind forced me to turn my face into her chest, she rubbed my arms and we continued down the winding lane. I panted against her brocade coat and in spite of my reason snuggled closer to her warmth. She smelled of vanilla and cedar wood and autumn leaves.
“Almost there,” she soothed and I sighed and breathed in her fragrant scent.
I noticed we were someplace warm and dry when the wind stopped howling. Destiny unfolded me from her cloak and I almost fell trying to disentangle myself from her embrace. She caught me by my elbows before I could cause too much damage and I saw her lips curve in amusement. She thought my clumsiness terribly funny. Heat flooded my face as I looked down. One of my hands rested between her breasts, with the other around her arm. Our legs were intertwined, I could feel her thigh between my legs, pulling the folds of my dress tight against my body. I looked up at her face, half covered in shadow by the hood. Her eyes gleamed and beneath my fingers, her heart beat as rapidly as mine. I snatched my hand away and took a step back. She moved with me and lowered her mouth to my ear.
“I don’t want anyone to recognize me, remember?” I didn’t trust my voice so I nodded and concentrated on breathing as quietly as possible. “The Madam is the woman with her hair pulled up in the green dress. She’s walking over now. Ask for a private table and give her this.” She pressed an ice cold coin into the palm of my hand and released me.
Trembling, I turned around. A short slender woman with a mountain of blonde curls piled atop her head sauntered over to me. I watched her eyes as she gazed warily at Destiny. The hem of her green dress was tucked into a soiled apron around her waist, revealing the creamy linens of her underskirts. When her eyes returned to me, she smiled.
“Mistress Amia,” she greeted warmly, “it’s not often we get royal attendants here. And who might this be?”
“Er...an old friend,” I said, “he just arrived this evening and is very tired from the journey. May we have a private table in a quiet place in the tavern?” I took her hand and placed the coin in it. The torchlight shimmered across its gold skin. Her cherry red lips spread in a smile.
“This way please, my Lady.” We followed her through the packed tavern, past men who leered at me and elbowed their companions. I kept my head high and avoided their gazes. The Madam led us to a table in a shadowy corner well away from the noise and curious stares. Destiny took the chair opposite me and leaned into its stiff back. “Will this do?”
“It’s perfect, thank you,” I answered as I sat down.
“I don’t think I introduced myself. I’m Madam Evlyn Bowers. What may I do for you, Mistress Amia?”
“Oh, please call me Mia,” I smiled. “Are you serving roast pork tonight?”
“Princess Destiny must have sent you to me,” she beamed, “it’s a specialty of the house and I make it myself. Two plates?” She pulled two candles from her apron and set them in glasses on the table. She struck flint to stone and lit them with an elegant show of sparks, their eerie light played off the angles of Destiny’s jaw, lips, and nose, but I couldn’t see her eyes.
“Yes and...” I hesitated as Destiny cleared her throat.
“A bottle of wine,” she murmured. Evlyn’s smile wobbled a little and she tried to peer into the darkness of Destiny’s hood but she was distracted by the six gold coins Destiny had set on the table. “I am very tired and do not wish to be disturbed. You understand, Madam. After the food and wine are served, please leave us alone.”
“It will all be out shortly. Enjoy.”
“Thank you.” She dipped her head but my attention was already on Destiny. “Well... this is quiet.”
“Yes,” she answered softly, “I wanted to escape the castle if only for a little while.” She turned her head and the candlelight struck the side of her face as she peered at me with one eye. “We could go back, if you like.”
“Oh, no. It’s nice,” I replied hastily, “I don’t mind at all...”
“What is it?” she pressed, the corner of her mouth turned down.
“Nothing,” I glared down at the table, biting off what I really wanted to say. If she didn’t want to be bothered she could have gone anywhere she wished without me. I opened my mouth to beg her to tell me the truth but Evlyn had returned with two plates in her hands, a kitchen boy in stained breeches and tunic following behind her with a dark bottle of wine and two glasses. All this they set on the table between us and left just as silently as they’d come.
“Well?” Destiny pulled back her hood, her blue eyes a blaze of candlelight and curiosity. I sighed and picked up my fork. “Mia, please, you can’t imagine how hard it is for me to try to be your friend.” I almost dropped the fork and had to close my mouth.
“What do you mean?” I thought to say.
“No one has ever refused to tell me the answer to a question I’ve asked. I usually have to force them to be silent,” she said carefully, “but with you it’s difficult knowing you have something to say and then not hearing it. I’m not used to such degrees of disappointment.”
Naturally, I thought. My heart, which had been pounding painfully a few moments ago, slowed to a reasonable pace as the all-too familiar heat flooded my face.
“Same to you,” I murmured so softly she couldn’t hear me. I cleared my throat, “I don’t speak because we’ve had the conversation many times before. I don’t want to repeat what’s already been said.”
“Hasn’t anyone shown you kindness?”
“She isn’t a princess,” I grumbled, looking away from her face, “and she’s honest with me.”
“Do you mean I’ve deceived you in some way?” I winced a little at the edge in her voice.
“Would you like the truth or a lie?” I immediately regretted the impertinence but I couldn’t swallow the words now. She leaned across the table, glaring at me, her mouth opened to speak but I held up a hand. “No, I don’t think you’ve deceived me but I can’t ignore this feeling I have...”
“That I’m not being honest with you?”
“Yes,” I answered. “I wish you would tell me whatever it is you want to tell me. I like you well enough without the flattery. You don’t have to spoil me to win me—my friendship. Doesn’t a princess know she cannot buy her friends?” I tried to laugh but it sounded more like a strangled sob.
“You’re beautiful.”
She’d spoken so softly I was afraid I hadn’t correctly heard. “I’ve wanted to tell you from the moment I saw you how beautiful you are to me but it didn’t seem appropriate.”
I couldn’t speak. She found me beautiful... I had heard it many times before but not one of those compliments had ever meant as much to me. It wasn’t the whole truth, no that she’d kept for herself. It would do for now... Blushing, I started on the meal to give myself something to do.
“You’re right, this is good,” I said. She grinned and uncorked the wine bottle.
“Better than Mistress Rosen’s?” she asked as she filled our glasses.
“Exceptionally.” I let her eat and drink and listened to her speak of the villages in the far north. Of their peculiar nighttime rituals where, after centuries of being a part of the kingdom, they gathered around bonfires, chanting and dancing. They were calling down the moon, she said.
“A savage world, alien but poetic,” she was saying. “But so much of their history is lost. If we could penetrate the Empire’s forces and meet their ruler, I would advocate for peace between us. I would love to learn from them.”
“Why do you think they hate Caunica so much?”
“For the same reason our people hate them. We don’t understand each other. We’ve tried to learn the history of this land from the Western Tribes but all they know of the Empire are myths and superstitions...” She gazed at me over the candles and visibly swallowed. “Do you believe in true love, Mia?”
“Yes,” my voice was soft. I cleared my throat as my cheeks warmed. “But what does that have to do with the Empire?”
“Their myths,” she took a bite of her food. “The Western Tribes believe the same. The entire culture is fastened in the idea of twin souls, that people are born with a perfect match that they are then fated to find. They don’t marry until they’ve found that other half.”
“And you find that hard to believe?”
Her expression was very serious and yet sad as she set down her knife and fork “Love is not so simple, not for everyone. What if they never find each other?”
“Maybe not in this lifetime...” I was dizzy, I felt as if I’d said the same words once before. Stranger still was the distinct impression that I’d once said the same words to Destiny.
“You believe as they do?” she asked with wide eyes. “People have spirits inside their chests that are reborn as their bodies die?”
“Why not?” I countered. “There are so many things to experience and learn, definitely more than one could accomplish in a single lifetime. I refuse to believe the old maid who can’t read will die and never know the joys of written word; or those who suffer in this life will never know peace. I don’t want to believe life is meaningless, that we can’t become something more than what we already are.”
“Perhaps.” She said the word slowly and carefully before taking another sip of wine but I was enflamed.
“In a way, you’re trapped in your crown–you could hardly escape it in this lifetime. Shouldn’t you hope that once this life has ended, your soul will be free to experience new things?
“You’ve become who you are now because you were a victim of circumstance,” I lifted my glass and took a slow sip.
“Explain,” she frowned.
“You are the Heir, your father’s crown is yours. You will rule the land. You agreed with me before when I pointed out the rivalry between you and Prince Darling.” She didn’t speak and so I nodded and went on, “His parents prepared him to be king just as yours prepared Richard and when he died the crown fell to you. The Prince didn’t believe you were much of a threat to him because of your sex and I think after your father died your mother pushed you to be strong enough to fight him. Somewhere in that struggle, you lost what it really means to be a woman.”
Her eyes snapped to me.
“I don’t mean that you would search for a prince had your life been different, I think that was already destined but I do think your manner would be different. You hinder yourself by believing women are the weaker sex. I think we are strong in different ways and that’s what makes us equal, but you don’t believe that.” She stared at me quizzically and I smiled a little in spite of myself. “You believe women are weaker, that’s why you don’t want to be one.
“If you wore a dress, let your hair grow full and long, it would be like surrendering to the idea that you are weaker than your cousin but you’re already a formidable opponent.” I stared down at my nearly empty plate and swallowed. “Your mother had the strength to mold you into the force you are against Prince Darling now but to do what you’ve done?”
“What have I done?” she asked in a whisper.
“Somehow you’ve transcended your sex to become what your people need you to be and isn’t that the embodiment of a sovereign; unflinching self-sacrifice? You said you find me beautiful, but there isn’t a word I know that would describe your beauty to me.” I looked up to see her gazing at me.
We stared at each other for what seemed an infinite moment and I felt that we’d at last reached the summit of a journey that had gone on for months. Finally, there was no wall between us. We saw each other truly and I was no longer afraid of her. Her eyes were twin sapphires in the candlelight, golden stars twinkling and her hair a mane of red fire. I wanted, more than I ever had before, to reach across the table and touch her. But the spell was broken when I decided to lift my hand. She took a deep breath and looked away from my eyes.
“Enough about me,” she said lightly, almost teasing.
“I’m sorry,” I blushed. “That was a little too much flattery.”
She grinned. “Flattery will get you everywhere, Mia.”
“I doubt that’s all it takes,” I rolled my eyes to the ceiling.
“But we were speaking of love,” she chuckled, “and your belief in the twin soul.”
I hadn’t wanted to go back to this discussion, it made me too sad. “No one is safe from tragedy, not even the twin soul, but there is comfort in knowing one’s perfect match comes again and again. Whatever tragedies befall them, it’s all lesson, isn’t it?”
“In what?”
“Knowing they have never been separate after all.” I flushed and sat back in my chair, amazed that the candles were nearly burned out. “It’s late...shouldn’t we get back?”
“My dear Mia, I believe I am enjoying myself far too much to return to my prison.” Her words were a little slurred and as I looked away from the table, my head spun just a little. We were drunk. I lifted the wine bottle and nodded my head. More than half the thing was gone and my glass was empty. She startled me by pushing her chair away from the table abruptly so that wood scraped against wood with a teeth-shattering screech. She straightened herself and held her hand out for me. As I took it, she tossed three more gold coins on the table and snatched up the wine bottle. I pulled the hood up over her face as she stumbled away and we left the Inn soon after.
The wind had ceased and the sleepy city was bathed in moonlight. Destiny stopped to look up at the sky, at the full moon shining just behind the highest tower of the castle. She sighed and started on towards it. When we reached the main road that would take us to the castle gates, she turned left toward the western grounds.
“Where are we going now?” I called to her. She turned back and waited for me to catch up.
“I want to show you something. It’s the perfect night,” she answered.
We were on the road to Pinkette’s farm and had only just passed the fork to the stables. It was eerily quiet and a bit spooky with the naked black trees watching us on either side of the road. “Is it a surprise?” I asked, panting from the brisk walk. I was hot underneath my cloak and wondered when we would stop and where we were going.
“Something like that,” she conceded. “I don’t want to tell you because you have to see it. Here, the trail is over here.”
“We’re going into the woods?” I squeaked.
“You’re not afraid are you?” She chuckled quietly.
“If anything eats me, I’ll blame you,” I told her.
“I’ll blame myself enough for the both of us,” she replied. I blushed and followed her off the road. She held back a low branch and I stepped onto the trail and peered into the shadows. The moon’s light reflected off the snow and provided more than enough light to see by and somewhere in the distance frogs and insects chirped. “Follow the trail, I’d rather stay behind you.” I looked down and turned back to her.
“Trail? I think it’s covered in snow.” She pointed straight ahead of us.
“The trees are on either side of it. Go straight ahead, I’ll tell you when to turn.”
“All right. I just hope the moon doesn’t set while we’re wandering in here.” I did as she told me, walked straight forward between the trees. I stepped carefully to avoid fallen logs and when I stumbled she caught me as always. After a while, we began a steady decent down a sloping hill.
“Turn here, we’re almost there. I can’t wait for you to see it,” she said behind me. The trail leveled as we continued and then I noticed the trees were thinning, soon I stood at the mouth of a wide circular clearing covered in snow. There was a little cottage at the far end with the bright half-moon directly overhead. The faint tinkling of a stream wafted to us from a direction I couldn’t tell.
“Is this what you wanted to show me?” I turned to her.
“I suppose it might look better if there was a fire in the hearth,” she said with a smile. “Come, I used to go here when my mother drove me to anger and I needed an escape.” I started to walk directly across the clearing but she snatched the back of my cloak. “I don’t think the pond is frozen enough to hold our weight. Let’s stay to the edge of the clearing, yes?” I nodded and headed for the trees.
The door was locked when we stood before the cottage but with a good push Destiny was able to let us in. She closed the door behind me and I heard her stumbling through the darkness. Suddenly the room was filled with moonlight, she’d pulled open the inner shutters. There was a small table and two chairs beside us. Along the wall was a row of cabinets and a little stove. A bed rested against the far wall and in front of it were two comfortable chairs and a hearth.
“Oh,” I whispered. “It’s like magic!”
“I thought you might like it,” she said. She rummaged through the cabinets and then busied herself by the hearth. When she stepped back there was a fire. She poked and prodded the logs with an iron rod and then she turned back to me. “At least we’ll be warm.”
“How long has this been abandoned?”
“Never,” she answered awkwardly, “I wouldn’t let my mother shut the old place up. Before I left I made sure someone kept the place in order.” She pulled off her cloak and set it over the back of one of the chairs at the table. I followed her example and then stood in front of the hearth to warm my hands. I jumped when she uncorked the wine bottle and joined her in the chair beside her as she poured two glasses. “To escaping every now and then, and good friendships.” She clinked the two glasses together and handed one to me.
“To friends who offer companionship when one wishes to escape.” I drank half the glass. I felt I should say something but the bed behind her kept drawing my attention and the more I tried not to look at it the faster my heart beat.
“Mia,” she said suddenly, shattering the silence, “do you find it hard to not think of me as the princess?”
“You are the princess,” I told her, “it becomes easier each day to think of you as my friend.”
“Very well,” she replied. “I want to ask a question and, as your friend, I will not be disappointed if you don’t answer.” I had to smile.
“Ask.”
“Have you...ever shared a man’s bed?” My fingers went cold and I imagined all the blood draining from my face. How did I know she would ask? I picked up the wine bottle to give my trembling hands something to do.
“I don’t think so,” I answered. She frowned, her eyes flashing indignantly but then the color drained from her face as she winced.
“Forgive me,” she said quickly, her face reddening, “I’m so sorry, Mia. Of course you wouldn’t remember.”
“I may not remember my life but I’m still a woman,” I replied. I busied myself by pouring more wine and decided to bare my soul. “I don’t think I’ve ever... but the idea of a woman’s bed is appealing.” The silence was so thick then that it threatened to crush us. I peeked at her. She cleared her throat and I almost laughed at the surprise on her face.
“Because of me?” her tone was bitter. She’d picked up her glass and was staring at the fire through the wine.
“Yes...”
She glanced at me and set down the glass. “Mia...”
I wasn’t as brave as I’d thought. I gave her most of the truth. “You’ve made me see women differently. From the moment we first met and I realized you were a woman.” She pursed her lips and I cut her off, “have you ever shared a man’s bed?”
“Surprisingly, yes I have,” she answered. It was my turn to be shocked and she laughed outright at my expression. “It was a few years ago, actually. I tried to prove to my mother that I was fine, she doesn’t understand it but then no one does, not really. After Richard died, she thought I wouldn’t be able to find a husband and I didn’t know what was ‘wrong’ with me. I didn’t understand my feelings, but boys held no interest for me and it took me some time to realize my appetite favored women.”
I tried to defend her, “you have obligations, you had to...try.”
“Yes, but just the same,” she waved her hand at me with a laugh, “it was the dullest night of my existence and one I try to forget. For arguments’ sake, it never happened.”
“Never,” I tapped my glass to hers.
“But back to you,” her eyes were burning as she gazed at me. “Do you admire anyone at the castle?” I tugged on my braid nervously, afraid of telling the truth. Would she ask me who it was if I told her? “There must be someone among the staff you’re attracted to...”
“No, not at all,” I answered, breathing a little sigh of relief.
“And your friend, Minda...?”
“Oh no!” I laughed. “Minda is enamored of boy she calls Bastien.”
“Sebastien?” she smiled. “I know him, he’s a stable hand. That’s nice.” I nodded once and needing something to do, I started unbraiding my hair.
She stood up and stretched. “It’s late and we do have to go back to Frank’s shop and collect your books.” She started unbuttoning her coat and slipped out of her boots.
“We...You’re sleeping here?” I was confused.
“You’re sleeping here too,” she said, her voice was heavy with amusement. I wanted to ask where I would sleep but the question died in my throat.
“Oh,” was all I could manage. She stripped down to her breeches and shirt and we stood in the middle of the little cottage staring at each other. I was as red as a tomato but she seemed calm at least.
“Are you going to sleep in that dress?” Mute, I began undoing the lacing which, thankfully, lined the front of the dress. I pulled off the stiff bodice and pushed the skirt down my hips. I folded it neatly and laid it atop my cloak on the back of the spindly chair. A chilly draft kissed my bare shoulders and rustled the hem of my under dress. I shivered as I pulled off my boots. Thinking better of it, I took my cloak and covered myself with it as I sat in the chair by the fire.
“Aren’t you tired?”
“A little,” I answered looking up at her face. Her frown deepened and she stood over me with her fists on her hips.
“I’m not going to make you sleep in the chair.”
“But there is only one bed...” Horrified, I gaped at her, “you can’t mean that you will sleep in the chair.”
“It is more comfortable than the floor.”
I shook my head. “No. You have the bed, I’m fine here.”
“Have you always been this stubborn?”
“Others might call it being respectful of the monarch,” I protested. With another shake of my head, I went on, “I wouldn’t...I couldn’t...I’ll go back to the castle or the stables might be closer...” The glare on her face paralyzed my throat.
“May I ask a favor of you?”
Mute, I nodded.
“For the next few hours, pretend I’m not the princess. Can you do that?” I nodded again. “Good. Now since I’m not the princess I will be a gentleman and allow you, the lady, to sleep in the bed while I sleep in this chair. Is that all right?” I couldn’t say no nor could I agree. If she had been anyone else, I would have gladly taken the offer. After a moment, I lowered my head. She caught my chin and peered deeply into my eyes. “Why not?”
“You said only to pretend you weren’t the princess but I’m still your maid... I’d still be a maid were you not of noble blood. Please take the bed. I’ll only be comfortable in this chair.” She gave a little sigh of exasperation.
“Fine. I’ll be the princess and you my maid, yes?” I sighed in relief and she grinned mischievously. “As princess, I order you to sleep in the bed.” The blood drained from my face.
“But...”
“No ‘buts’,” she said triumphantly. She let go of my face and stepped back, gloating with arms crossed. I stood up and scowled at her.
“That is completely unfair!”
“It’s not,” she laughed.
“Fine,” I huffed impatiently. “Have you always been so stubborn?”
“I’m the princess, I always get my way.” I stomped past her and sat on the edge of the bed. It was feather soft and, despite the chill in the cottage, quite warm. A thought suddenly popped into my head and perhaps it was the wine that made me say it aloud.
“Sleep with me,” I said to her.
“What did you say?” Her eyes were on my feet, her face as deadly serious as her voice.
“The bed,” I flushed and my heart leapt into my throat, “it’s big enough for both of us. It doesn’t feel right for me to let my friend sleep in the chair. If you sleep in the chair, then I’ll sleep in the other one.” Her eyes snapped up to mine. She opened her mouth to speak but I cut her off. “If you want me to sleep in this bed, Destiny, then you will have to join me.” I couldn’t look at her face, I thought my hair would catch fire if I did but she was so silent I wanted to make sure she was still there.
“If that’s what you want...” she said finally. I pushed myself to the side of the bed against the wall and pulled back the coverlet and linens. She sat down where I had; she was very still for a long time.
“Well,” I sighed after I lay down beneath the covers, “good night, Destiny.” She swung her legs onto the bed and lay down on her back. She took a deep breath and rolled onto her side with her back to me.
“Good night, Mia.”
The hearth’s moldering fire painted red and gray pictures on the walls as it died. I lay in silence and knew she was as awake as I still was. The tension in the cottage was so brittle I thought we both might shatter. I tried to calm my frantically beating heart but having her so near to me overwhelmed my imagination. There was but a thin veil of linen covering my naked body and just an arm’s length of empty space between us. Each time I closed my eyes, I imagined opening them and finding her atop me, her face just inches above mine. She would whisper, “so beautiful” and then her lips would find mine but all throughout the stifling silence, she said not a word or moved an inch. I ached for her, for the feel of her skin on mine. My body tingled as the ache settled beneath my belly.
Eventually, unable to stomach the longing I felt, I rolled over onto my side with my back to her. Oh, I felt so foolish for believing in whatever lingered between us. It was my own desire, my own delusion. As I drifted into troubled dreams, I thought of life’s cruelty; to find a kindred spirit on the other side of an impenetrable glass wall.
* * *
DESTINY SIGHED. SHE couldn’t sleep, not with Mia so close and yet so far away. She reeled from the exhaustion of ignoring her desire; it required too much concentration and a will as strong as iron. How long could she keep Mia at arm’s length? She didn’t know and she didn’t want to try any more.
Sleep with me.
Shuddering, she sat up as slowly as she could so as not to disturb Mia’s slumber. She sank into the armchair just in front of the bed and leaned her head against her fist. Try as she might, her eyes returned to Mia again and again sleeping peacefully on her side facing the wall. The underdress was too big for her and the white linen drooped away from her shoulder. Destiny wanted to reach out and touch the triangle of honey colored skin. She was halfway onto the bed when she stirred. She watched as Mia took in a deep breath and slowly rolled over. She sighed, snuggled deeper into the bed and tucked her fingers under her chin. Unable to resist, Destiny reached forward and gently touched a lock of Mia’s hair. A thrill leapt up her arm but it wasn’t enough. She desperately wanted to touch the nymph’s sweet face. She swallowed heavily and held her breath. Reaching out once more and almost as lightly as a feather, she traced her fingers across Mia’s forehead and down her cheek; her thumb stroked the edge of Mia’s jaw and hovered just over her lips.
With a little whimper, Mia murmured, “princess” in her sleep. Destiny jumped back, her heart pounded painfully against her ribs.
“So sweet,” Mia sigh, “vanilla... Destiny, my princess.”
She couldn’t move. She could only breathe and that was not without effort. A flood of delight warmed her all over. Mia dreamed of her. She wanted to jump, she wanted to run and shout to the sky. She would have given all the gold in the kingdom to know what Mia dreamt of; to see it as she saw it. Did she dare to kiss the sleeping beauty?
“Destiny, you fiend,” she whispered soundlessly. Slowly, she took back her hand and sank once more into the armchair. “Do I dare kiss you again, Mia? Do I have the courage? You may find me sweet but not nearly as sweet as I find you.”
She clenched the arms of the chair in panic.
Could this be love, she thought. Love come to her in a form she couldn’t enjoy? She shook the silly thoughts from her head. Lust was all this could be, she told herself, lust and nothing more! She leaned into the chair’s back and sighed. It was all lies. If only lust bound her to Mia then why did she resist the undeniable longing? Why did she sit in the armchair now instead of entangling herself in Mia’s limbs as she so badly wanted to?
It was love that denied the carnal hunger; love of the heart that would be broken if she gave in for nothing could ever come of it–not this love, not this time. Destiny reached for her chest and covered her aching heart. Would love only ever dance beyond her fingertips now? Could she only love in silence? If she must, if this was all she would ever have of love, then so be it. She could protect the heart of the one she loved and that was what she would do.
“It would be better if you never feel for me what I feel for you. I hope it isn’t too late, for this is the only kiss I can ever give you.” Destiny kissed the tips of her fingers and laid them gently against Mia’s lips. Standing, she grabbed her cloak and left the cottage.